


Tale of the Stranger: Third Times a Charm

by tatteredspider



Series: How I met Selena Hawke [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: AU of inquisition, DA guys in modern world, Fenris is seriously pissed, Garrett gets carried away, I would never kill Anders, I'm Sorry, Inquisition, Magical oopsies, More Wardens!, Multi, Nightmares, Not a fan of Vivienne, Reunions, SO SORRY, Sexy Times, Shower Sex, Spanking, Twins, Twins Basil! TWINS!, babies!!!, back to thedas, funeral rites, knitting needles, letter writing, megalomaniac Inquisitor, non-canon Qunlat, non-canon Tevene, one Varric POV chapter, sex in a tent, so very different, talk of possible suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-12 07:09:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 54
Words: 100,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatteredspider/pseuds/tatteredspider
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Well, here it is. The boys are here, reunited with Selena in our modern world. What will become of them now? How will they adjust? And what does all this mean for the upcoming Dragon Age: Inquisition, hmmm?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

     My boys were here. I mean, not just in my dreams or thinking I hear them in the living room while I'm in the shower and then being horribly disappointed when I get out. I mean really and truly here.

     At first it was a mass of hugging and crying and question upon question, but of course we were approached by hospital security to move it along so I got us moved into the food court area, bought them coffees to sip while I ran back to the fundraiser and signed off, letting my technician take care of the equipment. I had to promise him a batch of my peanut butter squares by next weekend, but I go my way in the end.

     Running back to the food court, I was suddenly overcome with the horrible idea that I had imagined the whole thing, that I was losing my mind, so when I spotted them sitting quietly, staring at the passers by, I had to stop and just watch them. They were dressed in street clothes, something you might find in a lost and found or donation bin, ill fitting and old, and completely unarmed. Anders didn't even have a staff. I guess I should have been happy that Fenris was wearing shoes, even if they were sandals and it was the middle of October. I watched as Garrett took a sip of the coffee I had bought and grimace, then reach out and steal Anders' tea, who slapped at his arm with a laugh.

     It was that laugh that drove it home. The next thing I knew I was crying and wrapping my arms around Anders' neck, crawling into his lap in the middle of the hospital food court.

     “Sweetheart,” he whispered into my hair. “My love, hush. It's all right. I'm here. We're all here.” I could feel his hands brushing at my back, Fenris' fingers entwined in my hair and Garrett reaching out to grip at my fingers.

      “I missed you! I missed you so much!” I bawled, heedless of the hospital crowd or my makeup running or anything. “Two months without you and I missed you all every day and I cried myself to sleep every night and now I'm crying all over your shoulder and I look like a mess.” I couldn't seem to stop talking and I was embarassing myself in front of who knows how many people and it didn't matter because they were here.

     “Wait, two months?” Garrett said, pulling my attention from Anders' feather-free shoulder. “What do you mean two months? It's only been a few days. We had your pyre yesterday.”

     I stared at him, dumbfounded, then turned to Anders and Fenris for confirmation. They nodded, wide eyed. “Days? Days!” I cried, jumping from Anders' lap and beginning to pace. “Days! I've been here. Alone, for months! Months! I didn't know if you were alive or dead or if I dreamed the whole damned thing up. I actually thought about going to a shrink and telling them everything that happened, then getting fitted for the white jacket that does up in the back!”

     The boys looked to each other in confusion before turning back to me.

     “I'm not sure what any of that was, but I'm sorry,” Garrett said, looking kind of like one of those cute puppies, head tilted to the side, eyes wide and looking for attention.

     I couldn't help it, I had to laugh, wiping at my teary mess of a face. “Okay, wait til we get home and you can explain everything to me then. And I guess I'll have to explain, well, everything,” I waved my arms around at the food court.

     Garrett looked down at the cup of coffee I had bought him “You could start with what this really is and why you call it coffee.”

                                             *****************

 

     It was at this point that I thanked whoever was up there in that big blue sky that I had decided to invest in a mini-van about a month after waking up. I learned that, even as a radio DJ, if I was doing some kind of event or function, I would quite often have to help lugging equipment around and the extra space was a necessity.

     The boys led me to a church not far from the hospital, the alley in which they had woken up in leading to the church's back door. Before we could even exit the vehicle, an older, portly man dressed in black pants and shirt with a white collar indicative of a priest exited the building and approached us, followed by the grinning countenance of a large, thick Mabari warhound. Being ridden like a horse by a small grey kitten.

     “Spirit! Warden!” I cried, hunching down and spreading my arms wide, Which of course got me bowled over onto my ass and my face covered with slobber as I laughed. My cat, on the other hand, clambered down off her ride and demanded rubs and attention in her most imperious fashion. “Yes, Yes, I missed you too, guys. Now off. Off! I mean it, Spirit, get off me or no steak dinner for you tonight.”

     All four of the men were laughing at me by then and Fenris reached down to help me stand. “They cried while you were gone. Even the cat,” he stated. “It was...unpleasant.”

     “It's good to see that the boys found who they were looking for,” the priest said with a smile, extending his hand. “Father Mulcahey, though you can call me Brian.”

     “Thank you, Brian,” I replied, wiping my hands free of dog hair and drool before returning the shake. “I have to say that you're taking their...apearance surprisingly well.”

     “Yes, well, the Lord works in mysterious ways. And to tell the truth, they aren't our first odd visitors over the years. In fact it's gotten so commonplace, we have a set of rooms for newcomers to sleep in for a time, spare clothing, even a weapons rack. Speaking of which...”

     “I will go and fetch our belongings,” Fenris nodded to the priest before jogging into the large building. Brian motioned to the large doors.”Care to come inside to sit a spell? It's getting a little chilly out here to be waiting around.”

     The boys nodded and began to move before I had the chance so I just smiled and looped my hand around the priest's arm. “Lead the way, sir. I want to hear more of these visitor's that come to you.” We didn't go far into the old structure, but it was enough. The thick smells of wood polish, candle wax and incense were playing havoc with my memories, at once drawing up pictures of the Catholic church of my youth and more recent trips to the Chantry. I felt a pang of regret that I would never see the edifice again, not to mention Sebastian and Varric and the others, but it was short lived. Especially when Garrett reached out to pull me in close to his side.

     “So you wish to hear about some of our more illustrious guests, do you?” Brian asked, arms crossed at the chest, though he smiled. “Well, where to begin? This church has stood here for just over a century and in that time we have played host to elves, dwarves, mages and monsters. When there was still a stable on the property, we cared for a unicorn until it's death one particularly cold winter and just last year, an angel visited our nave, though he did call us all idiots before taking wing. These gentlemen are barely worth an eye twitch, though I do have to say the brands on the elf are quite beautiful. God has seen fit to make us the caretaker's of the fantastical and who are we to argue?”

     I didn't realize that my jaw had dropped until Anders reached out and lifted my chin with the tip of a finger, chuckling. “Think about it, Sweetheart. A church where I'm not shunned for knowing magic.”

     “True, Son,” the priest continued, “But the people of this world can't do magic and if they learned of what you can do, God alone knows what might happen to you, so be very careful.”

     At this point Fenris returned, arms filled with clothing and leathers, swords and staff tucked under an arm and Garrett's shield strapped onto his back. And he carried it all with an ease that took my breath away.

     “Please feel free to visit whenever you wish,” Brian said, reaching out to shake each of our hands in turn. “I would love to hear how you make out.”

     I leaned in and gently kissed the priest's cheek. “Thank you, Brian. For taking care of them for me.”

     We began to leave when a thought occurred to me. “How did you guys find me?”

     They each smiled me and Fenris nudged me with a shoulder. “The Father is a fan. He's been listening to you every day for the last two months.”


	2. Chapter 2

     While driving slowly over a short distance, say from the hospital down the street to the church, was okay, the longer, faster drive to my apartment outside the city was a much different matter. For instance, magic- even a small, uncontrolled burst caused by seeing another vehicle pass us going 120 kilometers an hour- will short-circuit a combustion engine and we end up on the side of the road for ten minutes until I can get it to turn over again.

     We learned that glowing fists have no place inside a glove box while the little door is still closed.

     We learned that mabari's love the car as much as regular dogs, but will watch what you do as though they are trying to learn how to drive the car for themselves.

     We learned that Garrett and the cat both get car sick.

     To say that the trip was eventful was putting it mildly.

     The garage door to the underground parking of my building had Fenris flashing again and the car sputtered slightly until Anders realized he was leaking magic again. Spirit was grinning and Garrett looked just a bit green. I pulled into my spot, turned off the engine and sat for just a moment, feeling them all staring at me.

     “Okay guys, there are a couple of things I need to tell you before we leave the vehicle. First is that, even though right now we are underground, there are no Deep Roads, no darkspawn. They don't exist here and- assuming modern science doesn't fuck up royally- never will.

     Second, to leave the underground we are going to be taking something called an elevator. To put it nicely, I hate stairs, especially after Kirkwall, and only take them when absolutely necessary. This building is about as tall as the Chantry building and I live near the top. I don't do stairs.

     Third, other people may get on or off the elevator at any point in our trip. Do not talk to them until you are more acclimated to your new surroundings. They will not understand and there may be issues I'm not prepared to deal with yet. Just smile, nod, try not to make eye contact, okay?”

     The boys all nodded, wide eyed and solemn. Even Spirit and Warden looked a little concerned. I smiled gently. “All right, let's do this.”

     Getting them out of the van became another wonder of logistics. Thankfully, with the large sliding door, I was able to get into the back and show Garrett and Anders how to release the catch for their safety belts without too much trouble. Fenris was another matter. He managed to get the belt on his own- whether by finding the button or phasing through it I'm not sure- but panicked when he couldn't figure out the door. I reached for the handle on the outside just as he phased his entire body through the door itself. He crashed into me full force, slamming me back and hitting the back of my skull against the pavement. Fenris may be the smallest of the men in my life, but he was all densely packed muscle and powerful lyrium. I was seeing stars and would have a lump there before long. There was also the matter of his glowing blue hands that were now wrist deep in each of my shoulders. It was as though a low electric current was shooting through my body, starting at my upper arms and heading straight to my groin. I moaned at the feel of it and arched slightly against him. I could feel him, hard and ready, and knew that if I wanted I could have him right there.

     But we were in an underground garage and some things were sort of frowned upon.  

     “Fenris? My love? It's all right, I promise, but you have to get off me,” I whispered to him, trying to reassure him with my eyes, my voice. He was in a mild state of panic and I wasn't one hundred percent sure that he heard me.

     Anders knelt at my side, Garrett and the animals staying at the side of the vehicle. “Fenris, you need to let Selena up now. Otherwise we'll never get her to bed, now will we?”

     In the end it was the idea of sex that got through to him, making me smile. He carefully slid his hands out before solidifying and scrambling back to rest against Garrett's legs, the larger man reaching down to carefully touch at the elf's hair. I sat up slowly, hissing with pain at the goose egg forming at the back of my head. And then it was gone just as quickly, the cooling feel of Anders' magic sweeping over me.

     “Careful there, Mister Mage,” I said the a smile. “There's no such thing as a lyrium potion here so if you run out of mana, you run out.”

     “But no Templars either, right?” he asked, helping me to my feet.

     “Nope. Narry a one.”

     “I think I'll be okay then.”

     We turned to Fenris and Garrett just as he was helping the elf up off the pavement. I took Hawke's hand in mine and leaned in to kiss his lips softly, whispering a thank you before taking Fenris into a hug. He stiffened at first but relaxed into my arms soon enough. It was not much more than a brief squeeze, but it was enough to let him know that everything was good between us.

     I pulled back, taking Fenris' fingers with one hand and tightening my grip on Garrett's with the other. “All right, let's get upstairs before anything else happens.”

                                                    ***************

 

     The elevator ride was another bit of wonder and unrestrained terror. Akin to a child of five, Garrett was fascinated with the buttons and pressed them all before I could stop him so we ended up having to stop on every floor. The constant jolting because of it had Fenris nearly glowing again, but I kept his hand in mine, reassuring him as I could.

     Mrs. Kaminski from the fifth floor got on in the lobby with her Rotweiller, Ginger. Warden, upon seeing a strange dog, immediately jumped onto Anders' shoulder and began hissing like a thing possessed which, thankfully, Ginger ignored. Mrs. Kaminski began giving me her ususally grandmotherly nagging- 'now, dear, you know pets have to be leashed or in a carrier in the building'. 'A young lady such as yourself should not be alone with so many men, dear'.

     Spirit, though, appeared to have found his soulmate. I had never seen a lovesick expression on a dog before, but there it was for all the world to see. The mabari panted at her, a big doggy grin, then bowed low at her feet. Poor Ginger, unused to canine intelligence, cocked her head and whined. She knew she was out of her depth, but didn't understand quite why, which just seemed to make the thing that much worse.

     When the doors opened at the fifth floor and Mrs. Kaminsky pulled at the rotweiller's leash, the big female bent and licked at the top of Spirit's head before exiting with her mistress, leaving Spirit jumping and barking with glee and the rest of us laughing.

     When we finally made it to my apartment on twelve I was already exhausted. I had the guys wait out in the hall for a moment while I unlocked the door then disarmed the burglar alarm, which of course, I then had to explain to Garrett to soothe his expansive curiousity.

     “All right now, everybody. First, shoes off! The carpet in this place sucks up dirt like a sponge sucks water and I really hate having to vaccuum every damned day. After that we'll get a quick lesson in bathroom etiquette and how to use the toilet. This is an important lesson so I want everytone's full attention.”

     Wide eyed with a touch of fear- and in Garrett's case and wide grin- everyone shed their shoes and I tucked them into the front closet along with the sacks filled with their armour. Scabbarded sword and staff were stuck in the umbrella stand and Garrett's shield was set against the wall in the entryway. Left turn and down the hall I dragged everyone into the larger bathroom equipped with shower/tub combo, vanity and toilet.

     “So you just push this lever here?” “Yes, Garrett. Go ahead and give it a try...okay, you can stop now...Garrett, once is enough...Garrett stop, okay? Stop!...Thank you.”

     “Selena, what is this tube for?”

     “It's toothpaste. You squeeze the substance onto one of these, which is a toothbrush and brush your teeth with it. It tastes a lot better than ash from the fireplace or baking soda. Cleaner too.”

     “What about this one?”

     “That's hand sanitizer. You use it after washing your hands with soap and water. Helps to cut back on bacteria.”

     “Really? Maker, I wish I'd had some of this stuff over the years.”

     “Selena, there is a person on the wall staring at me.”

     “Fenris, it's a mirror. There are mirrors in Kirkwall.”

     “Yes, but they are wavy and bubbled and you can tell it's a reflection. This...is none of those things.”

     “Yep. Mirrors here are pretty good and that one right there is showing me the most handsome elf in all the worlds.”

                                              ***************

 

      I bypassed the bedrooms, wanting to leave those till last, and dragged the boys to the kitchen. The idea of a refridgerator and not having to go to the market to buy fresh food everyday kept them busy for a good ten minutes, giving me a chance to brew some coffee and grab a cookie while I waited. Anders was fascinated by the concept of the freezer and even pulled out a couple of ice cubes, holding them in his hand as they melted against his skin.

     Fenris, with his head in the fridge, let out a happy grunt and pulled out with an apple in his hand. Biting down he moaned with the most erotic of sounds, closing his eyes and swaying slightly. I shuddered at the sound and the others had to shift to ease a bit of pressure.

     “Thank the Maker some things haven't changed,” the elf said around a mouthful of apple, only realizing he was being watched a minute or so later when he opened his eyes “What?”

     “Ask me later, handsome,” I chuckled, taking him by the hand and leading him towards the living area.

     By now Spirit and Warden had decided to stop following us around and had wandered the apartment on their own. The cat had found a cushion on the sofa that he had decided was his and was carefully kneading it into a shape that pleased him. Spirit, on the other hand, had flopped himself down on the floor in front of the sliding glass door leading to the balcony and was snoring softly.

     “Okay, so why don't you guys sit here on the sofa and I'll get some food together. We can continue our lessons afterwards.”

     As one they turned to face me. “Oh no,” Anders said, pulling me into his arms. “We have been patient up until now because there are a great many things we are ignorant in, but not anymore.”

     Fenris reached around and twisted his fingers into my hair, cradling the back of my head. “We need you, Selena. Now.”

     Garrett took my arm and spun me away from the two of them and lifted me up over his shoulder. “That's right. Bedroom, let's go.”

     I laughed, flailing against Garrett's back, happy to see Anders take Fenris' hand in his, following behind. “All right, I give up. Bedroom now.”


	3. Chapter 3

      I tried pointing out the right bedroom, but of course, facing the wrong way and upside down made it a little difficult. Not to mention the slap on my ass when I wiggled too much trying to turn. Fenris ended up jogging ahead and opening the door, bowing with a grin and a flourish as Garrett passed, righting himself only when Anders took his hand and pulled him along.

     I expected Garrett to fling from his shoulder onto the bed, but he placed me down gently. Then, to my utter astonichment, got down on his knees and began slowly removing my stockings. His rough callouses slid across the skin of my calf, making me shudder. The scratch of beard followed by the warm soothing touch of his lips as he kissed his way up from my ankle to my knee was intoxicating. I moaned and leaned back on my arms, my face lifted to the ceiling.

     New hands joined his, moving me to lie prone on the bed, lifting my shirt and slowly unzipping my skirt. Long, thin fingers, ridged with lyrium lines, travelled lightly across my now exposed stomach. Beautifully tapered healer's fingers with just a zing of magic traced down my neck and across my clavicle. Neither was touching anything particularly sexual and yet I arched into their hands as though my skin were on fire.

     Somebody chuckled but I didn't really care who. I was lost in the pleasure they caused, reaching blindly to touch somebody, anybody. I needed the grounding sensation of their skin under my fingers or I would burst. Soon I was completely nude and Garrett's kisses were travelling higher and higher until they brushed against my core. I bucked up into him and he was forced to grab my hips and hold me down or I might have bucked him right off the bed. I had managed to grab onto Anders and Fenris, unzip their pants and wrap my fingers around their lengths. They were both so damned hot, blistering velvet over hardened steel that I cried out with them at the feel.

     I desperately wanted them closer to my head so that I could slide my tongue over each of them, but it was not to be. They stayed near my chest, hands gliding over my swollen nipples, cupping my breasts. And when I looked up to them, they were watching each other, the heat in their eyes burning. It was beautiful and I told them so.

     “They are aren't they?” Garrett said with a smile before swiping at my mound once more, fingers now gliding along my lips before rubbing lightly at my nub. “Cum for us, my love. Cum and then we can fuck you properly.”

     I don't know if it was Garrett's words, fingers, or just the sight of the mage and elf coming together in a searing kiss above me that did it, but I suddenly found myself falling over that edge, climaxing over Garrett's warm tongue as he sighed into it.

     They gave me a few moments while they stripped out of their clothing then returned to the bed. Fenris lay on his back, waiting, while Anders and Garrett gently lifted me, peppering my neck and shoulders with kisses.

     “Ride him, Sweetheart. Ride him so that we can watch while Garrett takes me,” Anders whispered into my ear. “We want to hear him scream. Think you can do that?”

     I nodded, though really I wasn't sure I could since I could barely feel my legs right about then, and they held me on either side as I crawled up Fenris' body. I savoured the feel of him, the rasp of his skin between my thighs as I moved, the hard muscle of his chest beneath my palms. His hands lightly gripped me by the hips and I leaned forward, licking along his lips before pressing my lips to his.

     Hot, slightly chapped and tasting just a touch like Anders, I felt heat pooling in my belly just from that touch. I breathed deeply of his scent, hot skin, leather, and the unidentifiable smell that was lyrium. I tightened just at the smell of him and knew that I had better get to riding or I'd be screaming for him long before he screamed for me.

     A hand reached between his legs and guided his cock to my cleft, another touching him in such a way that his spine lifted from the mattress, sliding himself inside me with a stroke.

     Oh, the full ness of it! Normally one would expect long and thin from an elf, but Fenris was different. Taller, broader than any elf, and even some humans, Fenris was thick and filled me to perfection. Fully engorged, his foreskin was nearly invisible as it pulled back from the head. It rubbed deliciously along the inner walls of my sex, as though tiny fingers were stimulating me with his cock.

     I heard a groan and turned to watch Garrett with Anders. Hawke had grabbed the bottle of hand lotion I kept near the bed and was using it to prepare his lover, fingers liberally coated and shuttling into Anders ass, the mage lying with his cheek pressed to the mattress arched up into his lover's touch, watching us as I moved slowly over the elf. I gasped at the beauty of it and moved just a little quicker as a knot formed where Fenris entered me.

     Garrett pulled back, smeared more lotion along his wide member and began pushing into Anders, hands grasping tightly at the man's hips, helping to pull him in. The mage's eyes glazed at the feeling of it, mouth agape, fingers spasming into the sheets on the bed. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen.

     “ _Carissimi_?”

     I looked down at the man beneath me and saw him smile at me. Not a smirk or a brief twisting of his lips, but a true and beautiful smile, broken only by the open mouthed gasp I wrung from him as I moved.

     “I love you, _Carissimi._ I love you.”

     It was as though the world exploded in that moment. Fenris arched off the bad, only his heels and head touching and screamed my name as he filled me. The burning heat of it set off my own orgasm, bright lights then dark spots blurring my vision, not coming back to myself until I was laying across Fenris' chest, staring at my husband and his love as they came together.

     It was perfect.

                                               ****************

 

    I woke a couple of hours later to fresh sheets and a very full bed. God only knew how they had found the linen closet and changed the bed around my prone body, but good for them.

     I was lying on my side, facing Fenris with his hands curled up near his chin like a small child, and Garrett pressed up against my back, thick member slotted into the crack of my ass, arm draped across my waist, fingers touching Fenris. Anders was spooning Fenris, legs wrapped around his and hand over Garrett's. If it weren't for the fact that I really needed to pee I might have stayed there forever.

     I tried wriggling so that I wouldn't wake them, but it wasn't to be. Garrett chuckled and pulled me in closer to his chest, rubbing his thick mat of chest hair against my spine.

     “Morning,” he mumbled, lips pressed against the dip between shoulder and neck.

     “Garrett,” I whispered, trying to let the others sleep, “I need to go to the bathroom.”

     He grunted and tightened his grip. Any more and my ribs would be popping.

     “No. Mine.”

     “It's either go into the bathroom or make a mess here, your choice.”

     With a put upon sigh, Garrett loosened his grip and rolled onto his back, allowing me to crawl off the bed and head into the bathroom. I got the shower going while I finished my ablutions and the room was filled with steam by the time I stepped in and let the hot water sluice over my body. One thing I had seriously missed while in Kirkwall had been a good hot shower.

     I heard the bathroom door open and smiled at the muffled curse when Garrett walked into the wall of steam. “Come on in, handsome,” I called, “It's all wet in here.”

     “Good to know,” he said with a chuckle, carefully stepping past the curtain into the wash of water. The look on his face was priceless, moving from surprise to bliss as the water beat down on him. I shifted so that Garrett was directly under the shower nozzle and watched as rivulets slid down his carved chest and down his thickly scarred legs. All I could think was how amazing he looked standing there, his face open to the pleasure.

     I knew what I was about to do next came with risks, but I couldn't seem to be able to stop myself. I got down on my knees in front of Garrett and slid my mouth around him, licking water from his cock and drinking it down. I heard him moan above me and felt his fingers weave into my hair. Feeling those strong digits dig into my scalp just did it for me. Knowing that at any moment he could lose his control and bring to bear all that amazing muscle to take what he wanted made everything about me tingle.

     Suddenly he pulled back and I looked up to see that his pupils had exploded in size, black filling his eye and I knew he'd lost it. He roughly pulled me up by the upper arm, spun me and slammed me against the shower stall wall, with no preamble, no lead up, Garrett only took the time to nudge my feet apart before slamming himself home inside me. I screamed at the intrusion. It was an agony, too tight for his massive girth, and an ecstasy.

     His fingers threaded into my hair once more, he yanked back on my hair and clamped his mouth on my neck, biting down. I screamed again and faintly heard pounding on the door, the knob rattling hard. Looks like Garrett figured out the lock.

     Suddenly Hawke was biting down even harder and growling as he came inside me and I fell to my knees when he released me. My whole body was shaking with unused adrenaline and I could hear the big man stalk to the door and slam it into the wall when he flung it open.

     “What? What do you assholes want?”

     “Garrett, love, we heard Selena screaming. Is she all right?”

     That was all I heard before Fenris was kneeling beside me, hissing. “She bleeds, Anders.”

     Gently he helped me out of the shower and wrapped me in a towel, careful to avoid where Garrett had bitten down. Now that the endorphins were vanishing, I could feel the sharp throb of the injury, not to mention lower down. It had been amazing up until teeth had gotten involved, dammit!

     Anders smiled softly at me, his fingers aglow. “Well this seems familiar,” he joked. “Couldn't give me twenty-four hours could you? I swear by Andraste's flaming panties that you need more healing than three Garrett's put together.”

     “Where is he?” I asked, a little frightened by the raspy sound of my voice. “Where's Garrett?”

     “He's gone back to the bedroom, love. I think he's going to need some time to cool off before he deals with any of us for a while.”

     Anders' fingers hovered over my neck for a moment, the cool peppermint blue of his healing washing over my skin. Tension I didn't know was there eased away as the pain disapated and I sighed, leaning into Fenris' arms. He wrapped his hands around me, pulling me into his chest and resting his chin on the top of my wet hair.

     “So what happened to only handling Garrett when I was around,” Anders asked with a grin, resting a hand on my knee.

     “Kind of got caught up in the moment. Sorry.”

     Anders stood up and stretched out his back, wincing at the pop. “Well, I'm going to go check on Garrett. Why don't you two wait here for a minute or two before coming back? Give him a chance to come down.” He lightly ran his fingers over my tangled hair before leaving for the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

     Fenris and I sat on the floor for a minute more, his arms tight around me. I could feel the tension radiating from him and it worried me. When Fenris became over tense one of two things could happen. Either he would grab the first bottle or two or six he could find and try to drown his problems, or he would pullout his sword and slice it away. Neither option was good.

     I raised my hand over his heart, feeling it flutter beneath my touch. “Fenris? My love, what is it?”

     “We just got you back. We just got you back and he nearly took you away again. I can not- I will not- live in a world without you.” Fenris pulled back to look me in the eye. “I had decided that, after the pyre had died and you were nothing but ash in the wind, I would go out to the Wounded Coast and enter the Waking Sea. I would walk and walk until the darkness took me. Garrett and Anders pulled me away from your pyre and took me home, took me to bed and held me through the night as the pyre burned. I decided to do it in the morning and prayed to whoever would listen that I would get to see you one last time. When we woke the next morning, we were here, my prayer answered. I have you back in my arms and I refuse to give up again.”

     I stared up at the handsome elf in shock. “You were going to...kill yourself?”

     “There is nothing worse than the thought of living without you. I told you this once and I meant it. Maybe this Gaider entity that you curse so vehemently heard my plea and took pity.” Fenris leaned down to kiss the top of my head then began to struggle to his feet, pulling me along with him. “I think we've giving the men enough time to calm themsleves and dress. Shall we adjourn to your room? Your hair is a frightful mess and will take quite a bit of brushing to detangle. Not to mention the fact that you are dressed only in a towel.”

     I wobbled slightly and his warm hand clasped my forearm to steady me and I smiled. “Lead on, my dearest. Let's go save the idiots.”


	4. Chapter 4

     Fenris held me by the arm as we made our way back to the bedroom. Door open, I could see Garrett pacing back and forth, hands pulling at his hair, still completely nude and damp. Anders was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching him move.

     “How do I stop, Anders? The last thing I want to do is hurt her, but it's like whenever we're alone, I lose all control of myself!” Garrett asked in frustration. “She's going to hate me and it's my own fault!”

     “Love, she's not going to hate you. She loves you. Though you might want to look into maybe some relaxation techniques or something. You are way too high strung,” Anders tried to reassure him.

     Fenris cleared his throat, catching their attention and both heads swerved towards us. Framed in the doorway, we most likely made a sight, Fenris supporting my weight, me with my still shaking knees and tangled mass of wet hair. The only thing that would have made it worse would be if my neck were still bleeding.

     Garrett made a move to reach out but pulled back with a look of guilt. “I'm so sorry, Selena. I didn't mean-”

     I waved my hand at his apology, moving to sit with Anders on the bed with Fenris' steadying arm. “It's not all your fault. I knew I was taking a chance when I started to go down on you, but I did it anyway.” I looked him over with a grin. “What can I say? I'm a sucker for your body.”

     Anders guffawed and Fenris grinned at Garrett's sudden blush and attempt to cover his nudity with his hands- which were definitely not up to the job. One thing that could be said about Garrett Hawke is that he would never leave his partner unimpressed.

     “Garrett, why don't you reach into the bottom drawer of my dresser over there? There should be a pair of track pants that might fit you. They're oversized on me.” I pointed to the dresser and gave him a big smile. “Not that I object to what I'm seeing, mind you, but you look a bit uncomfortable.”

     He grinned and moved to search for something that might fit. Fenris, in the mean time, was ransacking the closet, finding my thick terry cloth housecoat and bringing it over to wrap around me. Anders had discovered a hairbrush on the endtable and was carefully unravelling my tangled hair.

    “You know, I could get used to this guys,” I chuckled, closing my eyes and enjoying the glide of the brush against my scalp. “Amazing sex in the shower is one thing, but having my hair brushed and someone fetch my housecoat for me? That's just Heaven.”

     “Wait. Was I just complemented or insulted?” Garrett asked, a touch perplexed. I peered at him through my lashes, gripping track pants in his fists and looking at the boys, brows drawn down.

     I chuckled. “Complemented, love. You were all complemented.”

                                            ******************

 

My first thought waking in the morning was that I was going to need a bigger bed. One of those California King size things maybe. I was lying on my side, pressed up into Fenris' chest with his chin resting on the top of my head, arms wrapped around each other. Anders was plastered against my back, long limbs draped over the two of us. Garrett was at Anders' back, his large frame taking up nearly half the bed, forcing the rest of us to snuggle so closely, not that I minded that bit, of course.

     And now, of course, I needed to pee.

     I tried not to wake anyone, I really did, but when you are literally entangled in other people's limbs, it's a little difficult.

     “No, mine,” Fenris mumbled as I moved away, trying to pull me closer. Anders just grumbled incoherently, doing the same. With a grin, I slid up the headboard, then stepped over their now twining arms and over Fenris' torso to the floor. Fenris and Anders were now holding each other and snuggling.

     I'd have stuck around to enjoy the cuteness, but I really needed to pee.

     Still nestled in sleep when I was finished, I left the boys sleeping to get breakfast started. Well, coffee anyway. There were some days that I really missed those damned sweetberries. Dressed in an oversized tee shirt with a happy picture of Mickey Mouse, hot cup of sweetened coffee in my hands, I flopped myself down on the couch and flipped on the news.

      _“Fasta vass!”_

     I jerked so hard in shock I spilled coffee in my lap, which of course had me jumping up and swearing, trying to clean it all off me and then another set of hands was patting me down as well, and they were darkly beautiful hands with exotic markings. Oh my...Sparkling green eyes were flicking back and forth between me and the wall mounted television set, bubbly blonde news personality expounding on the recent gang attacks downtown. She made them sound like a happy party, which might be why no one seemed to be taking them seriously.

     “What in the name of the Maker is that?” he asked.

     I chuckled. This was going to be the beginning of a _very_ long series of explanations. By the time I was done...well, more like gave up... Garrett, who had gotten out of bed about half way through with the track pants slung low on his hips and immediately fascinated by the television, had claimed the remote control, much to Fenris' annoyance. Anders had followed his love, dressed in the clothes he had worn the day before and immediately moved into the kitchen, scooping up Warden from a chair of the way.

     Then, of course, the kitchen explanations began. I tried starting off slow with the toaster but Garrett just had to touch the heating coils on the inside and burned the hell out of his finger, which had Anders tsking him for not listening and Fenris glowing slightly in case the offending appliance made any sudden moves. EventuallyI was able to actually leave Garrett alone for a few minutes while he tried to figure out how the fridge light worked. 'There's a tiny little demon in there, right?'

     After another quick crash coure on bathroom etiquette- 'Garrett, you only need to flush after you've actually done something. Garrett stop that. Garrett! Now look what you've done! Someone pass me the plunger- oh, never mind...'- I got the boys dressed in their clothes from the day before and we headed out to the nearest Walmart.

     Three soft yelps and one flash of blue later and I introduced the boys to the wonder of department store shopping. The elderly greeter at the door actually had to help me finish pulling them beyond the threshold, their mouths agape and eyes wide. The woman looked at me with rheumy eyes and grinned with a wink. “Well aren't you the lucky one, dear. There's a sale going on in women's intimates if you're interested.”

     That had all three heads whipping towards me, dragging their attention from the vast store before them, which I'm hoping was the woman's intention, not trying to spice up my love life because, really, it was plenty damned spicy, thank you very much.

     First came clothing. It was mid-October and the winter weather would be on us soon enough so I made sure that everyone got themselves jeans and sweaters, tee shirts for warmer days, socks and underthings. Anders marvelled at the breatheable cotton of tightie-whities while Garrett insisted on boxers- 'the boys need to move you know'. Although Fenris claimed to prefer going 'commando' I grabbed some light boxer briefs for him anyway. When a cold winter wind hit his jeans zipper with nothing underneath, he would thank me.

     After clothes came footwear and coats. Boots and shoes, even for Fenris- and again, he would thank me in the end- and some well-insulated parkas. They all gave me odd looks as I shopped, Anders going so far as to check my forehead for fever, but I laughed it off and continued on.

     When we got to the grocery section of the store they froze once again. This was a world where you didn't have to shop everyday, food could be bought in larger quantities and put away for days or weeks at a time. I steered them away from the more processed foods- their systems wouldn't be able to digest them too well yet- and headed for the fruits, vegetables and fresh meats. Two carts were filled by the time we were finished, the second pushed by Anders as the more mature man that seemingly had no problem with his hands being full. Not that Fenris or Garrett had swards to pull if something happened but I think it was just a security thing. Hands free meant easier defence.

     And thank God my DJ job paid really well. These guys were _expensive!_

     Next stop was the pet store. Unfortunately, in the city, Spirit the mabari was going to need a collar, leash and tags. It sucked but there was no going around it. Not to mention that poor Warden badly needed a litter box! We had been lucky so far but I'm sure, on the inside, the poor kitten was doing the pee pee dance. Pet food, chew toys, scratching post and catnip stuffies added to the purchase and we were off again. This time to the liquor store.

     Now, I don't drink as a general rule. I indulge occasionally, if it's warranted, and a little more than warranted when I was actually in Kirkwall, but I'm not a fan of the loss of control that comes with being inibriated. Garrett and Fenris, on the other hand, were connoiseurs. Thankfully the store had a taste testing corner set up and, after several sips of different vintages and a long drawn out conversation about soil and grapes and maybe how clean the pressers' feet were, Fenris chose an Australian shiraz as being closest to his favourite Tevinter vintage while Garrett took one look at the dark colouring and thick head of a Guiness Stout and declared that he needed a barrel of it delivered immediately.

     We settled on a couple of twenty-four packs and a case of Fenris' wine and got out of there before they started drinking in the aisles.

     A freezing rain had begun to fall by the time we were pulling in to the building's parking, ready to start out first real day together.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big news.  
> Scary news.  
> Confusing news.

     It was a month of bliss. And don't get me wrong, it was bliss, even with the fire when Garrett decided to try his hand at cooking. Or the nights of melancholy because they were missing their friends. The boredom that lead to some pretty rampant drinking because there were no bandits to fight or Qunari to kill or whatever. We took the time to learn what everyone needed and tried to fulfill those goals.

     I found a gym that had wrestling mats that you could book by the hour and let them have at it. Garrett and Fenris got the most out of it, though Anders and I did spend a lot of that time appreciating the fine figures that were our men.

     Garrett never did get the hang of the kitchen, though he picked up the internet damned quick. Wikipedia became his home page and he would spend hours in front of the screen, going from link to link, absorbing everything he could.

     Fenris and Anders, on the other hand, became wizes in the kitchen, though with very differing styles. Fenris became enraptured with Italian cuisine and made the creamiest Alfredo sauce I have ever tasted. Anders leaned more towards baking and there was fresh bread waiting for me after work almost every morning.

     That became another bone of contention. The boys didn't understand the concept of my working and were certainly not happy that I had to leave most evenings five days a week. I tried to explain to them that this is what I did to earn money for them to live on and Garrett asked me why I didn't just go out and kill off the bands of street thugs that were roaming around downtown instead. I tried to explain that here that was considered vigilantism and against the law. That our version of the Guard would have me arrested but he shrugged it off with a laugh. “What you really need is an Aveline to look the other way.”

     So I ended up bringing them to the studio to watch me work for a night, answering every question I could out of earshot of my producer and sound technician- wouldn't do to have to answer their questions as well. I had to explain the idea of the radio- no easy feat- and finally just pulled up the Wikipedia article on my office computer and had them read that. Which, of course, lead Garrett on a wonderful trip, reading articles on Marconi, then Alexander Graham Bell, then a conversation about how telephones worked then...well, you get the idea.

     And the sex! My God, I thought the sex was great in Kirkwall, here it was almost as though they were completely different men. Freer, more willing to try new things. One morning, Garrett and Fenris wandered off to the spare bedroom, something I never thought would happen, while Anders and I had some private time to ourselves. We could hear them through the wall, their moans and cries spurring us on. It was beautiful. And I think- don't quote me on this- but I think that Garrett may even have bottomed for Fenris! Garrett never bottoms! When they finally joined us for sleep the large man had the biggest shit eating grin on his face that Anders and I had to laugh.

     For a month we were happy.

                                       **********************

 

    _I knew I was asleep, though I haven't dreamed like this in months. Not since my death in Kirkwall. I was standing on the cliff, verdant green fields spread before me with a lush forest beyond. But the weather had turned, the sky a spiralling mass of green and black clouds, lightning cracking the sky. The wind whipped my dress around my ankles. For some reason I was wearing my wedding gown. Beside me stood the cloaked man, face shrouded but turned up towards the sky._

_*I am sorry to have called you back here, Earth Child. *_

_And his voice held every note of sorrow I have ever heard, making me almost want to weep. “What has happened? I don't understand. I thought what I did, what I had to sacrifice, fixed everything?”_

_*As did I. But forces outside of my control are attempting to wrest power for themsleves and there is naught I can do. These forces will cause damage to your world. You must be prepared. *_

_I turned to face him, though his cloak still covered his upturned face. “Prepared? Prepared for what?”_

_He sighed and turned towards me and one brief moment I thought I saw pale skin, a dimpled chin and long elvehn ears before the shadows covered him once again. * I know not, Earth Child. But both our worlds, and many others, may depend on it. *_

      I woke with a gasp, upright and panting between Garrett and Fenris. The meat of the dream disappating as I sat there, only wisps remaining. _What the Hell? Prepared? Prepared for what?_

     Groggily, Fenris sat up next to me, reaching out to run slow circles along my back. “ _Carissimi_? Is all well?” he whispered.

     I turned and gave him a wan smile. “Yes, love. I'm all right, just...just a dream.”

     He tugged me back down to lie across his chest, my head tucked up under his chin and arms wrapped around each other. “Then sleep. I will keep the dreams away.”

     He kissed the top of my head, breathing deeply at my hair and I smiled. “Thank you, love. What would I do without you?”

     “Or I you. Let us pray we never learn.”

                                            *****************

 

     November the eighteenth. I had booked a couple of nights off work because today was the day the new Dragon Age video game came on the market and I was determined to learn what had happened to Thedas in my absence. I knew, after reading several books that were to have taken place after my death, that David Gaider hadn't changed his 'canon' view of the world. Anders had still blown up the Chantry, wit Justice in tow. Leandra had died. The mages had revolted and there was now a war going on between the mages and templars. It was disheartening, really, to see that none of my very real changes seemed to have any effect.

     Just after midnight I began the game download, having pre-purchased it for my computer, and wandered off to bed so that it would be ready and raring to go first thing after I got up. With the sun shining brightly and the boys all in various stages of dress, I skipped into the living room to have a look at the computer's progress.

     There, in bold green script, repeated over and over on the screen, were the words 'He's coming'. I stared at it for a full minute, colour leaching from my face, the dream of the other night suddenly there in my head in full vibrancy. _Who? Who's coming? I don't understand. Is this what I'm supposed to be preparing for?_

     “Garrett?” At first I didn't realize I had whispered so I tried again. “Garrett? Did you fuck with my computer last night?”

      He mumbled something, wandering out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and a mouth full of toothbrush, foam dripping down his chin. Taking out the toothbrush he replied. “Nope. Didn't go near it after you threatened to have my balls if I went near it after you started the download.”

     He approached the computer, standing next to me and swearing softly. “Maker's Breath! Is that part of the game?”

     “I- I don't think so.” I needed to sit down. My knees were buckling with no chair in sight and Garrett scooped me up in his arms and brought me over to the couch.

     “Anders! Get in here! Something's wrong with Selena!”

     The mage may as well have teleported into the room, Fenris close on his heels. He kneeled in front of me, hands glowing a soft blue as they rested on my knees. “Sweetheart? What is it? Tell me what's wrong?”

     “She saw this,” Garrett said behind me, and Anders looked up to see what he was talking about. Fenris moved out of my line of sight, presumably to join Garrett at the computer. I could hear the two men talking softly while Anders turned his attention back to me.

     “Okay, Sweetheart, I'm just going to do a quick delving, just to be sure everything is okay, though if what you saw on the screen was that distressing, I'm sure it's the reason why you felt a little off.”

     I tried to give him a reassuring smile but it came out more as a grimace. I was suddenly feeling queasy and if I opened my mouth further I was afraid I might throw up on him. Anders' beautiful glowing hands started at the top of my head, gliding softly a few milimeters over my skin as he moved down my body. When he reached my stomach he paused, brows drawn down in a frown and concentrated, hands spread over my stomacha nd pelvis. And I realized something that had, somehow, completely vanished from my thoughts the moment I had spied my men in the hospital foyer.

     “You're pregnant,” Anders whispered.

                                            *****************

 

     The computer was temporarily forgotten as Fenris and Garrett wandered back to our sides. Both were pale, eyes wide and mouths agape. This, of course, lead to more foam dripping onto Garrett's chest.

    _Fuck! How? How could I have forgotten something like THAT? It's not like I forgot to mention that I had a hang nail!_ But with no real symptoms and my life in a wonderful fog of upheaval I guess I kinda did.

     “By your expression I'm going to guess that you knew,” Anders continued quietly, watching me almost warily.

     I ducked my head, looking down at my clasped hands, fingers gripping and releasing again and again. “Yes. The day before you...arrived.”

    “Wait!” Garrett sputtered, whipping off his towel to wipe his mouth of toothpaste. Any other time this would have been a wonderful sight, but right now I was too distressed to be distracted. “So you were pregnant before we got here? Who's the father?”

     The men were all scowling with suspicion and I returned their frowns with my own. “One of you, of course! I haven't slept with anyone else!”

     “But we weren't here,” Garrett continued. “Are you trying to tell me you just popped up pregnant?”

     “Actually, Love, she just might have,” Anders interjected. “Remember right after our fight with Grace and I said there was something 'off' when I was healing her? I think she was pregnant then. That that power that was inside her was masking it. Which means the father is one of us.”

     Everyone was silent as they thought about what Anders had said. _Was_ one of them the father? What did this mean for their dynamic? Were any of them ready? Was anybody ever ready?

     Fenris was the first to come back to himself, stepping up to the sofa and crouching at my feet, taking one of my hands in his. “ _Carissimi_ , please forgive our stupidity. We are simply in shock over your revelation. But the idea that I- that _we_ \- could be a father is overwhelming. Please forgive me.”

     He brushed his lips over my knuckles making me smile. “I'm sorry about not saying anything earlier, Fenris. I just... I guess I forgot. There was just so much other stuff going on. And now, with this 'he's coming' bull shit, I really just don't have time for this.” I sigh deeply and lean my forehead on the elf's shoulder, briefly enjoying the warmth of his skin.

     “Then we will help to give you the time, _mi amor_ , “ he whispered, brushing his other hand through my hair and down my spine. “Let us be there for you.”

     Tears began to slide down my cheeks unheeded and, wrapping my arms around his neck and sliding down into his lap, I sobbed.


	6. Chapter 6

     Once I was able to do a hard restart of my computer, Garrett and I played the game throughout the day, switching off when we got tired or to eat. We tried to ignore most of the little side quests and just earn enough Power and get to a high enough level to move on to the next main quest. It was frustrating, certain that whatever was going on had something to do with the game but being unable to do much more than play it through. Fenris and Anders sat with us and watched, or went and made food at meal times, forcing our attention back to the real world for short periods.

     The Real World. What an odd turn of phrase. Real for who? The woman that died and went to a fantastical land filled with the most amazing people, including three she fell in love with, then died again and came back? Or the men that followed her to an unknown world just so that they could be with her? Nope. This is so far beyond real I'm pretty sure my head's about to explode.

     Garrett got teary eyed when he spied Varric, then laughed his ass off at Cullen and his lion mask. Well, he laughed until I decided to romance my Dalish archer with him, them he got really quiet and just a little clingy, sitting me down in his lap as we played and squirming every time I spoke with the ex-Templar. Anders scoffed at the idea of Cullen ever turning the other cheek, though Fenris pointed out that if he could do it, anybody could. That led to a long heated debate between the two, ending eventually with Anders lips wrapped around Fenris' cock and Garrett squirming even more.

     “Why don't we end up like that?” he asked, running his hands lightly up my torso to cup at my breasts. I could feel myself responding to his touch though I tried to ignore it, moving my Inquisitor around the Emerald Graves.

     “Because we have a tendency to get carried away without a spotter,” I hissed, grinding myself on his thigh. He had me so damned hot and wet right then I might have gone down on him anyway.

     “The guys are right here,” he countered, fingers rubbing gently at my nipples through my tee shirt. “And look, Cullen's getting it on. Why can't we?” On the screen Cullen was laying the Inquisitor out on his desk. _Way to go Cullen!_

     “We're supposed to be figuring out this whole 'he's coming' thing,” I reminded him, even as I was turning myself in his lap to face him.

     “Not yet but I could be,” he chuckled and I couldn't help but smile. I kind of set myself up for that one.

     I looked over at Fenris and Anders, both completely nude and now stalking towards us. Garrett turned the computer chair so that the desk was no longer at my back and Fenris wrapped his arms around my shoulders while Anders moved in to kiss at his man. “Hmmmm.....tastes like Fenris,” he hummed into Anders mouth, making him grin.

     Fenris pulled me up to stand next to the chair, Anders sliding around to take my place. “Come. I wish to see all of you,” he whispered, making me close my eyes and shiver. _Fuck! I could listen to his voice all night._ Slowly he lifts my tee shirt up over my head, his thumbs brushing at my nipples as he does, making me groan in appreciation. He chuckled softly before moving his deft fingers to my jeans. Thankfully he wasn't Garrett or he might have been distracted by the zipper. Again.You haven't lived until you've been in the middle of undressing for sex and your man unzips you...then zips you back up just to unzip you again. And again. And again.

     My jeans drop to the floor and Fenris hums in appreciation. One thing I had begun to do when the boys arrived was wear sexy underwear. French cut bikinis, thongs, silk and satin and lace. Today I was braless with a pair of white french lace panties that looked frighteningly virginal and apparently Fenris liked them very much. I blushed lightly, which had the elf grinning at me.

     “I love that you react like that with me,” he rumbled deep in his throat, bending close and mouthing at my neck, hands slipping around to cup my ass. I moan at the electric fizz that is making it's way down from his mouth to my groin. He leans up to my ear and whispers, “I hope that it's mine.”

     It takes me a moment to realize what he's talking about, my brain short circuiting from the feel of him around me. My heart melts. _Oh. The baby. He wants..._ Tears begin to gather in the corners of my eyes.

    He looks up and his face falls. “No. _Carissimi_ , don't cry,” he begs, reaching up to wipe at my eyes with his thumbs. “I'm sorry, please.”

     I shake my head, a grin spreading. “No, Fenris, I'm happy.” I reach up to take his wrists, his palms now cradling my face. “I guess I just never thought any of you would really _want_ to be the father.”

     “Oh, Sweetheart,” I hear Anders sigh from behind me. Glancing back I see him straddled across Garrett's now nude lap but turned to look at me, the other man watching as well. Both are smiling. “We all are kind of hoping we're the father, though really, in the end, we all are. The thought of a beautiful child growing inside you fills all of us with pride.”

     I laugh, stopping only when Fenris pulls me in close for a kiss. _Trust my men to make me laugh at their male chest thumping._ Of course, this thought doesn't stay with me for long as Fenris' fingers begin travelling over my body, mine following suit over his.

     And soon there are more hands wandering lightly over my skin; thin, ridged ones stroking between my legs, long and dexterous kneading at my thighs and calves, blunt and calloused ones stroking my breasts and pulling gently at my nipples. I can feel a tightening between my legs and now that they're about to make me cum standing here in the middle of the living room but I can't seem to make myself care enough to make them stop and then I'm cresting and falling, screaming incoherently, names and nonsense words and I think a bit of french thrown in for good measure.

     I come back to myself sprawled on the carpeted floor, staring into Garrett's blue eyes as he rests above me, two other bodies pressed up against my sides. I spread my legs slightly, a silent urging for him to enter me and he grins. “You sure?”

     I nod and then I feel his erection pressing into my body, breaching me and I moan. _God, he feels amazing_. The other guys move around me and I see Anders, with a lascivious grin and a hint of magic, move around behind Garrett with suddenly slick fingers. The large man stills inside me and begins to groan, obviously being fingered by his lover in preparation. Which is just so damned hot.

     Fingers thread into my hair and pull my face to the side. Fenris is there on his knees, cock hard and ready before my lips and I grin. I reach up, grasping the base of his cock and angling him into my mouth. I can feel his gasp, tensing as I take him in my mouth. It's awkward but feels so amazing that I refuse to stop.

     Soon Garrett begins pumping inside me once again, rhythm set by the mage behind him and I begin to tighten once again. The idea of big, strong, Berserker Garrett taking and being taken at the same time sets off all sorts of fireworks for me. Of course, really the same thing is happening for me as well so that might have something to do with it.

     I can feel another orgasm building slowly between my legs and then there's another sensation. Magic is being pulled through the air and I can see a soft blue glow eminating from Anders' fingers. Then he's reaching out to take my other hand in his and a jolt of magical power runs through my body and I'm screaming my orgasm around Fenris' cock. This starts a chain of reaction, Fenris rearing up and cumming deep down my throat, my cunt spasming around Garrett, causing him to pump quickly, briefly before loosing himself inside me. Garrett's tightening body draws Anders' own orgasm from him with a cry and a groan. I keep coming around them, white lights bursting behind my now closed lids before collapsing in a boneless heap.

     I don't know how long it is before a pair of arms lift me from the floor and move me to the couch, covering me in a thick chenille blanket. I can't move my arms. I can't even open my eyes. Someone chuckles, deep and I'm sure it's Fenris. “You seem to have broken her, Mage.” _Oh yeah. It's Fenris._

     “You loved it and you know it,” the man answers and you can hear the smile in his voice.

     Another voice grumbles something about coffee and I laugh inside. Garrett needed a wake me up and I found that funny for some reason.

     “Yes, Mage. I...loved it,” Fenris said softly. “I find that I am...loving many things about you.”

     You could hear a pin drop the room was suddenly so quiet. Even Garrett had stopped moving about in the kitchen. Then I heard skin on skin as though the two men were touching, or maybe even hugging. It was brief but heart warming.

     “I find myself loving quite a few things about you too, Fenris. I hope that never changes.”

     “For me as well, Mage.”

     “You know, that's becoming quite the endearment from you,” Anders laughed. “I think I'm starting to like it.”

     “Get used to it,” Fenris growled but you could hear the humour in his voice. “You will always be Mage to me.”

     A few minutes or a few hours later, I couldn't be sure- it was still relatively light out- the phone started ringing and luckily it was close enough to my head that I just had to reach for the end table behind my head and fumble the receiver near my face. “H'lo?” I slurred.

     “Ms. Hawke? Selena? It's Father Brian.”

     It took me a fuddled moment to realize who was speaking. There was a sudden crash and banging going on in the background and then I got it. The priest that took in the boys when they showed in this world. “Father Brian? What's going on? What's all that noise?”

     The boys came into the living room, all looking suddenly concerned. Garrett opened his mouth to ask what was happening but I motion for him to be quiet and he shuts his mouth with a snap.

     “There's something here. A monster came out where the boys did in the alley and I can't keep it out for much longer,” the priest explained, as calmly as though he were talking about the weather. “There are parishioners here with me and I would really rather not have them die on me. Do you think that maybe the boys could come out with their fancy weapons and maybe help out-” and at that moment the phone cut off.

     “Fuck!”


	7. Chapter 7

     In my forty plus years of life, first, second and third, I have not once thought that I would be running to the rescue in a mini-van. But here we were, the boys in their armour, swords and staff at the ready, buckled in tight like a bunch of errant children. I, of course, no longer had my armour and was forced to pull out my thickest, roughest set of clothing- jeans, a green and white flannel shirt, leather jacket and walking boots. The white scarf wrapped around my throat was Fenris' touch because 'It's cold out. Do not get sick.'

      Because that's my big concern right now.

     I'm fairly certain that the people of downtown moved out of our way out of sheer certainty that we were filming a movie. I mean, how many people would careen around corners and speed like a madwoman while driving a van filled with large men, one of which had stuck his head out the window and was yelling 'yeehaw!'. That is the last time I let Garrett watch Bruce Willis movies.

     Pulling up outside of the church we could already see the destruction. One of it's massive oaken wood doors was hanging open on one hinge, a thick stained glass window lay in glittering shards on the grass. But it was quiet. Deathly quiet and, strangely, no alarm seemed to have been called amongst the church's neighbours.

     I had barely parked before Garrett and Anders were out the door and heading towards the busted doors. Fenris held back a moment, the two of us beside the van. He reached out, gently caressing my cheek. “You'll be all right?” he asked softly.

     I smiled and leaned into his touch. “Yes. Go. Help Father Brian. I'll stay out of the way.”

     He nodded, touching my lips briefly with his and then was gone, all three disappearing into the building. I took a moment to worry. It was too quiet here, like a bubble of sound suppression over the area. But I could only take a moment. The boys might need me.

     I moved around to the back and popped the trunk. Tucked in under the back seta, wrapped in blankets, was a long thin case. Made of polished cherry wood it carried my baby, a 100 pound draw alluminum alloy compound bow. She was a gleaming dark green with a double string made of space-age poly-filament carbon. I loved her. With a set of titanium tipped arrows I was set for bear. Or monster. Or what have you.

     Arrow prepped and ready to pull I ran around to the side of the church where we had entered long ago when I fetched the boys. I needed to get up into the choral loft and I seemed to remember a set of stairs near the entryway.

     I found the door and - _Thank God!-_ the door was unlocked. I eased it open and was suddenly bombarded by screams, cries of pain and anger, shattering wood and glass. And the piercing screech of something I had hoped to never hear again. A Demon.

     The stairs were to my right and I took them two at a time. I needed to get high, up above the fighting. The loft was empty and dark, perfect for what I needed. The main fight was going on amongst the pews of the main hall, most of which had been smashed and thrown against the outer walls. There were at least two bodies that I could see amongst the ruin, though no one I recognized. Up on the dais, the statue of Christ on the Cross staring down at them, were Father Brian and a group of maybe six parishioners, two of them small children. He was bleeding fairly heavily from a head wound, pale and swaying on his feet, but he stood before the group like a wall, arms outstretched and eyes bright with righteous anger. Made me almost want to believe in angels.

     The boys were farther back, Garrett to the left, Fenris the right with Anders centered at the back wall. Swords at the ready, shield in position and lyrium glowing, they made a beautiful sight. And between them, stood the most horrible sight I had ever laid eyes on, and I once walked in on Varric getting out of the bath.

     It was tall. Over seven feet kind of tall, with green scaled skin. Over long limbs, thin to the point of emaciation, spikes along it's spine and tail and horns that reached for the sky. It screamed, shaking the windows with its fury. In all my time in Kirkwall I had never seen its like. But I knew for damned sure I could shoot it.

     I drew and sighted, just as the boys engaged. I was here for backup. I would not draw its attention until I had to, taking a shot only when necessary. I only had two dozen arrows and I had to be sure to make them count.

     They were beautiful, my boys. If it weren't so damned terrifying I could watch them forever. Garrett maneuvered himself around the monster to place his shield between it and the civilians. Fenris, in full glow, sped around the creature in full blue glow, slicing at it's open flanks so quickly that as soon as it turned to face him, he had moved on to another limb or out of reach. Anders kept it distracted with ice and lightning, while feed rejuvenating power to the others. He even managed to send out a mist of healing energy over Father Brian and the others.

     It was going well, the creature a mass of cuts and dripping ichor when it pulled a new trick. A swirling green and black energy spread out at its feet and it dove as though a hole had opened up, only to reappear directly behind Fenris. He had to time to turn, no time to run before a long claw-tipped arm was sweeping towards the elf's head. _No!_

     I fired. I didn't aim or call out, I just fired. Point blank, straight into the creature's terrible gleaming eye. It screamed, and it was beautiful. I fired again and again, no pause, I refused. I wouldn't let it get it's bearings and try that trick again. As I kept it busy and disoriented, my boys moved in. Anders froze it in a wall of ice as Garrett stabbed it through the chest. Then Fenris moved in and with a smooth arc, removed its head from its shoulders.

     I had never seen anything more fantastic.

     It took me a few seconds before I realized that the building was now deathly quiet. I looked down at all of them and saw that they were now staring at me, mouths agape. I grinned and gave a little half-salute, my bow still gripped tight in my hand.

     I'm pretty sure it was Father Brian that moved first, stepping forward and reaching out to touch Garrett's shoulder. Then I was flying down the loft stairs and straight into Fenris' arms as he met me at the base. I dropped the bow to wind my fingers in his hair, just holding him as close to my body as I could. His arms slid down low around my lower back, his forehead resting on my shoulder, panting against the skin of my neck. We stayed like this for hours, minutes, seconds, lost in the feel of each other.

     “What happened to staying safe?” he asked softly and I chuckled.

     “I was perfectly safe. No one got close to me,” I replied with a grin.

     He pulled back, a scowl marring his perfect features. “You were not perfectly safe. You were up in a loft where we could not have protected you had something happened. You do not fight alone anymore, or did you forget about that again?”

     I pulled away, frowning at his implications. “I will not let you or Garrett or Anders wade into a fight with no backup. I will not lose you when I've just gotten you back.”

     He opened his mouth to retort but we heard a voice call out my name before Garrett came barreling around a corner to scoop me up in a bear hug. “Selena! Wow! Amazing shot! I have never seen anything so damned hot in all my life!” He had me laughing and struggling half-heartedly to be free.

     A clearing throat called our attention to Father Brian and Anders approaching and Garrett set me down with a crimson blush. I took a hold of Garrett's hand and gave it a squeeze before releasing and stepping towards the men.

     “Father Brian? Are you all right? What about the others?”

     He reached out and pat me gently on the cheek. Blood marred the side of his face and stained his pale gray hair, though the actual wound had sealed and vanished under Anders' ministrations. “We're okay now, thanks to you and the boys. That...thing killed two of my parishioners and I need to return to them to help their families, but I wanted to see you, thank you while I could.” The Father breathed a deep sigh before turning away to return to the others. “I don't know what that was but I pray to God it never happens again.”

     We watched him leave with heavy hearts before returning our attention to each other. Anders leaned in to brush a kiss across my forehead. “I swear you are trying to suck all the life out of me. I aged ten years watching you shoot.”

     I gave him a soft, sad little smile. “Can't have that now can we?” The idea of Anders losing any more of his time before his Calling filled me with a sense of dread. He clasped my hand, Fenris taking up the other with Garrett standing before us with his fists on his hips.

     “So what in the Void was that and what do we do about it?” he demanded.

     Anders rubbed at his chin lightly in thought. “I think that might have been a Terror Demon.”

     I looked up at him in surprise. “You mean, like from the game?”

     “I was actually thinking from class in the Tower but yes, they were in the game too, weren't they? They're rare outside of the Fade, mostly because they can feed off the terrors created by nightmares but it's possible for them to come through. But where are they coming from? How are they coming here, to this world?”

     “Perhaps in the same place that we did?” Fenris asked. A moment later we were all racing for the alley behind the church.

     What had once been a relatively orderly space for a back alley was now a disaster zone. Industrial sized garbage bins were now strewn about, slammed and dented- in one case ripped in half- with their contents rotting on the ground. Mixed in the mess were splashes of blood and I prayed it was from some passing squirrel in the wrong place at the wrong time, not- no. Don't go there. And in the middle of it all was a pulsing gree light, like a whole in the air leading to....I'm not sure.

     We stood there, staring, for what seemed like forever. It was happening again. I had lied through a game already and here, in a dark alley in the middle of downtown, was the link to another game. Another life. The first had led me to family, friendship. To deep, everlasting love. Could I handle it again?

     Damn right I could.

     “Well,” Garrett began with a grin. “You ready to see what the future holds?” He reached out and grasped Anders' hand who leaned into the big man's side with a smile and a sigh.

     “Where ever you go, I'm sure to follow, Love. You know that.” Without a backward glance they took a step, to be immediately engulfed in swirling green light and disappear from sight.

     Fenris clenched hard at my fingers, his fear palpable. I turned, cupping his cheek and turning his head to look at me. His pupils were blown wide and his breathing quick, erratic. My beautiful warrior was terrified.

     “I. Will. Not. Leave. You. Do you understand?” I murmured to him, looking into his eyes. “No matter what happens from here on out, we will be together.”

     Fenris took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders before leaning in to kiss me. It wasn't his usal soft brush of my lips but a deep, soul searching type of kiss. The kind you might give a lover that you possibly might never see again. “I understand, _Carissimi_. I just... I love you, Selena. Never forget that.”

    I blinked, surprised at the vehemence of his words. Fenris should his feelings in actions, not words. That he felt the need to say them meant that he really didn't believe there was anything wlse for us after we followed the others through the light. It broke my heart, but he needed the brave face and I was here to provide.

    “Ready to step into oblivion, my love?” I asked with a grin.

     He scowled and shook his head. “Ready as I'll ever be.”

     Then, weapons sheathed, hands clasped together and breath held tight, we took a step into the next world.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well. I guess no matter how hard I try, they just refuse to stay in our world. And can you blame them, really?

     Imagine, if you will, you're going down a waterslide. It's fun, you're going pretty fast and you know that, at the end, you'll land in a soft, tranquil pool. Now, take away the pool, speed it up a hundred times, add a ton of churning rocks and remove the water. Then maybe, just maybe, you might have an idea of what we were going through.

     It took maybe ten heartbeats and had it been any more I probably would have pissed myself.

     As it was I'm certain I screamed, my throat working to release it, though I heard nothing over the roar in the air around us. I gripped the fingers caught in mine, thanking God that I could still feel him there. Had Fenris vanished on me it would have tipped me over into the jibbering loon category.

     And then it was over and we were standing calmly, serenely, in the middle of a battlefield. Panting breaths, deep, trying to regain control, fingers twitching around each others. Then a quick glance into his deep green eyes before we were off, sword drawn and bow at the ready.

     Thankfully our enemy seemed easily identifiable. Shades for the main part, humanoid spirits given substance, jealous of our bodies, our lives, wishing nothing more than to snuff them out. I glanced about, finding a section of higher ground behind and to my left, then scrambled to reach it while Fenris raced off into the fray. This bit of broken masonry really only gave me an extra foot and a half of height but it was enough. I could now see far enough into the battle to make the best use of my bow.

     I found Garrett and Anders off ahead and to the left, protecting a small group of men that had sustained injuries as they made their way off the the field and into cover. Fenris to my right was a blur of light as he streamed through the enemy, slicing creatures in two as he passed. I spotted Cullen- game Cullen with his ridiculous lion helm- slamming his shield into the countenance of a Shade only to have another attempt to flank him. _Oh no you don't! That one's one of mine!_ I thought to myself with a grin, loosing a series of three arrows that brought it down with barely a sigh.

     After that it was nothing more than spot a target, loose, redraw and start again. Once my quiver was empty I hopped down off my perch and found the half-filled quiver of a fallen soldier and began to use his. It took dozens of arrows before I realized that the creatures were gone and a small commotion was happening at the place where we had entered. In the back of my mind I knew that game play was happening in real life once again but I couldn't concentrate on it. My mind was still searching for possible threats, heart racing and bow drawn.

     It's a scene I can picture in my head as it would look in a movie. Varric, my smooth talking, deal making, dwarf of a friend is surrounded by my boys, hugging and laughing and asking all sorts of questions when they part to reveal me behind them. I'm still on alert for threats, bow drawn and pointed to the ground. The wind is up, whipping around my loose hair and the ends of my scarf. All cinematically very interesting. The soundtrack would have been bitchin'.

     “Starlight,” he whispered and, thankfully, I turned towards him before he threw himself at my waist. Otherwise he might have been just slightly perforated. The scent of Varric overwhelmed me, pipe smoke, ink, and for some reason just a hint of cinnamon, and that was all I needed to drop my bow at my feet and sink to my knees, wrapping my arms around his neck. I was crying great wracking sobs and so was he, the sentimental old coot.

     It was several minutes before Garrett began lightly pulling at Varric's shoulder, Anders doing the same for me. “Come on, guys. We've got an audience and there's still a lot to do around here. We can explain everything later.”

     “Yes. And there will _be_ explainations,” a haughty voice agreed. I turned to find a beautiful statuesque woman with spiky dark hair and deep eyes, whose scars accentuated her beauty as opposed to distract. “I am-”

     “Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast, a pleasure,” I say with a smile, extending my hand to shake.

     She looked at me with suspicion before returning the courtesy. “Yes,” she responded with a long drawl. Her accent was similar to something I had heard from a russian friend as a kid and I was taken with it right away. “And while I recognize Serrah Hawke, the apostate Anders and the elf Fenris, I am unsure as to your identity Messer.”

     I smiled down at Varric. “You told her nothing about me?”

     “Oh, I told her all about you, including, you know, the end.” He gave me an apologetic shrug.

     “Oh dwarf,” I giggled. “If you had only known what had really happened.”

                                                *******************

 

     We retired as a group to a large camp about three miles from the Breach. It was teeming with people, most angry and glaring balefully at our party. There was a small infirmary set up for casualties which Anders insisted on going to check out, which meant that we wouldn't be seeing him until someone went to collect him, magically spent and staggering.

     The rest of us, including Cassandra, Cullen, Varric and a quiet, unassuming elvehn mage that I caught staring at me on more than one occasion, found a small area to start a campfire, pulling over fallen logs and a couple of folding camp stools to sit on. I found his looks a little disconcerting, searching my brain for where I had met this man before. The Alienage in Kirkwall? I was there quite a bit over my time there, it was certainly possible.

     Eventually, after wine skins and wooden bowls of stew had been passed around- _Oh, I have missed Thedosian food_!- everyone turned to face me, awaiting a story. Commander Cullen had his head tilted, squinting like a dog trying to figure out a problem. It had me smiling. Apparently he was either near sighted and didn't recognize me, didn't have enough exposure to me in Kirkwall to recognize me, or maybe thought I was my own twin or something. It was so damned cute.

     The last person to join us was the Inquisitor. Although right now he wasn't known as the Inquisitor, he was the Prisoner. Maxwell Trevelyan. Not my Inquisitor, which kind of made me a little sad to tell the truth. Merinne Lavellan would have ended up with Cullen and he needed a bit of something happy in his life.

     Maxwell was tall- Anders tall- with a light tan, gold brown hair and eyes such a dark brown as to be almost black. His cheekbones were sharply chiselled, with a wide brow and a lightly dimpled chin. I didn't realize I was staring until I caught his eye and he winked at me with a smile. Beside me Fenris growled softly and Garrett wrapped an arm around my waist a pulled me in close, causing Varric to chuckle.

      A beautiful, hooded red head slid silently into the group and perched on the same log as Cassandra. Her Orlesian accent was soothing. “So, my Lady Hawke, why not explain to all how you still live?”

     I had to wait nearly a minute for the gasps and swearing to die down before I began, though I did give the woman a wink and a nod. One of my heroes had just outted me to the group. “Thanks Leliana. I was kind of hoping to ease them into the truth.”

      She gave me an enigmatic grin. “I've always felt that one should rip away the bandage, not pull back slowly.”

     I looked around at the group. Cassandra was scowling, but that was her regular expression so I wasn't really all that affected. Cullen was gaping, which made me smile. He had been present at my death so I could see why he would look so incredulous. Varric was, of course, laughing and pulling out paper and pencil, trying to capture the moment. I tried to scowl at the dwarf, even though I couldn't seem to stop smiling, and he gave me a wink and a shrug.

     It was when I turned to the elf that I was struck dumb. He was a striking man, with a sharp face and clean pate. Without hair his ears were much more prominant, like a declaration of his elvehn heritage. He was not one to hide behind his hair. But it was the way the shadows hid portions of his face, eyes gleaming from the shadow, the fire highlighting his long, dimpled chin, one sharp boned cheek and long ear. It reminded me of a dream, pulling at my conscious mind but I couldn't seem to grasp the threads. His soft smile made me shudder and Fenris began rubbing gently at my back.

     “Are you all right?” he whispered into my ear.

     I turned to him and smiled, thoughts of dreams and enigmatic smiles momentarily forgotten. “Yes, Love. I just want to get through this and find a place to catch a nap.”

      The group was there, arrayed before me, the bare bones begining of what would become the Inquisition. Josephine Montilyet had yet to join, or was back in Haven proper. The other companions had yet to be found. Just these six people and a smattering of soldiers spread out at the few fires around camp.

     I smiled at the gloriousness of it.

     “Well, I guess I should get started. I was on my friend's boat...”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never tried this type of POV before. Really hoping it works because I needed to figure out SOME way of getting Spirit and Warden back in the fray.

     The Mabari woke with a start. _Shit!_ he panted to himself, trying to shake the forboding feeling in his gut. He knew it had been some sort of dream, though he could no longer remember what it had been about. Something involving green light and...demons? Maybe?

     Standing, he shook himself thoroughly then padded into the kitchen, taking hold of the rope handle that had been added to the refridgerator and pulling it open. He perused the selection of drinks on the lower shelf of the door before gripping a water botttle and pulling it out gently with his teeth. He had been tempted to grab a beer can instead but he had the feeling that he was going to need his faculties in fine form for a while.

     He brought the bottle over to the large dish that sat on the floor for him and set it down inside before taking a hold of the middle of the bottle with his teeth and piercing the plastic, letting it leak into the bowl. Once that was done he gently placed the now empty container in with the rest of the recycling, as quietly as he possibly could, lest he wake the youngling. This wasn't done for any niceties on his part but because he really didn't want to listen to the youngling bitch about being woken up. Again.

     As he drank, he thought. What was it that could have woken him up? It was important, he knew that much. That sense of forboding was still with him long after the dream had ended. But stronger than that was a feeling of need, to move, to run. It was becoming a compulsion. He glanced up to the clock above the stove, thankful that the Mistress had taught him what the numbers meant, and was startled. The MastersMistress had been gone for hours. Too long.

    _All right. Time to go save their ass._

     He padded over to the armchair that the youngling had claimed as its own, splayed out to catch every last ray of sun in it's fur. He huffed in consternation, knowing what a pain it was to try and wake the creature before it wanted to be woken.

    _Come on. We've got to go_ , he said firmly. Be firm, be strong. Don't let the little pain in the ass convince you otherwise.

     One eye blinked open to regard him coolly, the only movement visible from it's lean body. _What. Do. You. Want?_ Oh, yeah. It was going to be one of those conversations.

    _The MastersMistress need us. We have to go._

      _No_. The creature stretched, then curled into a ball away from him.

     He sighed, a deep, heavy sound from his thick chest. He really hated when the youngling was stubborn. _Yes. They have been gone too long. Hours already. They need us_.

    _They have been gone longer before this and brought home good things. They're probably just fetching things for our pleasure._ The youngling was nothing if not a selfish prat.

    _They went to see the Fatherman_ , he tried to explain with as much patience as one of his breed could muster. _Fatherman sounded scared and now they aren't back long after they should have been._ The creature's ear twitched and he knew that he almost had it convinced. _If you wake up you can ride in the pack,_ he teased.

     That did it. The youngling's small grey head turned back towards him with a gleam of interest in it's eyes. _The pack? Well why didn't you say so?_ It stood, stretching out it's length before shaking it's head, then sitting to wash a paw. Damned thing was always bathing, OCD to the extreme.

     He lumbered back to the fridge, taking out two more bottles of water and two cans of beer- one never knew- as well as two sandwich bags from the shelf that had been pre-packed with steak strips that the Mistress made for them. She was the best. He then went to the front hall and came back with the pack.

     It was an interesting harness-like contraption that had two large pockets, one to either side, so that they hung just past his shoulders when it was sitting on him. Kept clipped together but with the strap loose, he could get into the thing easily by himself, though he did need a hand removing it. Hopefully, they would find the MastersMistress and that wouldn't be an issue. He placed his foodstuffs carefully in one pocket, fitting it all so that nothing would fall with his jostling, then stepped into the contraption, wiggling around until it sat where it should on his back and reaching around to grasp the strap to tighten it to his body. It hung lopsided with all the weight to one side but that would change in a moment.

      _All right, in you go._

     The youngling sprang from it's chair and slunk towards him, almost as though stalking the pocket, and he huffed softly. Children could be so damned silly sometimes. It jumped in, wiggled and growled until it was sitting up and looking around the apartment with apparent glee. So very silly.

     He stood, adjusted the weight of the pack a little better, than made for the door and beyond to the elevator. The Mistress had changed the knobs to lever action ones, contrary to the policies of the building until she explained that he was something called a Service Dog for the Master. She told the Man that the Master had something called PTSD and that when having an 'attack' he needed help only the Mabari could provide. The Master was indignant and the other Masters were laughing so he had smiled and panted and thought they were all a bunch of idiots. Everyone needed the help that only a Mabari could provide but were too stubborn to realize it.

     The elevator was another wonderful thing, especially if the beautiful Ginger was riding along. And- _Oh Yes!_ \- just like today. Mrs. Kaminsky must not have been paying attention again and missed her floor, choosing to ride along until it came to her floor again as opposed to getting off on another and using the stairs.

     Ah, the beauteous Ginger. Her fur was the softest he'd ever felt against his own, her eyes so deep a brown that they seemed nothing less than the night sky, devoid of all but the stars.

     It's too bad she was dumb as a bag of hammers.

    _Ginger, my beautiful Ginger. How do I love thee?_ The youngling was making gagging noises inside the pack but he ignored them. _I have to leave for a time and I know not when I shall return. May I please have one last kiss? To remember fondly as I battle the powers of evil?_

     The dog looked at him with a vacant stare, tilting her head first one way then the other. He knew the dogs of this world weren't much more than dumb beasts but he held out hope, watching her move with love in his heart. Then, just as he was about to give up as the elevator stopped on Mrs. Kaminsky's floor, she reached out and lightly licked along his cheek. He smiled and panted as the woman pulled at Ginger's lead and the two disappeared beyond the door.

  _That was just sad and pathetic_ , came a muffled complaint.

    _Shut up_.

     The trip to the church was long and cold. Luckily, being Ferelden bred, it wasn't really an issue for the Mabari but the youngling was shivering by the end. And bitching. Bitching a lot. There was hissing and spitting involved.

     He could sense the difference as he approached the church right away. One thing the Ferelden's had forgotten over the centuries was that his breed began in Tevinter, created by magic to be smarter, more loyal than any other animal. It also made them more magically attuned and he could feel it dripping in the air. He slowly moved around the large building. The sensation wasn't coming from inside, but more like the alley that ran nearby. The alley where he and the Masters had entered this world.

     It was barely visible now with the naked eye though he could smell the residual magic in the air. A rift, a big one, though diminishing quickly. And the scents of the MastersMistress. They had been here. They had entered it.

     With a shake and a huff he turned his head to eye the youngling's pocket. _Brace yourself._

    _What? Wait! For what? Brace myself for wha-?_

     He didn't let the youngling finish before he drew himself up to his full height, took a running leap and dove into the breach.

                                          ****************

 

     I woke with a smile and a languid stretch. Only here a week but already this little village felt like home. Of course, it helped that there was a gorgeous elf plastered against me, arms wrapped around my waist as he slept, head resting against my chest. Damned clingy elf.

     The first day had been a mess of sadness on our parts as we realized that Spirit and Warden were still in the apartment. I knew that Spirit could handle feeding and bathroom duties for the two of them for a while but when the food ran out I wasn't sure what they'd do. Garrett was near inconsolable and Anders finally had to take him away and spell him to sleep.

     Now the two of them were on their way to Crestwood to search out the Warden. Because this world was not quite as the game we had been playing, we were uncertain which Warden it was going to be- Alistair, Stroud or Loghain- but we were going to need his help.

     Fenris and I, meanwhile, stayed near Trevelyan. With Varric at out sides and Cassandra's passable impersonation of Aveline, it was almost like old times. We had made a couple of forays into the Hinterlands, mostly for hunting and closing a couple of the more persistant rifts, telling stories about our adventures in Kirkwall which Maxwell seemed to get a perverse kick out of. They just made Cassandra annoyed, which had us telling even more. It was great fun.

     A hand slid softly along my skin until it rested on my breast and I could feel a certain something growing against my thigh. I smiled. This, right here, was the most wonderful thing about waking with another person. That feeling of being desired.

     “Morning, handsome,” I whispered, threading my fingers into his hair and brushing the tip of my thumb against his ear. He shuddered and growled, making me smile. He turned his head to place soft kisses against my skin.

     “So beautiful,” he mumbled against my flesh, mouthing at my other nipple. I arched into his touch, already hot for him. Sure didn't take much these days. With my breasts swelling and my stomach just begining to round with the child inside me, everything about me was sensitive and eager. It was actually getting to the point where one of the boys could blow a kiss along my cheek and I was ready to push them to the ground and ride them to oblivion. Thankfully, so far I had been able to resist the urge when we weren't alone. So far.

     Suddenly there was a flurry of knocking on our little cottage's door and Fenris' growl became louder and angry. “Someone had best be dying, or soon enough they will be.”

     I laughed, dislodging the elf from my chest and rolling from the bed, slipping on a robe from a nearby chair as I went. Wouldn't do to answer the door buck ass naked now would it?

     One of Leliana's young pages stood there, panting softly, when I opened the thick wooden door. “Master Varric needs to see you right away,” she said, weezing. “Said it couldn't wait.”

    _Well, of course it's the damned dwarf. He knows what we get up to in the morning._ I thanked the girl and returned to Fenris's side, to find him already buckling himself into his armor. I sighed and reached for a pair of smalls from the chest at the end of the bed. _I guess no nooky this morning._

     Fenris finished dressing long before I did, turning to help me wiggle into my new armor. That had been a fun converstaion, trying to convince the armorer that I needed expandable leathers to keep fighting as I grew. It went against every convention for a pregnant woman to go into battle but I explained to him that no one, not the oldest of the old or the youngest of babes, was unaffected by the Breach and that I would fight to protect those I love and the unborn child inside me with whatever it took. Once he realied that I was an archer and not as likely to engage in hand-to-hand he calmed enough to finally listen. The leather breeches and tunic had ties at both front and sides, to tie as tightly or loosely as I needed, with an extra flap to cover exposed skin. Over this went a long leather duster, belted closed with a wide sash that covered my stomach. Fingerless leather gloves left my digits free to pull at bowstrings and long thigh high boots that had built in sheathes for small daggers rounded out the ensemble. It was roomy yet functional and I told the armorer everyday how much I loved it.

     The weaponsmith and his apprentices had borrowed my bow for a time to study it's construction, along with my arrows. They couldn't duplicate the metal but they did copy the tips, adding a star shape to their arsenal that could cause some serious damage, especially when removed. I began using the arrows that they made for me as opposed to the ones I brought, keeping those for emergencies. I couldn't replace those and they were powerful enough theat I wanted to keep them for the big guns.

     Soon enough we were heading for Varric's tent. He had refused to bunk in one of the cottages, prefering to be in the thick of the action. It was strange really, I would have expected him to stay over at the local inn, but he claimed that he heard better stories living out with the soldiers and who was I to argue?

     As we neared the tents we realized that a large group of men and woman were clustered around the central campfire. They seemed excited, happy. Something we saw very little of here in Haven. Fenris turned to me, looking quizical before moving through the group, urging men to move out of our way.

     “Come on, guys,” we heard the dwarf say with a laugh. “Let 'em through. He's theirs,after all.”

     The mass parted slightly and we broke through to stand on the opposite side of the fire from Varric. He was still dressed in his clothes from the day before, meaning he had been up all night, again, regaling the soldiers with stories of our exploits in Kirkwall. Probably lying his ass off while doing it. |He looked tired, but was grinning like a child with a secret.

     “So, Starlight,” he began. “Missing anybody recently? A big dog, perhaps? Or a little cat?”

     It was then that I spotted the large lump on the ground at Varric's feet. He lifted his head and smiled that big doggy smile of his and I could feel the tears building in my eyes. He looked rough, dirty and scratched, with burrs in his fur and mud caked to his feet, and Warden, now stretching his head from the pack on the Mabari's back, looked pissed off as all hell, but it was okay because they were here.

     They were home.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who finally got around to writing again! Writer's Block is a damned bitch kitty, I swear to God.

     There are certain things about pregnancy that a woman will forget in the body's bid for continuation of the species. Oh, she'll remember that she went through them, even remember that they were absolutely awful, but she won't remember the exact sensation or she'd never get pregnant again. One of those things is the morning sickness.

     I was sure as shit remembering it all now.

     Almost to the gates of Val Royeaux and morning sickness hits while on horseback. Oh God, what wasn't there to love about that? And while I was down in a roadside ditch on my hands and knees, losing every meal I'd eaten in a week, Varric was busy teasing Fenris about 'broody babies' and Cassandra made disgusted noises, like I did this just to spite her. Thank God for Fenris rubbing soothing circles along my back or I swear to God someone would lose a foot, the only appendage I could reach from this angle.

      I was down to a bit of dryheaving when Fenris leaned in close to my ear. “How are you feeling?” he whispered.

     I hung my head, shaking from exertion. “I would kill for a sprig of mint right about now,” I admitted. One thing I had seriously begun to miss about my world was toothpaste to get rid of the horrid acid taste that came with throwing up.

     “If you sit up, I have some for you to chew,” he said with a soft chuckle. He knew my feelings towards toothpaste, dammit. I tilted up to sit on my knees and took the sprig of leafy greens from the elf's fingers, dutifully chewing the offending herb. Stupid plant, why can't you be toothpaste?

     “How are we doing over here?” a voice asked with a smile and I looked up to find Maxwell Trevelyan grinning down the bank at us. I frowned. I don't know what it was about the man that set my teeth on edge. He was a nice enough guy, proficient with sword and shield- although he was no Hawke- and he certainly looked nice enough with his golden tan and thick brown hair. His honey-coloured eyes sparkled constantly with some kind of mischief, usually at Cassandra's expense. When I asked Fenris his opinion all he would say was that Max was 'all surface. No depth'. And it was true that Max rarely let anyone see anything other than his 'nice guy' persona, but I don't think that was it either. Ah well, I'd figure it out eventually.

     Fenris growled low under his breath. Apparently my wonder-elf wasn't his biggest fan either. “She is fine,” he grumbled, running slow circles over my back. Since the morning sickness began he seemed to have a harder and harder time not touching, like he was afraid of my drying up and blowing away. I kept telling him it was the other way around, I'd get loads heavier not lighter, but it didn't seem to stick.

     “Come on, Starlight,” Varric said with a laugh sidling up to stand with Max. “Get a move on! We're wastin' poncy Orlesian daylight here.”

     I stood with a grimace, brushing dirt from my skirts as Fenis stood up alongside me. “You know you guys can go on ahead right?” I asked. “Go and talk to the clerics while Fenris and I scout out the market?”

     “Yeah, but the Seeker wants us to show up around the same time. Probably just her way of staying in control.” I grinned upon hearing her grunt in annoyance. I found that the one truth to Cassandra above all others was that why waste a word or two when a disgruntled noise would do. Knowing the Seeker, it probably was, too. She goes from being in charge to second banana pretty quickly in game and, I for one, would find that chaffing.

     Slowly Fenris and I made our way out of the roadside ditch, brushing away leaf debris and God only knew what else as we went. We were dressed to impress today, Fenris' leather armor buffed to a high shine while I got to go out in silk skirts and blouse in the mint green and copper of a small Orlesian nobleman that rarely visited the capital. No merchant would speak with some Fereldan upstart but the thin copper mask screamed Orlesian nobility and all questions were answered. It helped that I spoke French.

      Fenris and I broke off from the main group a mile or so from the city gates, perusing some of the outdoor market stalls as the others made their way inside. Max and the others were expected by members of the Chantry, but a minor noble and her bodyguard were not. Most of the stalls here were local farmers, mostly selling to each other and- Oh yes! Sweetberries!- the proprieters were more than happy to serve me.

     Everyone was atwitter about the Inquisition within the city walls, running the gamut of disgust to relief. One young farmer's wife was more than happy to tell me all about how the local Templars were getting above their station and how, when they were confronted by a local youth, a group of them beat the 'poor boy' to death. I thanked her for the gossip, as well as a loaf of fresh bread, and made my way into Val Royeax. It was time to catch up with the others.

     So that hadn't changed at least. The Templar Order had been taken over by the Envy demon, just as in the game. And more than likely, the mages had to deal with Alexius out at Redcliffe. How were we going to deal with this? Max couldn't be in both places at once...but could the Inquisition?

     Fenris spotted the group, pointing one long, beautiful finger their way and I had to fight back a grin. They were chatting up Fiona, the elvehn Enchantress and leader of the Free Mages. Oh, and Alistair's mum, let's not forget that! I admit it, I had a bit of a fangirl moment.

     Once Fiona moved away I listened as they did their little talk about Templars and Mages and Seeker Lucius, Fenris a silent statue beside me. I wanted to ask the elf's opinion but knew that he wouldn't answer until we were alone, or maybe just with Varric. Brilliant as he was, Fenris rarely let others know it. Drove me bonkers, actually.

     It took me a few moments to realize that the others were looking to me, Max with a big grin on his face. “Sorry, what?” I asked, blushing at being the sudden center of attention.

      “I asked your opinion, Serrah Hawke,” Max said with a chuckle. “What have the masses to say?”

     I reached out and placed a hand on Fenris' forearm, instinctively knowing that the elf would be bristling like a porcupine. “No one I spoke with mentioned the Mages, though whether that is because they don't care or support magic remains to be seen,”I answered. “Templars were mentioned often, from raging support to a story of how a group beat a young man to death for speaking against them.”

     “This is ridiculous!” Cassandra declared with a harrumph. “Seeker Lucius has lost his mind and control of his men.”

     “The Lady Fiona may not be much better, Seeker,” Solas added softly. “Her proposal sounds just a little too good at this time.”

     “What do you think, Starlight?” Varric asked me, watching me watch them. “Which is the best way to go?”

     Fuck! He knew I had insider info again. Fenris gripped at my fingers, trying to lend support, but now they were all looking to me. Even Max with his shit-eating grin.

     “I think, right now, we need to find a place to hole up and talk. A campsight, maybe three or four miles down the road back towards Haven. Not so many prying eyes and big ears. Then, yeah, I've got a thing or two to discuss with all of you.”

     “Can't wait!” Maxwell clapped his hands and rubbed them together with glee. Fenris growled.

                                                **************

 

     Our camp fire was relatively small, tucked away from the main body of soldiers that had accompanied our group to Val Royeaux. We had pulled up logs to sit on and were crammed onto them in the light of the fire. Thank God I managed to find a few minutes to change into a set of leathers! Skirts were all fine and dandy but not around a firepit where sparks had a tendency to fly around and set things on fire.

      Fenris sat leaning in close to my left, my fingers clasped in his as he stroked my hand. The rasp of his callouses against my skin felt delicious. Very arousing. To the point that I was willing to forgo all of this just to have ten minutes alone with him in our tent. Judging from his covert looks at me from under his bangs I would say he was just as willing.

     Varric sat to my right, patiently buffing Bianca with a set of silk cloths. Max and Cassandra sat on the log to Varric's right, arguing once again about...something. No, that's not right. Cassandra wasa angry about something and Maxwell was laughing, like he took great pride in getting under her skin.

     Solas sat to himself on the log to Fenris' left. When he looked up and saw that I was watching, I gave him a quick smile. I was hoping to include the elf as much as possible. The poor man always seemed so alone. It made me wish that I'd been able to finish the game to be sure that he made out all right.

     “All right,” Cassandra barked. “Mistress Hawke, Varric tells us that you are to be trusted, all though I would rather not trust the dwarf. But the Herald says we should work with you as well so I am willing to hear you out.”

     “Seeker, she's exactly what this Inquisiton needs,” Varric reassured. “Trust me when I say that Kirkwall would be a shitload worse off if it weren't for her.”

     “Thanks, Varric,” I said with a bit of a blush. One of the other wonders of being pregnant, I blushed at the drop of a hat. “Don't know what I would do without you.”

     “You got it, Starlight,” he chuckled.

     I looked at them all, watching me and took a deep breath. “In the end, the Inquisition is going to need the support of both the Mages and Templars. The thing is, once one faction is approached, the other will be taken over by the creature that created the Breach.”

     “And just who, or what, is this creature?” Cassandra asked with a growl.

     “He goes by The Elder One, but his name is Corypheus,”I replied, spotting Solas straighten himself from the corner of my eye. How odd. “He's a glorified Darkspawn, one of the first, possibly a magister.”

     “And how do you know this?” the elvehn mage asked quietly. He was seriously spooked.

     “You wouldn't believe her if she told you,” Fenris answered for me, looking around and daring the others to question me with a glare. “Take it as read that she knows more than all of us put together and do what she says.”

     I pulled Fenris' knuckles up to my lips and kissed them softly, causing him to smile. “Thanks, Love. My knight is shining armour, riding to my side to defend my honour.”

     “Always,” he whispered into my ear, making me really wish we were done here. Badly.

     “So what you're saying,” Max interupted,” is that we need two factions to meet up with the Mages and Templars.”

     “Yes,” I replied. “We can settle on who goes where after we get back to Haven, discuss our plans with Cullen and the others as well. Get their input. In the meantime, Trevelyan, consider which faction you would prefer to deal with. You can lead one of the groups. I'll lead the other, since I have a general idea of what's going to happen already.”

     “Sounds like a plan,” Max said with a grin. I was really starting to dislike that grin.

     “And now she needs rest,” Fenris grumbled, standing and pulling me to my feet. “I am taking her to our tent and we will see you all in the morning.”

     I smiled and waved. Varric laughed knowingly, as did Max. Solas nodded and Cassandra frowned, and all was right with the world.

     For a little while.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW!!! There's smut! Pretty much nothing but smut because that's just the kind of stuff I want to write! It's a little short but that's okay 'cause there's smut! :)

     Fenris stood in the plain canvas tent and watched me undress. Normally this was a heated activity that lead to hands and lips and, well, you know. But tonight all he did was watch and it made me a little uncomfortable. By the time I was down to just a breastband and smalls- and let me tell you a breastband is damned uncomfortable compared to my favourite cotton sports bra- I was ready to spin around and give him a piece of my mind.

     But when I turned towards him he was there, right there, eyes filled with wonder and hands softly caressing my stomach. I had noticed that it had begun to curve just slightly a few days before but hadn't realized that Fenris would have. Stupid me. My irritation vanished immediately.

     “You are so beautiful,” he whispered. I was taken aback at the sheer awe I saw in his emerald eyes. I knew that, to him, I was pretty and I loved that feeling, but this? This look on his face was humbling. I didn't know how to handle it. I mean, my husband of so many lifetimes ago had said the same thing when I was pregnant, but I figured it was the hormones talking. And he never looked...like this. Like any second the elf would be worshipping at my feet.

     I could feel my face flush and looked down at our toes. “No. Not really. It's the whole pregnancy glow thing, I'm sure.” That's right, deflection was the way to go.

     But no. He put his fingers beneath my chin and insisted on lifting my face. “You. Are. Beautiful. The most beautiful creature in all the worlds, Thedas, Earth and everywhere else. And you are giving me, giving all of us, the greatest of gifts.” He paused to watch my face, lips curving up slightly when he looked in my eyes. “ _Amica mea_. Always and forever. And I will cherish the babe all the more for having you as it's mother.”

     My heart clenched, undeserving of what the elf was saying. But whether or not I deserved him, I couldn't keep from wrapping my palm around his nape and pulling him close for a kiss. He tasted so sweet against my mouth. Felt so good and warm against me as he leaned into the embrace and parted his lips to accept the sweep of my tongue in his mouth.

     I could have continued to kiss him all damned night if it weren't for the sudden whoop and shouts of the others outside. Of course, it was then I realized that the small lantern we had in the tent was throwing our silhouette on the wall. And some of them had watched...everything.

     “Varric, that ends up in a book and we'll be short one dwarf!” I called out to the snickers of the others. Fenris flared slightly which had Varric vowing to never write it down as long as he could keep his organs where they belonged. We all knew it for the lie it was but it was still nice to hear.

     I sat down on our bedroll and watched as Fenris peeled himself from his armor. The leather was so tight to his body that he wore nothing beneath, which was always a wonder to see. Like slowly unwrapping a gift of mesmorizing artwork, swirls of white against deep olive skin. I found myself actually drooling as I watched him, not to mention getting damp in other places. And as he slid his breeches farther down his legs I could see that he was more than ready, too.

     I was looking at him with open admiration, the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. At this time he blew out the damned lantern, making me chuckle wistfully. Yeah, the guys outside wouldn't be able to see anything, but then again, neither could I.

     “The others can use their imagination,” he murmured. “Your body is _mine_ to enjoy. They can go and get their own.” He growled low in his throat, a deep, possessive sound. “You are so perfect. I could never tire of looking at you, of touching you.”

     As if to emphasize his point, he kneeled and pressed me to lie down on my back, then brought his head down to lick along my collarbone. Slowly he worked his way up to my mouth and pressed another dizzying kiss to my lips.

     His markings were pulsing with light now, alive with the beating of his heart and desire. I touched one of the beautiful swirls, tracing my finger down his abdomen, feeling the slight electric buzz that accompanied them.

     I ran my fingertip around to his back and traced down to the curve of his ass before moving around to the front again to cup him in my palm. Beside my ear, Fenris let out a low groan. His lithe hand came down, fingers molding mine around his length.

     He felt enormous in my hand, hard as stone. The thought lit me with a dark, sensual thrill, knowing that the others in the camp would hear us if we were louder than a whisper. Not that they didn't know what we were doing. It was just the principle of the thing.

     Fenris buried his mouth in the crook of my neck, driving me nuts with his tongue as I took my time exploring the breadth and feel of him in my hand. I felt his fingers drift down between my legs, felt him cup me with his palm, kneading gently. Pleasure unfurled deep inside me, spreading a delicious heat all the way to my toes. We lay like this for a time, side by side, kissing and caressing each other's bodies. Now that we were with the Inquisition, who knew when we were going to have unjurried moments like this?

     Unwilling to wait much longer, I hooked my leg over his, bringing our hips together even tighter than before. Fenris gritted his teeth, his jaw clamped so tightly it was a wonder he didn't crack a molar. When I stroked my fingers over his shoulder, delighting in the pulse of light coming from his markings, I noticed that he was shaking.

     He was holding himself back, letting me set the pace.

     I leaned forward and kissed him,using my tongue to let him know that I was more than ready. Fenris groaned and dragged me flush against him, the thick length of his arousal kicking hard between my thighs.

     “I need you,” I whispered against his mouth. I reached down to guide him. “Make love to me, Fenris. I promise I won't break.”

     The broad head of his sex nudged at me, hot and unyielding. I shifted to meet him, then sighed with pure, unabashed pleasure as he cleaved into me in one long unhurried stroke, filling me completely. Tears sprang into my eyes at the intensity of our joining, every nerve ending firing at the glorious invasion. Fenris was rigid as stone, shaking with restraint, moving so gingerly I wanted to weep.

     I blame the hormones.

     Rocking into me, pushing me towards a bliss I hadn't imagined before, even with our many months of love making behind us, he caught my moan in a sensual kiss. And then I was shattering, a sweet detonation of pleasure and emotion that broke loose like a wave of release.

     My breath trembled, then hitched, tears beginning to flow.

     “ _Carissimi_ ,” Fenris gasped, drawing back to look at me in concern. He froze, unmoving. “Maker, I'm hurting you-”

     “No,” I whispered around a quiet sob. “No, this doesn't hurt at all. It feels amazing. You make me feel things I've never felt before, Fenris. It's overwhelming how good you feel inside me right now. I don't want it to end.”

     He leaned in to kiss me softly then returned to his rhythm. I moaned around my tears when he found a stronger tempo, my fingernails digging into his shoulders as I clung to him. My thighs rose to circle his hips, pulling him in tighter against my body.

     I could feel him try to hold back with the force of his will but it wasn't enough. He thrust deeper with each hard stroke, faster, until he snapped. He bit back the shout that would have rattled the tent, burying his face into the curve of my neck as his whole body jerked with release.

     He murmured something unintelligible as his cock spasmed with delicious intensity against the walls of my sex. He couldn't hold back the ragged curse any more than he could the reanimation of his dick. He was hard again, every nerve ending enlivened and ready to start all over.

     I wiggled slightly beneath him, more than aware of how hard he was after all that. “You don't need a moment to catch your breath?” I teased.

     “All I need right now is more of this,” he growled. “More of you.”

     “Me too.” I looped my arms around his neck, drawing him in for a slow, heady kiss.

     Fenris thrust deep, inch by inch, filling me up. There was no staving off his desire now. No amount of discipline was strong enough to hold him in check. Cupping my breast in his palm, he returned my kiss, tongues tangling as our bodies moved, giving and taking with equal measure.

     I admit it, I broke first, panting and moaning, arching up from beneath him. His own release was right behind mine. He shuddered hard, driving home with a firce need. And this time he couldn't help but roar out his pleasure for all to hear.

     “Hey! Keep it down, Lovebirds! Some of us are trying to sleep!”

     “Shut up, Varric.”

     “Yes, ma'am, Seeker ma'am!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amica mea- My love


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's just a little shorter than most and actually cuts from first person POV to Anders/third person POV. Hope that's okay...

     Once upon a time I used to love horseback riding. My grandparents and aunt all used to raise horses for harness racing and I learned to ride before I could run. It was exhilerrating and free. Now? Now my ass hurt and my stomach was doing the tango with my bladder and I swear to God my horse hit every divot in the road. Thankfully there weren't quite so many people around to hear me bitch about it.

     Trevelyan and Cassandra had taken about two thirds of our Inquisition soldiers and run off to investigate a series of missives from the Red Jennies as well as attend a soiree held by Madam de Fer- basically to recruit Sera and Vivienne. Meanwhile Varric, Solas, Fenris and I, as well as the remaining men, were headed back to Haven to fill in the others on what had happened in Val Royeaux.

     And sleep in a real bed. I was soooo looking forward to that.

     “Fenris?” I heard Solas ask behind us. “May I ask you a question?”

     Fenris slowed his horse so that he could ride next to the other elf while Varric's little mountain pony moved up to take his place. The dwarf was clinging to the poor animal as though riding a demon, though we weren't moving any faster than a slow canter. In his words, 'dwarfs weren't meant to ride. They were meant to write bad stories, drink too much ale, and laugh until they cried.'

     “You may ask. I may not answer,” Fenris growled softly, causing Solas to chuckle.

     “Fair enough. My question is this: how do you manage a relationship with not one, but three of the humans, without running into prejudice at every turn?”

    _Well, that wasn't what I was expecting, that's for sure._ There was a long pause behind me and I thought that maybe Fenris wasn't going to answer when he began. “There is prejudice everywhere we go. Whether because I'm an elf or Anders is a mage or the number of lovers that we have. And before that it was because I was a slave or because of the freakish markings on my skin. But I have learned that the love I feel for Selena and Garrett, and even Anders, is more important to me than how others percieve us. Let them wag their tongues. I care not.”

     I glanced back and gave Fenris a wide smile. Once upon a time he would have growled and complained until he could hide away and drink himself into a stupor instead of discussing how he felt about things. I was proud of him.

     “And how is it that you can overlook your differences to them,” Solas continued. “The humans, I mean.”

     “What differences? They are generally taller and their ears aren't as pointed or as sensitive. They're a little slower, a little stronger. But their blood runs red and their hearts beat to the same time. Hair and eyes and fingers and toes. A little too much in love with the idea of shoes but that can be overlooked. But at the end of the day we are all the same, and at the same time, all individuals.”

     To say that we were all struck speechless would be an understatement and after a moment Fenris' ears began to flush in embarasement. Before he could say something self-deprecating Varric began to laugh. “Wow, Broody! Never knew you could be so damned deep! You're going to have to repeat all that when I got paper and pencil handy.”

     “Forget it, dwarf,” Fenris growled low in his throat. “That will never be repeated. Ever.”

     “That was very well said, Fenris,” Solas added, briefly laying a hand against the other elf's arm. “Thank you for your insight.”

     Fenris just nodded and urged his chestnut mare forward to ride on my other side. Varric moved back to ride in two by two formation. I reached out to take a hold of Fenris' fingers.

     “I told you you were brilliant,” I said, soft enough that the only one that would hear it was him.

     “Yes, well, apparently I get loquacious when I'm missing the others,” he said with a chuckle.

     I pressed his knuckles to my lips in a soft kiss. “Me too.”

                                                    ****************

 

     Crestwood was wet. It smelled of mold and mildew and sick druffalo dung. Anders had never been so disenchanted with a place in all his life. He looked mournfull down at his boots, sure that he had even stepped some of the offending offal. The fields were full of it.

     “Isn't this place great?” Garrett called to him and Anders sighed. _Well, of course Garrett likes it here._

     They had been trudging around Crestwood for what felt like forever, searching for the lost Warden. Thankfully they had been given lodgings in the village with a lovely older woman that reminded Anders of a grandmotherly version of Orana. When not protecting the villagers from roaming undead- loads of fun, that- the duo were combing the countryside, searching out any trace of their elusive target. And now that there were other Wardens in the area doing the same thing, their job got ten times harder.

     “Hey Anders!”

     The mage looked up to spot Garrett standing atop a large boulder, pointing off into the distance. Rain was streaming down his face, causing Anders to shake his head wearily. He really hated being wet. “What is it, Love?”

     “There's a cave system not far ahead and I think there's light coming from one of them.” Garrett jumped down and grabbed at Anders' hand, pulling him in his wake. “We gotta go see. Come on!”

     Thankfully it wasn't far and Anders sent up a silent thank you to whoever might be listening that the cave was dry. And apparently well lit. Torches lined the walls leading further back into the cavern and the air was warm, smelling faintly of smoke. Weapons drawn, just in case, though with their wet boots all they did was squelch when they tried to sneak.

     Of course, it helped that the cave was empty.

     There were signs of habitation, of course. Torches still lit, a long table covered in notes and maps. Chests that, presumably, held clothing and armor, though for no more than one or two people. Garrett turned and grinned widely at the mage. “You think, maybe, we found him?”

     Garrett's smile faded, eyes going wide, just as Anders felt the cold point of metal against the base of his neck. “That depends on who you were hoping to find,” he heard a voice growl softly.


	13. Chapter 13

Max and Cassandra ended up on a recruiting binge, bringing Sera and Vivienne back to Haven with them, then heading out straight away to collect Blackwall, as well as The Iron Bull and his Chargers. Fenris and I spent much of our free time playing Wicked Grace with Varric or chatting with Solas. The elvehn mage was fascinated with Fenris' life, his markings, any information he could think to ask for. And as long as I was there to hold his hand, Fenris was generally all right with answering, though I did learn that if he was approached while alone he would find an excuse to leave.

     I tended to steer clear of both of the newcomers. While I got along with the blonde elf,Sera, in small doses, I found her humour would grate on my nerves after a while. Not to mention I had some serious issues regarding her prejudice against the elves in general, Fenris and Solas in particular.

     I disliked Vivienne at first sight. Having played most of the game I found her to be not much more than a hypocrite and a snob, and meeting her in the flesh did not really change my opinion. She would happily put people like Anders back in the Circle under the same tyranical forces they had escaped from and called it a day, all the while living free herself.And I swore if she called me her 'dear' one more time I was going to shove her pointy hat somewhere extremely unpleasant where she wouldn't be able to remove it without a healer's help.

     Tonight we were at The Herald's Rest, Haven's only watering hole where everybody ended up at some point. While I sat near the fire, knitting another pair of socks- My God do people go through socks fast around here!- Fenris and Varric were playing cards not far away. Sera wasn't far from them, drinking something that smelled of a mix of turpentine and cough syrup, while making wild gestures towards the dwarf to let him know what cards Fenris held. At least, she did until Fenris flashed blue to shut her up. Varric just laughed and began telling a preposterous tale of Hawke killing a dragon to distract her. Spirit, sleeping lightly under their table, chuffed softly at a funny bit.

     Even the advisors had come out this evening. Leliana was strumming a small lute, tuning the strings even as she hummed. Josephine and Cullen were bent over a chess board, trading good natured barbs. It was a warm, bright, cozy gathering and I had to smile.

     Growing up- you know, during my first life- I had always been the outcast. I never really got along with my family and friends were few and far between. I think maybe that's why, when I did end up getting married and having kids I had so many. Five kids was pretty much unheard of in my day and age. It was as close as I was likely to get to something like...well, like this.

      _Almost perfect_ , I thought to myself. _If only-_ I began by thinking wistfully of Garrett and Anders, when it dawned on me. I was missing the men of my new life, while the children of my old one, the blood of my blood, were not much more than a distant memory. My God did that hurt! A lump formed in my throat, tears threatening to fall. What kind of a mother was I that my children were no longer first and foremost in my thoughts? And I was going to become the mother of another one. My knitting fell from nerveless fingers as I gripped at my stomach. I felt a soft flutter under my fingers, against my breast and the tears began to fall in earnest.

     “ _Carissimi_? Selena, what's wrong?” a concerned voice asked at my elbow. I turned my bleary eyes towards the sound to find Fenris crouched there, concern written over his face, fingers reaching hesitantly out to take a hold of mine.

     I tried to get the words out, I really did. Or some words, anyway, seeing as how I didn't really know what it was I wanted to say. But instead all I could do was fall into his strong arms and sob. I could feel the others freeze around me, unsure of what was happening but unwilling to simply ignore us. Fenris, unheeding of the stares of the others, simply scooped me up on his arms, knitting and all, and walked us back to our cabin.

     I think I must have cried myself into a short sleep because the next thing I was aware of was the two of us sitting by the fire in our small space, the elf silently stroking my hair, arms held protectively around me. My head was resting on his shoulder, hands in my lap, and the tears had begun to dry against my cheeks. Then I hiccuped. _How fucking embarrassing!_

     Fenris sighed softly into my hair, pulling me in just a little closer to his chest. “ _Carissimi_? Can you tell me what is wrong? I am...concerned.”

     I took a deep breath and burrowed just a little deeper into his neck. “I had an existantial crisis over how horrible a mother I am and I'm going to blame the hormones.”

     Fenris was silent for some moments and I began to squirm in his lap before he responded. “I know nothing of how you were before you...came to us, but I believe that you will be a wonderful mother to our child. No woman that would give up everything she had regained in order to jump into an uncertain fate in order to save people she doesn't know could possibly be a bad mother.”

     I sat up and looked the elf in the eye. His expression was so earnest, so filled with fucking awe, that I had to look away. I was nowhere near worthy of that look. Thankfully I was saved further embarasement by a pounding on the door. “Hey, Broody! Starlight! The gang's back. Come on! You gotta come see this guy!”

                                          ***************

 

     Without enough room within the walls of the town to house all of the Chargers, we ended up out near the soldier's training grounds and campsite to meet up with the Herald and Seeker. I had asked Cullen once why military camps were always so neat and he replied that 'a disciplined soldier meant a disciplined camp, and a disciplined camp makes for a disciplined soldier'. Looking around now at the men and women standing at attention next to the walls of the cleanest tents in all Thedas, I could kind of see his point. Though it did make me wonder what his sock drawer would look like. Not to mention his underwear...but we won't go there today.

     In contrast, Bull's Chargers were a motley crew, that I could see. Men and women, all races and abilities, looking more like one of Garrett's adventuring parties than a unified fighting force. Their main tent was up against the town's wall near the livery stables and foundry while the remaining tents were in a semi-circular formation around a central firepit a short ways away near the hills. While we could see the Chargers milling about their camp, The Iron Bull was nowhere to be found- and he definitely would have been found had he been around.

     No, it was Max and Blackwall we spotted first, the latter staring up into the Breach with the tightly controlled terror that most showed upon seeing it so close. The Herald spoke with him, though I was sure the older man was too far gone in his own thoughts to really listen, then moved off with a quick slap on the back.

     Fenris leaned in to kiss my cheek briefly before moving over to the Chargers, engaging a young man in full plate in conversation. When I realized that they were conversing in another language, one that he had spoken to me in endearing moments, I smiled. Not long ago, Fenris would have killed anyone that had spoken to him in Tevene, on the off chace they were a Hunter. But now? Well, at least he allowed them the chance to fuck up first.

     I moved closer to the Foundry, speaking briefly with Harrit about how comfortable my new armour was, then continued to Blackwall's side.

     “Pretty daunting, isn't it?” He started, turning quickly to face me, hand reaching for a sword that was no longer buckled to his belt. With a chagrined chuckle he raised his hand to rub at his beard. “My apologies, My Lady. I didn't hear you approach. Yes, it is. Very daunting. I cannot imagine...”

     I looked up into the massive, green, swirling mass that was the sky. “Yeah, I guess I can see where you're coming from.” We stood this way for a minute or two before I continued on. “So...when do you tell him the truth?”

     To say that Blackwall was shocked would be akin to saying that water was wet or that a knife through the gut was painful. He froze, the tension suddenly coming off him in waves. “I- I don't know what you're talking about,” he finally stuttered.

     Fenris, also feeling the change in the air around us, moved up behind me, guarding my back. I grinned, turning to face the burly warrior. “One thing you'll learn working here is that Fenris here and I, as well as a couple of others that are in Crestwood right now, are privy to a lot of information that others in the Inquisition are not. But I'll tell you this: I will only divulge this information if it benefits the Inquisition and what we need to do. If I decide that Leliana and the others need to know that you're really Thom Rainier, I'll do it. But the circumstances have to be dire. Like life or death. I understand why you took up Blackwall's name and while I may not agree with it, I do respect it.”

     Blackwall looked at us in suspicion. “You won't just out me? Why?”

     His voice was low, gruff, as though trying to intimidate. I laughed. For anyone else, the intimidation might have even worked, but I had seen Garrett at his worst and Blackwall was nothing. “Not my secret to tell, really. I'll give you my advice, which is to tell everyone earlier rather than later, or it's going to come back to bite you in the ass, but I won't threaten or demand. Like I said, if I feel that it's necessary for the Inquisition, I'll just go around you and inform people on my own. You're not going to want that either.”

     We stood like that for a bit, the man watching us warily while I just grinned and Fenris moved a little closer to wrap a hand lightly around my hip, before Blackwall's tension eased. “Fair enough, My Lady. May I know the names of the people that hold my life in their hands?”

     I opened my mouth to answer when there was a commotion behind us. We all turned quickly to see a giant of a Qunari unfolding himself from the large tent behind us. And he was a giant of a man. He easily could have topped the Arishok by several inches, both in height and girth. Dressed in nothing more than a war harness across his shoulder, a wide belt and the most ridiculous circus tent-sized pants, he was an impressive figure.

     And then to have him turn his gaze to us,-well, one eye and eye patch- was daunting to say the least.

     “ _Fasta vass_!” Fenris hissed behind me, his hand sliding from my hip to reach for his greatsword.

    “It's you! _Asala-Ashkaari_!” the Qunari roared.

     Wait, what?


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wait, what?
> 
> And letters from loved ones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick thank you for all the kudos I've been getting lately. It's such a thrill to know that there are people out there that actually like my writing. You know, besides family. You aren't all my family out there in disguise are you?

     I wasn't so much pushed as thrown, one moment in front of Fenris, the next nearly on my ass being held by a set of burly arms while Fenris glowed at fighting attention before me.

      The Qunari, on the other hand, was kneeling before the elf, hands up in supplication and eyes downcast. “ _Kost, Asala-Ashkaari._ I mean no harm.”

     “Are you all right, My Lady?” Blackwall asked, helping me to right myself. I patted him on the arm in thanks before approaching the two warriors.

     “Fenris,” I began, softly. “Stand down, love. Don't you remember watching me play the game? This is The Iron Bull. One of the Inquisitor's companions. We need him.”

     “He called me _Asala-Ashkaari,_ ” he growled. “No one has spoken that name to me since Seheron.” While still in a battle-ready stance, the glowing was beginning to diminish which had me breathing a little easier.

     “What does it-?”

     “It means 'the seeking soul',” Bull interrupted, turning his attention to me. “The closest our language to come to the name Ghost. _Asala-Ashkaari_ was a man to be feared. He nearly turned the tide against the Qunari in favour of the Fog Warriors. And then he simply vanished and a cadre of the rebels were found slaughtered. It was then that I...well, anyway, the stories of _Asala-Ashkaari_ are legendary.”

     “I am Fenris,” the elf said, sheathing his sword and standing to attention. “And my life is very different than it was on Seheron.”

     Bull smiled and stood, sticking his hand out to shake. “You said it! Seheron was a mess and should never be repeated.”

     Fenris looked to the giant man's outstretched hand, then to me and back before taking it. I had to smile. My elf was growing by leaps and bounds it seemed.

     “And just who is this beautiful piece of woman I see before me?”

     And...then he goes back to Mister Overprotective.

     “Mine.” The growl was deeper than before, and Fenris moved in front of me, hand hovering over his sword once again.

     “ _Kost!_ Peace, Fenris!” Bull backed away slightly with his hands in the air. “Meant nothing by it, I swear!”

     “Fenris, it's all right,”I said as soothingly as I could, stepping around the elf and extending my hand. “Selena Hawke. Traveller, archer, and all around weird lady.”

     The Qunari took my hand in his, with only the briefest glance towards Fenris to make sure that he wouldn't be dismembered. “The Iron Bull. Leader of The Bull's Chargers mercenary troop, at your service.”

     “I am well aware of who you are, serrah, and if I ever find out that you've offered to get my men drunk on _Maraas-Lok_ I will have a new set of horns to adorn my wall.”

     Bull's eyes widened with a smile. “Oh, I like her!”

     “Yes,” Fenris drawled. “As do I. Remember that.”

                                          *****************

 

_Dearest Wife,_

_Catman and I have found our lost Spawnslayer and are working now to gather information for our little project. I'm bored to tears, but Catman is poring over all these old, dusty books like they're long lost friends. It's embarrassing._

_I'm not about to tell Catman, but I really hate the weather here. He bitches and grumbles about the rain- and it rains ALL THE TIME- but I smile and cheer him on and say nothing about the wet. I do my best to make him smile. You know how he can get sometimes when he's unhappy about something._

_I hope you and Broody are all right, and especially the Sprout. It kills me that I can't be with you right now. All I want to do is hold you and kiss your belly and know that everything will be all right. Well, okay, it's not ALL I want to do, but I'm not about to give any potential spies a thrill by letting them read all of THAT!_

_Counting the seconds until I can hold you and Broody in my arms again. Unfortunately, that seems to be a lot of seconds._

_Yours Always,_

_Husband_

 

_P.S. Catman says I have to stop calling him that or I'll be sleeping in my own cold bedroll from now on instead of in his nice warm one. I'm to call him Doctor from now on...that just feels weird..._

 

 

_Dearest Husband,_

_I wouldn't blame Doctor one bit if he chose to leave you out in the cold. 'Catman' indeed! He's a lover, not a pet!_

_Our family here is growing out of control. Every bed is now taken and many are sleeping on the ground. Tents meant to hold two are now sleeping three or four, rotating guard shifts keeping them from becoming too crowded. Curly is trying to requisition more tents but it's hard going._

_So, apparently our Broody made a name for himself out in Seheron oh so long ago, to the point where a certain bovine individual recognized him on sight. Nearly came to blows. Was quite exhilerating to say the least. They have called an uneasy truce for the moment but I'm hoping that will change for the better._

_The Sprout is growing by leaps and bounds. Had to have special armour made that will expand so I can keep fighting. And yes, I know the thought of that is going to piss you off but too bad! It's something I need to do. If, when I see Doctor again, he says it's inadvisable, I'll take a break, but until then you're just going to have to trust me that I know what I'm doing._

_We miss you both and are planning wonderful things for your homecoming._

_Your Loving Wife_

 

 

_Pia Accipiter,_

_I do not write letters. They are difficult. We miss you. We miss Doctor. Stay safe._

_Amare,_

_Param Lupus_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kost-(canon) Peace  
> Asala-Ashkaari- (non-canon) seeking soul, or ghost  
> Maraas-Lok- (canon) a type of Qunari alcohol, to put it loosely  
> Pia Accipiter- (non-canon) Dear Hawk(e)  
> Amare-(non-canon) Love  
> Param Lupus-(non-canon) Little Wolf


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning! There are a couple of somewhat disturbing mental images during the first part of this chapter. I apologize that I original put this up without the warnings until someone messaged me about it being disturbing. So here we go...
> 
> It involves some graphic imagery involving death. In case that's a problem for you, maybe skip to the second half.

  _The Fade was different, not the verdant green that I was accustomed to but the throne room of a palace, dark stone covered in woven tapestries and pennants, thick carpets upon the floor and a massive wooden throne upon the dais. The carved dogs adorning the armrests and back let me know that this was somewhere in Fereldan._

_Beside me stood the cloaked figure, this time leaning on a plain wooden staff as one would a walking stick. * Welcome back, Earth Child, * he said in that way that was all voices, yet none.* I am sorry that it must be under these circumstances *._

_“What do you mean?” I asked. He sounded more dire than I had ever heard before._

_Suddenly the doors behind us, large wooden monstrosities, opened to admit a long line of men and women, all dressed as nobility, yet all looking florid and sickly. As though the thought of coming here made them all physically ill. They lined themselves before the throne two deep, left to right and stood as still as statues, afraid to move. Almost afraid to breathe.While none actually touched or walked through us, they appeared to have no inclining that we were there._

_A few moments later, a door to the left of the throne, smaller yet no less impressive for it's deep stain, opened. A line of venatori soldiers entered in perfect two-by-two formation, their pointed helms gleaming. An even dozen soldiers marched in perfect uniformity behind the throne and arrayed themselvesfrom one end of the dais to the other. The last soldier carried a short pike, something atop it dripping fluids in it's wake._

_The head of Maxwell Trevelyan._

_If I could have been sick in my dream, I would have been. He died screaming, his face contorted into a feral mask of pain and fear. Although it was nowhere as nauseating as what followed._

_I recognized the man as Magister Alexius from the game, followed closely by his son, Felix, though the Felix of now was looking as sickly and pale as the nobles before them. Alexius sat upon the throne, adjusting his robes as a woman would her skirts. Felix crouched at his side like a dog._

_A flicker of movement at the door had me glancing over and I gasped, hand flying to cover my mouth. The next to enter was Fenris. But not my Fenris, no. This...thing that wore my beloved's face was dark, with an air of barely restained evil. His markings, once a beautiful swirling mass of palest blue-white, were now a glowing, malevalent red. His lyrium, along with his soul, had been corrupted._

_Following behind- more like being dragged- was what I assumed was a man on a thick length of chain. Dressed in the barest of rags, yet so covered in filth that it was difficult to discern where the cloth ended and skin began, he shuffeled behind the elf, curled in on himself to appear as small as possible.There were lash marks and burns on his body, some old, some new, some still weeping. Fenris pulled the man along until they stood to Alexius' other side, the elf yanking at the chain to force the man down on his knees at his side. The man looked up briefly and my heart wrenched in searing pain. Anders' amber eyes had never held such pain, even when he had come so close to killing Ella._

_*This is what will come to pass if you fail * the cloaked man said softly in my ear, taking my hand in his long fingers. * Saving the world is an abstract concept. But saving those you love...? *_

_“People of Fereldan,” Alexius began in the lilting accent of a man of Tevinter. “The last of the rebels has met his fate, his punishment metted out at the hands of your rightful Lord just as it's been for all members of the Inquisition.”_

_Alexius waved his arm towards the door one last time and a final soldier entered, a second pike gripped tightly in his hands. When I saw the head that topped it I screamed. Not a gasp or wail, but a full-throated, heart wrenching scream._

_And Garrett's face screamed back at me._

                                         ****************

 

     I was screaming. I could hear myself screaming, feel my lips moving with the noise, but I couldn't stop. When my mind registered a shock of white hair and strong hands wrapped around my arms, I kicked and squirmed until I was free, scrabbling to find a safe corner. When I finally came back to myself I was on the floor of our cabin, back pressed into a corner with my hands over my face, whimpering and tear-stained. Fenris was crouched in front of me, arms out but not touching, his emerald eyes wide with concern, while Spirit and Warden stood to either side of him, backs arched in defensive mode.

     “ _Carissimi?_ You are safe. Please...please let me help you,” he said softly, as though speaking with a wounded mabari.

     I glanced around the room, eyes jittering from face to face. Others had entered the cabin, most likely drawn by my screams. Varric and Cassandra, Cullen, even Sera with her bow drawn. They each looked ready- and more than willing- to defend me from whatever had me screaming like a victim from a B Grade horror flick. It was actually calming. Enough that I flung myself into Fenris' arms with a cry. And as they wrapped around me I saw that they were just as they should be.

     And thank God we had decided that the weather's chilly turn towards winter meant that we had to sleep clothed last night.

     We stayed this way for some time before I finally calmed enough to pull back. Long enough for Sera and, it turns out, not a few Inquisition soldiers to move out of the cabin's small confines, though Varric, Cassandra and Cullen stayed behind, seating themselves wherever they could find. Eventually, Fenris slipped an arm under my knees and moved me back to our bed, sitting me in his lap instead of releasing me.

     “Starlight,” Varric said softly. “What happened?”

     “Yes. You sounded as though a herd of ogres were at your heel,” Cassandra added, earning an exasperated look from the dwarf.

     “Subtle, Seeker. Real subtle.”

     “Leave her,” Fenris barked at the pair, stroking my hair gently as he did. “She is upset and I do not want you worsening it and hurting the baby.”

     I patted his chest and kissed the elf lightly on the temple. “I think I'm all right now, Fenris. Or I will be once I...get this shit out.”

     He looked into my eyes for the longest time before nodding and loosening his grip around me so that I could at least turn and face the others in the room. They were watching with varying degrees of concern- Varric's that of a brother, Cullen's of a distant friend, while Cassandra's was almost with distaste, as though she was unhappy with herself that she felt any concern at all. For her sake- not for my own! Never for mine!- I would try and keep this short but sweet.

     “Fenris and Varric know this, but I...dream, on occasion. Usually my dreams are just visual representations of how I'm affecting the world around me. How my actions are changing things, for good or ill. But this one...”I drifted off with a shudder. Fenris pulled me in closer to him to revel in his warmth. “This time I saw how things would turn out if we failed. If _I_ failed.”

     “Failed in what, Serrah Hawke,” Cullen asked. He never could get around to using my first name.

     “Your guess is as good as mine. But it had to do with Magister Alexius so that means the Mages.”

     “We should speak with the Templars first,” Cassandra grunted. “The Mages are too volatile-”

     “No more than that Lucius guy we met in Orlais,” the dwarf interjected. “One of his guys actually hit a Sister. A Sister!”

     “It doesn't matter who we go to first, since the Herald insists on attempting to contact both parties, but it could be that the Mages will be...necessary.” I knew there was a reason I loved Cullen. I also kinda loved how no one really questioned that my dream had to have truth to it. Back home I'd be on a Shrinks couch right about now.

     “We will discuss this with Sister Leliana and the Ambassador,”Cassandra stated, standing to leave. “For now, we will leave you to return to what slumber you can.” Cullen followed suit, reaching out to pat my shoulder awkwardly as he did. Damn, he's such a sweety! I need to get him a...girlfiend? Boyfriend? Someone to make him happy.

     Varric lingered a minute longer. “You sure you're okay, Starlight? You were...pretty loud. I was kind of scared that...that maybe you were going to leave us again.”

     I reached out and took a hold of Varric's fingers, giving them a quick squeeze. “I have no intention of going anywhere, dwarf. You and I need to have a sit down and discuss this horendous book you wrote about my life in Kirkwall.”

     “Horendous,” he laughed, hand to his chest in mock hurt. “I'll have you know, dear lady, that Tale of the Stranger has the highest printing demand in all of the Free Marches! And it just picked up a second run in Orlais, or all places!”

     “All right, dwarf,” Fenris growled. “But it is now time for me to get her back into bed. It is still late and she needs her rest.”

     Varric nodded with a smile and quickly left us to ourselves. Instead of returning to bed, though, Fenris kept me in his lap, held tightly in his arms, forehead touching my shoulder. After a minute or so I wriggled to turn and face him. His eyes were red rimmed with unshed tears and my heart leapt in my throat. “Fenris? Love, what is it?”

     “You pulled away from me,” he whispered harshly. “You were afraid of me.”

     “Oh, my Love, no,” I cried, cupping his cheeks in my hands. “I wasn't in my right mind when I did that. I didn't know what I was doing, or who you were. I could never be afraid of you.” I leaned in to place a kiss upon his lips, a chaste thing, but the pull of his heat to mine turned it into a long, passionate, moaning thing. My fingers slipped up into his hair, brushing along the ridges of his ears as they went, illiciting a deep moan that went straight to my groin and his hands slid around to cup at my ass.

     We made love until the light was brightening the windows of the cabin and the sounds of soldiers moving about brought us to our senses, ending up with our arms and legs tangled around each other, bodies pressed as closely as we could get them. Anything to keep my Fenris from thinking I had anything but love and respect for him.


	16. Chapter 16

     One would think that if anything was going to happen in a little mountain hamlet like Haven, it would be snow. But _nooooo_! We have to get freezing rain. Lots of it. For days.

     In the beginning it was great. Fenris and I stayed holed up in our little cabin, making love wherever we felt like, eating picnic style in front of the fire, and lots of sleeping- you know, when I wasn't puking my guts out. Stupid pregnancy.

     By Day Three, on the other hand, we were both feeling a little stir crazy. I mean, we even had a little fight, just a disagreement about my diet but my hormones are so all over the place that I admit I blew it up all out of proportion and ended up on my knees begging for forgiveness. That had him on his knees a moment later, pleading with me to never beg like that again and it ended up with the two of us hot and sweaty and sated from some pretty amazing sex.

     So here we were on Day Four, having braved the rain to run over to the Chantry to at least be with other people. It was more crowded than usual, filled to the brim with soldiers and penitants, not to mention the Inner Circle taking up every available space in the War Room. Every fireplace and torch was lit to add heat and warmth to the space. It was actually kind of nice, like a giant family reunion.

     Max, Cassandra, Cullen and Leliana were at the large missions table, currently discussing troop deployments for both Redcliffe and Theirinfall Redoubt. It was kind of gratifying to see these people, who really didn't have any reason to believe a word I said, following my advice about recruiting both factions. Of course, it helped that Leli's spies confirmed a lot of what I told them, but that's not the point.

     Varric and Josephine had convinced Fenris,Blackwall and Bull to a game or six of Wicked Grace and were ensconced at a small table in a far corner, away from the bustle of the rest of the room. I had expected a larger pile of coin in front of the dwarf from his winnings, but Josie was kicking ass and taking names. And the more he lost, the more flustered he became, which led to Josie winning even more. And the more Josie won, the more Fenris laughed, which was a sight to warm my heart even more.

     Solas and Vivienne were arguing magical theory. Their styles and spells were so varied, and neither would readily admit that the other might know something they did not, so it became akin to a hissing match between two feral cats. I couldn't help my fascination with the two of them, even of there were times when I wanted to slam their heads together. I hovered around them for a while, until some of their jargon got so convoluted that I had to back away. I thought of Anders and what he would have to add to the conversation and almost giggled. To say that he and Viv would have issues was an understatement, but as a Warden he probably wouldn't get on with Solas much better.

     So, last but not least, were Sera and I. It all started out innocently enough, I swear!

     “Oi! Hawky! C'mere!” the little elf called to me from where I stood next to Fenris' chair. I smiled and wandered to where she stood by the door, lounging in a way that was supposed to be nonchalant and yet was any way but. I didn't even have a chance to say hi before she had grabbed my by the wrist and pulled me out of the room and into the space that had been set up as the advisors' sleeping quarters.

     “I am soooo booored,” she whined, releasing me to pace around the small space between beds. “Lookin' for a bit of fun. You in?”

     “Depends,” I chuckled. “What you got in mind?”

     “I'd say a bit of slap and tickled but your Fenny'd rip my heart out. Literal like! So maybe some grab and dash? On the big wiggies?”

     I smirked at her innuendo. I knew she wasn't really interested but she'd once made a rude comment that had Fenris threatening her with bodily harm and now she did it at every opportunity, even when he wasn't around. Anythign to get a rise. “All right, I'll bite. What's grab and dash and how do I play?”

     “Not a game, silly! Stealin'! I mean, not to keep, 'cause they's friends an' all, but maybe pick a pocket or two? I can distract if you wanna or we can take different people and compare prizes.” Sera was practically bouncing at this idea and I had to laugh.

     “Okay, Sera. I'm game. Best prize wins, we meet up again at the dinner bell, right here. If you get caught you forfeit.” I thrust my hand out to shake. “Loser does winner's bow care for a week. And does it well! No slap dash bullshit.”

     “You got it, Hawky” Sera replied with a definite cackle. “I been pickin' since knee high! I got this sewn up tighter than a Chantry Sister's knickers!”

     The elf ran out, still laughing as I sighed with an exasperated smile. I was so going to kick her ass. And just as that thought left my head, I heard a disgruntled Iron Bull from the other room. “What the fuck, Sera! Hands off the coin purse!”

                                         *****************

 

 

 

     By the time the dinner bell rang and some of the kitchen girls came around with platters of meats and cheese, I was up twenty-three sovereigns, a set of keys and a small glass figurine of a wolf at rest. Technically, Bull having caught Sera right off the bat, she had lost at the very beginning, but I decided to let her try again. She only managed to nick three coins from Varric's dwindling pile of gold. Being the gracious winner that I am, I grabbed her a tankard and plates of food for the two of us, then the two of us settled against a wall to watch the others as they ate and played and talked of nothing and everything.

     “Hey, Hawky? Can I ask you somethin'?” Sera said through a mouth full of food.

     “Sure, what do you want to know?”

     “This thing you got goin'? You know, married to one guy, lovin' two others. How does that...you know, work?”

     I smirked into my slice of cheese-some pretty good cheddar I have to say. “Why? You got some ideas on more than one girl?”

     “Nah! Just curious, you know? I mean, I gotta hard enough time with one bird on the line. How do ya juggle three? And when two of 'em ain't even here to see ya frettin'.”

     I had a moment of sadness as I thought of my boys, off doing who knows what, who knows where. They may have found their quarry but until I had them in my arms they weren't nearly safe enough for my liking. Fenris looked up just then, catching my eye with a soft smile. Suddenly I felt a shitload better. “I miss them terribly,” I answered the girl. “And I'm not really sure how this whole thing started, really. I mean, I fell for Fenris first, and hard. Loving Anders was something that just came naturally. I was totally gone on the man before I realized what had happened. Garrett...well, loving Garrett is like loving a favourite shirt or bow. You don't really realize how much until it's gone. Then when you get it back you cherish it all the more.”

     Sera snorted. “Ya make that one sound like a Mabari! Speakin' of which, where's your 'un? I ain't seen him all day?”

     I looked around the room, realizing that she was right. Where the hell was Spirit? Warden had stayed in the cabin- too damned wet for any self-respecting cat- but Spirit had tagged along , only to peel off to wander once we had come inside. I had assumed he was looking for a place to urinate, but he should have been back long ago.

     I should have known. I should have known that there was something wrong. The instant Spirit's frantic barking could be heard over the noises of the crowd in the Chantry I should have realized. As it was, there was no other warning. The heavens cracked open with a bang that shook the stone building to it's foundations, followed by a strike of lightening the likes of which I had never seen. I was blinded by the searing whiteness of it, and that was inside, under a thick stone roof with leaded windows.

     And then the screaming started. I don't remember standing, let alone racing into the nave of the church but there I was, confronted by a horrific sight. A rift had opened inside the building, right in the middle of a conflagration of people, most of which were civilians and unarmed.

     Fuck.

     I spun back to the room, the others all now standing to attention or approaching my side. “Everybody grab something you can use to defend yourself with. Max, we're going to need you most of all. There's a rift in the Chantry.”

     Swearing would be a polite way of describing the answers to that particular tidbit of information. What began as platters of meat turned into make shift shields and carving knives were brandished as swords. Thankfully the mages had been carrying their staves and, of course, Varric never went anywhere without Bianca. Which left Sera, Josephine and I on our own.

     The fighters ran out to spread around the Chantry building, warding off demons and protecting cowering civilians., only Fenris pausing for a brief moment to place a hurried kiss upon my lips before running out to join the fray.

     “Mistress Hawke, what do we do?” Josie asked from behind me. _Why the fuck are you asking me? Why am I supposed to have all the answers?_

     And then, of course, I kind of did. “Josephine, isn't there another exit to this building?”

     “Of course. Through the cellars. But the entrance to the cellars is out there, along the right hand wall.”

     I scanned the room until I found the door she was talking about. It was relatively empty of demons or combatants, though a group of children were huddled not far. “Okay, Josie, Sera and I are going to cover you. We need to make our way to that door and start herding people out that way. Think you can handle it?”

     I turned to face the woman. She was ashen, her fingers trembling slightly, but her spine was ramrod straight and she nodded with conviction. “Yes, Mistress Hawke. I can do this.”

     I patted her on the arm and gave her what I hoped was an encouraging smile. “You got this, Josie. And please call me Selena, okay? Mistress anything just feels...weird.” I turned to Sera. “You up for this? We got no bows but I'm sure we can demolish a chair or two for chair legs bludgeons.”

     Sera grinned in her maniacal way. “Right, yeah. Let's kick some demon arse!”

     The room was chaos but we made the door in short order, Sera and I thankfully able to scoop up a couple of discarded fillet knives on the way. They were small, but sharp as all get out, as a couple of idiot shades found out the hard way. It was going well, the others dispatching the wave after wave of demon that streamed from the rift, even with Trevelyan doing his best to close it. We had a good two thirds of the civilians out the door when it happened. When the attention of the creatures turned, almost as one, from the fighters to...well, to me.

     Well, isn't this just the shittiest of circumstances.

     I heard Fenris scream my name but I didn't have time to look. Demons, a god damned fuck ton of demons, were barreling down on me, and by extension, the non-coms behind me. Had to run, had to book it before they caught us, so I did. I lunged right and sprinted to the front of the church towards the big double doors, thinking that, maybe, I could get them outside where I'd have some room to maneuver. And if there really was a god maybe I could get me hands on a bow or something.

     Alas, it wasn't meant to be. A clawed hand bit deep into my upper arm, tripping me up into a half spin to face the creatures head on. Another slashed at my thigh, cutting deep and making me scream. I'd been cut before, many a time, but this fucking _burned!_

     I was screaming obscenities at the monsters, lashing out with fists and feet and I could sense others behind the mob fighting their way towards me, but it was pretty much hopeless. I could feel my blood running from my body and all I could think about was that my baby wouldn't make it either because I was just too stupid to stay in one place. Fenris and Garrett and Anders would never meet their child because of the stupidity of it's mother.

     That's a pretty shitty way to die, let me tell you. And it's not like it was my first time, so I have a basis of comparison.


	17. Chapter 17

_“Sweetheart, pass me the remote. Doctor Phil is a hack.”_

_“Oh, come on! Watch it for the humour value if nothing else. Doctor Phil is hilarious!” I answered, passing Anders the remote control._

_Fenris snorted from my other side. “I do not think that Docotr Phil is meant to be funny.”_

_I leaned into his side a little closer. “Yeah, well, you know that and I know that, but did anyone ever tell Phil? I think not.”_

_Garrett leaned down over the back of the couch to place a soft kiss on my head as he made his way to the kitchen. “Doctor Oz is funnier than Doctor Phil any day of the week, people. I mean, just the name. Oz. Aaaaahhhhzzzz. Just weird.”_

_I leaned into Fenris' chest and smiled, listening for the steady thump of his heart. And found nothing. I frowned, readjusting myself. Maybe I just wasn't in the right spot. But no, I couldn't find it. It wasn't there._

_“What are you doing, Love?” he asked, but not really. I mean, it was his voice, but there was...something._

_Garrett leaned over into my field of vision. “What is it? Fenris too boney for you? I'm much more comfortable. His smile was his usual Garrett smile, and yet...not. It was like the smile never reached his eyes._

_I jumped to my feet, suddenly cold to the pit of my stomach. The men watched me with a mix of humour and almost disdain, an expression that I never thought to see on their faces. Teasing laughter, even frustrated anger, but never disdain._

     “Healers, as many as you can find. And potions, both healing and lyrium. Now!”

     “Can you-”

     “I am trying, Fenris, but the cuts are deep and something is blocking her thoughts from me. My healing skills are midling at best, though better than Madame de Fer's. Just...give me room to work.”

     “I can not lose her. Not again.”

     “I know, Fenris.”

_Fenris. I could hear his voice in my head, speaking with heartfelt pain and I wanted to run to him, wrap my arms around him and tell him that it would be all right. But I was looing at Fenris here on my couch, sitting in my living room, turned away from the television to watch me with a smirk._

_But it wasn't right. It couldn't be. Visions of a small village filled with a menagerie of wooden houses and people from all walks of life flashed before my eyes. Haven. My cottage with Fenris and Spirit and Warden, waiting for Anders and Garrett to return to us. That was right and proper and good. This was just...shit._

_Anders stood and approached me with his arms out. “Come on, Sweetheart. Come be with us.”_

_I reared back and hit my beloved with all the power I could put behind my fist. “NO!”_

                                      *******************

 

     “Solas, what are you doing?”

     “She is trapped somewhere in the Fade. I must enter to find her, to bring her back. Without her spirit, her body will wither and die even with healing.”

     “So, what? You plan to just go to sleep?”

     “Yes. It's what's needed.”

_Haven was beautiful, bright with sunshine, the air crisp and clean. Fenris stood with me in the doorway of the cottage, his hand in mine. Approaching up the path were Anders and Garrett. It was perfect._

_And I knew it was wrong._

_“Is this not what you want?” Fenris asked me in a voice that was not his own. “Peace. Your family around you.”_

_“It's not real,” I whispered, tears choking my throat. It WAS what I wanted, more than anything. But it wasn't real, none of it._

_“It could be. It could be as real as you wished it. Just say the word.”_

_I yanked my hand from his, anger replacing my sadness. “How dare you? How dare you take what I feel and turn it into...this!”_

_“Is this not what you dream of?” Anders asked as he finished his approach._

_“To feel safe and secure and loved?” Garrett answered._

_“NO!” I screamed at them. “What I dream about is the look in their eyes! That certainty that they love me just as I love them! There's no love in you, nothing at all.”_

  _“You are correct,” a voice added and I spun toward it. Solas was here, walking up the path behind Anders and Garrett. He apparently came prepared in full enchanter regalia and staff at the ready. “These creatures are attempting to lure you into agreeing to give them life outside of the Fade. They are nothing but demons in disguise”_

_I knew but I took a harder look at them anyway. And there, under the glamour, stood three desire demons wearing the guise of my lovers. I don't remember lashing out but a deep gouge bloomed on the cheek of the demon wearing Fenris' face. It disolved into a free for all, fists and magic and conjured blades._

_I remember ducking under my lover's sword as he came in to remove my head from my shoulders. I remember slipping a small knife from his belt and stabbing it deep into his abdomen. I remember the look of shock and pain that slid across his face before the illusion fell and a desire demon stood in his place before disappearing._

_I don't remember Solas dispatching the others, but that was a good thing. I couldn't have survived watching them ALL die. I was crumbling as it was. The mage rushed to my side where I stood looking down at the small pile of cooling ash that had been Fenris. He took my face in his hands and forced me to look him in the eye.To see that it was truly him and some other creature in disguise._

_“Da'len, it was not him. You know this yes?”_

_I could only nod dumbly. I knew, my brain knew, but my heart? Oh, my heart was screaming._

_“We need to return to the world now, da'len. You need to return to him. Can you do that?”_

  _Again I nodded. It was what Solas wanted so I did it, but I wasn't sure if I really felt it. I couldn't really feel much of anything at all. There were tears on my cheeks but I wasn't sure why they were there. My hands were shaking but I wasn't certain why. I was having trouble connecting thoughts in my head, they seemed to just fly away when I tried to grab at them._

_“Da'len?”_

     “Something is wrong. Why won't they wake? It's been days!”

      _Fenris_

     “Please, Carissimi. Please awaken. I...I need you.”

    _Fenris needed me. The real Fenris, my Fenris.And I needed him. More than just about anything, more than breathing, I needed Fenris._

_I straightened my spine, drawing in all of my will before I turned my attention back to Solas. He looked into my eyes then nodded with a slight grin. “Let us return you to your love,” he said softly with a nod._


	18. Chapter 18

_Pia Medicus,_

_~~She almost~~_

_~~I cannot~~_

_~~We almost~~_

_Please help_

_Param Lupus_

 

 

     “God Dammit, Fenris! Let me out of this bed or I swear I will rip your ears off and stew them for lunch!”

     “No, _Carissimi_. I nearly lost you. And the baby. That is _not_ going to happen again.”

     A month. A month of bed rest and not being able to do shit! It was driving me mad and I really needed to get up and do something. I mean, I understood everyone's reluctance to let me out of the cabin and out into the world, I really did. The Shades had managed to nearly flay me alive with their claws, not to mention my wonderful forced visit to the Fade. I was lucky not to have lost the Sprout with all that, but a month? No archery practice, no war councils, no long chats with the others by the fire. It was driving me mad!

     Oh, people had come to visit me, of course. Most days you couldn't keep Varric away. Or Sera, strangely enough. Apparently she had decided that I was 'tops' and 'not one of them gutter shites'. And Cullen came around for chess, which I absolutely suck at by the way, and to keep us informed of what was going on in the War Council.

     At dawn they were marching for Redcliffe castle and I _had_ to be there. House arrest be damned.

     “Just let me get dressed then” I implored. “Flannel nightgowns that reach all the way to my ears and wrists with ruffles, not to mention billow out like they were made for a woman ten times my size, are not very comfortable, nor conducive to what, exactly I want to do with you right now.”

     Fenris snorted at his post near the door, my only real means of escape. He had moved our little table and chairs to sit next to the door, basically turning himself into my jailer. He would sit there throughout the day when he wasn't in bed curled next to me. It was extrememly frustrating.

     “There will be none of that until you are deemed fit, and the only mage I trust to tell me that is Anders. Since he is not here, you will just have to be patient.”

     “ _Patient_?” I screamed at him, fighting the urge not to throw something into his beautiful elvehn face. “I think I've been damned good and patient enough already, don't you? Fuck this! I'm getting dressed and going for a walk.” I threw the covers away and began to lower my feet to the floor when Fenris flashed in front of me and gripped my arms in his hands. He was lit a soft blue that always made him look like some fallen angel.

     “You are going nowhere, Selena,” he growled. _Shit. First names._ “I must protect you.”

     “You can't protect me from everything. And you're certainly not protecting me when you're _driving me crazy_!” I shouted, yanking my arms from his grip. In the back of my head I knew that he had released me voluntarily, I just wasn't strong enough to break his hold if he didn't want me to, but I still felt better for it.

     “Then I will accompany you on your walk.” “No. I'll get one of Cullen's soldiers to walk with me. Or maybe Varric. You can just...stay here.”

     The sudden look of hurt that appeared in Fenris' eyes nearly had me backing down, but it didn't stay, instead becoming cold and angry. “Fine. I will go and visit Bull. Perhaps I can spar with him seeing as my attempts to keep you from harm are unappreciated.”

     I reached out, whether to stop him or not I don't know, but he was out the door, slamming it hard enough to shake the walls as he went. _Well fuck! How the hell did I fuck that up so badly?_ I wanted to cry but I knew that I didn't have time for that. The sun was already beginning it's descent and I needed to talk to Sera.

     I dressed quickly- thick woolen breeches with a linen shirt and heavy coat that was oversized but would still be able to cover me when the Sprout got to be the size of a horse. Wooly socks and leather boots, matching gloves and a scarf long enough to wrap around my head at least three times and I was ready to brave the outdoors of Haven.

     Not that the trip took long, mind. Half a city block and I was in the tavern, ensconced at a corner table with Sera, trying to remind her that ale wouldn't be the best thing for me to drink right about now.

     “So what's up with ol' Broody-Elf? He went stormin' out other side o' the wall ready to chew bricks not ten minutes ago?” the elf asked.

     I sighed into my clasped hands atop the table. “He's pissed because I told him he's driving me crazy and I didn't want him to walk with me tonight.”

     “Well, he has been kinda...over doin' it lately. But he's scared, right? I mean, that's his kid dancin' about in that belly o' yours and he wants to be a good daddy, take of it and you. But he's goin' about it too hard. He smothers, you push, he pushes harder, and it goes on an' on til there's fightin' an' shite.”

     I had to chuckle. “That's about it. I sort of wish he'd been here to hear you say that.”

     “Well I'll just go tell him!”

     Sera made to get up from her chair but I reached out to grab her hand.“Wait! I actually came here to ask you for a favour.”

     She eased herself back down, eyeing me warily. “Alright. Spill.”

     “I need you for a filching job. I'd do it myself, but if someone spots me they'll go straight to Cassandra. Or worse, Fenris. It shouldn't be too difficult, what with everyone getting ready for tomorrow's march.” I noticed that I was running my thumb nail along the skin of my other hand and forced myself to stop. A nervous habit that I thought I had outgrown as a child. “I need a set of Inquisiton footman's armor. Not too new but not too badly beat up. I need to blend in.”

     “Blend in where?” she asked with suspicion.

     “The men going to Redcliffe. I need to get in with the others using the windmill so I can steal something off Alexius before it does something _really_ bad.”

     “This is one of them 'weird lady' things that you do sometimes ain't it? I smiled and nodded, and she tooka long swallow from her tankard before returning her attention to me. “All right. But I might have to do it in dribs an' drabs seeing as armor's kinda' on the big side. You got a place for me to stash it?”

     I thought before responding. “There's some crates next to my cabin. Stash it all behind there and I can grab them in the morning.”

     “Gotcha! How's about I walk with ye back to yer place so Broody-Elf don't have kittens, yeah?”

     I nodded with a laugh and the two of us made our slow way back to the cabin.

                                          ******************

 

     Fenris returned a few hours after I did, sweaty and covered in mud as though Bull had put him down more than a few times. Which he just might have. He came in slowly, quietly. With his head bowed and his shoulders slumped. Immediately I felt as though I had kicked a damned puppy.

     I stood, setting aside another pair of socks I was knitting- apparently this had become my camp job, to make sure everyone had socks- approaching and taking his hand, leading him to our more comfortable chairs by the fire. Without a word between us, I carefully peeled away his leather armor and underclothes before nudging him to sit. I took the small flannel we kept in a bowl near the fire to keep the water warm and began washing away the film of grime that covered him. He watched the fire, eyes distant, as I worked, pliant as an infant.

     Once finished, I wiped him down with a second flannel and pulled sleep pants and tunic from the chest at the end of the bed and encouraged him to stand and dress for me. He did as I asked with a listlessness that concerned me, refusing to look me in the eye. Once dressed I led him to the bed and had him lie down for me. He did, but turned his face away.

     “Fenris, please,” I said softly. “Tell me what your thinking. Talk to me. Yell and scream, whatever you need to do, just...say something.”

     He was quiet another moment before sighing. “I am sorry.”

     It was barely a breath, so soft I wasn't sure at first he had said anything until he continued. “I have been scared, terrified, that something else would happen to you that I haven't let anything happen. I have been treating you like an object that needed to be wrapped in sheepscloth to keep it safe, never letting others see it's beauty. Forgive me, _Carissimi_.”

     I sat on the edge of the bed at his side and gently brushed away the hair at his forehead, revealing the rarely seen trio of dots there before leaning down to brush them with my lips. “I love you, Fenris. And I love that you want to protect me-us- but you have to let me be the one to tell you if there's something I can't do. I know my body a lot better than anyone else. And I'm sorry I got so angry. I guess cabin fever got the better of me.”

     Finally he turned to face me, his eyes now filled with a fragile hope, his fingers reaching up to touch at my forearm. “Then...you are not going to put me aside? I can stay?”

     I was floored. “Put you aside? What the hell made you think I would do anything like that?”

     “There are others that will not be so...needy. So demanding of you. I thought that you would replace me with one of them.”

     I couldn't decide whether to cry or scream at the elf. _Put him aside? What a..._ ”You. Are. An. Idiot! I love you, you damned stupid pointy-eared pain in the ass!” I stood furiously and began pacing, Fenris sitting up on one elbow to watch me. “I would never-! How could you-! ARGH!!”

     “ _Carissimi_?”

     I spun to face him, hands going to my hips. “You thought so little of me that you thought I would replace you after one fight? God DAMMIT, Fenris! I love you! I'm not about to do that.”

     “But...did you not put aside your husband? Before coming here, did you not put aside a man that you had sworn before your church to be with?”

    _Well, fuck._ My shoulders sagged and I returned to my seat on the bed. “What happened with James and I was...different. He became obsessive, dangerous even. I ran from him to keep my family safe. But he's not you.” My hand drifted to cup the side of his face, his eyes wide and guileless. “Just, please let me be the one to tell you when I feel all right and I'll be sure to let you do the same. And if there are times when you feel like I'm not appreciating all that you do for me, you'll tell me. No matter how you think I'll feel, okay?”

     Fenris fell back to the bed, pulling me to lie at his side, his fingers twining through my hair. “All right, _Carissimi_ , I'll...try.”

     “That's all a girl can ask for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Medicus- (non-canon) Doctor  
> Param Lupus- (non-canon) Little Wolf
> 
> Interested in following me on Tumblr? try http://tatteredspiderweb.tumblr.com (I changed it recently to be closer to my name here) :D


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter is short but there's smut so that makes up for it :)

One thing about Fenris is that he is the most beautiful man I have ever met. Don't get me wrong, Garrett and Anders are handsome as hell, each in their own way, but neither of them are beautiful. And it's not just the contrast of dark skin and white hair, or eyes the colour of emeralds with the exotic patterns on his skin. No, it's all of those things and something...else. Something undefinable. Something very Fenris.

My fingers began to lightly trace the lines upon his chest and he shivered. Sometimes touch hurt him, even something as light as a feather. The ridges around his markings would become inflamed and only smearing a solve of elfroot and embrium might ease his suffering. Other times, like now, they were sensitive but in a good way. A soft touch to his chest would have his cock dancing. Considering how angry he was likely to be with me in the coming days, I was going to take advantage to today's sensitivity.

I began with his collarbone, sliding one finger over the ridge and across his shoulder, touching each of the flaring lines of lyrium as I went, causing him to moan and turn his head to place soft kisses at my brow. His hand at my waist tightened slightly but the other stayed where it was, flat against the bed. Well that was no good...

The markings of his ofrearms and chest reminded me of the inner workings of leaves off a tree, thin little fingers reaching out, covered in thin paper. This time, as my fingers traced each line, I leaned up and over so that my lips could follow. In order to reach everything that I wished I had to climb up and straddle his prone body and he moaned at the contact. His eyes were closed and now his hand on the bed was clutching at the sheets pooled there. Better, but not perfect.

I paused only long enough to remove the damned tupid flannel nightgown that Fenris insisted I wear- God! I hated them- before returning to running my lips over his skin. Soon I had him glowing faintly, my skin now tingling from his touch. I was soaking through my smalls and he was a hard, heavy weight against my thigh.

I began kissing my way down his abdomen now, certain of my goal, removing his smalls as I went. Free, his erection was twitching in anticipation. With a feral grin I began, licking a line from balls to tip that had him squirming on the bed. This was probably one of my favourite parts about sex, the feel and taste of a man in my mouth, the sounds he made as I tore him apart. They just did things for me. And if that man was Fenris, all the better.

Being a little long for me to take all at once without prep, I cradled his base in my hand as I wrapped my lips around the tip and slid as far down as I could. His groan was magic, spine bowing with the sensation. He was whispering in Tevene, curses and words of encouragement. Sounds that became nothing but incoherent moans as I worked. I made sounds of pleasure of my own as salty pre-cum began to leak onto my tongue.

That was the end of that. Fenris grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me up to his mouth, tasting himself on my lips with a groan. “Now,” he said hoarsely. “I need you now.”

I was certainly more than ready and a quick phase of Fenris' fingers had my smalls torn and flung across the room. His hands were about my waist, helping to move me over his cock utnil I could sink down over his length. Oh fuck! Everytime I am amazed at just how wonderful, how perfect it feels inside me. Even more so when I was in this position, able to take all of him as deeply as I pleased.

His hands slid around, first to my baby rounded belly, then up to cup my breasts, larger now and sensitive as hell. I nearly screamed at the pleasure just that simple touch illicited in me. I began to move, up and down along him, head thrown back and moaning his name.

A few thrusts and he was sitting up, one arm propped up behind him, the other now around my waist. My arms were flung around his neck, feeling my orgasm approaching swiftly. I reached out to lick the three dots that adorned his forehead, knowing they were some of the most sensitive points out of all his markings and suddenly he was phasing, his finger tips brushing along the nerves in my spine.

You'd think that would be painful but it wasn't. Imagine a vibrator that could find every point in your body that would have you screaming in pleasure and then turn it on to touch them all at once. I screamed my pleasure out for all to hear, coming hard over him, his own following directly behind as he cried out in Tevene. The world went white around me, whether from my own intensity or the flaring of his markings I'm not sure.

When I came back to myself we were lying bonelessly on the bed, panting and wet with sweat and other things. “I don't think I can find my legs,” I said softly.

He chuckled, deep and smug as some men do after mind blowing sex. “You do not need your legs as of yet, _Carissimi_. Lie still with me and rest.”

I lay int he circle of his arms, warmed by his skin and the fire for a time, until I heard the rhythmic sound of his breath deepen into sleep. Then I waited some more, until I was absolutely certain that he was deeply asleep and unlikely to awaken. 

I didn't want to do this, I really didn't. But he wasn't giving me a choice anymore. I had to do this. To save Thedas. To save  _him_ .

I crept up, out of the bed and over to my chest of clothes, quietly retriving cleam smalls and breast band, as well as trousers, shirt and socks, dressing as quietly as I was able. Finding charcoal and paper on our little eating table, I wrote him a hasty note and, after a soft kiss to the cheek, took up my boots and hastily fled our cabin.

I prayed to whoever was out there that I would be allowed to return in time and set off to find the armor that Sera was to have procured for me.

  
  


  
  


_My Dearest Love,_

 

_I'm sorry. You have no idea how much. But this is something that I have to do. If I don't, Garrett will die. Anders will be enslaved. And your lyrium will be corrupted with the Red, turning you into a monster. I can not let that happen, not if I know how to stop it. I do this because I love you, more than naything, more than life itself. I will do everything in my power to keep the Sprout safe, don't worry. And when I return you can rant and rave and scream all you like. I won't argue.And if you decide that you can no longer be with me because of this I will understand as well. Just know that it breaks my heart to do this, as necessary as it is._

_I love you. I always will._

_Selena_

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to think of how I would go about writing what was going on in Haven when Selena wasn't there and came up with Varric. So here it is, a Varric POV first person, just to be different.

No shit, there I was, sucking back my first tankard of ale for the day, mostly because tea is an abomination and the coffee that they had in Haven was the local shit instead of the good Nevarran I drank at hime, when it happened.

At first I thought the scream was a high dragon, it was that loud and primal and...well just damned terrifying. But others caught on before I did and made a bee line for Broody and Starlight's cabin. I muscled my way past the crowd- I can do that. Elbows to the backs of knees and all that- and entered, slamming the door in their collective faces. Bunch of gawkers, the lot of them.

I looked around in dismay. There'd been some...rearranging of furniture, shall we say. The eatting table was on it's top, the little wooden chairs now not much better than splinters. Feathers and straw from the mattress covered pretty much all of and we won't even talk about the shredded remains of the bed linens. And poor Broody was sitting on the floor in the middle of it, knees to his chest and arms wrapped around them, his face tucked in so that I couldn't see, though his shaking shoulders told me all I really needed to know. Clutched in his fingers was a single sheet of paper.

“Hey, Elf?” I started softly, taking a step towards him. Slow and steady when he was like this. The last time he had been like this, back when Starlight...'died', he had been so volatile he would lash out at anything that got too close, friend and foe alike. We learned right quick to walk real careful. “Fenris, what is it?” There, real names. That ought to get his attention.

He shook his head and merely waved the sheet in my general direction, so I quickly plucked it from his fingers and backed up to lean against the bed frame. I read it through then, thinking maybe I had missed something, read it through again. Short, sweet, and to the point. “Well shit.”

  
  


It was while we were gathering our travel gear that Blondie arrived. Broody and I might never have even noticed were it not for the damned dog and cat. Warden started doing this weird chirping thing, bouncing around on Spirit's back until he got the dog to look up, then the two of them go bouncing off toward the outter gates. I just figured they had to do what animals do out in the woods and didn't think much of it.

“Getting a little scruffy there, dwarf. Are you finally thinking aobut growing a beard?”

I spun around with an obscenity on my lips and a shirt in my hands, my travel pack nearly falling into the fire. “Andraste's great flaming ass, Blondie! Don't do that to a dwarf!”

“Sorry,” he chuckled, not really sorry at all. I could tell. “Didn't mean to startle you, though I'd do it again to see that expression on your face. It's priceless. Where's Fenris? I need to talk to him?”

I guess it was the look on my face at the mention of the elf that made his smile vanish and his eyes fill with concern. “What is it? What's happened?”

I glanced toward the cabin to see Fenris emerging, armed for bear and dressed to kill. Literally. He wore a new set of black leathers, thicker than his old set with overlapping plates that removed the need of the added breastplate of his old set, making them lighter and more maneuverable. Shoulder guards had replaced the spikes so that the cloak her wore fit much better. He kept the guantlets and shin guards from his old armor, though now the guards fit over a pair of boots. Apparently the elf could only stand snow on bare toes for so long before giving in. His newest monstrosity of a two handed sword towered over his head, proclaiming his ability to kill without remorse for all.

Damned scary, I'll give him that.

Suddenly the elf stopped, eyes going wide as he whispered Blondie's name. It was heart wrenching to watch, everything the elf was feeling moving across his eyes. The hope and fear and absolute devestation. Not something I ever wanted to see. Ever.

There was a flash of blue, whether from Blondie or the elf, I don't know, and they were suddenly in each other's arms, holding on as if for dear life. Muffled by Blondie's feathers, Fenris was mummbling into his shoulder. “It's my fault. All my fault. I failed, Anders. I failed everyone.”

“No, Love. Hush now, hush. Calm yourself and tell me what happened.” the mage answered, spearing his fingers through Fenris' hair, stroking him as you would a child.

It was slow and halting at first, but the elf relayed the entire story, starting with the rift in the Chantry and ending with the note, which he handed over for Blondie to read. We stood there waiting, Fenris still tightly curled into Anders' side while my fingers clenched and released the shirt I still held. “Well,” he finally started. “Let me just change out my dirty clothes for some fresh and replenish my potions and we'll be off, all right?”

We both nodded and Broody came to sit with me as I finished up with my pack. By the then the furry duo had returned and the elf stroked the cat as we waited, his mind far away. I wished there was something I could have said, something I could have told him that would have made it better, but there just wasn't anything. I was at a loss.

“Ummm...Varric?”

I turned to see a somewhat remorseful looking Sera standing not far away. I smiled in what I hoped was a reassuring manner. “What is it, Buttercup?”

“I...uh...I may a kinda done somethin' I shouldna. I mean last night I thought I was doin' good, but now I'm not so sure and people's upset an'-”

“What did you do?” Broody growled and I slid slightly in front of her as she blanched.

“Now Broody, just wait to hear what she has to say before you start going around remove body parts, okay?” I turned back to Buttercup. “All right, what exactly happened?”

“Well, Starlight came to me last night, talkin' an' shite about shite she needed to do an' asked if I could give her a leg up.”

“All right, I'll pretend I know what that means,” I chuckled.

“She had me nick some armor. So she could, ya know, blend.”

Fenris was sitting up straighter now and Blondie had joined us at some point. In fact, as I looked around, quite a few of the Inner Circle had come around the fire. The Seeker and Iron Lady had gone with Max and the new guy, another mage by the name of Dorian Pavus that I was calling Sparklefingers behind his back, but everyone else had come closer to listen to Sera's confession.

“So she's with the men Nightingale sent?” I asked, just to be sure.

“That's what I said, innit? She's blendin'.”

Beside me, Tiny nodded and called out, “Krem!” causing his second-in-comand to scurry over.

“Yes Chief!”

“Tell the Chargers to grab their evac bags and be ready to head out double time in ten. I want them one hour behind Leliana's guys, no more no less, when we catch up, Got it?” The lad saluted smartly before running off to fulfill Tiny's orders. He then turned back to the rest of us. “Everybody else that wants to follow, get kitted out. You've got thirty, then we're marching.”

“What? You just in charge now?” Sera griped.

Suddenly Fenris was there, glowing softly in front of her, looming as it were. “The Qunari has experience in the field that you do not. He has been in charge of his men for some time and can lead a group into the field without difficulty. _You_ are a thief that apparently does not know when to shut up. Or when to say no. So you will follow the commands that are given you and be glad that I do not rip your heart from your chest as I dearly wish to do.”

Blondie reached out to touch the elf's arm and he turned into the man's arms just as Buttercup jogged away with a mumbled, “Yeah, yeah. Whatever,” to grab her gear.

I watched my friends for a moment. I don't think I've ever seen the elf so raw, not even after the whole Danarius bullshit. No, that's a lie. After Starlight...'died'. I prayed to whoeer might listen that they could recover from this stupidity. It'd break my heart if this was what drove them all apart.

“Hey, short stuff,” Tiny rumbled, his hand thumping down on my shoulder. “We're gonna be riding out to Redcliffe and Master Dennit got one of those little mountain ponies just for you.”

I thought about riding, my feet not touching the stone, my ass up in the air, and shuddered. “Well fuck,” I sighed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's one small snippet that was inspired by this wonderful piece of P-Jo art. Check it out!
> 
> http://p-joart.deviantart.com/art/The-quite-place-540326951?q=gallery%3AP-JoArt%2F383251&qo=6


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Selena for at least a chapter. Trying to decide if I should put another Varric POV of the trip to Redcliffe in before the next Selena or maybe just write it as a one-shot that you can read or not....Hmmmmm.....

As a kid I walked everywhere. As an adult I tried to do the same, mostly because I was scared to death of the crazy assholes that filled the streets with their cars. I could wear down the rubber on the best running shoes in less than a year, and once clocked myself with a pedometer at nearly sixty kilometers on a regular day. But this? This was sheer hell.

We marched for just over a week, from Haven to the outskirts of Redcliffe village. And not over well paved roads or- God forbid!- sidewalks. No. We got snow. Lots of snow until we hit around day three, then it was mud. Mid-way to the knee mud. Sucking-off-your-boots-and-laughing-at-you mud. And then came the trees, branches so close that the forward scouts decided to just move from limb to limb instead of slogging through the muck with the rest of us.

I stayed to myself for the most part during our travels, staying away from the Inner Circle on the off chance one of them should point me out as not being one of Leliana's men. It was quiet and dismal and by the end of the first day I missed Fenris terribly. By the end of day three, if it weren't for how important what I was going to do had been, I would have turned my ass around and slogged my way back to Haven to beg his forgiveness. I wrote him letter after letter that ended up burned in the communal fires around the camp at night. I picked up stones and feathers, things that reminded me of him or that I thought he might like. I cried. A lot.

We were within six hours of the village when I peeled off from the rest of the troop, finding one of a gazillion copses of trees to shelter behind as they marched past. I'm sure they all saw me as they passsed but no one stopped or pointed so Yay me! I waited there until the last man was out of sight before wiggling out of the Inquisition armour Sera had procured for me and changing into the plain wool skirt and linen blouse I had stashed in my pack. Clunky-and mud covered- boots replaced with leather slippers and I was off.

Instead of following the road, I headed cross-country, directly to the windmill that overlooked Redcliffe village. Though turned to ruin during the Fifth Blight, I remembered it very well from my many, many play throughs of Origins.

It took me another three hours at a quick pace to reach it, panting like a lazy damned dog the entire time. Thedas better appreciate all this. I could be lying in bed with my feet in Fenris' lap eatting chocolate cake and pickles right about now. It was getting dark, dusky light reaching out to make the sky dance with stars. If I was going to do this before morning, it would have to be now, while I could still see.

Most of the old facade was gone now, pulled down by Ogre hands most likely. A large portion of the brick was missing, however, probably used to repair some of the dwellings within the village proper. It took me a while to find it, but hidden beneath an old rotted beam was a trapdoor. Well, the remains of one, most of the wood charred or pulled apart. Of course, that meant that I no longer needed to pick a lock or find a key. Another Yay me!

I tossed my pack down and managed to lever myself into the hole and down to the dirt floor below with only minimal scrapes. Then with the last of the waning light drifting down, I rumaged through the pack for the scraps of cloth and flint and steel I had packed just for this. Cloth wrapped around a piece of fallen beam and twenty minutes of wishing I had a lighter or matches or maybe a handy mage and I was set with a torch to light my way.

Which is good because the tunnel was dark as shit!

As a kid I was diagnosed with nyctophobia and claustrophobia- extreme fear of the dark and enclosed spaces. Generally I'm okay as long as there's some kind of light around, even the blinking light from the smoke detector in my bedroom was good. But take away the light and it didn't matter how big the room was, the walls felt like they were coming down to crush me. I couldn't breathe, I'd try screaming and nothing would come out. Eventually I would put myself in such a panic I'd pass out.

Even with the torch I could feel the anxiety creeping in. The tunnel was much too long for me to guess where it ended and so dark that it seemed to eat the light of my torch. I admit it, I nearly turned around. The only thing that let me put one foot in front of the other was the thought of Fenris, corrupted by the red lyrium. Of Anders in chains, reliving his worst nightmare. Af Garrett...dead. No! This would not happen!

The tunnel, well...it was bad. A few of the old support beams had fallen in or were so badly mangled they may as well have. Some sections were so bad that I was forced to stop and dig out enough space for me to squeeze through. At one point I was biting my lip so hard to keep from screaming that I tasted blood. The longer it took, the more work I had to do to keep moving, the closer I came to full blown panic. I could feel it like a weight on my chest that just kept getting heavier until I could barely breathe. Whenever a clear enough section of tunnel came up I ran as though my life depended on it. Because it felt like it did.

I don't remember reaching the door that lead from the tunnels to the dungeons beneath Redcliffe castle, only coming back to myself when on the other side, pressed into a corner with my arms around my knees and the torch on the ground some feet away. Thank God there wasn't anything flammable nearby!

Strangely, what drew my mind back to the present was a memory. The boys had only been in my world for a short time but they had discovered the television. And music channels. There was some ridiculous dance video on that Anders had decided was the best thing since sliced bread and he was bound and determined to learn the steps. Every time it came on- which was way too often- he would stand in the living room and watch studiously, copying what he saw. Soon Garrett had joined him, dragging Fenris along as well. I came home from the studio to find the three of them tripping over each other's feet and laughing uproariously. For once in their lives they were happy and that, right there, was the reason I was doing this. To see them laugh again. Reaching down to rub at my slight swell, I smiled. _Well, one of the reasons._

Here in the dungeons it was actually relatively bright, windows high up in the walls letting in the moonlight, so I extinguished my makeshift torch in case the firelight could be seen out in the courtyard. Wouldn't do to let the guard know that someone was down here.

In the morning when servants that did not live on site began trickling in to perform their morning duties, I was going to need to slip out into the courtyard to blend in with them, but until then I was going to need to stay here. While it would be much easier to use the tricks Isabela taught me to sneak past the guards at night, finding a place to hide in the castle without getting caught would be significantly harder. No, instead I'd be saving those for later. When the time was right.

  
  


  
  


Morning brought sunlight through bars, itchy straw along my spine, and a rat staring me straight in the eye. Okay, I admit it, I freaked out, jumping back and kicking out at the rodent, who was quite indignant about the whole thing and told me in no uncertain squeaks. Once I'd caught my breath, the call of nature had become the scream of nature so I found what I prayed was an old piss bucket and drained the tanks. _Damn kid's been dancing on my bladder again, I can tell.I_ thought to myself with a smile. _Why couldn't you do this when we were in a place with toilets, huh? Toilet paper? A shower, maybe?_ I patted my stomach with a smile and a sigh, then moved on to what I needed to be doing. Today was the day and it needed to go off flawlessly.

My pack would be too inconspicuous so only a few small things went into the pockets of my skirt: a small knife, a couple pilfered falsh bombs from Varric's stores, a cloth-wrapped packet of crackers and a palm-sized leather pouch.Then I stashed the pack beneath some straw and approached the door leading to the courtyard, cracking it open to see what's what.

Lucky for me there were now a throng of people entering the gate and moving to a small, unobtrusive door hidden by the stairs leading to the main hall of the castle. And no one appeared to be looking my way. As stealthily as I could manage I slipped from the dungeons and moved to follow an older elvehn male who was lugging a sack of what seemed to be flour from the puffs of white that wafted with each step. I was almost there, almost at the door when a guard called out.

“Hey you! Miss! Wait a moment!”

I stopped and turned to see the guard jogging towards me. _Shitshitshitfuckfuckfuck! What did it? What gave me away?_ He stopped before me with a smile, “You dropped this.” He lifted the leather pouch in his fingers. “Looks like you lost your lyrium key though. Here, take mine. I'm not heading into the castle today. Just remember to give it back when you head out.”

He passed me my pouch, now heavier for something in it and rushed back to his post. I turned, hurrying in the door leading into the servant's work areas and breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Thank God for kindhearted guardsmen. I kinda hoped he made it out alive at the end of the day.

The interior of Recliffe was a lot different from what I remembered from Origins, though, to think about it, that made some sense. Darkspawn would have caused a fair amount of damage that needed to be repaired, not to mention that it had been ten years at this point and Teagan might have done some remodeling when he moved in. Not to mention Alexius. It was darker, more forbiding than I recalled, with tapestries I wasn't familiar with and portraits of people I didn't know. Kind of depressing, really.

I followed other castle servants until they led me to the kitchens, large cavernous rooms filled with tables covered in food stuffs and roaring ovens that belched heat and smoke. I was sweating within moments of having entered. And nauseous. The overpowering amount of different smells coming from all the food had my stomach reeling. Thankfully, a handfull of crackers from my pocket helped to ward that off. Not to mention a very helpful cook.

“Here, now. What's a woman in your condition doing down here? Ain't good for the bairn to be in this heat!” Approaching me at a fast, almost angry pace was the largest woman I have ever seen. Face florid with the heat to match the beautiful red of her bound hair, drying her hands on an apron and looking for all the world like an ancient fertility goddess. “You sit down this instant young woman and tell me what ne'er do well sent a pregnant woman down into the kitchens. It was that damned Magister wasn't it? Already pushing about his breakfast and it's barely dawn! Well it'll be ready in ten minutes and he can just wait until then! Imagine that, sending you down here. The nerve!”

I was in shock, that had to be it. She manhandled me into a chair then handed me a mug filled with chilled sweetberry juice- Yes! Sweetberries! Addictive little suckers-, watching attentively until I had finished every last drop before taking the cup back and pulling up a chair to sit with me.

“So how long have you worked here in the castle, Dearest?” she asked, patting me on the knee with a soft smile.

“Not long,” I said softly, trying to sound appropriately meek.

“Going on fifteen years!” the cook boasted. “Was here for all the rumpus during the Blight. Had to hide in the larder during that business with the undead. Terrible thing. Terrible. I'm Mildred by the by.” She stuck her hand out towards me.

I returned the shake, though not as strong as I would have preferred. I was supposed to be a mild-mannered servant, not as forward as I liked to be. “Sellie. My name's Sellie.”

“Well, Sellie, let's get the bastard's breakfast together and get you out of this heat, all right?” I smiled as she levered herself up again, quite the feat if I do say so myslef, and rushed off to prepare a tray for Alexius. _Really hoping she makes it, too,_ I thought to myself.

Now I was off wandering the halls of Redcliffe, arms laden with breakfast and no real clue as to where I was going. I moved around the halls until things began to look a little more...rich, I guess. Marble as opposed to stone. Larger windows and gold framed portraits. Hopefully I was now heading towards where I would find Alexius.

“Would that happen to be the Magister's breakfast, Miss?” a voice called out behind me.

I turned to find an older man, much like Seneschal Varel from the Awakenings DLC- though not actually him- coming up behind me at a brisk pace. Dressed in Redcliffe livery he gave an air of no-nonsense business man all over. I hefted the tray to balance on my hip and sighed heavily.

“Yes, Messer. I'm new and given the tray with bad directions and now I'm lost and the food will be cold-”

“S'all right, my dear,” he reached out to pat at my shoulder gently. “Follow me and we'll get the tray to the Magister right quick.” The man then turned to bustle the way he had come.  _Why were all the serving folk all so damned nice? I really hope nothing happens to them after all this. I mean really hope!_

I had turned left when I should have turned right but soon I found myself in the royal wing in front of a guarded suite, the liveried gentleman knocking before opening the door for me. The guards to either side of the entry were not Ferelden men, but wore thick armor and pointed helms in the Teventer style.  _Venetori...great._

“Go on. Go in, the Magister and his son are waiting,” the nice man made a shooing motion for me to go in.

I hefted my tray, straightened my spine and stepped into the maw of the dragon.

 

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! After a bout of illness, no internet, and being horribly distracted by the 30 Day RP challenge that I'm doing for my current Inquisitor, I finally got another chapter finished for Selena and the boys. Yay me!

I guess I was expecting something a little more...sinister. Instead I got a bedroom, like any other bedroom really. The stone walls had been white washed to make the room seem lighter and the four post bed to my left was carved from a light wood covered in pale blue fabrics. There was a dining table closer to the balcony doors with chairs all in a matching wood and tapestries done in bright pastel colours of woodland scenes.

It looked almost idealic.

“Here, miss. Let me help you with that,” a young man that I knew had to be Felix said, stepping forward to take the tray from my hands. I looked him the eye and saw nothing but a bright, kind man. _How did he get caught up in all this with his father?_ I wondered.

“Felix, let the servant do her job and sit for your medications,” another voice grumbled from the balcony and I nearly jumped from my skin. It was him, Gereon Alexius. Moving with Felix to the table I studied the man as he entered. Weathered, dark hair thining and graying with age, he didn't really seem like the man that could destroy the Inquisition before it had even begun.

“Father, really. She's with child. I can take the burden of one tray, don't worry,” his son chided.

“She is a servant and therefore should be serving. Not getting you to do it for her.”

“I insisted. And look! She's setting out your meal for you which is the deffinition of serving. Stop being such a grump.”

I almost snorted, fighting the grin that was trying to spread. Oh I definitely liked Felix. It was nice to see him not take his father's shit.

"Fine, fine," Alexius waved his hand around the table. "Just sit and eat then and stop galavanting around. You make me tired just watching you. Now take your medications before you begin to feel ill."

"Of course, Father," the boy replied, giving me a sly wink. "But allow the woman to sit and rest while we eat, then she can clear the plates and return everything to the kitchens without the extra trip."

"Fine. Whatever will get you medicated sooner."

Felix smiled at me and motioned towards a chair farther from the eatting area, next to the door to the hall. It was far enough away that Alexius could pretend I wasn't actually there, but close enough that I could hear everything being said.

"So you're certain the Herald will be coming today?" Felix asked, a forkful of eggs being shoveled into his mouth.

"Yes. My guards out along the road spied them days ago. They passed into Redcliffe village this morning and will be here within the hour."

 _An hour! Shit!_ Suddenly I was panicking. I had to get that amulet away from Alexius before he could use it on Max and Dorian. I wasn't even sure where the damned thing was, just that by the time he spoke with the group it would be in a pocket of his robes. My eyes darted around the room, but without being able to open boxes or look in cupboards I couldn't see the necklace anywhere.

Felix and Alexius were talking at the table between bites of food, Alexius' hands flying as he spoke, as though trying to prove a point with his fingers, and suddenly I spotted it. He had it lying on the table next to his plate, three small cubes of what I assumed were lyrium, smooth and almost as clear as glass, on a thin silverite chain. They were pretty, innocuous, more like a bauble than a powerful item of magic.

“You may clear now, woman,” Gereon called and I sprang to action, doing my best to look subservient. Not really my best attribute, let me tell you. I just pretended to be cleaning up the dinner dishes after the kids had demolished a Tuesday night meatloaf. Head down, stay calm, no screaming about the mess that they left...again.

I spied my prize, inches away from my hand. But how to get it without Alexius' knowledge? He'd notice it was missing right off, as soon as I pocketed it. And as if I had spoken into his mind, Alexius scooped up the amulet and slid it into the pocket of his robe, patting it before returning his attention to his son.

_Really? Could it be this easy?_ I thought to myself. I 'accidentally' dropped the linen napkins I had just taken from the table, kneeling as close as I could get to Alexius' feet to retrieve them. A quick exchange, the small pouch with the lyrium key that the guard had given me for the amulet in Alexius' pocket and it was done. The amulet was of a comparable weight and size, and Alexius didn't seem to notice the difference.

Felix, on the other hand, was staring at me from over the table.  _Oh shit! Oh God, please let this work!_ I looked the man in the eye, placed a finger to my lips and mimed for him to shush. Just a moment, a pause in which my heart was literally in my throat, and he smiled. “Everything all right, miss? Do you need a hand up?”

“Stop coddling her, Felix. Just let her do her job and get out. We have a meeting to prepare for,” Alexius grumbled as I stood, placing the napkins on the tray and lifting it to my hip, laden with dishes.

“Of course, Father,” he said with a soft chuckle, winking at me. “Everything must be in place for the Herald.”

To say that I beat feet out of there would be the understatement of the Age. I'm surprised there weren't dust trails following behind me as I moved back into the kitchens to deposit the breakfast dishes, then a covert dash to the main hall. It didn't take long for me to find the minstrel's balcony and settle in to wait for the meeting between Alexius and Max.

Minstrel's balconies were kind of cool. Back in the day- so in this case last week- when the lord of the land had a big shindig, he'd, of course, have to supply music. But no one really wanted to have to  _see_ the musicians, since they were generally pretty poor and no one worth dealing with. Not to mention that the group would take up a fair bit of space that could be better spent on the buffet or dance floor. So a balcony would be built overhanging the main hall for the music to drift down and entertain the guests. 

It was also a great place to watch the festivities and make sure that nothing went wrong.

Soon enough, Alexius entered and seated himself on the huge monstrosity of a chair that was centered on the dais, Felix to his right with guards to his left and posted at each pillar in the room. Grand Enchanter Fiona was brought in next and stood at the back of the room, under heavy guard. I'm sure Alexius told her it was for her protection, but even I could see that she was really a prisoner. Petite, with dark hair and pale skin, you'd never know she was Alistair's mother except for the eyes. There was a rebellious sparkle there that just screamed Al. 

And then there was the clang of the doors and a liveried man announcing the Herald of Andraste and entourage. I looked down from my perch, surprised to see so many people. Max was there, obviously, as well as the three he had originally taken with him, but it seemed as though the entire inner cirlce had followed along, as well as two cloaked figures at the back.  _Shit!_ I thought to myself, praying that another anomoly wouldn't screw the deal. 

Then the speeches started and I listened for differences that might mean a change in plan. But all seemed to be the same as in the game, they blustered and boasted, then Leliana's men that had snuck into the castle the same way I had were behind Alexius' guards and twisting necks. Gereon did his little grandiose spiel, reached into his pocket and found...nothing. Just a little pouch with a key that would do nothing for him but open locks.

He screamed, oh did he scream. He cursed everyone, called for his Elder One, did everything but cry as Bull came forward and wrapped his giant hands around the mage's shoulders. Felix approached his father and spoke gently with him, calmed the man down before soldiers came and took him into custody. It was actually a little sad.

“There you are,” a voice said softly behind me.

I spun, shocked, arms up to try and defend myself. I'd been so caught up in what was going on down in the hall that I didn't notice the cloaks peeling off from the group and coming up the balcony stairs.

The taller of the two raised his hands, trying to placate me before reaching up to pull back his hood. “It's all right, Sweetheart. It's okay. Just me.”

My breath stuck in my throat. What little light filtered into the balcony seemed drawn to the gold of his hair and made it shine. His eyes sparkled amber and mouth quirked up in that grin that I loved so much. Tears gathering in my eyes I threw myself into his arms with a whispered “Anders!”

He held me as I cried into the rough homespun of his shirt, stroking my hair as he whispered soothing words that didn't really make a lot of sense. Some of them sounded almost German which made me think that maybe he was speaking Anderfels to me. Whatever it was, it was perfect. 

“I remember what was supposed to happen in the game,” he said softly after a while. “It was you, wasn't it? You changed things.”

I nodded against him, not really wanting to let go. “Yes. I had a dream, saw what would happen if I didn't and it...it was horrible. I couldn't let that happen.”

Anders pulled me back, hands around my upper arms, to look me in the eye. “Why didn't you tell Fenris? Or anyone else for that matter?”

“I tried to talk to Fenris!” I exclaimed. “But he was so set on protecting me that I might as well have been talking to a wall! And who else would believe me? Except for maybe Varric, they all think I'm a little bonkers, and even he has his moments. No, this was the only way.”

Anders sighed. “Well, it's done now and you can't take it back. Neither of you. He's furious, you know.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured. Wouldn't be surprised if he never talks to me again.” I couldn't keep the tears out of my voice on that one and Anders gave me a sad little smile.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and began to lead me towards the stairway.“Come on. Let's get you down into the hall. You're the hero of the hour and no one knows it.” 

Halfway down the other cloaked figure met with us, emerald eyes gleaming from beneath the folds of his hood. Fenris stared at me, and I him, a miriad of emotions flying across his face before he settled on...cold. A mask of emotionless cold was what he gave me before turning and proceeding us down the stairs. 

My shoulders slumped and I stared down at my feet as we moved. Maybe I really had been hoping that things would be okay between us, but I shouldn't have been surprised. I broke his heart, his trust, and that was irreparable.

The others greeted us at the base of the stairs with happy cheers tinged with confusion until I pulled the amulet from my skirt and handed it to Dorian. “It's the time distortion magic you had been working on together,” I explained. “He was going to use it to get rid of the Herald and leave his Elder One to take over Thedas. I couldn't let that happen.”

“You!” Alexius' voice rang out and I turned to see him kneeling on the dais, hands bound and guarded. “You're nothing but a servant! A thief! The Elder One will find you and crush you beneath his heel!”

It was Fenris that rushed the dais, his cloak a dark streak as he moved, to wrap his fingers about the Magister's throat and lift him into the air. “She is Selena Hawke,” he growled softly into the man's face. “She is air and light, courage and love. She is everything, the reason that I exist. And you will not disparage her.”

_Oh My..._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're interested in my ramblings or just want to chat, try my Tumblr! You can find me at tatteredspiderweb.
> 
> And thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos. I live for those moments, I really do.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very nearly had to put this whole thing on hiatus! My poor laptop, which I just discovered is actually fifteen years old (I bought it used, thought it was only about eight years old and was impressed with just that) started to give up the ghost. But my amazing landlord/god of all things digital managed to resurrect the bedraggled thing for at least another month or two so that I can save for a new one. Yay Landlord!!!

“Wow. You certainly don't see that everyday.”

The silence in the hall after that was deafening as we all turned to see the owner of that voice. He was tall, broad shouldered and while dressed in the finest leathers, it was obviously a warrior's cut. Gold blond hair and mischievous smile- not to mention the royal guard filing in behind him- made the name obvious to all.

“King Alistair!” the tiny Grand Enchanter exclaimed, wringing her hands before her, eyes downcast to the floor.

“Grand Enchanter. Imagine my surprise to learn that you had not only given all of the mages under your command to a Tevinter Magister, but Redcliffe as well. Especially since Redcliffe belongs to my uncle, Arl Teagan.”

I watched this with a secret thrill. There was Alistair, my Origins love, chatting it up- okay, maybe not chatting but you know what I mean- with his mother. And he had absolutely no clue. But as fascinating as all of that was, my attention did not stay there long. My eyes drifted back to the dais, where Fenris stood, his fingers slowly loosening from Alexius' throat as Inquisition soldiers took the magister by the arms to lead him away. Fenris watched the man's retreating back with a deep scowl before storming towards the gates to the inner courtyard. I moved to follow but Anders reached out to grip my arm, holding me back.

“He needs time, Selena. Let him cool off and when he's ready, he'll come to you.”

I glanced up at the mage. He was watching Fenris leave just as I was, his eyes sad and wistful. _Well shit! I hope I haven't ruined things between them as well. It's bad enough that I've fucked things up between the two of us._ “I'll try, Anders. I will, but things are just so...”

“I know, Love. I know.” He released my arm only to take up my hand and bring it up to his lips. “All we can do is wait.”

“I missed you, Sparklefingers,” I whispered.

He looked down at me with a soft smile. “I missed you too. We both did. You have no idea what it took to convince Garrett to stay out at Crestwood. I had to promise him some serious deep dicking when we catch up.”

“Anders!” I laughed, slapping his arm. “The things you say!”

“You love it and you know it. Now, let's find a quiet corner so I can give you and the little one a check up.”

I was about to agree when a soft, feminine throat cleared behind us. We turned to find a tall woman, nearly six feet, with hair the colour of white gold and the brightest green eyes I'd ever seen. She was regal, beautiful. And I knew her.

“Gweneth?” Anders laughed, throwing his arms around her. “Gwen! Maker's sacred crap, woman! Long time no see!”

“That's _Queen_ Gwen to you, Sexypants,” she replied, tugging him in closer. _Jeez! Even her laugh is perfect. I can't believe I'm getting jealous of my own character._ “I was told you were dead! Where the fuck have you been, you asshole?” _Okay, at least she can swear. Now I don't feel so bad._

“Long story, Sweetcheeks,” he replied, pulling away and turning back to face me, arm still wrapped around her waist. “Tell you later. In the mean time, let me introduce you to Selena Hawke, one of my better halves...quarters...whatever.”

I wrapped my hands around my elbows and stared up at the woman. I don't think I had ever been so intimidated by anyone in my life. This was the Queen of Fereldan for fucks sake, the Hero, savior of the world. Built like an Amazon model and dressed in a rich velvet gown that showed her off to perfection. As opposed to me, with my hair in a messy tail, clad in patched servant's linen and wool, neck craning to watch these two painfully tall people. I tried to smile, though I'm sure it came out as a grimace. "Your Majesty, a pleasure."

She tilted her head and took a step forward out of Anders embrace, her hand rising to place a finger against her lips in thought. "Do I...know you from somewhere? You seem very familiar to me."

"Not really, but I know you very well," I replied with a smile, glancing behind them to spot Alistair walking towards us, Maxwell and the others turning to leave with the Grand Enchanter between them. "But it looks as though our party is leaving and we don't want to get left behind."

Gwen turned stricken eyes to Anders. "You're leaving? But you just got here!"

"Sorry, Sweetcheeks. Duty calls, you know how it is. But I promise to write and try and explain all of...this." He gave her a soft kiss on the cheek and reached out to take my hand in his.

Her hand reached out to snare his coat sleeve as he passed, forcing him to stop. "One thing, please! One thing I need to ask. Anders...how are your dreams?"

He gasped, a soft intake of air that had me looking into his eyes in concern. There, behind the jovial laughter and love, was a hint of dark fear. "Their bad, Gwen. Really bad. Nearing the end bad."

"Well fuck."

  
  


  
  


Though he refused to be seperated from us by more than a few feet, Fenris wasn't talking to me. In fact, he barely acknowledged I was there most of the time. At first I thought he was plastering himself to just Anders and I just happened to be there, but when Anders left to procure food for us Fenris stayed with me. He just wouldn't look at me.

Or talk to me.

Or in any way admit that I was there.

We were camped not far from Redcliffe farms for the night, preparing to march out for Therinfall Redoubt in the morning. The soldiers that were with us would return to Haven with Fiona and the mages while fresh would meet us there, but Max and Cassandra had declared that the Inner Circle would push on, getting a good look at the fortress before making a decision on how to proceed.

Anders, Fenris and I had a tent to ourselves, but at the moment I may as well have been alone. On doctor's orders I was laying down, as many bedrolls and blankets as we could find beneath my to try and ease the ache in my back and legs. Still felt like I was laying on a garden of gravel but it was the thought that counted. Fenris was as far away as he could make himself, sitting cross legged in front a small metal brazier, firelight dancing wildly, his hair reflecting the colours like a sunset.

God, had I ever fucked up. I had never seen Fenris like this, unable or unwilling to scream and rant and rage about whatever had him angry. He lashed out, he made sure that the world knew his state of mind. He didn't sit, hunched and silent. Not ever. I had done this to him. All my fault, all of it. I prayed I didn't break anything, at least not permanently. Please God, let it be fixable.

I wasn't sure when Anders returned to the tent, just that I was suddenly being swept up into his arms and tears I didn't realize I'd been crying began to dampen his coat, feathers tickling my nose. He lifted me to sit in his lap, shushing and rocking me as though I were a child- which, truth be told, I kind of wished I were right about then.

It was some time before Anders pulled back a little to smile softly down at me. "Feeling any better?"

Not really, but I nodded anyway, wiping tears from my cheeks with the heel of my hand. I needed to pull myself together, if only for his sake.

"Good. Now, I brought some bread and cheese as well as an apple which I expect you to eat in it's entirety. But before that, we're going to get that little check up out of the way, and this time there won't be any queens to interrupt."

I giggled, which I'm sure was his intent, and lay back on the bedrolls for his inspection. His fingers began to glow, cool peppermint that had me shivering with delight. I loved the feel of his healing magics on my skin, though not the usual reason for them to be there. He began at my ankles, smoothing a blanket of tingles along my skin, up my legs as far as my hips, then moved up to my forehead and moved down, leaving my rounded belly for last. Waves of peppermint lapping at my skin had me moaning at the easing of tense muscles and small aches I didn't even realize were there.

"Quite a bit of tension there, Sweetheart," Anders tsked at me. "When you start to ache like this you need to tell me, all right? Or if I'm not around, try Fenris. A bit of massage now can make the birthing process a lot easier down the road."

I nodded, knowing that if Anders wasn't around, there was no way I was getting a rub down. Fenris wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole, and probably wouldn't for quite some time.

Anders continued his inspection across my stomach, eyes closed as he worked. It felt almost like when I would get an ultrasound all those years ago when I had the kids, but without the slimy feeling of the gel the nurse would put on. The magic was cool and slid with his hands as they moved back and forth.

As I watched him, the mage's brows suddenly drew down and he stopped moving, then went back over a bit of skin he had already delved. My heart was suddenly in my throat. _Oh God! What is it? Did my running around do something to hurt the baby?_

He leaned down, his ear now pressed to my skin, his still glowing hands pressed to either hip, shushing me when I tried to ask what was going on. From the corner of my eye I could see Fenris turn and stand, striding towrds us, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the top of Anders' head. I really wished I could see his face right about now, so I could maybe tell what he was hearing.

Slowly he raised his head, face beaming, and I let go of the breath I had been holding. "Well, isn't that a kick in the crotch," he chuckled softly.

"What, Mage?" Fenris demanded, quivering with unrepressed tension, hands clenched to his sides.

Anders scooped up my hand to briefly press to his lips. "Two heartbeats," he said, turning to look at the elf. "There's two heartbeats. Twins."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every so often I write little things on my Tumblr that don't make it here. Not so much my two long stories, but ficlets of my Inquisitor Kellina Trevelyan and her love the Iron Bull (Sparky and The Bull). If you're interested I can be found at tatteredspiderweb. Thanks!


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in an attempt to catch up on both this tale and my more modern adaptation I have set a goal of a minimum of 350 words per day, five days a week (weekends off!!!) So far so good...

It took us just over a week to reach Theirinfall Redoubt. At first, the others wanted me to return to Haven with a handfull of soldiers as guards, but I refused. Vehemently. With much swearing. Finally they relented, only because Anders suggested I ride in one of the supply wagons. It was bumpy as hell and not a great improvement as far as my bladder was concerned, but my feet appreciated it anyway.

More often than not, Anders would sit beside me at the back of the cart, our feet dangling over the road, or he would walk with his hand lightly touching the side as if to keep the cart from bounding away from him. Considering the plodding of the brontos pulling it, that wasn't really an issue, but I guess it made him feel better.

And Fenris was always near. He would only ever speak with Anders, sometimes with Varric, and then only in hushed whispers, never to me. It was breaking my heart, but no less than I deserved. On rare occasion I would catch him turning his head away quickly, as though he didn't want to be caught staring. When that happened I would find myself rubbing the growing bulge of my children and tears would fall until Anders leaned in to pull me into his chest and rub my back in soothing circles. I'm not sure what I would have done without him.

Nights were always the same. I would fall asleep long before the others, curled up in as many bedrolls as Anders could get his hands on. Eventually Anders would join me and I would wrap as much of myself as I could around him. And at some point, when the night was at it's darkest and my body so lethargic that I couldn't move, or speak, or even open my eyes, I would feel a warm body press in behind me and soothing words in a language I couldn't even guess at being spoken into my belly. In the morning, the feeling was always gone and I would wonder if I were dreaming it all.

 

 

“Good morning,” a voice called out one morning as I worked to eat a bowl of something akin to porridge by the cook fire. Anders sat with me, the two of us sprawled on a log. He was finishing his third bowl and looking longingly at mine.

Absently handing the mage the bowl I looked around, finally spotting the figure moving towards us around the bodies of Inquisition soldiers preparing their equipment for another day of marching. The first thing that struck me was that he was taller than I thought he'd be, almost of a height to Anders or Garrett. One thing with video games is that everyone of the same race is of the same height. Easier to program, I guess. So when Dorian came close enough that I felt I should stand to greet him, he towered over me.

As I was expecting, though, he was the best dressed man around. His black hair was perfectly coifed, with just a touch of curl to give it body. His mustache had been waxed to perfection, the ends twisting up to make his smile appear wider and more gregarious. Today he wore a set of pristine white robes, the dark olive skin of one shoulder bared to perfection, leather breeches tight enough that, had the robes not hung to cover his stomach, you would know that his bellybutton was an innie.

But it was his eyes that really drew the attention. You'd think that grey couldn't be a warm colour, but his eyes seemed to sparkle with light and cheer. It made you want to smile back, no matter your own mood.

I reached out my hand to shake, but instead he scooped it up and lightly pressed his lips to my knuckles. His mustache tickled, sending shivers down my spine. “My lady, we have not been properly introduced. I am Dorian of House Pavus, most recently of Minrathous.”

I felt the growl before I heard it, coming from behind me. Long, thin fingers gripped my shoulder and pulled me away from Dorian, Fenris moving to put himself between us. “You will not touch her, _Magister_ ,” he seethed.

“Always with the 'Magister', you southerners,” Dorian scoffed, waving a hand in the air is dismissal. “My father is the Magister, registered with the magisterium and sitting on the council. I am merely an Altus, heir to my father's position, though most likely not anymore.”

Either Dorian was ignoring the rage of the elf in front of him or he hadn't a clue as to what Fenris was capable of. I reached out to lightly place my fingers to the elf's hand. “Fenris, he's on our side,” I said quietly, trying to calm him. “Dorian won't hurt anyone.”

Instead of calming him, this just seemed to make things worse. Fenris spun around to glare at me, markings beginning to glow with a soft light. I heard Dorian gasp but couldn't take the time to spare him a glance. “You would take his side?” Fenris cried in disbelief. “You would side with a...a... _dominus_ _servi_ over me?”

“No!” Oh fuck, this is not how I wanted this to go. “No, Fenris, you know I wouldn't. But remember the game? Dorian isn't like them. He wants to help, to prove he's better than people like Danarius. But if he ever hurt you, ever even looked at you funny, I would rip his heart out with my own hands and wrap it up in a box just for you.”

I heard Dorian's whispered 'that's a little harsh, don't you think' before Anders hushed him. Fenris, though, simply glared at me for what felt like the longest time before throwing his arms up in the air with a curse and storming off, presumably to kick the shit out of some training dummy. Or possibly a bear.

As soon as Fenris was out of my eyesight, I felt my knees begin to buckle, Anders swwoping in to collect me in his arms and set me back down on our log. That's right, he swooped. Swooping isn't always bad.

“Well, goodness,” Dorian gave a slightly tremulous chuckle. “That was certainly...something.” He folded himself down next to me and took my hand in both of his, patting it gently. “Are you all right, my dear? The little ones not causing you too much stress?”

I gave a breathy laugh, Anders' cool peppermint magic floating along my spine to ease away the ache. “No, I'm good, thanks. The little ones don't cause me nearly the stress I cause myself.”

“How so, if I may ask?”

I turned to look Dorian in the eye. Even with all the time I spen in his company in game, this man was still a relative stranger to me. Academically, I knew he could be trusted but in reality? Yeah, I still wanted to trust him. “It's a very long story. You sure you want to hear it? It's not going to make any sense to you, whatsoever.”

Dorian laughed. “You will find, my lady, that I am a fantastic listener. We will sit in your cart, break bread together, and you will regale me with the wonder and heartbreak that is your life.”

  
  


  
  


As we set up camp that night, Dorian was still walking around as though in a fog of information overload. Finally, after the mage had bumped into his third tree for not watching where he was going, The Iron Bull took him by the shoulders and gently guided him to a camp fire.

“So, you told Sparkler all about you, huh?” Varric asked with a smile. The two of us were standing near the supply cart, watching the camp work as Fenris and Anders bickered- once again- about how to erect the tent.

“Yeah. He seemed to be doing okay with the whole thing until I...well, the part where I died. Once I started talking about my world, and with Anders backing me up, that's when it finally sunk in that I wasn't just delusional.”

“I never thought you were delusinal about all that, Starlight,” the dwarf said, patting my hand gently. “Making your whole poly-whatsit relationship thing to work, I thought that was delusional. Proved me wrong, though, didn't ya?”

I looked over at the boys, each looking grumpy at the other, and sighed. “I don't know about that, Varric. I seemed to have fucked it up.”

“Nah! Broody'll get over it, mark my words! He just needs a good kick in the ass. Or six.”

It was then, right then, that I felt it. I gasped at the sensation and my hands flew to my stomach to flutter over where my babies rested. Or didn't as the case may be.

“Blondie! Get over here!” Varric cried in a mild panic.

Anders and Fenris rushed over, eyes wide and a touch fearful, the mage's magic already glowing around his fingers. “What? Are you in pain? Do you need to lie down?”

I just smiled and rubbed my fingers lightly over my gut. “I felt them.” I was beaming, I knew it, and the others relaxed slightly around me. “I felt them move.”

Anders reached out with his magic and delved briefly around the babies. “My goodness!” he chuckled. “They are dancing up a storm, aren't they? What were you two talking about that has them so rambunctious?”

Varric and I shared a quick look before I returned to the mage. “Delusions,” I replied, trying not to giggle. The feeling of them wiggling sort of tickled.

Fenris took a step forward and I stopped laughing. He looked so serious, so...scared. “May I?” he asked, motioning towards my stomach.

I bit down lightly on my lip and nodded. Ever so carefully, his fingers reached out to brush against me. Even through a layer of linen, his touch brought goosebumps to my skin. I swear to God, it was one of those moments that Varric would write in one of his romance serials. I pressed my hands over his as it rested against our children, looking into each others' eyes with wonder and happiness. It was all a sappy mess, I swear. Varric and Anders wandered off, presumably to give us time to ourselves, though there was a muttered mention of beer and lots of it.

Finally, after what felt like both hours and mere seconds, Fenris whispered, “I think we should speak.”

I nodded and we made our way over to our tent in silence.

 

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have learned that I should not try and write a fight/make up scene while listening to Weird Al Yankovic. It just doesn't work.

I don't know if it was because of the tension between Fenris and I, or if it was because the little metal brazier was still lit when we entered, but our tent felt unbearably stuffy. I wasn't sure where to go, if I should sit or stand, how close I could be to him. Fenris, for his part, had moved to the back of the tent and stood with his back to me, shoulders hunched. It was some minutes before I called for him. “Fenris?”

“Why?” It was soft, whispered, but still heart wrenching. “Why did you leave?”

I wanted to cry, to fall down on my knees and beg for him to understand, to forgive me in that instant. But I knew I couldn't do that if I wanted to remain myself, and keep doing all that I might need to do. I straightened my spine, jutted out my chin and replied, “Because I had to.”

He spun, eyes wide with incredulaty. “Because you _had to_?” he cried. “What in the Void is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that there was something that I had to do and I did it.”

“That doesn't explain anything! What did you have-”

“Stop a Magister from using time magic to kill Maxwell.”

“And did you think about tell-”

“I tried to talk to you about it but you insisted I not leave the bed, let alone the cabin!”

“And couldn't someone else have-”

“No. The dream came to me and I knew I was the only one that could do it.”

“Let me finish a  **fucking sentence!** ”

“I- shit. Sorry.”

He was right there, close enough to touch, markings flashing in time with his speeding pulse. I could feel his breath ghosting over my skin and his scent, that mix of leather and sword oil and lyrium that was Fenris assaulted me. With my eyes shut, I pictured him, eyes wild with anger, fists clenched at his sides, panting, gasping. I wasn't sure if I was scared or turned on. Well, okay, a little bit from column A, a little bit from column B.

“ _ Mi Amatus _ , what am I to do with you?” he whispered across my cheek.

My heart sank down into my chest. He always called me  _ carissimi _ , a term of closeness and endearment. But this? I didn't have a clue what the hell this one meant. I could feel the tears that had been threatening begin to fall across my skin and my knees tremble. In fact, all of me was shaking by now, and -oh! There I go! The knees have given out and I'm being cradled in Fenris' arms. Okay, now I'm starting to just bawl and even the snot is starting to go and it is disgusting! I'm trying to stop, really I am, but then Fenris is lifting me up into his arms like a child and settling the two of us onto the bedrolls where I cry for the longest time, curled into his lap, his hands rubbing soothing circles around my spine.

It's a very long time before I'm calm enough that the tears have turned into soft hiccups and my eyes are burning and mostly dry. “I'm sorry, Fenris,” I whisper. “I'm so”- _ hic _ \- “sorry.”

“Tell me what you dreamed,  _ Amatus _ . Explain to me why it had to be you.”

_ God, there's that word again. _ I try and describe everything I saw, everything I was told. I tell him about the red lyrium, about how it would corrupt his markings, make him a slave once again. He stiffened at this, pulling me in closer, and I continued, telling him of Anders torture and imprisonment. About Garrett's head on a spike. All of it.

“Well. Shit.”

I snorted. I couldn't help it. “Yeah, that about sums it up.”

“ _ Amatus _ , if you have another of these dreams you must tell me. You must  _ make  _ me listen. Smack me, call me a dirty elf, something to get my attention to the seriousness of it.” He pulled me in just that little bit tighter to his chest. Any closer and I was going to have a bit of trouble breathing. “Just, please do not leave me again. I wouldn't...I couldn't stand it. I've already lost you once...”

I turned my head enough to press my lips to the elf's neck and cheek. “I'll slap you silly and call you bunny-ears, how does that sound?”

Oh look! We're both snorting now. “Yes, that is acceptable,” he said with a chuckle. “But only when you are trying to get my attention. Do not call me bunny-ears otherwise. I may be forced to resort to corporal punishment.”

“Hmmm.” I wiggled a little harder into his lap, noticing the growing awareness of a certain someone else. “Might be fun in small doses.”

Fenris stiffened for a moment. “No,  _ Amatus _ . No. I could never...”

“It's all right, Fenris. I know you would never hurt me.”

He turned his face and just like that his lips were on me, hot, pulling, like he was trying to climb inside me, or have me inside of him. I'm fairly certain my brain short circuited for a few seconds, melted really. It wasn't until the chillier air of the tent was brushing against my skin that I realized that I had somehow been laid out on the bedrolls, Fenris leaning on an elbow at my side, my tunic pulled off and across the room along with my breastband and his hands lightly caressing my skin. “Wait, how-?”

He chuckled in that deep, infuriating way that men do when they know that they broke you, before leaning down to take my nipple between his teeth, effectively breaking me again. He shifted to lean above me as he wittles away at what's left of my brain via my breasts and I don't realize he's untied the laces of my skirt until he is worked the band over my waist. I tilt my hips up to help him slide the offending fabric over my hips and off, my smalls following along with for good measure.

Now he's moving his mouth down, lower, lower until-  _ Oh yeah, right there! _ Soft, light kisses against my labial lips, tongue darting out to collect every drop of fluid before his mouth moves to hover over my clit. My fingers seem to have moved of their own volition to wind through his soft, feathery hair. Not sure how that happened because my hands aren't actually listening to me now. I'm so sensitive, so very close that it only takes a few passes of his tongue before I'm screaming his name, heedless to the crowd of people outside in the camp.

Fenris removes his own clothing as I tremble in a heap of goo then crawls up my body with a soft growl and a smirk. His lips tease at my nipple once again and I whimper, not quite able to form the words to beg just yet. I arch my back, gliding against his astonishing arousal. His breath catches in his throat and I almost laugh. Or I would if I could remember how to do that right about now.

Without warning he grabs me about both hips and, looking me straight in the eye, slides himself in to the root. I moan, trying to wrap my legs around his hips, though my belly makes it a touch more difficult. He doesn't really give me the chance, slamming himself inside me in a punishing pace. I don't think I've ever felt so damned full, so thoroughly fucked. He is rubbing against that spot on the inside of me, that place that had the stars spinning in my vision and my breath disappearing. I could feel another explosion building inside of me, so close. I opened my eyes and there were Fenris' beautiful emerald orbs, staring at me in wonder. It was the most intense orgasm of my life, the two of us staring into each other's eyes as the world collapsed around us.

  
  


  
  


_ Dearest Bird of Prey, _

_ She's alive, she's safe, and she's just generally pissed off by the world. By the time I made it back to homebase, she had recovered from a demon attack and had escaped Broody's clutches to complete some dire mission of her own (you know how she is). Broody was...distraught when I reached him and after we found her, wouldn't talk to her for days. I think they've kissed and made up now, though, judging by the noises coming from our tent for a large part of the evening. _

_ Appears a second seed was planted when we were cultivating Sprout and a second plant is growing. Wife is looking more and more like a pregnant mother as the days progress. Another couple of weeks and she'll be taken out of the fighting roster- not soon enough for Broody, too soon for Wife. I just can't win with those two.  _

_ Anyway, I'll be sticking by her side for a little while longer, at least until I'm sure she's out of the woods and obeying the 'no fighting' rule. I miss you, sometimes so much that Wife and Broody have to hold me while I cry. Keep our friend safe from the clutches of evil. _

 

_ Love Always, _

_ Doctor _

  
  


  
  


 

_ Beloved Husband, _

_ Twins! Holy Crap! This is your fault, you know that, right? I mean, twins don't run in my family (admittedly, no one knows about Broody's kin but still). Doctor says I'll have to give up fighting soon. I say he can go suck a lemon. I'm fine, I feel good. All I do in a fight is find the high ground and plink off the bad guy with a shit load of arrows, why should I give that up? How am I supposed to keep you big boys safe if I can't use the arsenal that I have at my disposal? Urgh! _

_ Anyway, business talk time. Magicmen are on side and we'll be chatting with the Pointy Swords tomorrow. Don't worry, I'm staying in camp. This is something that Maxi-boy can handle on his own. And, of course, Broody will be here to make sure that I don't escape. While they're off doing Andraste's work, I'll start setting up runners to head off to homebase and start prepping for bug out. We both know how things go after the big boom. _

_ I'll send word after we hit Elf House so you can come meet us. I love you, Husband. Doctor probably loves you more, though, since he's just a bawly mess when you aren't around. Counting the minutes, you sexy thing. _

_ Dearest Wife _

  
  


  
  


  
  


_ Pia Accipiter, _

_~~We found All is So many I lo~~ Ugh! _

  
  


_ Amare, _

_ Param Lupus _

 

  
  


 


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COLE!!!!!

Theirinfall Redoubt was exactly how I pictured a medieval keep to look like, thick, unyielding stone, inner and outer baileys and copious banners flying. Nobles and their entourages were wandering everywhere with Templars sprinkled around to oversee the crowd. Vendors hawked everything from hot meat pies to suits of the finest armor and there was even a juggler entertaining the crowds. It was kind of like walking into a renaissance fair without the reassuring feeling of porta-potties nearby in case of emergency.

Most of the Inquisition's men were told to camp outside the keep's walls, in a wide, fallow field not far from the main gates, while the Inner Circle, including myself, Anders and Fenris, were allowed to set up tents in the outter bailey near the barracks. It was late enough in the day that we would be spending the night here, Max and his chosen group not going into the keep until morning.

It was during another bout of morning sickness that I felt him. My new best friend, the bucket, and I had found a relatively quiet corner to become better acquainted when I felt the hand on my back, rubbing soft, soothing circles. At first I thought it was one of the boys until I glanced over my shoulder and spotted them bickering over how to go about putting up a tent. I grinned, turning to scan the entire bailey. Yes, there he was, whispering now into the ear of one of the nobles, a small man with horrible posture. At least until the spirit whispered, then he stood a little straighter, raised his face to the people around him. _Good boy,_ I thought. _Give him the confidence to face the world._

_“Amatus_ ,” I heard Fenris call for my attention. He was approaching at a brisk pace, Anders having disappeared, presumably into the tent. I frowned at the elf's expression. He appeared worried, concerned, but I could tell it wasn't about me.

I threw a handful of dirt into the bucket to help cover the oh so wonderous smell and left it next to the bailey wall, certain that I'd be meeting up with it again soon enough, then pulled a sprig of mint from my skirt pocket to chew. God, what I wouldn't give for a tube of Colgate right about now. “What's the matter, Fenris?”

“It's Anders,” he replied, reaching my side and taking up my fingers. Since our reconciliation, Fenris had become very into touch. If we were close enough, he would always take up my hand or wrap an arm around my shoulder or waist. It was never sexual, but almost a need to make sure I was still there. I wasn't about to complain. “He is becoming...agitated. Argumentative. I am becoming concerned that he might do something he would regret.”

_Shit!_ Why the fuck didn't it occur to me that we were bringing Anders into a giant castle filled with the one thing that scared the ever loving shit out of him? I turned and rushed to the tent, pulling Fenris along in my wake. I couldn't believe I was so damned stupid! At least the tent didn't appear to be on fire at the moment, thank God. Knowing Anders history, that was always a possibility.

Leaving Fenris outside to keep away gawkers, I called out to the mage softly before pushing back the flap. “Anders? Love? It's Selena. I'm coming in, okay?” There was no answer but a soft shuffling noise so I carefully moved the flap aside and entered.

It took me a moment to spot him, curled as far from the small brazier lighting the tent as he could possibly get. It was bad, so very bad. He had folded his lanky frame into as small a space as he could, hands covering his mouth as though to hold in a scream, eyes squeezed tight. He was shaking so badly as to almost be called convulsions. _Oh shit! Oh Anders, love, what you must be going through._

I sank down on my knees and very slowly began crawling towards him. I wasn't sure how far gone into his own head he might be and didn't want to scare or startle him. When I got a hand's span away from his feet I stopped and sat back on my haunches. “Anders? Can you hear me?”

The pause was so long that I opened my mouth to speak again before he nodded, quick and short. _Okay, not quite as bad as I feared._ “May I sit next to you, Love? I won't touch unless you say it's all right, I promise.” Another quick, almost frantic nod and I positioned myself on the ground at his side. I hoped we wouldn't be here too long, pins and needles already making their way up my legs from the extra weight of a couple of kids in my gut. But, if necessary, I'd sit here all night if he needed me to.

We sat in silence, side by side, for some time, listening to the marching feet of armored boots outside and watching the shadows change on the walls of the tent as the light of day changed from afternoon to evening. Eventually Anders shifted, laying down to place his head in my lap and I began to stroke his sweat matted hair away from his face. When the tears finally began to fall to wet the knee of my skirt I knew things were finally beginning to break and I breathed just the slightest sigh of relief.

_“Dark, dank, alone, so very alone. No noise but the sounds of my own breathing.”_

_Fuck!_ The spirit was kneeling in front of us, his hand resting lightly upon Anders' shaking shoulder. “Not now, Cole,” I whispered harshly, trying to make the boy understand with my glare.

_“They come. To hurt and laugh and mock, but I'm not alone and that is better._ It hurts him and I need to help,” the spirit insisted, though I could feel Anders fighting beneath my hand not to lash out at him, or me, or the invisible Templars only he could see. “You are not alone now, and they will never hurt you. The bird of prey, the silver wolf, the beauty of the night sky. They live in your heart as you live in theirs. The Templars are nothing compared to that.”

_Well, damn..._ The boy was smiling down at Anders now and the mage had stilled, staring up at him in surprise and no small amount of wonder. “Com-compassion?” Anders rasped softly, voice thick with tears.

“Once, but now I'm Cole. I'm here to help.”

“Thank you, Cole.” I reached out to pat the boy on the arm. “Why don't you find out if the Herald needs your help yet?”

He nodded with a smile, happy that he was able to do something for Anders, then vanished as though he had never been. Even having seen it in the game, that was going to take some getting used to.

I didn't think about it long, as Anders was now struggling to sit up, rubbing hard at his damp cheeks, pushing hair out of his eyes. He stood awkwardly, then reached down with both hands to pull me to my feet as well. Which was probably a good thing seeing as both my legs were now asleep under me. We ended up with me wrapped up in his arms, supporting most of my weight as I worked the pins and needles from my ankles. He chuckled wetly into my hair, holding my tight to his chest and I slipped my hands around to rest on the small of his back. “Thank you,” he finally whispered.

“Anytime, Handsome. Don't even have to ask, I'll always be here for you.” And it was one of those things you know to be true as soon as you say it. If Anders asked me to move a mountain, I'd ask where he wanted it put.

“Where's Broody? I would have thought with the reconcilliation he would be stuck to your side like glue.”

I pulled back slightly and glanced at the front of the tent. Through the gap in the flaps I saw a flash of dark armor and tense spine. “Out front, guarding you from undo Templar exposure.”

“What?” Anders exclaimed, whipping his head around to see, eyes wide in surprise. “But he hates...”

“No he doesn't, silly man,” I chuckled softly, pulling away to open the tent flaps. “Fenris? It's okay now. Care to come in?”

I had barely finished the question before Fenris was pushing past me to reach Anders and pull him down into the elf's arms. The mage's eyes were wide with shock, arms out wide for a moment before sliding around Fenris' shoulders. “Hey,” Anders whispered after nearly a minute of standing in each others' arms. “What's all this for, huh?”

“You...I feared for you. You were in pain and I did not know what to do to make it better,” the elf replied softly into his shoulder. “I would not see you in pain, _carissimi_.”

Anders chuckled, pulling back to look the elf in the eye. “Whoa there! I thought that was your endearment for Selena. I don't think I rank that far up the loving food chain.”

_Holy shit! Is Fenris blushing?_ “In Tevene,  _carissimi_ means beloved. It is a term used for a loved one, a favoured friend, a spouse. When Selena...left...I realized that what I feel for her is even deeper than that. She has become  _Amatus_ to me. A part of my soul. It is not a word used lightly.”

“I'm honoured that you feel anything towards me other than contempt, to tell the truth. You know, what with the whole 'being a mage' thing.”

“Oh you still annoy me to the Void and back, mark my words Mage. But you are  _our_ mage.”  _Oh my! Fenris was doing that sexy growl again. The one that usually preceeded some really amazing sex.And, oh look, they've both turned to stare at me. And Anders is licking his lips and...oh I am a lucky girl!_

  
  


  
  


Cole stood outside the tent, arms wrapped around his chest, smiling. “I like to help,” he giggled before disappearing to find the voice that called to him. It was time. Envy was on the hunt.

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so there's a lot of cannon dialog in this one with a couple of AU twists. Hope that's not too jarring for most people.
> 
> Also, I've entered the first part of this serial in the Inkitt fanfiction contest and so far am the only Dragon Age story in the running ( the number of Pokemon ones is staggering). Check it out and maybe give me a bit of lovin' (wink wink nudge nudge) 
> 
> http://www.inkitt.com/stories/24701

_I was in a...a room, I think. Or some kind of long hallway, with huge stone pillars lining the way. There was fog, the kind of pea soup fog that made you pull over on to the side of the highway when driving. It wreathed it's way around the pillars and around my feet and clung to every surface like spider webs._

_It didn't feel right. Nothing felt right. I tried to remember how I got here, what I had been doing. I was...I...I was resting. With the boys, in the tent...I- I must be dreaming...Yes, that's it! This is just a part of the Fade, something I hadn't seen before...But it looks so damned familiar..._

_*_ _ What's the matter, Love? Don't you like it here? * _

_ I spun and spun but couldn't find him. Anders had been there, speaking over my shoulder and then was gone in the fog. _

_ I continued forward, bodies now littered the hall, burning, screaming, twisted in agony. Keep moving, keep moving, there are people ahead, silhouettes in the fire. One tall and broad, the other smaller, lithe. My loves. Garrett. Fenris. _

_ A movement to my right, Anders emerging from the fog. *Is this shape useful? Will it let me know you? * He stepped in behind Garrett, placing a knife to his throat while he stood looking on. *So will this... * _

_ *Stop these lies, demon! * I cried out. I was scared, so scared. Oh God, no... _

_ *Stop these lies, demon! * No! That's my voice coming from Anders mouth. Then he pulled the knife across Garrett's throat. I screamed, I know I screamed as Anders laughed. A cruel, evil laugh that should never come out from his lips again. *Being you will be so much more interesting that being the Lord Seeker. Do you know what the Inquisition can become? You'll see when I'm done. * _

_ *But I'm not the Herald! * I argued. *Why come to me? * _

_ *The Elder One has lost interest in your 'Herald'. Now that he knows what you carry. * _

_ My fingers travelled down to my stomach, rubbing along the bulge that were my babies. *You cannot have them! * _

_ *You are under the mistaken impression that I need your consent, * Fenris chuckled. *Every reaction, every protest, is an answer. The Lord is coming, and the Elder One wants you to serve him like everyone else, by dying in the right way. * _

_ *Guess that means you'll be dying too, huh? * Oh this thing was really starting to piss me off now. *Why don't you get right on that? * _

_ *I am not your toy! * Garrett exclaimed, moving up into my face, glaring down at me. *I am Envy and I  _ will _ know you! * He moved away, standing in front on the War Table that had just appeared. *Tell me, Mother of the Future. In your mind, tell me what you think. * The markers on the table burst to flame. *Tell me what you see. * He stepped around and pulled his sword with a grin. *Tell me what you feel... * _

  
  


_ I ran. I ran as far and as fast as my feet could take me, clinging desperately to my stomach, my babies. No one was laying a finger on them. No one! I ran into friends, my lovers, doing unspeakable things but I kept going. It didn't matter, none of it mattered. I had to get them out. _

_ Finally I ran into a room, empty and quiet. Odd with furniture on the wall and ceiling, but still quiet. _

_ *Envy is hurting you. * _

_ Shit! I swung my head around, frantic until I found him, standing on the ceiling, looking down. *Dammit, Cole! You frightened me! * _

_*Mirrors on mirrors on memories. A face it can feel but not take. I want to help. You,not Envy. *_

_*How can I be sure you're really Cole? You might be Envy. I don't know, how can I know? * I was panicking, I could feel it, but I just couldn't seem to stop._

_*Me. I'm Cole, * he answered in alarmed confusion. *I'm still Cole. We're inside you. Or I am. You're always inside you. It's easy to hear, harder to be a part of what you are hearing. But I'm here, here in you, helping. I hope. * He was babbling, scared as I was scared. *Envy hurt you._ Is _hurting you. I tried to help. Then I was here, in the hearing. It's... it's not usually like this. *_

_I sighed, rubbing at the bulge of my children. *The least I can ask is that things make sense in my own head. *_

_Cole jumped down and twisted to face me, sitting on a nearby table. *It never works like that, * he chuckled softly. A demon shreaked nearby and I turned to the door with fear. Cole reached out and lay a soft hand on my shoulder. *I was watching. I watch. Every Templar knew when the Inquisition arrived. They were impressed that a woman gravid with child travelled with them, could travel at their pace. But not like the Lord Seeker. *_

_*Lucius the Envy demon you mean, right? Yeah, I seem to remember that... *_

_*Yes. It twisted the Commanding forces, their fury, their fight. They're red inside. Anyway, you're frozen. Envy is trying to take your face. I heard it and reached out. And then in. And then I was here. *_

_*Wait! How is my body frozen in the waking world? *_

_*Thoughts are fast, * Cole explained. *We're here, outside a blade is still falling, hanging in the air like a sunset. *_

_*If no time is passing does that mean I'm safe. The others are safe? *_

_*No. It would be good if you got out. *_

_I sighed and turned fully towards the door. Outside was darkness and green fire. And pain. *All right, Cole. If you really want to help, tell me how I get out of here. *_

_*It's your head. I hoped you would know. *_

_*Well I don't, all right! I don't know how to get out! This sin't my world, this isn't my life! *_

_*All of this is Envy. People, places, power. If you keep going, Envy stretches. It takes more strength to make more. Being one person is hard, being many, too many, many and more and Envy breaks down. You break out. *_

_*So if we keep moving in my head, we tire Envy into submission? *_

_*Maybe. I hope it helps. It's more than sitting here, waiting to lose your face. *_

_*You're just a bundle of joy, aren't you, Cole? * I asked, patting his hand on my shoulder before stepping out into the maze that was my mind._

  
  


_Scenes of terror and torture and mayhem, all with me in the center. A voice, creeping in my ear, whispering about the destruction that I will cause._

_*Unless you don't. *Cole said softly back. *You don't have to. None of this is real unless you let it be. *_

_*Get out! * the creature screamed. *Get out...Thing! I am learning! *_

_They were so loud, screaming in my head, I turned, found a room to try and breathe, only to be met with an Inquisition soldier standing guard in front of a cage. A cage witha prisoner._

_*It's your turn to answer questions, Commander, * the man said with a sneer._

_*Is it my turn to be branded a traitor? * he asked, laughing, angry. *I deserve it. For allowing her to turn the Inquisition into a butcher's pit. *_

_No! No, I never-_

_I ran again. Up, up, whatever stairs I could find. Needed to get up above the fog, the anger, the hate. Needed to get my babies up. Up into the air, fresh, real._

_*NO! * the monster screamed as I found the doors, the giant doors that would lead me home. *I haven't seen enough! *_

_Cole was there, standing above me on a piece of statuary. *You're letting her see her shapes, but what she sees makes her stronger. *_

_*QUIET! * It screamed. *Unfair! Unfair! That thing kept you whole, Kept you from giving me your shape. *_

_*What could you possibly gain by being me? * I needed to know. Important, so important._

_But it was confused, losing. “What could you gain...what...ARGH! We'll start again. More pain this time. The Elder One still comes. *_

_*It's frightened of you, *Cole whispered._

_*Get out of- * I didn't let it finish. Couldn't let it finish. I grabbed it, grabbed the me shape it was trying to use and slammed my head into it. Stars, white and blinding filled my eyes and I could feel...feel..._

Awake.

  
  


 

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really sure where I was going with this chapter so it kind of feels thrown together, but I just can't seem to make it sit better, so here you go.

I'm not sure if it was the screaming of stuck up shit nobles with their hollier-than-thou french accents (yes, I know they're _Orlesian_ but they sound french to me) or the hands that refused to stop shaking me even though I told them repeatedly to stop that woke me. Trying to crack my eyes didn't help, grainy and stuck together as they were. And, of course, there was the-

“Bucket. NOW!”

Puking... I really hate morning sickness. The Sprouts better appreciate all this.

“C'mon yeah. Your man bits are out there helpin' out but you gotta get up and outta this tent. Shake a leg and shiv some reds!”

Okay, so the person shaking me was Sera. Good to know. I nodded shakily and she seemed to take that as good, bounding out of the tent as though she'd had seventeen cups of coffee for breakfast. I really hated people like that sometimes. Expecially as I was wiping bile from my chin. Very gross, sorry about that.

I stopped to listen to the sounds coming from outside. The clash of steel was relatively soft, so most likely the inner bailey and inside the Keep. Good. The yelling seemed more angry and frightened, not pain related. Also good. Not bothering to change from my nightshift- if the prissy pants didn't like it they could just suck it up- I nabbed the bow I'd been using lately and headed out to face the mob.

And it was a mob. Well, two mobs, really. One was plastered at the doors to the inner bailey, demanding answers in their snootiest of voices. The other was crying at the entry doors, snivelling to get out. Members of the Inquisition stood at both, trying to keep order.

Well, shit. It was way too early in the fucking morning for this shit.

A quick glance around the bailey for any form of high ground only yielded the Gallows, which was kind of disgusting since there was still a body hanging from it, but beggers can't really be choosers. I climbed the stairs, trying desperately to breathe only through my mouth to filter the stench of decomposition- you know, 'cause that's a great thing to have to deal with on top of morning sickness- with Sera right behind me, both of us with arrows nocked, ready to aim.

Up higher didn't make the mess any better, just that now I could tell which nobles without hats were starting to bald. Not really an improvement. I whistled for their attention, cried out, even contemplated shooting someone to no avail. But, then again, I had Sera.

“ **Oi! Fancy breeches! Look over 'ere before somun ends up with a hole in their butt cheek!** ”

Gotta love Sera. You really do.

Everyone froze and turned, like some kind of weird zombie mob, and let me tell you, that is all sorts of intimidating right there. And, of course, Sera just grinned and turned to me, causing everyone else to do it too. Sigh.

“All right. Everyone, we're going to leave the Keep in a _calm_ and _orderly_ manner. Do not be concerned with packing up your things. The fighting could easily make it's way out here any minute and we need everybody out. Your things can wait. Move five miles down the road. There's a group of Inquisition soldiers camped there and you can get something to eat and blankets to keep warm.

Inquisition Inner Circle! Can I get rogues out first to scout ahead, make sure there's nothing in our way. The rest of you split up, half to the front the other to cover the rear. Let's get these men and women out of here before they become casualties of war.”

And -wow- everybody just...went with it. A head count showed that it was Max, Cassandra, Varric and Vivienne inside doing the fighting, but the rest just fell in to what I had ordered without a word. Sera ran off with a small contingent of Inquisition rogues while the Iron Bull and Fenris worked out who would lead the group and who would act as rear guard. Anders, Solas and Dorian began herding the nobles all into one place to make it easier for the others to move about and prepare to evacuate them.

Well, would you look at that. Cooperation is a beautiful thing.

I ran back to my tent to grab a cloak, boots and pair of breeches to throw over my shift, then penned a quick note for Varric and the others when they got out of there, returning to the gallows to nail it to a post. I really hoped someone had the wherewithal to spot it when all was said and done.

“Boss, let's get this show on the road!”

I turned towards the booming voice to see Bull waving at me. I was 'Boss' now? Cool! I nodded and climbed back up the Gallows steps. “Okay! Everybody form up! Follow my men in as orderly a manner as possible. And if I hear any of you call my elves 'knife-ear' or 'rabbit', or somebody calls the Iron Bull an 'ox-man', that person is left at the side of the road, got it?” There was some general french grumbling about uppity elf-lovers so I interjected, “ _Et je sais Orlesians enfermées vos bouches_!” That shut them all up in a hurry.

“All right! Form up!” Bull called above their heads, arm raised, hand fisted. He looked to Fenris, who was manning the door release and, with a nod, brought his arm down. The doors opened with a groan and the mass of Orlesians began to move out down the road, Bull at the lead.

 

  
  


It was a slow walk, even though it was relatively short, most of it spent walking backwards with Anders and Dorian at my sides, watching for attack from the rear, Fenris on Anders' other side. Both mages had spells at the ready and it was making my skin itch. Poor Fenris' skin must have been trying to leave.

“So,” Dorian finally drawled, apparently unhappy with the tense silence. “Do you really know Orlesian or were you just trying to put the nobles in their place?”

“ _Mais bien sûr, Monsieur!_ I also speak a smattering of Anitvan and enough Tevene to get through a Catholic Mass.”

“A what?”

“Never mind,” I chuckled, waving away the question. “I also took German in high school which is pretty close to what they speak in the Anderfels, but not really. I mean, I feel like I should be able to follow along with the conversation, but instead I'm totally lost.”

Dorian glanced over my head to look at the others. “What is she on about?” he asked, completely perplexed.

Anders chuckled. “It's all right. I have a hard time following her sometimes, too. And I've been where she's from!”

Which, of course, just confused the poor man even more and the look on his face had me giggling like an idiot. That set Anders off and after a moment Dorian was joining in. “You haven't the foggiest idea why you're laughing, do you?” I asked him.

“Not a clue,” he snorted. And we were off on another laugh fest.

We calmed after a while, Fenris shaking his head at our antics, the only one of our group to actually be watching the Keep as we went. _Bad Selena, no cookie for you._

“I'm afraid my abilities to speak in other tongues only include the Trade's Tongue and Tevene, of which there are precious few people with which to converse. Your dear Fenris being one, the other the Soporati within the Iron Bull's company.”

“And you shall _not_ be conversing with me, magister,” Fenris growled, Anders reaching out to lay a soft touch to his arm.

“Yes, yes. No speaking with the big, bad magic man. I got that. You do realize that I'm not a magister and that I find blood magic abhorent, yes?”

I sighed and turned to face the man, grabbing hold of his wrists, forcing him to stop, the others of course, stopping as well. “Dorian, I love you, but if you keep talking with your hands while sparking, you're going to set all of our hair on fire. I don't know about you, but I like my hair the way it is.”

He looked down at his fingers, surprised to see the tiny licks of flame that danced around his fingertips and shook them with a smile to put them out. “My apologies, dear lady. Your tresses are safe with me.”

Fenris was growling softly behind me while Anders was whispering in his ear. “And you two, stop with the jealous lover routine. He's more likely to proposition Anders than he is me.”

That brought them up short and Fenris taking hold of Anders' wrist to manoeuver the mage behind him. “No,” the elf growled, which had Dorian giggling like a school girl.

“All right, Fenris. I will not touch your man, I promise. And we will not converse, and I will do my utmost to be invisible in your presence.”

Fenris grunted, releasing his lover's arm and turning to walk with the group once again. “See that you don't.”

_sigh. Why can't anything ever be easy? You know, just once?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Et je sais Orlesians enfermées vos bouches- And I know Orlesian so shut your mouthes!  
> Mais bien sûr, Monsieur!- But of course, Sir!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who's back! Two weeks without internet...how did I ever get by before internet was a thing?

Camp was...well, it was crowded.

We got the nobles down the road to the encampment of Inquisition soldiers, but now it was as though everyone was screaming for attention at once, so of course no one got any attention at all. In the cacaphony, Bull managed to find a corporal to explain the situation to and he took everything in hand beautifully, issuing orders and managing the nobles as though they were recalcitrant children...which they pretty much were. He even managed to comandeer a few tents for the inner circle members and ordered us to get a bit of rest. I was going to have to get his name and suggest a promotion to Cullen when we got back.

I took advantage of the tent right away, eager to get out of my night shift and maybe find a tunic nobody needed for a while. When one wasn't forthcoming, I basically just thought _screw it_ and got naked, laying back on the tent's bedroll and throwing a light blanket over me. Looking down my body it was like looking at a small mountian range and I sighed.

I was not a fan of this time during pregnancy, though it had been some time since I'd had to deal with it. Everything widening and growing, causing aches and pains in the oddest of places. Still sick and yet hungry ofr all manner of foods, like right now when I would kill for a cheeseburger. Do they even have cheeseburgers here? Can we whip something up with druffalo? They're kind of cow-like.

The worst is that feeling that your body isn't yours anymore, that you're ugly now and that your mate will find you unattractive because you don't look or feel like you used to. I knew it was a stupid feeling, I mean, of course the guys still find me attractive! I mean, they are always touching and kissing me and making me feel _oh so_ good. But that niggling voice in the back of my head was whispering some pretty disturbing ideas. Like maybe they only did that to stay on my good side, and as soon as the Sprouts are born they'll bugger off with the babies and leave me behind.

_Wait! Where the hell did that come from? Of course they wouldn't steal my babies!_ My hands flew to my stomach, feeling them roll slightly under the skin. _They love us. We have nothing to fear from them._

Which is, of course, when they entered the tent, Anders' smile widening upon seeing me, Fenris' eyes sparkling. They were expressions one couldn't fake, and they were all for me. My only excuse for bursting into tears was hormones. _Yeah, that's it. Gotta be the damned hormones._

Long arms wrapped themselves around me, pulling me into Anders' chest while Fenris kneeled and fidgetted near my knees. That puff of air that smelled of elfroot and Anders had the tears falling in earnest now as he stroked my hair and whispered soothing platitudes into my scalp. “What's wrong, Sweetheart? You can tell me, I'm a doctor.”

I snorted through my tears which, let me tell you, is not a pretty sight, and had Fenris handing me a piece of cloth to clean up with. But it had the desired effect in that I stopped crying, or at least not as hard. The tears still came, just more of a slow leak as opposed to a deluge. “It's stupid,” I finally mumbled into Anders' shoulder.

“Try us. We promise not to laugh,” he reassured.

Fensris reached out a gauntleted finger and ran it lightly along the skin of my arm. “If he so much as cracks a smile I promise to remove his heart for you piece by piece.”

If it weren't for the minute twisting to the edges of his lips, I might have thought Fenris was serious. Anders actually stiffened before I squeezed him around the waist. It's all right if he laughs, Fenris. I wouldn't want to get blood all over some nice soldier's tent.”

“All right. For you I will be merciful.” Fenris' smile was more obvious now and I could feel Anders relax beside me. I waited for the elf to turn and sit at my other side, removing his gauntlets and breastplate before curling in next to me.

“It's stupid, really,” I started. “I had a nightmare, a bad one. Like from the game if you side with the Templars, with the Envy demon and Cole. I think...I think it wasn't a regualr nightmare. I think maybe I really faced off with it.”

“But why would it come after you and not the Herald?” Anders asked, arms tightening just a touch, as though pulling me closer might make me safer. “You don't have the Mark, he does.”

“It...I think it wanted the babies,” I replied softly. I should havve expected their reactions, Anders standing and paceing, arms flailing as he shouted. Fenris pulling me in tight to his body, brands flaring as though on guard for any wrong doing. I let them go, to work out whatever they were feeling before pulling back and motioning for Anders to return to the bedroll with us.

“Why? Fenris finally asked, voice hoarse and soft. “Why would it want our babies?”

“I don't know. It said only that Corypheus had lost interest in the Herald and now wanted what I carried. It called me Mother of the Future, but I haven't the foggiest clue what that means. I mean, it's ridiculous, right? Every mother is the mother of the future, why the fuck am I specially? I mean, yeah, my life had been kinda crazy lately, I think I've died twice now and-”

“ _Amatus_ , you're babbling,” Fenris interupted with a soft finger placed upon my lips.

He was right. I took a deep breath, swallowing it down with another bout of tears, then released it slowly. I could do this, it would be okay. “I'm scared,” I finally managed to whisper.

Fenris leaned forward to place his lips softly agaisnt my brow. “You have every reason to be scared,” he said, resting his forehead against where he had kissed me. “But we will not let them have you. Or our children. I will not allow it.”

“Yeah,” Anders added, running his fingers along my spine. “What he said.”

Dammit! They had me snorting again! “Maker, that's horrible!” Anders laughed, taking the cloth and wipping my face for me once again. “You have got to stop that.”

“Then stop making me laugh!” I cried with a smile.

“But if you don't smile, you won't tell me what was making you feel stupid. You did say that you were feeling stupid and this is definitely not something you should feel stupid about.”

“Fine,” I sighed, suddenly not as happy as a moment before. “I was feeling fat and disgusting and _really_ wanted a cheeseburger. Like, trying to figure out how to take down a druffalo kind of want. Then I was bawling my eyes out and I know it's all hormones, but damn is it ugly!”

“There is nothing about you that could be called ugly, _Amatus_ ,” Fenris said softly, brushing the hair from my eyes. I was going to need a hair cut soon, dammit. Maybe I could talk to Harrit about how to craft a pair of scissors. “Well, except for the small toe on your left foot.”

I stared at him for nearly a full minute before I realized that Fenris, my dour in the mud Fenris, had just told a joke. I sputtered, eyes wide taking in the soft curve of his lips, before bending over as far as my stomach would allow and bursting into raucous laughter. Anders moved down to sit at my toes and began wiggling the offending digit, commenting on just how horribly disfigured it was, which had me laughing even harder. Finally, barely able to breathe, I had to warn them off or I would be peeing the bedroll. Chuckling, they acquiesced and tucked the blanket more tightly around me, lying back along either of my sides and curling me between them. In short order I was alseep within a coccoon of warmth and love.

  
  


“Heat, warm, safe, arms tight to keep me grounded. Sword oil, sunlight, leather and lyrium. Peppermint and elfroot and the musk of old parchment. Good smells, comforting smells.”

I woke slowly with a groan, the heat of two other bodies still pressed against me. And, of course, I seriously needed to pee. Again. A never ending need to pee, but at least I wasn't feeling sick this time. It actually took me a few seconds to realize that A: we were not alone in the tent and that B: the blanket had shift so that my tits were bare to the world.

“”Shit!” I cried, yanking up the blanket, startling the boys so that they were both up and battle ready, the tent aglow with magic and lyrium. Poor Cole was now backed into the farthest corner he could get to, arms out to ward off the men.

“I'm sorry!” he cried, “I didn't mean to scare you! I can do it better, I promise! Forget!”

For just the barest of moments it was as though a blanket was drawn over my head, blocking out the world, only for it to come back into quick focus. Cole was still in the corner, though now he was sitting on his knees, hands pressed to his thighs and face obscured by his big floppy hat. The boys were still standing, though both looking mildly confused as to how they got there. I realized then what Cole had done and asked them to wait outside the tent while the Fade Spirit and I had a little chat.

“But, _Amatus_ , you are unclothed. You wish us to leave you-”

“It's all right, Fenris. Remeber the game? Cole has no interest in baser things,” I reassured my elf with a smile. He grumbled but followed Anders outside, though I could see by their shadows that neither moved beyond the flaps.

Wrapping the blanket tighter around me I sort of crawled over to his side so that I could whisper in his ear. “You made them forget you, didn't you? Forget that you startled them?”

“Y-yes. I tried to make you forget too, but it didn't work. Why didn't it work?” he replied, much louder. Fenris shifted outside and Anders placed a hand on his shoulder to keep him from re-entering. I hushed Cole with a finger on his lips.

“Whisper, Cole. If Fenris or Anders find out that you fiddled with their heads they will both be _very_ put out and I like you too much to see you get turned into a shish kebab.”

“Chunks of meat and vegetabke stabbed with a stick and cooked over fire no I do not with to be a shish kebab.”

I smiled. “Good. So no more memory wipes, got it?” Cole nodded. “Now, what is it that you needed, Cole? Is everybody back? And could you hand me my shift? It looks like I'm going to have to wear it like a shirt for the day and figure out something else to sleep in later.”

“You need a shirt? I can get you a shirt.”

In a puff of smike the boy was gone, only to reappear a moment or so later with a tunic in his hands. One of my tunics. One I had left at Haven.

“How-?”

“I could feel you strongest there and found you a shirt. It has laces at the sides so you can make it bigger.”

And it did. Not only had Cole gone all the way back to Have in the blink of an eye, he had deduced that most of my shirts wouldn't fit properly anymore and had found one of my specially made pregnancy ones for me to wear.

“Well,” I said with a smile and a pat to his shoulder. “Aren't you a clever one, then.”

His smile lit the tent.

 

 


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Crap! 30 chapters in and Haven's still standing! This thing is going to go on forever at this point :)
> 
> I just want to say thanks to the people that wrote and seemed genuinely happy that I was able to post again. You guys are pretty much the only reason I do this and I love you!
> 
> For spazhime and Beautiful_Calamity, I love that you guys are chatting where I can read, that's so cool! And it's a gorgeous cornsnake. Would love a snake someday but for now I'm sticking with the dog, cat and turtle.

Two weeks. That is how long it takes to trudge half way across Fereldan. To say that I was begging for someone to get around to inventing a car was a bit of an understatement. And if it wasn't the screaming feet because footwear in Thedas is not exactly known for it's arch support, it was the screaming buttocks for the days that the guys insisted that I ride in the supply wagon. The closest thing that sucker had to a cushioned seat was a burlap sack full of grain. And none of this was doing my lower back any good whatsoever.

Thank God for the boys! Anders' healing fingers kept most of my crying at bay- not all, mind you, but most- and if there was a particular knot that just wouldn't be soothed, Fenris would come in and phase his fingertips into the offending muscle until I became more pliant than a sleeping kitten. Of course, this usual led into interest sexy times, but even that was begining to become painful.

Lying on my back was next to impossible anymore and eventually would lead to an ache in my lower spine. Riding my partner was easier, but unless he pulled up his legs so I could lean on his thighs, after a while I had the same problem. Hands and knees was easiest for me, but Fenris was always fretting that I'd lose traction and end up falling on the baby so that was a no, if only for his peace of mind. So on my side became pretty much the only way we ended up having sex in any way, shape, or form.

The whole thing just became very frustrating.

I was able to send my runners just before we bugged out, three on the fastest horses in camp. I also sent a raven to Leliana but I had my doubts that she would take my suggestion seriously. Turns out she did, sending a reply a couple of days later on the road, letting me know that she had managed to procure a half dozen brontos for carting the heavier equipment. Well...how about that?

By the time we reached Haven it had been decided that Max, along with a contingent of the highest ranking Templars and Mages, would head up to the Temple of Sacred Ashes the next day to seal the Breach, with a large fete to take place after their mission was completed. Ostensibly to keep the grounds open for all the revelers, the equipment of the soldiers returning with us would remain packed and stored with the supply cart behind the Chantry. Soldiers that had stayed behind would double up on the sleeping arrangements for the night.

In the morning, while Max was off, the rest of us would begin quietly shutting down and packing up the necessities out of the Chantry, Harrit's smithy, the Apothcary and stables, loading up brontos and wagons. A suitable spot to camp had apparently already been found by some of Leliana's scouts and a trail had been marked up the mountain.

It was funny. Even knowing that soon this entire place would be covered in snow and ice, seeing the pennants flying in the sunshine as we approached Haven cheered me. Of course, that could of been because I knew our travels were over, at least for a day, and I could rest my feet and ass for a while.

It could also have been the little cabin that the boys dragged me off to before any of the Inquisition's advisors could haul us off for debriefing. Or Spirit and Warden, waiting somewhat impatiently at the door to rub themselves all over our legs and lick ever inch of exposed skin. Or maybe the bathtub- oh God, the copper bathtub- filled by the fire, steam smelling of the dried lavender petals that some god or goddess in servant's clothing had prepared. I'm pretty sure I drooled a little. Or a lot, going by the smirk Anders was giving me.

“Get in the bath, Sweetheart while Fenris and I take care of our things. You may not be feeling it now, but the hot water will soothe out those tense muscles in your lower back.”

Well, I wasn't about to argue a doctor's advice, so I shed quickly before stepping into the heated water. _God yes!_ It was perfect, hot but not scalding, sweet smelling but not pungent, exactly the way that I like it. There were thick towels to the side of the tub closest to the fire and cloths draped over the edge, one of which I pulled in to the water then draped over the mound that was my stomach. The babies were going to get to enjoy the warmth of the water too, dammit! A little thump and roll let me know their appreciation.

With a slight twist of my neck I could watch the boys as well. They moved around each other like a well oiled machine, returning potion bottles their proper places, bagging soiled clothing for the laundry and putting the clean away in their chests. And every once in a while a soft brush of fingers across knuckles, a small smile or loving look. I thought back on what they had been like when we had first met and the miracle that this really was in the here and now.

I'm not really sure how long I lay there, but it must have been quite a while, probably because I kind of dozed off, because the next thing I knew Anders was gently shaking me by the shoulder and Fenris was unfolding a flannel towel to help dry me off. Wow, I have amazing boyfriends. With a slight self-deprecating smile I levered my whale of a body out of the tub and stepped out with the help of Anders' arm, then he and Fenris began rubbing me dry quickly so the slight chill in the air wouldn't bother me too badly.

Did I mention that I have amazing boyfriends?

It was as I was manoeuvering a cotton sleeping shift that could have doubled as a two man tent over my head that I heard the first shouts. Then a few more. Then it seemed as though the entire camp were in an uproar.

“Well, what the fuck?” I grumbled, stomping for the door to don my cloak and a pair of shoes.

“And just where do you think you're going, young lady?” Anders asked in his I'm-a-doctor-don't-fuck-with-me voice.

“To see what's going on, obviously,” I replied. His voice didn't scare me...most of the time.

“It is the Commander and Herald's problem to solve, not yours,” Fenris growled, siddling up behind me to place his hands on my shoulders, effectively pinning me in place.

“Really? You're just going to leave all that yelling and cursing for _Cullen_ to handle? I thought you liked the guy!”

Fenris' mouth opened to answer something along the lines of 'hell yes!' when a flurry of hard knocks interrupted. Luckily I was still close enough to the door that I could reach out to turn the knob before the guys could stop me.

Varric stood there, as flushed and panting as I had ever seen the man, Bianca clasped tightly in his arms. “Mages...Templars...nobody told...”

“Jesus Fucking Christ!” I yelled, fliging my arms in the air and dislodging Fenris' hands. “Nobody thought to fucking _warn_ them the other side would be there? What the fuck, people!” Okay, yes, I was kind of overreacting but I was hopped up on hormones and it's not like I thought of doing it either, and that really pissed me off.

I was gone, out the door and running for where the shouting was coming from before the boys had a chance to react, though it wasn't long before Fenris, at least, was at my side. Thankfully, he knew better by now not to try and stop me, but to be there as back up if I needed it. I threw him a quick smile before we reached the massive wall of people before the Chantry doors.

Thankfully it was not yet a giant free-for-all, more like two small armies sizing each other up before the call to arms is sounded. There were jeers and cat calls, angry outbursts and slurs, but no blood was yet to be shed. At the doors themselves stood Josephine, Cullen and Leliana between Grand Enchanter Fiona and Knight-Lieutenent Barris. They were calmer than their followers but the tension between them was pallatable. Other members of the Inner Circle were scattered around the groups, readying themselves to step in if needed. Everyone, of course, except the God Damned Herald of Fucking Andraste, of course!

There must be a thing, a bit of magic or something to do with sonar or something, that when a pregnant lady yells out, everyone in a two mile radius must turn and listen. In my case, it was, “Where the fuck is Max?”

Dead silence. Everyone froze stock still, mage and templar alike, only Josie stepping forward to quietly answer. “He is in the Inn.”

“And why is he not out here taking care of this?” Okay, I admit it, I was getting towards seriously seething now.

“I believe his exact words were 'the Hawke woman started this, she can end it'.”

Poor Josie looked so embarassed and more than a little angry, that I had to come forward and give her a quick pat on the arm. “Thanks, Josephine. And I'm sorry this was laid down on you.” I looked up to the other advisors. “On all of you. If no one else, I should have been the one to warn the others that both sides would be here and I didn't. That's on me.”

I then turned to address the masses, “But this! This fighting is on all of _you_! Can you not see the giant green hole in the sky? That's what's important now, not this feud that's going on between you. All of you are here as allies of the Inquisition and you shall behave as such. Your designated leaders and I will be coming up with a treaty that, hopefully, will make both sides reasonably happy. But first we must seal the Breach and we can't do that without all of you! Is that understood?”

There was a general mumbling of 'yes, ma'am', and the shuffling of feet, along with the rumbling chuckle of a happy Iron Bull. “Now,” I continued, “find tents to sleep in or bedrolls by a fire. You will need your sleep for tomorrow. And if there are any more arguments tonight, the offending parties are out on their collective arses and I could care less where you go.”

“You would throw us out to fend for ourselves?” Fiona demanded indignantly.

“You disturb the peace within Haven's walls and, yes, you're out. We lead dangerous lives and the last thing anyone wants is to come home and have to deal with more.”

Cullen stepped up to my back and I could feel Fenris close to my side, both lending an air of surety to my words. “My men will see to the offender's removal personally.”

After a pause Fiona finally nodded, Barris following suit right after, then both parties began herding their charges off in seperate directions, presumably towards sleep. I, on the other hand, couldn't relax just yet.

“I need to talk to Max.”

  
  


The Inn was relatively quiet, most of it's patrons having wandered off to sleep or guard rotations. A couple of Bull's Chargers were slowly finishing up the last of their tankards and Sera was in her usual corner, though I'm pretty sure she was feigning sleep under the table while she watched the man that I had come to find.

Maxwell Trevelyan was seated at the center table nursing a giant tankard of what I assumed was ale and writing in a small book. The tense set of his shoulders told me he knew Fenris and I had entered but he didn't look up, only moving his head to drink. _Fucktard_ , I thought to myself in a very uncharitable manner as I stalked to his table. _Wanker, shithead_. Oh, my brain was in rare form tonight. When no more surfaced I realized I was going to need to spend more time around Sera to add to my repetoir.

“Hey there, Max,” I said quietly. I could hear the scuttling of chairs as the bar patrons tried to back away. I'm going to say I looked scary here, but it was probably the elf with the giant broadsward that did it.

“Hey,” he replied, not bothering to look up.

“So, did you happen to notice the hullabaloo going on outside a minute ago?” Yeah I was being sarcastic, why do you ask?

“Yup.”

Okay, now I was starting to get pissed off. “And...?”

“And what?”

“And you didn't think that maybe, just _maybe_ , you should go and find out what it was all about?” I admit, I was getting a little exasperated now, leaning forward to place my hands on the edge of the table.

Max finally looked up at me, peering at me through the cover of his hair. “No.”

_No!_ “'No'? Why the fuck would you say 'no'? Are you blind or just stupid?” Fenris reached out to gently touch my arm but I shrugged him off. I was seriously pissed now and did not want somebody telling me to calm my tits. Okay, Fenris would never actually say that but I was in a mood and didn't want to be stopped. “You need them, you idiot! And if they kill each other off, where the fuck would you be, huh? Dead! Along with the rest of the world! Is that what you want?”

Max was glaring at me full on now and it finally struck me why I didn't really like him all that much. No matter the face he wore, jovial or serious or screaming battle cries, his eyes were cold. Like a dead snake's kind of cold. It made my skin crawl. Fenris even took a step forward to place me slightly behind him, as though he could bodily stop Max from looking at me. “I don't need any of them,” Maxwell hissed at us. “ _I'm_ Andraste's Herald! Not you. Not them out there. I'm going along with this farce to keep Cassandra from deciding that I should be put back in prison until she needs me. But when I get the power I need, from the nobles or the Chantry or from the motherfucking Fade, I'm going to destroy all of them! End their damned war once and for all.”

With that he stood, calm and composed and brushed passed us to exit the building. Fenris made to follow but I held him back with a short shake of the head before looking around the room at the few people that were left. Most refused to meet my eye, useless when it came to talking. But there was Sera, sitting up straight now with no sign of actually being in her cups nodding enthusiastically at me. And tucked into a far corner bathed in shadow was the Iron Bull's Second, Cremisius Aclassi. He, too, gave me a swift nod before finishing off the dregs of his tankard. Credible witnesses, well, somewhat credible in Sera's case, but close enough.

Yippee! Now we got to go talk to Cullen. Why didn't I just stay in the damned tub?

 

 


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am currently being cautiously optimistic about this sight staying up what with the current upheaval surrounding the board here at AO3. But if something were to happen, I will be slowly posting many of my works over on my board at Inkitt and I will post a link to it sometime in the near future. Thanks to everyone that is still reading along with Selena and the boys and for those of you that write and tell me that you started reading from part one and couldn't put it down...OH MY GOD! I love you guys soooo much! And you always seem to write me on those days when I really need the pick me up, too. I would hug you all if I could (but my arms just aren't that long)

We found Cullen ensconced in a small room near the rear of the Chantry that had been converted to an office, shared by the three advisers, chatting with Anders and someone I never expected to see again. “Felix!”

“My lady Selly!” he replied with a smile. “Or I guess it's Selena, is it not? A bit of cheeky subterfuge on your part?”

“Sorry about that. Had to be sure if things fell through it couldn't be traced back to the Inquisition. At least not right away.” I looked the young man over and frowned. “You're looking a little pale there. How are you feeling?”

“Better, actually. I have a few of my father's rejuvenating potions left and the Queen gave me something that one of the Warden's developed to help with the body pain.” He patted the pouch on his belt. “They never leave my side these days.”

Cullen came around the desk, dragging his chair with him. “My Lady, please sit. It hurts my feet just looking at you standing there.”

I sighed in mock exasperation and rolled my eyes, smiling, at the others, but inside I was thankful for the chivalry of the man. My feet, legs, back, you name it, were starting to ache interminably. Anders reached out and traced my jaw with a peppermint cool finger and many of those pains began to ease. “I told you to let me know when you were hurting,” he admonished.

“I _did_ just get here you know,” I answered, wiggling to try getting comfortable while simultaneously covering as much of my legs as I could in my poor nightshift and cloak. I was suddenly feeling very under-dressed among all the men. Well, men and Sera but I'm not sure that she really counted.

“So what brings you to my office at this hour?” Cullen asked, resting back against his desk to take in the group of us.

I recounted our confrontation in the tavern, Krem and Sera periodically interjected details that I either forgot or missed, Fenris simply nodding in agreement as I spoke. Poor Cullen, his face just lost all colour, eyes and mouth widening as we spoke, until finally I humped my big old butt from the chair so he could collapse into it. Anders and Felix, just as shocked, leaned next to each other against the desk.

“Maker preserve us,” Cullen finally managed to whisper harshly. “What are we going to do about this?”

“I haven't the foggiest idea, Curly. 'Cause of that damned Mark we kind of need him. And in the minds of the people, he's the Herald of Andraste. That's a little hard to fight.”

The Commander looked up from where he had begun staring at his fists, eyes landing on my swollen belly and pausing. “Did not the Envy demon tell you that it, and it's Elder One, in fact wanted your children more than they wanted Trevelyan?”

I could feel Fenris stiffen behind me and spied Anders doing the same from the corner of my eye. I _so_ did not like where Curly's train of thought seemed to be going. “Yes, it did. Sort of. Where are you going with this, Cullen?”

“What if- now hear me out on this- what if one or both of the babes are the Herald of Andraste and not Trevelyan at all?”

The din of sudden shouting and flashing lights as lyrium and magic erupted around us was overwhelming and I had to squeeze my eyes shut, hands over my ears to block it out. _Oh no! There is no way- NO FUCKING WAY- my kids were going to end up as some political pawns and possible targets for some...some...monster! Uh-uh, no way, no sirree bob!_ It was some minutes before the noise began to die down, except for one poor slob that just kep repeating _nononono_ \- oh, wait. That was me.

Fingers were prying my hands away from my ears and I looked up to see Anders looking at me in concern. “Selena, Sweetheart, it's all right. We won't let anything happen to them. We'll find something else, I promise. No one is using our babies for anything, okay?”

After a moment I nodded, realizing that there was still a soft argument going on behind the mage. Fenris was in Cullen's face, eyes flashing in anger but voice hushed so as not to carry outside the room. Or to my ears for that matter. I was about to ask what they were saying when Cullen nodded to the elf, wide eyed, and Fenris turned his attention back to us and pulled me in close to his chest.

He was shaking, my poor Fenris, whether in fear or anger I couldn't tell. But I held him tight and shook right along with him. We stood like that for what seemed like hours, baby weight making my legs hurt long before I was ready to let go. Finally Fenris said to the room at large. “I am taking her home. She needs sleep for the ordeals of tomorrow,” and we were gone.

  
  


  
  


_Dearest Husband,_

  
  


_There are many things I would love to tell you right about now, but a certain dipshit might be reading my mail so I'm just going to say that I love you. VERY VERY much. Tomorrow night is when we start heading out to Elf House so you might want to start getting ready to travel._

_Don't be surprised, when I see you again, if I'm forced to roll out to greet you like a wine barrel. I'm big as a bloody house right about now! My nightshift could sleep three people! And they move All. The. Time! It's like some kind of dance party is going on in there! Did your mother ever have to go through this when the twins were being born?_

~~_Speaking of...I'll be writing your mother as soon as I'm done penning this. Whether she'll actually believe that it's me writing or not is a mystery, seeing as I'm supposed to be dead and all, but she needs to know that's she's about to be a Grandmother. Wish me luck._ ~~

_Actually, scratch that. She wouldn't believe me and with the possibility of my mail being read I don't want to endanger her in any way. You'll have to do it. She's more likely to believe you anyway._

_Doctor and Broody miss you terribly. As does a certain large slobbery mammal that is not The Bull. Wait! Let me run back over some our correspondence...Holy Shit! I don't think any of us ever mentioned the best bloody news of all! Puppy and Kitty made it back! On all their own, no idea how. So when you reach Elf House be prepared for loads of slober._

_I love you, Husband. Counting the seconds until we meet again,_

_Beloved Wife_

  
  


  
  


  
  


_Dear Wife,_

  
  


_Why, in the name of the Maker, are you making me write to my mother? Do you have any idea what she's going to do to me? I've apparently been missing for three years without writing and she's going to track me down just to be able to box my ears!_

_Please tell me you weren't playing some cruel joke telling me about Puppy? I cried, honest as the day is long cried. Our friend laughed like a crazed donkey when they saw it, too. Scariest thing I've ever seen. Should just get them to laugh at the enemy and everybody would run screaming straight to a Chantry to dedicate themselves to the Maker._

_I miss you. I miss Doctor. I even miss Broody. I miss the smell of your skin and socks that don't squelch. I miss the feel of cool magic and the creak of well oiled leather. I'm leaving in the morning for Elf House and will be counting the steps until I get there._

_And to whoever might to reading my wife's correspondence, I will find you and I will rip out your intestines through your nose if you so much as breathe upon her. Don't think that I won't._

  
  


_Love you all,_

_Husband_

 


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to the Maker that eventually things will get back to their usual silliness, but for the time being things are going to have to be a little...angsty.
> 
> I'm also going to apologize now if you get a little confused during the storytelling of this chapter. In order to convey everything that I wanted to I had to change POV a few times and from different characters. There's always a break, though, to help keep the changes clear.

So cold. So very, very cold.

Even with all the preperation, all the warning, they were still caught off guard when the Reds and Venatori came. Barely enough time to get the children and the older adults out of the Chantry and to the carts, moving up the trail into the mountains. Not enough time to find Anders and Fenris who had been helping some of the Inner Circle get the trebuchets firing. Just not enough time.

We'd now been trudging for what felt like hours. A storm had whipped up out of nowhere and I kicked myself for forgetting that part. My boots had soaked through not long after the long slog began and my toes went from cold to hot to non-existent. I knew in the back of my head that frostbite was a concern but my forebrain had shut down long ago. Dory, the loveable little fish from _Finding Nemo_ kept singing in my head, “ _Just keep swimming, just keep swimming_ ”.

Damned fish. Too tired to swim.

After the umpteenth person had asked me if I cared to travel in a cart was sent away with, what I hoped, was a polite no, Cullen and The Iron Bull dropped back to walk on either side of me and I appreciated it, though I said nothing. Couldn't talk anymore, my teeth chattered too badly. Jaw ached too much to move. Just lift a foot, move it forward, put it down. Again. And again.

When the snow started moving up towards my face it never had the chance to hit before Bull scooped me up into his arms. My brain irrationally thought that my big old pregnant belly would be too heavy but he just chuckled. “ _Asala-Ashkaari_ would rip me a new one if anything happened to you. Literally.”

Bull was so warm, even shirtless in a snowstorm, and I soon found myself drifting off in his arms. _Fenris, beloved, where are you?_

  
  


  
  


“Maker be damned, nug humping, blighted bastardly...Bastard!”

“Your words seem to be deserting you dwarf,” Fenris huffed wryly at Varric as they trudged in the snow. “Is it because the drifts meet your waist instead of your knees?”

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, Broody. How are your toes doin' in all this, huh? Keeping out the frostbite with your wit?” Varric grumbled, buttoning his tunic and jacket to ward off the cold wind. His poor chest hair would never be the same after this.

The dwarf was thankful, though, that the elf was even able to be there. In fact, considering all that had transpired, the fact that no one appeared to be dead was something of a miracle. 'Appeared' of course, since their oh so illustrious leader had bugged out half way through the fight and no one had seen him since. And Blondie wasn't doing so well, either.

They'd been fighting the giant red monster in front of the trebuchet and, for once, they were sure they were beating it. They'd realized early on that its crystaline body was susceptible to the cold- Solas' specialty- so while the elvehn mage bombarded it, the others would slice, dice, and shoot whatever they had at it. But Anders had taken a step too close, so when the creature broke free of one of Solas' freezing spells, it's giant clawed arm had swung, catching him in the temple and sending him flying.

Of course, the monster didn't last long after that. With a deafening, primal scream, Fenris' brands lit a blinding white and he ghosted through the behemoth, ripping away something vital from it's core. While the two elves helped right the dazed healer, Varric got the trebuchet aimed and fired before leading the group down into a set of icy tunnels he had discovered below Haven a few weeks before.

Now they were making slow progress through the mountains, the elves switching back and forth supporting Anders as they walked, Varric scouting slightly ahead for signs of life. Though nowhere near Anders' skill with healing, Solas had been able to at least stop the bleeding from the man's head wound and rouse him enough that they were able to walk, though he shuffled and became dizzy easily. When he was asked a question he sometimes mumbled an answer, but mostly remained unresponsive, and his eyes did not look good at all.

Varric prayed to the Maker, and maybe to a couple of Ancestors, that they found the people of Haven soon.

  
  


I woke up slowly, with a pounding headache and a queasy stomach. A hand reached out to grip my shoulder as I tried to sit up and I knew right away it had to be Bull's. Anyone else with hands that big would have looked like a cartoon character.

“Whoa there, little lady! Healer's been by and said you need to rest. Nearly lost your little toes, not to mention other little things, so stay put.”

My arm instinctively wound around my bulging stomach. “But they're okay, right?”

“Absolutely perfect!” another cultured, accented voice said with a smile from the end of the bed. I turned slightly to see Dorian seated at the foot of the bed, his hand resting lightly at my feet. He was beaming but I could see that it was forced, concern etched deeply in his eyes. When I looked back to Bull I saw the look mirrored there as well.

“What?” I asked with a soft growl. “What is wrong?”

Bull looked away with a grimace, though Dorian still tried to keep up the ruse. “What could possibly be wrong, my lady? Because of your forsight, almost everyone from Haven is alive and accounted for.”

“Almost?” My stomach suddenly turned, a fist of terror gripping at my gut. “Who is missing?”

“My lady-”

“WHO?!” I screamed, reaching out to grip at the mage's robes, pulling him in close.

Bull's hands wrapped around my shoulders now, easing me back from Dorian. “Selena, you need to be calm, or you're going to hurt the babies. Please.”

I tried to calm myself, I really did. I sat back and breathed in deeply, in and out again and again, but it was like instead of calming me, the breathing just fueled the anger. And then the cheering began outside.

“The Herald! It's the Herald!”

Well, even The Iron Bull couldn't hold me back now. I shrugged the men off and stumbled off the little cot I had been resting on to run from the tent out into the snow. As though they knew they had better get out of my way, the sea of soldiers and pilgrims parted as I passed, until there was no one between me and Maxwell Trevelyan. He looked pretty rough, I'll give him that, dirty and scraped, but nowhere near as rough as he should be after fighting Corypheus. Dammit, Max should look broken! Ribs cracked, shoulder dislocated. Something. Anything!

“Where are the rest?” I managed to ask.

He looked down at me, eyes cold belying his smile for the people. I wondered why I hadn't seen it before. Everything about him was perfect. Perfect hair, perfect smile, perfect attitude. But his eyes, his eyes were something you would see on a snake. His smile slowly slid from his lips and I could see how he was trying to look sad, but it never reached his eyes. “I'm sorry,” he lied, “they didn't make it.”

So, apparently I punched the Herald of Andraste. I don't remember this, but suddenly he was sprawled on the ground and my hand _really_ hurt. I don't remember starting to cry, just burying my face into Dorian's shoulder, with Bull's hand rubbing soft circle's on my back. I _do_ remember Max screaming for my arrest and Cullen ignoring him. Instead the Commander spoke to me as reassuringly as he could. “I am going to get a search party together and lead it out to the mountian path. I'll find them, my lady. I promise.”

 

  
  


Fenris was scared. The mage could no longer walk on his own and was now sprawled across his back, the elf's arms wrapped around the man's long legs to keep him upright. He was mumbling into Fenris' ear, air hitching as though his breathing wasn't completely stable, in a language the elf was unfamiliar with. He thought that maybe it was the tongue of the Anderfels, since a word here or there sort of sounded similar to Tevene.

Anders was not doing good and Fenris knew it. Solas, thankfully, was able to feed what little healing and heat energies he had into the two men, but his abilitites in this area were limited at best. And Varric, though the dwarf wished he could do more, could only set the trail for the others to follow and keep up a ready commentary to keep spirits up. The men were trying, he knew that, but it didn't keep the fear from creeping in.

What would he do if the mage died? Just the barest thought of it had the elf's heart clenching in pain. The looks of pain in the faces of their friends, Selena, Hawke, were bad enough. But the thought of the mage no longer being in his life? That was what really caused the worst pain. It surprised him, really. Not all that long ago, Fenris had hated the man with a passion. An abomination that wanted to free every mage in Thedas? No, unthinkable! But then a woman had fallen through the sky, through the roof of his stolen home, and everything had changed.

_Don't you leave me, Mage. Don't you dare._

  
  


 

Visibility was next to zero. Cullen pulled his cloak tighter around his head and face to try and keep the snow at bay as he peered into it's depths. At his side, Cassandra was yelling commands to the handful of soldiers that had accompanied them into the storm. A moment before, one of their men had cried out that they had seen something on the trail before them, but all Cullen could spot were a group of dots that could be trees in the blizzard for all he knew.

_Blessed Andraste, please let it be them. They do not deserve to die, frozen in the snow, because a megalomaniac acting in your name abandoned them. Are the dots getting bigger? I can't tell with all this Maker forsaken snow! I can't-_

A flare, a flash of light and fire, soared away from the dots.  _Thank the Maker! It's them!_

  
  


  
  


As soon as I heard the men yelling I knew my men had been found. Bull and Dorian, who had basically named themselves my pillars of strength and guardians, moved with me to the area where healer's tents had been set up to treat frostbite and the like, and we waited.

And waited.

The storm was slowing everything down and it seemed to take hours instead of minutes for the group to make its way. I spotted Cullen's red cloak first, then the body draped across his back. I think I gasped and took a step forward, but a group of healers were already making their way over to the pair, one breaking off to check on the other bodies that followed in their wake. When I saw Fenris batting away the hands of the mage with a growl my paralysis finally broke and I ran/waddled as fast as my pregnant belly would let me.

Imagine one of those cheesy romance movies where the hero and his girl are running towards each other on the beach, arms out, to embrace with passion. Now imagine that couple are in the middle of a snowstorm. And one of those people are carrying a medicine ball in their gut and the other is exhausted and hurting. Yeah, that about covers it. Sad, right?

But the moment my elf's arms wrapped around me things were...better. Not perfect, of course. I could feel the pain that Fenris was trying to hide from me, the cold in his limbs that wouldn't let go of him. I could feel the fear he was battling, that unspeakable terror you get when a loved one was not doing well. But I could also feel the relief and the love and that warm something that means you're home. We just stood in the snow holding each other for the longest time. 

Eventually, the healer that had been trying to work on Fenris and Dorian both managed to get our attention and we pulled slightly apart, still unwilling to lose the touch of the other. My elf's eyes were hurting, terrified and sad. “ _Amatus_ ,” he whispered. “I'm so sorry. I tried, I really did.”

My heart clenched tight. “What? What is it?” But I knew.

“I think he's...I think Anders might be...”

_NO!_

  
  


 


	33. Chapter 33

“Hey there, Handsome. How are you doing today? Hope the pillows are comfy enough.” I slowly lower myself into the chair that someone had commandeered for me to sit by Anders’ bedside. “We’re still about two or three days outside of Skyhold. Sorry to make you travel in the carts but it’s not like you’re walking anywhere, right?”

We were now almost a week away from Haven. The Healers, both magical and non, had done all they could, but none of them were the healer that he was. Swelling of the brain, they told me, and I knew that was far from good. The fact that he hadn’t died yet was a great sign, but the possible damage to his brain had me deeply worried. Now, everyday Anders was laid out on multiple bedrolls on the floor of one of the supply carts and every night he was laid out on one of the healer’s cots with someone’s wingchair beside it for me.

Fenris would prowl the perimeters of camp every night until he was exhausted, then crawl into the cot next to the mage to sleep. My poor love was still finding it difficult to truly express his feelings and this was a way to cope. Just as I talked to Anders, even though he couldn’t hear a word or respond in any way. It made me feel like there was still hope.

Tonight’s healer, a young mage named Claudine, was giving Anders a wipe down with a soapy cloth, before changing his clothing and settling him for the night. I wished I could do it myself but the babies made that impossible. And, of course, every time I settled into the chair for the evening, they began some kind of crazy dance off with each other that usually ended up with me hovering over a bucket with a serious need to pee, Bloody, spawn, the both of them!

When Claudine had finished she gave me a weak smile and bowed out of the room. She knew we needed our alone time and was always kind enough to grant it, unlike some of the other healers that seemed to like to hover, you know, ‘just in case’. Just in case of what? He suddenly bolted up and began singing the praises of Andraste? Somehow I didn’t see that happening.

I unfurled one of his hands from under the blankets where Claudine had tucked them, placing it softly over the swell of my belly. “So the twins are in fine form tonight,” I chuckled. “Feel them moving around in there. I swear they’re actually soccer hooligans trying to be free. Not that you would know what a soccer hooligan was but suffice it to say, they’re rambunctious.

So you missed the funniest thing today. Sera got it in her head to try riding one of the big horned rams that seem to dot all of the mountainside for some strange reason. So she ties a rope around one of her arrows and fires it in such a way that it gets tangled around the ram’s horns so she can get it to stop, then wrestles with it until she’s on it’s back and clinging for dear life. It’s bucking and running and screaming all over the place and she’s screaming right along with it. Bull finally had to catch the thing and pry her off so it could be released. I was pissing myself laughing so hard.”

I looked down into Anders’ face and sighed. He was losing weight again, his cheeks hollowing and his skin was a sickly pale. We were going to lose him. Eventually I couldn’t see him anymore for the tears clouding my eyes. “Hey, do you remember the trip I took you guys on to the zoo? You’d been with me a little over a week and you were going stir crazy in the apartment.”

“He remembers.”

I swear to God I jumped nearly three feet, turning to see Cole standing so close to my side I could feel the brush of his fingers against my cheek. “He remembers like a dream in his head. He hears you but cannot. It frustrates him to no end.”

“He hears me? Are you sure?” I asked softly, hopeful for the first time in days.

“Oh yes. He sees a cat, a big big cat colored orange and red and white and black and yellow and so very angry. He is in awe of it, so beautiful and majestic and then it yawned and left it’s tongue sticking out and he is laughing at it. Wants to bring it home with him but knows that it is too big and Fenris makes a much better tiger for him to cuddle.”

I smile, tears now dripping off my chin. “Yes, the tigers were wonderful weren’t they. You loved all of the big cats, though you did call the male lion a lazy bastard if I recall. But I think instead of a tiger, I would call Fenris more of a snow leopard, if only for the colouring. All that silver and black and white. Sleek lines and power. That’s more Fenris than a tiger.

Do you remember Garrett and the gorillas though? We could have left him there for hours, just staring at the silver back and he wouldn’t have moved. The two of them seemed be trying to communicate, almost, waving their hands and smiling.”

“A gorilla,” Cole muttered to himself quietly. “It looks like a large human but with hair everywhere and is slow and quiet and peaceful.” He looked up at me with a smile. “I think I like these things.”

“That’s right, Cole, gorillas are very docile, even though they are very big and strong. But if they get angry or scared they can kill. So one has to be very careful around them. And they don’t understand our speech so communicating with them is difficult. A select few have been taught something called sign language, speaking with their hands, so that their handlers can understand some of the things that they want.”

“Anders is picturing Garrett as a gorilla and it makes him laugh. Now he is picturing him without any clothes on and he is sad. Why is he sad?”

_Oh, Anders_.  “It…I think it’s because Anders knows that he will probably never see Garrett again and he misses the man he loves.” I reach out and take Cole’s hand in mine, the other on top of Anders’, still resting on my belly. “But thank you, Cole, for letting me know that Anders is still in there and can hear me. I appreciate it.”

“I like to help.” Cole leans down and places a soft touch of his lips to my cheek. “He wishes he could do that.”

I’m crying. I don’t want to be crying, I want to be strong. For Anders and Fenris, for the babies, but I can’t seem to stop. I don’t know when Cole leaves as the tears fall, but soon it’s just Anders and I again. “I love you, Anders,” I blubber. “I love you so much. I don’t want to lose you. I want you to be able to see your babies, hold them in your arms. Teach them all the things you know, and learn with them all the things you don’t. Tell them stories about the Anderfels and the Circle and Kirkwall. About falling in love with their other fathers and their mom.”

I gripped his hand tight in mine, resting over our children, until the tears wore me into a restless sleep.

 

 

Sometime in the night Fenris returned to curl up with Anders on the cot and told of what transpired next. He saw the softly glowing green light through the fabric of the tent and, believing it to be one of the healers working with Anders, pushed it from his mind. He would enter and clean himself from one of the basin’s dotted around the healing tent and when they were done, climb into the cot to sleep with the mage. It was all he felt he _could_ do, really. Hold the mage and keep the nightmares at bay. Because although Anders did not move in the night as he used to, Fenris was sure the dreams still plagued him and that any comfort would be appreciated. It certainly had nothing to do with making Fenris feel better. Of course not.

So when Fenris entered the tent and found no healer he was instantly on alert. His sword was drawn and ready for battle as he scanned the makeshift clinic, but the only living things besides himself were Anders and Selena, both resting, if not comfortably then at least together. Anders’ hand was being held in Selena’s, both atop the large swell of her belly where even at his distance he could see their ripple of movements under her skin.

The light, though. The light seemed to be coming from just underneath Anders’ hand and traveling slowly up his arm, shoulder and neck and into the mage’s head. Was the man somehow doing this himself? An unconscious gesture? Should Fenris maybe move the man’s arm before it hurt Selena or the babies? But then Fenris realized that the power signature was wrong. Anders’ magic always manifested a cool blue and this was a bright. shiny green. Not the mage’s colour at all, but more like the green that Selena herself used to manifest back in Kirkwall.

Now Fenris began to panic. That damned light had been the cause of her death and there was no way he was going to allow that to happen again, not to her and not to Anders. He threw his sword across the tent and leapt to their side, reaching out to remove the mage’s hand from Selena’s belly, only to find himself pushed back by some sort of invisible barrier. He tried again, this time activating his markings to try sliding his hand through like the flesh of an enemy. The barrier wavered but still Fenris was kept out. And now the light was growing, becoming brighter, encompassing the entirety of the mage.

He began pounding on the barrier, “No! Please, Maker, please don’t take them! I’ll do anything just…please…” He could feel others racing into the tent but none of that mattered. The light inside the barrier was now so intense that he could no longer actually see either of them. His eyes watered mercilessly but he refused to wipe them away, refused to look away from the light. People that he loved were in there and if this was their last moments, he wouldn’t look away.

The barrier grew larger, pushing him back. He heard others calling to him faintly, as if far away, but he paid them no mind. No, they weren’t important. Only Selena and Anders mattered at this moment. Only his children mattered. “Please, Maker. Please stop this,” he whispered.

Suddenly, as though Thedas’ absent god had actually been listening, it stopped. The barrier vanished with a loud pop, causing Fenris to stumble from where he had been pushing against it. The light, blinding just a moment before, was gone and the tent was plunged into darkness, broken only by the few candles that had been lit near the mage’s bedside. He heard rustling and soft breathing, both from in front of him and behind. A soft moan that he knew was Selena’s and an almost cracked sounding cough.

As Fenris’ eyes adjusted, he stepped towards the cot, afraid to see and yet afraid not to know if they were all right. He saw Selena move, struggle to sit up straight and he rushed to help her, gently placing his hands upon her arm and back. She seemed unhurt, but her skin looked sallow and dark circles had formed beneath her eyes. “Selena? _Amatus_? Are you all right? ”

“Yes,” she croaked softly. “I- I was asleep. What happened?”

It was then that a noise, a soft cough broke the quiet and they both stared down at the form on the cot. Flesh that had been pale and waxy was beginning to turn a fresh pink, sunken cheeks were slowly filling out. And a bright pair of amber eyes were staring back at them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I would really kill off Anders? Do you people have no faith in me? :D


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Hope everyone had a fantastic holiday season or at least better than mine *sigh*
> 
> As the people who (for some strange reason) read this are probably aware, I'm not the fastest writer on the block, and now I've got this Inquisitor/Dorian story slamming me with a 2x4 to get written so I might, just might, be a little slower. Sorry! But when I post the other piece I'll let everyone know and maybe convince myself to speed up.
> 
> Maybe.

We were now about one day outside of Skyhold. Ostensibly, it was Max that was supposed to be leading our rag tag team of soldiers and pilgrims over the mountains, though really it was Solas, and sometimes Fenris, needling and pushing for the man to keep up. And he bitched. Boy did he bitch! He bitched about the cold, about how high up they were having to go. He bitched about the people following and how slow they were, how sickly, how they did nothing but clutch to his coat tails. Ugh! I just wanted to hit him so very badly!

Anders and I continued to travel mainly in one of the supply carts. Poor Anders still suffered from a lingering headache, though he claimed it was getting better, and sometimes I would turn to see him staring off into space, deep in thought, brows furrowed and sometimes chewing on his lip. It concerned me a little, what with his having suffered a serious head wound, but the personality change that I saw in my ex-husband, James, never materialized so I was keeping my hopes up.

I travelled in the cart because I was basically a beached whale and no one would let me walk. Iron Bull even threatened to tie me down and I am more than familiar with his rope work, thank you very much.

The issue with Anders' head wound brought to attention the Inquisition's lack of Spirit Healers. And surprisingly enough, it was Cullen that insisted that the healer's in attendance should receive more thorough training. And that if Anders found that any of them might become Spirit Healer's themselves, he should begin training them right away. To which Anders responded with a resounding “Pffft!” Because, of course, he wasn't about to follow the orders of a bloody Templar, no matter how retired he might be, and that he had never trained anyone in his entire life and wasn't about to start now. Once he was done spitting and hissing like a wet cat, I explained to him that training the healers would be good practice for teaching our own children and that shut him right the fuck up.

And Fenris. Oh my poor Fenris. After witnessing what happened with Anders' miraculous healing- and let me tell you, having that explained to me was a giggle and a half- he was obviously pretty damned conflicted. On the one hand, Anders was alive and whole once again. On the other, one or both of his possible children appeared to have healing magic _from the womb!_ And not just any magic, but healing magic that would have taxed even Anders, arguably the greatest Spirit Healer in all Thedas. And so Fenris was avoiding us, at least during the waking hours. He'd go off with Leliana's scouts, or travel with one of the Inner Circle, his usual pairings being either Varric, Solas or Bull. And at night, when he was certain that Anders and I had finally fallen asleep, he'd crawl in next to Anders and cradle himself against the man. How do I know this? Mostly pee breaks in the middle of the night. I'd wake up to find a convenient bucket and find the elf clinging as though his life- or Anders'- depended on it.

And so here we were, one more day's worth of travel through the frigid Frostbacks, Anders off with the healers, Fenris off with his broodiness and me sitting on a log in front of a cook fire, occasionally stirring a thick rabbit stew and trying unsuccessfully to calm a couple of inutero babies.

“Come on, guys,” I pleaded, rubbing just above where my belly met my pelvis, their new favourite spot to kick these days. “Mommy seriously needs you to cut this out, okay? I can't take too much more dancing on my bladder.”

The soft, lilting chuckle from behind was such a surprise that I turned too quickly and nearly fell butt first off the log. Leliana's quick fingers gripping my upper arm was all that saved me quite the indignity. “My apologies!” she gasped, Orlesian accent thick with mirth. “I did not mean to startle you!”

I laughed in my embarrassment. “It's all right, Leliana. These days I'm nothing much more than a giant klutz. A wine barrel with legs.”

“Ah, no, my Lady,” she replied, coming around to sit beside me, taking up a stick to poke at the fire. “You are quite beautiful in your pregnancy. And that your children are so very active is a sign from the Maker that they will thrive.”

I cast her a sidelong look. “Active as in kicking everything they can or active in that they magicked one of their fathers back from the grave?” Call me paranoid but this _was_ the Left Hand of the Divine after all.

“What happened in the Healer's tent was...unexpected. And will need to be studied further once we've found this settlement Solas speaks of. But fear not, your children are safe with me. In fact, I defy anyone to attempt them harm. Most of the Inner Circle would defend them to the death, not to mention your lovers. One of whom is watching us _most_ intently.”

I straightened and scanned the immediate area. “Really? Which one?”

Leliana smirked. “Fenris is behind and to the left of me, behind a large tree. He is doing his best not to be seen so mayhaps you should try not to seek him out at the moment.”

Knowing that he was watching, I could now feel his eyes along my skin and I shivered. Leliana placed a comforting hand on my arm and I reached up to pat it with my own, thanking her silently for the support. All I really wanted was for Fenris to come out and say something. Anything! At this point I might take a diatribe about the evils of magic and how they're all going to be Magisters someday! “I assume your scouts have been watching him, right? And not just when he goes on patrols with them?”

“Of course! I would not be a very good spymaster if my spies were not being used to their full effectiveness.”

“How is he?” I asked. “Not just physically but...”

Leliana sighed and poked at the fire once again. “He is... unsure. Uncertain as to how to approach either of you. It is why he skulks and watches as you go about your day. Give him time, my Lady. I am sure he will learn what it is he must do eventually.”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “But eventually might mean after the kids are married off with kids of their own.”

She laughed. “Yes. That would certainly be 'eventually'. Though sooner than that, I'm sure.”

We sat in companionable silence for a time, poking the fire and stirring the stew. It was interesting. Nice, even. Leliana had never been one of my more favourite characters in the games, mostly because I found her a little _too_ sweet during Origins, like she'd rot my teeth out, then the 360 degree change in Inquisition made my head spin. But here she was neither. And, if I were wrong and she was just buttering me up to assassinate me or something, at least I knew Fenris was nearby to kick her ass for her.

“My Lady? May I ask you a question?”

“Only if you stop calling me that,” I replied. “It's Selena. Or Prego, whichever floats your boat. What do you want to know?”

“What...what is it like to be pregnant?”

I turned to stare at the Spymaster is surprise. “Really? Well, I guess at the moment it feels like I've swallowed a couple tiny Brontos that are now running rampant around my innards.”

Leliana laughed. “Yes, I imagine it might just be. But that...that's not really what I was speaking of.” I watched her as she lowered her head, hiding her face in the folds of her cowl, staring down at clasped hands. “I... I do not appreciate the company of men and so would find it hard pressed to ever find myself with child. And yet it is something that I have always... thought about. Yearned for. Perhaps, after all of this is over, I might be able to adopt a child but... it's not really the same, is it?”

“Maybe not in the physical sense,” I tell her. “But when it comes to the love you feel for them, adopting is exactly the same. And trust me, going through all this swelling and waddling and pain isn't all it's cracked up to be. If you want, after the gruesome twosome are out, you could always come round and try your hand at babysitting. You know, to see if child rearing is something that's for you.”

“I- thank you. I would appreciate that very much.” Leliana continued to stare into the fire for a few minutes while I pulled out wooden bowls from a stack near my feet and began ladling portions out for Anders and myself. By now I knew that preparing any for Fenris would just be a waste of food as he never came to collect his dinner. I asked Leliana to let others in the camp know that the stew was ready and wandered off to the tent I shared with the boys to make sure my paramour was properly fed.

If it hadn't been for the fact that our tent was relatively far from the cook fires, I would have heard the argument long before.

“She needs to be in a controlled environment under Templar protection!”

“'Protection'? You're talking about putting her in a prison! Guarded by the nastiest pieces of work Thedas has to offer! And for what? Saving my life?”

“But _she_ was not the one that did it, was she? It was her _unborn_ children! Power of that magnitude has never been seen before! Who is to know what kind of havoc she could unwittingly unleash!”

I turned the corner of the last of the tents to see Vivienne and Anders squaring off against each other, Max and Ser Barris to either side of the First Enchanter; Solas, Dorian and Bull backing up Anders. And, fuck it all, they were arguing over me.

Anders spotted me first and took a step in my direction just before all hell broke loose. I saw a brief glow from Vivienne before I found I couldn't move my limbs, a paralysis glyph beneath my feet, only for it to vanish just as quickly when Bull gently pushed her, breaking her concentration. The other mages were rushing to my side when the wave of ...something rolled over me and they all stumbled, even the Iron Lady. Ser Barris had his arm out and I knew.

“You hit us with a fucking Smite?” I asked, incredulous, arms reaching around to grip my stomach, bowls of stew now splashed against the ground.

Anders was there at my side as I began falling, knees unable to support my weight. His hands were warm, comforting, even as they shook horribly. Dorian came up to my other side, sliding his arm beneath my neck, holding up my head since it seemed I was having a spot of trouble. The world was spinning like a bitch kitty! Solas, on the other hand, was right up in the Templar's face, held back only by the Iron Bull's arms.

“What kind of a fool are you?” he screamed, waving at the trio. “You cannot Smite a pregnant woman! She may lose the children!”

“All the better,” Maxwell sneered and oh did I want to throttle him right about then. And by the looks of their faces, so did everyone else. “Would certainly take care of the problem wouldn't it?”

Suddenly Max's eyes flew open wide and from behind him came the most frightening, most wonderful growl. “You. Will NOT. Hurt. My Children.”

To my sides I could faintly make out Anders and Dorian speaking of lyrium potions and moving me out of the cold, but my attention was transfixed upon the duo facing off a few steps away. Bull was currently acting as a meat wall, keeping Barris from interfering while Solas had somehow twisted the Enchanter's arm up around her back and was keeping her firmly in place. As for Max, well, he currently seemed to have a lyrium elf's arm shoved halfway through his torso.

“Whatever Andraste was thinking, choosing _you_ as her Herald, I will never understand. But you will _not_ be imprisoning the mother of my children for your own ends. All of the Inner Circle- those worth their weight anyway- know that you are not to be trusted, and that includes your advisors. The only reason you are not currently under guard yourself is because of the mark that is on your hand, and if I knew it could be used if I cut it off, believe me I would. Now, you and the Orlesian witch will be staying as far away from me and mine for the foreseeable future, is that clear? And if there is anymore talk of imprisoning the mother of my children, there will be a reckoning!”

_Well fuck. Gotta love that elf!_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're interested in updates or maybe some of my character boards and doodles, check out my tumblr
> 
> http://tatteredspiderweb.tumblr.com/


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW!!! Just a little add it because the guys were getting restless. Enjoy!

It's times like this that I thank God that I'm friends with The Iron Bull. Big, fat, beached whale pregnant laying out flat on some very cold ground is not something I would recommend. Thankfully I have this giant of a buddy who can scoop me up with a chuckle about how heavy I am and that he'd never be able to do this normally but he had worked out that morning so all was good. I also don't suggest hitting The Iron Bull across the chest. It hurts. A lot.

Anders wasted no time downing a lyrium potion and using it's power to check on the babies. I have to admit that I was a little nervous- no, let's go with down right petrified- that whatever Barris had done had hurt them, but after several long minutes Anders was smiling and rubbing his hand affectionately across the swell of my abdomen, a couple of sets of feet kicking along to the attention. With his smiling assurances that they were happy and healthy the collectively held breaths of everyone that had followed us into the tent actually ruffled the canvas walls.

“All right,” Dorian began, waving his hands impericly which I didn't know was an actual thing until I saw him do it. “Everyone that doesn't belong in this tent needs to leave the young parents-to-be alone. Come along, out out out.”

With a deep chuckle, Iron Bull let himself be shuffled out followed by a slightly more serene Solas, with Dorian waving as he brought up the rear. Anders sighed with a grin, shaking his head, “They're so much... _more_ than in the game, aren't they?”

“They are most certainly something.”

Both Anders and I started, neither of us realizing that Fenris had entered the tent with the group, standing as far as he could in the small space from the two of us. He was standing stoic, guarded. I really hate that face. It was the face that screamed discomfort, uncertainty and fear.

His slave face.

“Fenris?” Oh, damn, I sounded all watery. I hate that too. Ah, shit. And now my eyes were watering. Stupid hormones.

The elf stepped forward, reaching out to lightly brush his fingers along my foot where I lay on my cot. “ _Amatus_ , I... I wish to apologize for my behaviour as of late. I was... unprepared for what happened with Anders and... his healing. It will not happen again.”

I sighed and Anders patted Fenris lightly on the shoulder. “It will happen again, Fenris,” I said, laying back flat on the cot.

“No, I-”

Anders interrupted. “Yes, it will. But it's not because you want to. It's the way you deal with things that catch you by surprise, and we understand. We may not agree but we understand.”

Fenris lowered his head, staring down at his hand resting on my toes. “It is not how I wish to be.”

“We know, my love,” I replied. Dammit, I was crying. I hate crying, I get all snotty and red-faced and just plain ugly. “It's a coping mechanism. Like Anders getting all snappish and telling bad jokes, or how I turn into a crying mess of goo. Something we all have to suffer through.”

“Suffer?” Anders smiled, wrapping an arm around Fenris' waist and cocking a hip. “Who suffers? I'm just too damned charming for people to suffer.” Fenris elbowed him before reaching around to pull Anders closer into his side.

“I just... I will try. I _want_ to be better. For you, for our children. And the thought of how close I came to losing you, and then what was done to save you... it was too much.”

Anders turned his face to lay his lips upon the elf's temple. “I understand, love. It's too much for me, and I was there. How about we push all these cots together, get under the blankets and have a good old group cuddle?”

We undressed and crept under blankets, ending up with Fenris between us, the elf and I facing each other, legs entwined while Anders spooned around him from behind. It was warm and comforting and took little time for me to fall into sleep.

I'm not sure what it was that woke me first. Fenris was no longer tangled up against me, though his fingers still seemed to be gripping my hand, and there was a soft moaning sound, as though someone were in pain but not really. And there was a smell, intoxicating and arousing. I wiggled slightly, pressing my thighs together to try and alleviate the pressure, which didn't work for shit, of course. Finally I cracked an eye open, if only to let my brain know that it could stop imagining the luscious things that were glittering through my head at that moment.

And, oh God! The sight that was before my eyes! They were completely nude, my men, Anders on his back, Fenris kneeling between his legs, fingers roaming as they kissed. They were so beautiful as they moved against each other.

“Shhh,” Anders hissed, pulling away from Fenris' lips. “Don't wake her. She doesn't sleep enough as it is.”

“Then perhaps you should stop speaking, _carissimi_. If you can be quiet I might let you come.” Fenris chuckled at the whine the mage released, his fingers running along the mage's inner thigh, nails dragging. Gentle touches became heated, circles rubbed against the smooth skin behind Anders' sac. “Stay quiet, stay still, and I shall fuck you as you've never felt before.”

Anders gasped but held back the noises that he wanted to make. Soon he'd be biting his knuckles to keep quiet, but for Fenris he would do it. The elf growled, the vibrations shaking through Anders' chest. He moved to catch the man's lips with his own, soft noises falling from Fenris' lips. They were both impatient now, rutting against each other beautifully.

Fenris' mouth moved from lips to the juncture of the mage's jaw, nibbling and sucking as he made his way down to the pulse at the man's throat, leaving a trail of marks that I knew Anders' wouldn't heal but would wear with pride. I knew I would, anyway.

Anders moaned and jerked slight and it took me a moment to realize that Fenris had slipped a finger into the man's ass, slowly working it back and forth within him. God, they were so beautiful! I couldn't help myself, my fingers slipped down between my legs- no easy feet with a giant baby bump in the way- and began to slide along my lips to tease at my clit. After several minutes I felt more than saw Fenris adjust himself and slide slowly into the mage, their faces slipping into beatific beauty.

“So tight,” Fenris groaned, bracing himself to watch the mage as he thrust. He cried out as the elf hilted himself, then spilled across his stomach, untouched by a hand.

Fenris growled again, keeping a steady rhythm against the mage's ass. “You needed it that badly did you, _carissimi_?” He spread his fingers through the mess. “I have not even started on you, and already you are coming all over yourself.”

“Oh, Maker, _please_ don't stop!” Anders hissed, trying desperately to stay quiet while squirming on the cot, with me squirming right along with him. Fenris' other hand squeezed around mine, letting me know that he knew I was watching.

Soon Anders was writhing against the elf once again, hard as though he had yet to spend at all, moans pitched higher and higher, forgetting his promise for quiet. “I wonder how many I can get out of you tonight, Mage,” he growled, slipping his come covered fingers into Anders' mouth. He lapped at them obediently, tasting himself and moaning, stifling any other noises.

“So beautiful,”Fenris breathed, grunting as his hips slammed into the mage. Anders sucked and licked at the elf's fingers and he let out a soft curse, fucking Anders harder until the force of it shook the cots beneath them. I could feel my orgasm beginning to build, a hot weight building against my fingers as they rubbed.

Suddenly Fenris pulled out and used his strength to flip the mage up on his knees, slamming back into his loosened hole. “Please, yes, fuck me, Fenris! Please, you feel-!” Anders wailed. The elf's thrust were deeper, shallower now and I could see the strain on Fenris' face as he tried to hold off. Anders' cock was leaking against the cot as he was rocked with Fenris' thrusts.

“Come for me, _carissimi_ ,” Fenris ordered, nails digging into Anders' hips, pulling his ass flush against him and Anders came with him, splashing beneath their paired bodies. And as they roared their release, I matched them, coming hotly against my fingers and shuddering.

I watched my lovers hold each other, whispering endearments, each reaching out to pet at my hair as we each fell back into sleep's arms.

 

 


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure there will be plenty of typos and other crap in this one, but I'm just not feeling it today. Just want to get this out there so I can go back to working on other things. Dorian and Gabriel things. Sexy things...

From far off in the distance, Skyhold is magnificent. Close up it's still magnificent... and a seriously hot mess.

In the game the Inquisitor and Solas scale an expansive rock formation after the group had been on the road for who knows how long. They take in the beauty that is the fortress with moving music playing in the background, then the dramatic reveal of Skyhold to the masses.

What we got was Maxwell travelling near the rear of the procession with Vivienne and the Templar recruits while Solas and Fenris climbed a couple of rocks that made them about two feet taller than the rest of us, Fenris jumping down after a moment with his most neutral expression. “We're here.”

The Iron Bull and his Chargers were the first over the bridge because, as he put it, 'if that ancient stonework can hold our weight, it can hold anything'. And it did, with only a bit of mortar dust falling into the icy chasm below. Cullen took a handful of his soldiers next and between them and the Chargers every nook and cranny was explored for unknown guests that might make taking over a hassle, but the place was stone empty. Well, except for the birds. And the bird shit. Oh, the mounds and mounds of bird shit!

Nothing was really habitable at first so out came the tents, most in the snowy fields beyond the bridge, the Inner Circle, advisors as well as Fiona and Ser Barris with tents within the upper courtyard. Anders, Fenris and I stayed with the newly erected Healer's tents in the lower courtyard, though Anders had already found a series of rooms that would need little work to get set up as a proper clinic. He and Fenris spent as much time as they could clearing them of debris and outfitting them.

I spent my time just wandering from group to group of workers. I'd bring buckets of water out to the stone masons as they tried to repair walls, the men laughing as my waddling spilled water on my shoes while the women glared daggers at them before serving themselves first and forcing them to wait. I'd help out in the makeshift kitchen, peeling potatoes or kneading loaves of bread until I couldn't feel my fingers anymore. One day I even convinced as many of the women and children that weren't yet being put to work and had them wrangle up whatever they could as make shift shovels and face coverings before scraping up the bird shit. And in the case of a couple of five year olds, chasing out the birds. And one goat that they dubbed Ser Chewy.

After a few days I realized that, unless they were a soldier under Cullen's purview, the people were coming to me for whatever jobs needed doing that day. When the hell did that happen? I asked about going to Josephine or Leliana, or even Cassandra, but apparently they were swamped with... something and I became the go-to guy for getting shit done. Who knew?

Then the Inner Circle started coming to me too. Bull and the Chargers were the first and I set Krem and his men, with Sera in the lead laughing her ass off, out to see what kind of provisions could be found nearby- because, dammit, people still needed to eat- while I kept the Iron Bull behind to help out with the stone masons. His massive strength would be invaluable. Solas and Dorian were also set with the stone workers, using their ability to magically lift cumbursome things that even Bull would have troubles with.

Varric became my secretary, keeping tallies of supplies on hand and those still needed, the names of voluteers and what jobs they are skilled at so they can be put back on the same ones again, and any projects that looked like they would be good to tackle at a future date with recomendations of who would be good to complete them. His insights on how to utilize a workforce, after the rebuild we all went through in Kirkwall after the Qunari, were invaluable. He new how to make every copper scream from how tightly they were squeezed.

I went to Blackwall about overseeing the carpenters. I figured his knowledge of woodwroking would be put to good use in checking the Keeps ancient timber for wood rot and the like. Before I knew it he had a team of elves that could climb two, three, four storeys of scaffolding to test for strength and stability. And when it came time to replace certain sections, the false Warden would prep the posts before a series of improvised ropes and pulleys would haul the wood where it would be installed and the elves would work to place it as quickly as possible.

I even got Cole in the act, relaying messages so I didn't have to climb the damned stairs any more than necessary. I don't think I've ever seen the boy smile so much, both in and out of the game. He was so happy just to be helping. And in making himself known to others, they were becoming accustomed to the spirit popping in and out with no warning and some even learned to enjoy his company. One morning Skyhold's errant children were feeling particularly restless, as were the gruesome twosome in my gut, and I just didn't have the patience to deal with them. Along comes Cole to recommend a game of Hide and Seek. It was _hours_ before he finally allowed them to find him and we all had a day free of little ones underfoot. It made me wistful for the day when my own kids would be of an age to play like that with the boy.

And so a week has gone by before I know it. Varric and I are sitting in one of the smaller cleaned out rooms that is now being used for storage of perishables when Cassandra pops her head in, asking me to step out for a moment. I sigh and lever myself up off the barrel of pickled... something I've been using as a chair for the last hour or so and give the dwarf a little smirk. “A mother's work is never done.”

“Even when they're not your kid,” he replied with a grin. “Don't worry, I'll get the rest of this inventory done, then we can take a break for lunch. All right?”

“Sounds great. Hopefully this won't take too long. I've had to pee for the last half hour.”

“Too much information, there, Starlight,” he laughs as I leave him to meet Cass in the courtyard.

I'm greeted by several voices as I exit the room and I wave to as many as I can before the Seeker calls for my attention. And I stop, stock still.I know this scene, where the Seeker is chatting with the other advisors until she beckons you over, then the others rush off to parts unknown and you guys have 'the talk'.

I'm kind of in shock as we walk, ascending the stairs up to the Keep. She's talking about bringing the mages and templars under the Inquisitions fold, about leading pilgrims and soldiers alike in the Keep's needed repairs, and in the care of the people doing the work. About how even the Inner Circle-save for a malcontent or two- came to me first before the advisors to see what needed to be done. They wanted to make it official, make me their damned leader.

“No.”

Cassandra stopped dead, a step away from the first landing. “No?” she asked, incredulous. “What do you mean 'no'?”

I passed her, walking until I stood before Leliana in her place on the landing, holding that damned sword. Where did that monstrosity come from, anyway? How was a pommel guard that intricate even work when fighting, with all it's little poking-out-bits that would catch on clothing as you moved. She watched me with hooded eyes, but I could see the surprise in her face. Why did everyone just assume I would jump at the chance for this? Did I strike them as a leader? Or some sort of power-hungry pregnant lady?

I reached out to touch the blade of the weapon, finger hovering over the blade. A silly lesson my ex-husband taught me long ago was never to touch the blade with a bare finger so you don't get oils on the metal. “I mean that I'm not capable of this. I can't go out in the field and fight now. I can't close the rifts. And I certainly can't make decisions that will affect people's lives like that.”

“But, my Lady,” Leliana interjected. “You make those kinds of decisions every day. The people here, the common men and women that follow us, would be floundering without your leadership. The children would go hungry and without beds because they would not turn to the soldiers for direction. You may not lead armies, but you have advisors for that. What you do is lead the people, the men and women that make the armies run. Without you, without them, we would be destroyed in a heartbeat. Say that you will take the position, if only for as long as it takes to find someone better suited. That is all we ask.”

I looked from Leliana to Cassandra, then out to the crowd that was forming around the staircase. Many of the people that I've been working closely with over the last week were gathered there, smiling and waving, eager. Fenris and Anders, standing hand in hand with grins of their own, encouraging me with nods. The Iron Bull with his Chargers, Varric and Cole, Sera hanging out a window and cheering. Dorian standing near to Bull's elbow without making it look like he wants to be there more than anything and Solas hanging back at the edge of the crowd, smiling softly. Even Blackwall, knowing that I could out him at a word, looked pleased as he watched. Only two faces seemed unhappy with me standing up here at that moment, but since I really could care less about their opinions, that was fine.

The babies began wiggling and kicking, and then I knew what I needed to do. “Pepople of the Inquisition,” I called as loudly as I was able. “I have been asked to take up leadership, to take up the mantle of the Inquisitor. But I am not worthy of such a title. I'm just a woman, nothing special.” People began to murmur, disgruntled, but I raised a hand to regather their attention. “I am just a woman, such as any other, but I vow to hold the seat of the Inquisitor intrust, until such time as another more worthy of the name steps forward to take my place. I will be no higher in position than any of the advisors on the Inquisition Council, and I will do everything in my power to care for each and every one of you, whether you agree with my rule or not.”

And then there was cheering, and Cullen did his rallying cry, waving his sword about like warrior on the field and there goes Josephine, looking embarassed at her glee. I giggled at her smile, it was just so damned cute. And my men were approaching, Anders hugging me fiercely while Fenris took my hand to place a light kiss to my knuckles. And then it hit me what I just agreed to.

Well fuck. How do I keep getting sucked into these things?

 

 

 

 


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a damned computer virus managed to wipe out my computer (the methusalah not the new one, thank God!) and the almost finished chapter I had been working on. Though, to tell the truth, I think this one came out better anyway. :)

It was nearly another week later that the advisors, Varric and I got into the main hall to look around at all that needed done. The dwarf had already set up his table next to the large fireplace with notes scattered about in whatever strange filing system he had. The doorway leading to the rotunda had been cleared and I could see Solas puttering at a small table mixing paints. I couldn't wait to see his paintings up close, they looked so beautiful on screen.

In the meantime, the five of us were slowly picking our way across the rubble towards the ancient throne that graced the dais at the moment. They were talking about me sitting up there but I was being adament in my refusal. “I'm only holding this position until someone more qualified comes along. I'll just set up a chair to the right of the throne to make sure that people are fully aware of this.” The idea of acutually _being_ the Inquisitor made my cringe.

Today Cullen was acting as my crutch as I tried to make my way over the refuse that filled the hall, though every time he had to take my arm he blushed like a teenage virgin and rubbed at the back of his neck utnil I was sure he would wear away the skin. Mission number one on my personal list of things to do was to get that boy laid. Yesterday.

Josephine was already in the beginning stages of planning some big party once Skyhold was finished to introduce the Inquisition to Thedas nobility. I told her only if I could stay in my room which she tsked and scolded me for, kind of like my mother would have done oh so long ago. Althought, I have to admit the at the idea of dancing with my men was kind of nice. Actually it was kind of hot and I was a little squirmy to get to them sometime soon.

Leliana was going over scouting reports as we walked, pointing out things of note as she went. I'm going to admit right now that when it comes to war-type shit like this, I suck. My mind just isn't in it. I go out of my way not to watch war movies and unless it happened a thousand years ago, I could care less about history class. I tried to pay attention, I really did, but every other sentence just went right over my head. No, you want me to pay attention to anything involving war, it better be about something like the Crusades. Religious iconography at it's finest.

The two women yammered at me for what felt like hours, Cullen putting in his two ccents when the time was right. Noble this, infiltration that, yadah yadah yadah. I pretty much ignored it all until we made it out to the garden at which point I sort of motioned for them to hush and just took it all in.

The gardens- because it really was more than just the one- were massive! Much bigger tan in the games by far. The area closest to us was a mass of overgrown flowers and weeds but with a bit of tender loving care would make a wonderful gathering place for nobles to bitch about the world over their tea. I spied the gazebo that Morigan coveted and where Cullen would eventually put his chess board. Farther beyond that was a copse of trees, one of which was even adorned with a no-longer-even-close-to-safe swing. A great place for some for the children to congregate and have a bit of fun. But the largest portion of the gardens were obviously meant for agriculture. There were pots filled to the brim with unchecked growth of elfroot, black lotus, and other herbs and plants that completely baffled me, as well as small areas that had the look of tilled fields, as though waiting to be planted.

We wandered the paths that had become pitted with time and I began making plans in my head over it all. It's funny, gardening was never really my thing in my old life... I guess my first life now since I'm apparently on number three. My mother used to garden all the time when I was a kid, and then my husband, James, was the gardener of the family- not that that happened all that often since we were apartment dwellers, but some years a pot of tomatos or pretty flowers would be out on the balcony to enjoy.

But this! I was actually getting excited at the thought of turning this mass of plant life in a viable way to entertain and feed the masses.

Cullen brushed away the dirt and debris from the benches that ran around the gazebo and we sat to chat and plan. Really it wouldn't take much, and I mentioned to Varric about getting the children involved in weeding and cleaning out their own space. Kids were more likely to work hard if it was for something they would enjoy later. We would also need to go through the refugees and see who knew anything about gardens and farming, not that I really thought we'd have an issue finding anyone, and a list would need to be made for necessary seedlings to be sent from Val Royeaux and Denerim. Maybe even from Starkhaven if Sebastien were there.

As the Prince's name was leaving my lips I thought I heard a noise and looked up to find it, instead spying something that near glittered in the light. I stood and began walking towards the farthest corner of the garden, Cullen rushing to my side to take my arm and help me down the stair, not that I really needed it mind you, but it made him feel useful so there it is. When the clouds parted once again I realized what it was I was heading towards and smiled, speeding my waddling steps.

“Andraste's tits!” Cullen swore, then promptly turned red and stammered over an apology, when he realized what it was, the tall glass building with it's wrought iron panes. A green house. An honest to God green house. And at first glance it appeared none of the glass had been damaged over the years though it was filthy beyond measure.

“Shall we take a look inside, Commander Rutherford?” I asked, face split with a shit eating grin.

“Of course, my lady,” he smiled back, bowing before reaching for the door. His grin didn't last as he pulled and pulled, unable to budge the ancient glass door. “Damn it all,” he muttered, trying to get a better grip. “It seems to be stuck.”

I let him try a few minutes more before touching him on the shoulder. “Leave it, Cullen. I'll get Bull to try later or maybe Harrit can do something with his tools to pry it. Don't hurt yourself struggling.”

“As you wish, my lady.” he replied, panting slightly with the exertion.

I turned my back on the greenhouse to look around at the rest of the gardens. They really were beautiful, and with a bit of work they would be magnificent. There was a second floor balcony that wrapped around the garden and I could think of many people that would appreciate rooms that overlooked everything. I'd have to remember to tell Varric to make a list.

Then I heard the noise again, a shuffling sound of leather against stone, and a deep shadow flickered up in a far corner of the balcony. This time Cullen saw it too and cried out. “Halt, whoever you are! State your business!” The others rushed towards us from their places at the gazebo and stared out to where Cullen was pointing, but by now the corner was empty.

“I will have my scouts search the upper areas,” Leliana said, motioning off to her right where a small elven woman stood from the shrubbery and ran off ostensible to do her bidding. Okay, I admit it, Leliana is a little sacry.

Cullen scowled. “And I will see to upping the guard rotations. No one should be up there as of yet, until the builders deem it safe.”

“Could it be Cole?” I asked.

“Doubtful. Cole would have shown his face. If he wanted to hide for whatever reason he would just stay invisible.”

“It's okay, Cullen. Probably just somebody that wanted to see the gardens as much as we do.” I patted the man on the arm, trying vainly to make him feel better.

“I'm afraid that really does not matter in this case,” he replied, placing his fingers atop mine, holding them still against his vanbrace. “No one should be there and so I've failed in doing my duty. It will not happen again.”

“Oh for the love of-” I sighed in exasperation before slapping him lightly on the shoulder with a disgusted noise that Cassandra would be proud of. “Loosen up, for God's sake! One of these days I'm going to find somebody to get you laid and then maybe you won't be so damned uptight! Christ, I'd do it myself if I weren't eight months pregnant and happily married and with two other paramours. My dance card's too full up.”

I think this was the first time I'd ever really seen someone completely and totally gobsmacked. His chin was somewhere around his breast bone and he turned many delightful shades of red before settling on bright, embarassed crimson. Josephine and Varric were laughing heartily while even Leliana was smiling.

“I... um... that- that would be inappropriate,” Cullen finally stammered.

“Come on, Curly,” Varric motioned for the Commander to follow him out of the gardens. “Let's get you out here before the ladies make your head explode.”

“Which one?” Leliana asked under her breath, which sent us all off in approxisms of laughter and Cullen's colour heading into the purple range.

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


The rest of the day was relatively quiet, with a quick tour of the progress on what would soon be the Mages' tower and the barracks set aside for Ser Barris and the Templars. It's funny, I've always been a mage supporter, even without Anders' influence, but if I had to choose between Grand Enchanter Fiona and Ser Delrin Barris for a leader, I'd have to go with Barris. Maybe it's that Fiona seems so damned pushy, always making demands when everyone in the Inquisition was going without, mage or no. Barris, on the other hand, seemed to understand that for the next little while things were going to be hard for everyone and anything above the necessities was just going to have to wait. Of course it didn't help that Vivienne was always right there at Fiona's side, whispering in her ear. Ugh, bee in my britches that woman!

Fenris and I managed to get in a nice little dinner at the clinic with Anders before heading our seperate ways once again- Anders was fighting an influx of work related injuries and a bout of influenza that was sweeping through the refugees while Fenris was donating his time to Cullen in the training yards with classes on night fighting. It left me alone in our rooms to lie in the bath while reading a book (yes that's something I do. It's not like I can watch television now, is it?).

One thing I've learned to appreciate about copper tubs is how well they heat up in front of the fireplace. And the one Josephine found for me was absolutely perfect, a little larger than most to fit either my own pregnant state or Garret's over-large form when he returned to us. The servant that had set it up had found some oils somewhere or other and now the room smelled thickly of lavender and something akin to persimmons. Either way, I liked it. Actually I like it so much I may have dozed off for a minute or two. Or twenty.

There was a feeling in the air that woke me, like the difference in the air when you're suddenly no longer alone. Looking around I realized it was a lot darker in the room than when I had slid into the tub, the windows now dark behind their heavy tapestry drapes. I grabbed up a robe that was lying nearby on the floor and stood to drape it around myself, freezing when a dark chuckle filled the air.

“Who's there?” I demanded, stepping out of the tub towards the fireplace and the dagger that I kept on the mantle.

The shadows near our bed moved slightly, a dark clothed figure stepping out of the gloom like a bad movie villain. “What's the matter, Wife? Don't you miss me?”

  
  


  
  


  
  


_**“GARRETT?!?”** _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why not come out and follow my Tumblr? I occasionally post about my work, bitch about personal shit, and even reblog other great stories and artworks http://tatteredspiderweb.tumblr.com/


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I have read and reread every word I have written in this series so far to no avail. I could not, for the life of me, find out what I did to Bethany except for a throw away comment by Varric in the second part about how the members of Hawke's family were 'taken' from him. So if someone out there catches something that I've missed please let me know so I can edit the shit out of this!

“Garrett?”

Spirit leapt from his hiding spot at the end of the bed only to quiver and whine at the man's feet, rolling to bare his stomach. He cooed to the dog, rubbing and kissing into the animal's fur before getting back to his feet and facing me once again.

A step out of the shadows and I could see him more clearly, or at least as clearly as the tears forming in my eyes could make him. He looked tired, the armour he'd left Haven in covered in mud and things I really didn't want identified. There were a couple of plates missing along one arm where a bandage could be seen and he sported a fresh new scar beneath his right eye. It hurt my heart to think of the pain he must have felt. But his smile... Oh how his smile was just the same, bright and beautiful and all encompassing.

I threw myself into his arms, nearly tripping on the hem of the robe that now clung to my wet skin and he buried his nose in my hair. I am perfectly willing to admit that I was something of a crying, babbling mess for a while, held tight in Garrett's arms, and no matter what he might tell you, he cried a little too. Especially when his hand slid down to caress my stomach and the twins started kicking. He pulled back, tears streaming down his face with a grin wide as his face.

“Getting pretty big, huh?” he smirked.

I poked him lightly in the chest plate. “Make one joke about my size, mister, and it's back to Crestwood for you!”

“I'll be good,” he laughed. “I promise!” After a moment he lightly cupped my cheek and- shit! There go the tears again. “I missed you so very much, Wife.”

I did the same for him, fingers threading through his beard, which very much needed a trim. “And I, you, Husband. Do the others know you're back yet?”

“No. I wanted a night alone with the three of you before I announce my arrival and Anders and Fenris have been surrounded by people all damned day.”

“So just you and me for now, huh?” I smirked and his eyes twinkled. That's right, twinkled. I always thought that was just a figure of speech but there it was, twinkling.

He leaned in close, lips brushing mine as he spoke. “Just us.” Then he kissed me.

One thing that you have to remember about kissing Garrett Hawke is that it is an all or nothing experience. And kissing him after being separated for as long as we have been, with all that had happened in our lives during the separation, well that just made it even more. Had I not been eight months pregnant I would have climbed him like a damned tree, senses wrapped up in the scent and feel of him under my fingers. As it was it was pretty damned close, except that certain little blighters kept kicking to remind us they were there.

Garrett pulled away first with a groan. “So I guess sex is off the table right now, huh?”

I chuckled weakly, fighting for breath. “No tables without a spotter anyway, mister.”

He laughed after a moment of surprise. “I guess you're right. I don't think I could handle anything more strenuous than some heavy petting right about now, as it is. Would it be all right if we just cuddled on the bed? I just want to be able to hold you.”

I could see the tightening around his eyes as he fought not to yawn. When Garrett Hawke is too tired for sex it's long since time to get him to bed. You know, for sleep. Not sex, no matter how much my brain is telling me to do horribly wonderful things to him.

I didn't bother answering, just started to unclasp his cloak and throw it over a nearby chair. In the end the two of us had his armour and under-padding removed fairly quickly. I wiped down his exposed skin with the still somewhat warm bath water then handed him a pair of Anders' sleep pants. While a little too loose on Anders' thin frame, they were a touch tight for Garrett, but oh, the things they showcased on his body had me just a little more flushed, which of course Garrett noticed, smirking at me. I threw the wet cloth at his chest with a snort.

He lay in the centre of our wonderfully giant bed- a concession made for the regent Inquisitor because of her personal sleeping arrangements- and I curled into his side, the babies resting against his hip. Thankfully, the moment my skin touched his they calmed and very soon his arms were about my shoulders as he snored softly into my hair.

I guess I must have dozed off because when I heard the others join us the fire had died to near embers in the fireplace. Their noises at the doorway stopped abruptly, then there was a soft, muffled sob. I turned as much as I was able with Garrett holding me tight, and placed a finger against my lips to motion for quiet. Fenris had moved farther in, unlatching his gauntlets with a soft smile on his lips. Anders, on the other hand, had his eyes blown wide and his hands to his mouth to stifle the noises escaping his lips.

“Hurry up and undress so you can come cuddle,” I whispered. “He's not officially here yet so we have time. He was just so damned tired he couldn't stay awake.”

The boys were out of their clothes and in cotton sleep pants within minutes, Anders crawling in to press himself against Garrett's other side while Fenris spooned into me from behind, his arm reaching around to rest on Garrett's skin. I relaxed into the feel of them, the scents of sunshine and lyrium, leather and sword oil and peppermint, all those things that called to me as being 'home'.

  
  


  
  


The bed was shaking. Why was the bed shaking? It usually only shook like this when Anders and Fenris were... amorous and didn't want to wake me. But I could feel a warm body against my back, so somebody wasn't... I cracked open my eyes and saw the most beautiful of sights, Anders and Garrett naked and wrapped in each others' arms. When Fenris' fingers trailed around from my hip to between my legs I gasped, drawing Garrett's attention. He smirked at me before turning to kiss Anders, the mage so lost in what he was feeling he paid us no mind.

“They are beautiful, aren't they?” Fenris growled in my ear, causing me to shiver.

“God, yes!” And they were, light against dark, both vulnerable with the other in that moment. The only thing better would be if I could see Fenris in there as well but he was much too busy behind me, his very attentive member rubbing itself between the cleft of my ass. My robe from earlier had disappeared somewhere during the night and I was thankfully exposed for wandering body parts. Yay me!

I watched as Garrett pushed Anders farther up his body, wrapping the mage's legs around his waist and eliciting a deep groan from the man. I gasped at the sound and arched as much as my cumbersome body would allow. God this elf's fingers felt fantastic. Fenris slid himself between my legs as I moved, speeding himself along with a moaning sound of his own. Damn Anders and his admonishment for no more sex until after the twins were born! Fenris' light touch at my clit had me gasping and quietly begging for more.

“Maker, Wife! You sound so wanton over there, begging for his cock. Make her cum, Fenris. I want to see her face as she does.”

The elf and mage groaned almost in unison at Garrett's words and Fenris bit down at the juncture between shoulder and neck as his thrusts intensified. By now I was so slick that he moved easily. I looked over just as Anders opened his eyes, meeting mine. It was enough, that look of dark desperation, to send us both over the edge, fingers scrabbling to hold each other as we fell, our men not far behind us.

I think I passed out. No, strike that, I _know_ I passed out because none of my men can get dressed that fast and Fenris' spend had been cleaned from between my legs. “Good morning,” a deep voice chuckled and I turned my head to see Garrett grinning at me, a sticky bun half way to his lips. A tray had made its way into the room tea, coffee, juice and loads of fresh buns piled high. My favourite kind of breakfast- sex then sweets.

Anders came around the other side of the bed as I turned to place my feet on the floor, magic reaching out for my daily check up. He grinned at me a little sheepishly. “Sorry we woke you up, Love. I just couldn't...”

“Keep your hands off him? Yeah, no problems there. I more than understand.” And I did. If I were away from Fenris for that long ever again I would be all over him when he returned to my arms. I probably wouldn't have waited to get him alone, either. Garrett handed me a sticky bun as Anders worked and I munched thoughtfully. “I guess we need to get a War Council together today, huh? Let them know you're here and about the Warden. How is Stroud, anyway?”

Garrett gave Anders a surprised look before turning back to me while Anders grinned just a little guiltily. “You didn't tell her?” the warrior asked and Anders shook his head.

“No. I figured I'd let you do it.”

“Tell me what?” I asked, more than a little confused. “Alistair is king which takes him _and_ Loghain out of the picture. That just leaves Stroud, right?” Fenris was watching in confusion, ears plastered to the side of his head like they did when he was unhappily surprised.

“Well, about that.” Oh my God, Garrett was doing that thing that Cullen does, his hand reaching around to rub at the back of his neck! “Apparently there's more than one Warden that's defying Clarel. Most are out of Fereldan though Stroud _is_ leading them at the moment. In fact most of them were inducted into the Warden's at the same time as Anders, the Hero of Fereldan's chosen few.”

“You mean Nathaniel Howe and Oghren?” I asked softly, shocked as all hell.

“And Velana and Sigrun,” Anders piped in, his magic beginning to taper off. “Not too much longer, Love. Another couple of weeks and we'll have little ones keeping us up at all hours.”

“So there are five Wardens instead of one,” Fenris stated, not to be distracted by babies talk, though he did come close enough to take my hand and give it a squeeze.

Garrett threw himself back into a nearby chair, one that thankfully was more sturdy than some of our other furniture and only groaned slightly at the man's bulk. If he had been Iron Bull he'd be splayed out on the floor by now. “Actually there are seven. In fact two of them came with me and are somewhere down in the vaults right now until I announce our presence officially.”

“You left people down in the cellars of this place?” I exclaimed, standing and wagging an admonishing finger in my husband's face. Spirit stepped forward from his spot near the fire and stood between me and his master. _Traitor._ “How could you be so thoughtless? They must be freezing down there!”

“Yeah, well, the one's always been a bit of a prat,” Garrett grumbled. “Being dead hasn't really changed that all that much.”

Okay, now I was completely confused.

“Hawke, explain what you mean. Do not leave us to your terrible guessing games.” I love when Fenris rides to my rescue.

Garrett rubbed at his face, obviously unsure of where to start until Anders went to him and placed a comforting hand on the man's shoulder. “You guys know the story, right? About my siblings, mother and I running out of Lothering ahead of the Blight. And how Carver died when he was hit by an Ogre trying to save Mother? Well, apparently he, uh... didn't.”

_Okay, hold on._ “What do you mean 'didn't'?”

“I swear to the Maker we checked for a pulse! We couldn't find anything, that Templar, Wesley, commended his soul to the Maker and everything! But I guess he was just really far under. Bethany wasn't enough of a healer to be able to tell the difference. After taking us to Gwaren, Flemeth returned and took his body to another Warden, a guy named Riordan, and even then it was almost too late. He barely survived the Joining and then it was months of healing broken bones.”

I reached out to run my fingers through Garrett's hair, placing a soft kiss at his temple. `Why didn't he contact you in Kirkwall? Or his twin? Bethany at least should have been told.”

“He thought we abandoned him, just left him behind because he would have slowed us down. Like I would really do that to my baby brother! Ass hat should have known better than that,” he scoffed. “I guess he was keeping tabs on us or something because he knew right away about Bethy being corrupted with the Taint and that sort of sealed the lid on the coffin. No way he was talking to us then. Too busy helping Bethany acclimate to the Wardens herself. Although he says he went to Mother's wedding ceremony, stood on a balcony and watched without letting her know. Says it was really beautiful.”

“And, what? They're both here? Bethany _and_ Carver?” _Well, damn, ain't that a kick in the teeth. I'd wonder if it happened this way because of my arrival but these things would have happened before that. Right?_

“I need to meet them before the War Council, Garrett.” We were going to have a little chat, all right, the twins and I. “Can you take me to them?”

Garrett's eyes lit on mine, filled with a mixture of love and apprehension. “You want to do it now?”

I chuckled softly. “Well, I think maybe I should get dressed first, if it's all the same to you. Wouldn't want to meet my In-laws for the first time naked, now would I?”

“Yeah, that's probably for the best,” Garrett replied. “Carver's enough of a prat as it is. Wouldn't want to make it easier for him.”

 

 


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to say ARGH about this whole chapter. I give up, I quit, I'm done! No one will do what I want!

“Carver stop it! You're being a brat!”

Well it's a damned good thing that we were in the vaults where there had yet to be any excavating because the twins were making enough noise to bring every worker running. My breath actually caught a moment with the thought of my own twins bickering like this in twenty-some years. Garrett lay his hand along my spine and leaned in to kiss a temple. “Yeah, they're cute, aren't they?”

“I hear you out there, Garrett Hawke! You better have brought your wife or I will be very cross!” I heard Bethany yell and I giggled. No wonder Garrett got on with me. She sounded like I did when I scolded him.

We stepped into the small library room that the twins had hidden in, Fenris and Anders at our backs. They looked almost exactly as I pictured them from the game, though a little older, more world weary. Bethany's smile was just like Garrett's, reaching from ear to ear while Carver scowled, a scar that reached from his brow and over his right eye pulling his face just a little tighter. I never expected to meet the twins, but now that they were here I couldn't contain my excitement.

And apparently neither could Bethany.

“Ooooh! Look how wonderful you look! Can I touch?” I laughed and nodded, and Bethany stepped closer to lay her hand gently on my stomach. And the babies just had to take that opportunity to kick wildly at the heat of the hand over them.

“So this is the 'Mother of Miracles', huh? Somehow I thought she'd be more pious or something,” Carver groused. He was then promptly hit in the back of the head by his siblings.

“'Mother of Miracles'?” I scoffed. “What in the name of Hell is that?” And of course no one answered me for a moment so I kind of checked out everyone's faces. Anders and Fenris looked as confused as I did. Bethany and Carver were both glaring at their elder brother and Garrett looked, well he looked at me sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his neck. When did he pick that up? He was reminding me of Cullen more every day.

“You said you were going to tell her last night, you idiot!” Bethany exclaimed, slapping Garrett in the arm. Wow, this family was handsy!

“I was tired and seeing my wife for the first time in months and kinda got... distracted,” he mumbled.

“Distracted? How could you get- oh.” And now suddenly Bethany was blushing while Carver looked confused.

“How did you get distracted?” he asked, looking at the others for answers.

Bethany laughed and draped herself across her twin's arm. “You know, Carv. _Distracted._ ”

Watching the slow change from confusion to understanding to disgust was actually quite funny and even Fenris chuckled. Then Bethany was throwing herself into Anders' arms for a bear hug, laying a soft hand briefly on Fenris' forearm. I was thankful she remembered the elf's aversion to touch.

Garrett reached out to wrap an arm around both my shoulder and his brother's. “So, my darling wife, Champion of Kirkwall and apparently Mother of Miracles, according to the masses that I spoke with in Crestwood, Selena Hawke, I'd like you to introduce you to my brother. Bane of the darkspawn, not to mention my childhood, back from the dead and hopefully for a very long time, Carver Hawke.”

I watched Carver's expressions as Garrett rambled. One thing I learned by playing the DA games was that Carver felt over-shadowed by his boisterous older brother and to tell the truth I couldn't really blame him. Garrett was a very forceful personality. He was also shit at hiding his feelings. So when I pulled away from Garrett and curtsied as low as I was able, I was happy to see both shock and just a touch of pleasure at the gesture. “A pleasure to meet you, Ser Carver.” I then turned slightly to face Garrett. “And if anyone calls me anything other than Selena or Regent, I'll show them what happens when you piss off a hormonal pregnant woman.”

Seeing the blood drain from all the male faces had me giggling.

“Oh, I like her,” Bethany said with a smile. Pulling me up and into another hug. “I'm Bethany and I guess we're sisters now! I always wanted a sister, but got stuck with icky boys instead.”

There was a chorus of 'Heys' from the guys and Carver was introduced to Anders and Fenris. After a few minutes of Carver shoving his foot in his mouth, first bitching about 'another mage' then comparing Fenris' tattoos to the ones that he had on his own body, I clapped my hands together for attention. “Okay, guys. We need to get the Advisors up to speed, the sooner the better.” The others agreed and we were off to the War Room.

Thankfully, the exit from the vault led only through Josephine's office, who was shocked to see our new compatriots. “Josie,” I started, “could you send runners to gather Leliana and Cullen? I'm calling a meeting.”

She pulled herself together quickly. “Of course, Regent,” she replied, and I motioned from her to Garrett.

“See? 'Regent'. None of this 'Mother of Miracles' nonsense.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he laughed softly. “Whatever you say, my love.”

We continued on, confident that Josephine would have the others assembled in short order.

  
  


  
  


I felt incredibly short being the only person seated in the War Room, but as time marched on around the table and my back and legs becoming more and more pained, Anders finally insisted that I sit and Fenris ended up dragging in Josephine's office chair. Introductions were made all around, which then had to be repeated when Max decided to crash the party. Cullen, in fact all the boys, were set to bodily remove him- or in Fenris' case remove body parts- but I allowed it. Because of the stupid mark on his hand, Maxwell Trevelyan was going to have to be included in every away mission for the time being, and that included going out to meet the other Wardens.

On the other hand, he would never lead. One of the Inner Circle would head every mission out of Skyhold until such time I could lead them myself.

Oh and the noises that came out of everyone at that proclamation! Max bitched, of course, as Max was wont to do. But it was the others who were boisterous in their denials. Every argument was thrown at me before, with a soft puff of smoke, Cole popped into the room and loosed a piercing whistle.

You could hear a bloody pin drop when the boy whispered, “She would like to talk now,” then poofed off again.

“And that, my newest siblings, was Cole. You can meet him later,” I said with a sigh. “In the meantime, all this talk of me on missions is far in the future. Consider this my mat leave and we won't need to be concerned about any of it for at least another six months.”

“Mat leave?” Josephine asked.

“Long story but basically the time between when a woman has a baby and returns to work. The babies and I are going to need bonding time and I'll need to work hard to get my body back, not to mention my aim so I'm saying six months at the earliest. With luck, we'll have the war won by then and none of you will even need me.”

They all- okay Max didn't- good naturedly scoffed, but at least they were temporarily mollified. None of them needed to know that I was already looking around for possibly nurse maids. I needed to get back in the thick of things. Like, now. I groaned loudly trying to lever myself out of the chair before a multitude of hands reached out to help me, taking Fenris' mostly because his were the closest. Once upright, I patted his arm with a smile and moved away to get a better look at that War table. I didn't see the foot sticking out until it was too late.

Most people don't think that a trip and fall are a big thing, they do it all the time with no ill effects. But when you're the size of a Plymouth your centre of balance is completely fucked. Though able to get my arms out to break my fall, my stomach was just so much bigger, hitting the edge of the table hard. The pain was intense and immediate, as were the screams around me.

Okay, some of them might have been mine.

Anders had me in his arms, peppermint and elfroot swirling around me. There was another, softer with a hint of something hot and metallic. Looking around I found Bethany, kneeling at my other side, fingers touching me with pale green light. _Wait. When did I end up on the floor?_ Pain wracked my body culminating in my stomach and there was an agonizing pressure building up between my legs. But it was too early, wasn't it? I couldn't have them yet! I think I must have moaned a no or something because Anders was hushing me as they worked, telling me to relax. Like I could fucking relax! Maybe I should grab his balls and twist, see if he could relax!

When some of the pressure began to ease I took stock of the room. Maxwell was seated inn my vacated chair, Leliana's knife tip pressed painfully close to his skin, though he appeared unafraid of it. Of course not, the Inquisition needed him. No way Leli would actually be able to kill him. He had nothing to fear. Of course, if Carver holding back Garrett or Cullen with Fenris were to lose their grips, nothing would be able to save him. “Why?” Leliana was demanding. “Why did you do it?”

“Do what, Spymaster?” he came back with. “She tripped. Accidents happen. I hope she'll be all right.”

I could hear the condescension from my position on the floor. A position that was becoming more painful by the moment. I guess maybe I said something because Josephine hurriedly left the room only to be followed by the Iron Bull a few minutes later. The Qunari made a move towards Max before Anders was able to get his attention and convince him to lift and carry me to our rooms.

Okay, now I want you to picture this. Two very powerful warriors are being held back by two others. The Spymaster is interrogating the herald of Andraste by knife point while the Inquisitor Regent is being carried away by the Qunari Ben-Hassrath flanked by two mages. This is what poor Jim the messenger walked into, words half-formed on his lips before he stopped dead in the doorway. I'd have laughed if it didn't hurt so much.

“What is it?” Cullen barked to the hapless man.

“Oh Uh... message from the gates for the ambassador,” he stuttered. “Lord Guttenhart and his wife are here from Kirkwall, my Lady. Their coaches are just pulling in.”

And suddenly you could hear a pin drop in the room, you know, except for my whimpers of pain but we're not counting those. Leandra was here.

_Well, fuck._

 

 

 

 


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it. Hopefully this won't put people off the experience of having kids...

I would like to say that I was cool as a cucumber. I would like to say that I kept a civil tongue in my head and my hands to myself. I would like to say that I didn't break one of Garrett's fingers in my death grip.

But that, of course, would be a lie.

“Shit! My pinky!”

“Get your pansy ass out of here if you can't take it! Fuck!”

Yeah, it wasn't pretty.

“All right, my loves. I need everyone to clear the room-”

“Let Leandra in!”

“All right, everybody out except Leandra when she gets here.”

“But Anders-”

“Mage, I will not-”

“ _ENOUGH_!” Dead silence. Screaming women in labour always get everyone's attention. “Garrett go see your mother. Bring her- argh!- bring her here then go get a lot of drinks. _Amatus_ , I can feel you flickering. Go to the training yard and beat up some dummies for a while. From the feel of things this won't -HOLY FUCKING GOD!- this won't take too long.”

I guess Anders managed to get them out because I kind of lost a bit of time, what with all the screaming and everything. Fuck! I didn't remember labour ever being this bad! Of course, with the first four I was drugged to the gills. By the time my youngest, Kyle, came along I had developed an allergy to most of the pain killers that hospitals used for this sort of thing and ended up popping Tylenol threes and a lot of ice chips. Oh, and speaking of ice chips-

“How does that feel, love?” The cool feel of peppermint washed over me, taking about half of the pain away, then one of those wonderful bits of frozen water was resting against my tongue.

“You're a god, did you know that?” Oh look! I was at the loopy stage. Hooray!

Anders chuckled just as there was a soft knocking on the door. “So I've been told,” he replied, moving to answer. “Though usually it was in the bedroom.”

I looked around. “We _are_ in the bedroom.”

“So we are.”

There was the sound of the door opening and a teary, whispered conversation before something that rattled and clunked was set on the floor and a pair of soft, slightly wrinkled fingers entwined with mine. Oh, apparently I closed my eyes again. When did that happen? “When my son wrote to me, I packed my things right away just to come here and give you a piece of my mind for masquerading as my dead daughter-in-law. But it's true. You aren't... you aren't dead.”

I smiled at the tears in her eyes and clung to her hand. “Nope. Back from the dead and about to- Oh my FUCKING GOD! Any time now you little blighters!- a... about to make you... a grandmother.”

“Oh, Selena, darling, you have no idea how happy I am right now!” she warbled, the tears coming profusely now.

Anders was propping my legs up, because apparently they had fallen on their own accord, and shifted the sheet that covered my lower half. I heard him mutter a soft swear word, which was never a good thing. “Selena, Sweetheart, there's some bleeding here I need to take care of. Don't be alarmed.”

“Don't be alarmed!” I cry. “Why the fuck shouldn't I be alarmed?!”

“Let the man do his work, dear heart,” Leandra placated.

“Shut it, Grandma! I'm not in the mood for cool and collected right now!” Okay, I know I was being a bitch, but dammit, this shit hurt! Cool peppermint, some under the breath muttering and then, suddenly, pressure! No lead up, no nothing, just suddenly there's a baby crowning!

“Well, I guess someone wants out now,” Anders chuckled, but even in my current state I could hear the fear. “Leandra if you could help her sit up a bit and get the pillows under her back and neck, we'll get this show on the road.”

I will not go into detail about this bit. Needless to say, it was painful and messy and not something to be shared with others if at all possible. There was a lot of screaming done by me, then a bit of screaming done by baby, a brief respite and then a soft weight placed upon my chest. I cracked my eyes open to see the most beautiful baby staring back at me with giant green eyes. “She's beautiful,” Leandra whispered.

Name. She needed a name. “Victoria Bethany Patricia.” Yeah, that's a name all right.

Baby number two. The pain and the screaming were back and the weight from my chest was removed, although I could hear her wailing so close to me. I wanted her back. I wanted her back so very badly.

“Shit!” I heard Anders swear softly. “Leandra please take the baby and go and fetch Fenris. Quickly!”

I heard her move away and the door close before I opened my eyes again. Anders had taken her place, briefly laying a kiss on my now very sweaty brow. “Sweetheart, the baby hasn't turned.”

Well fuck! That's not good at all. Thank God Fenris showed up quickly, though when Anders explained to him what he had to do he very nearly ran away again. But then another contraction hit and I'm pretty sure my screaming shored up his resolve.

“All right, Fenris, I need you to reach in through the skin and gently take a hold of the child's body, turning him around so that his head rests at her pelvis.”

“I will try, but when I solidify my hand to hold him, it will hurt Selena.”

“I can mitigate the pain with healing magic but this needs to be done now! He's in distress.”

I didn't have time to say boo before they were working. Under any other circumstances, the feeling of Fenris' fingers sliding beneath my skin is a heady thing. Today, not so much. The excruciating pain grew and ebbed like the contractions but so close together I couldn't acclimate. And then the hand was gone and the pressure between my legs increased. I pushed, harder than I ever have before. I could feel the tearing of flesh and muttered cursing from Anders, Fenris' fingers ghosting along my hairline followed by his lips and soothing words. It was all just too fucking much!

And then there was the soft cries of a baby, the weight placed against my chest, heavier than his sister. I couldn't see his eyes, all scrunched up with his screaming, but his hair was thick and black. “Jackson Carver Karl,” I whispered, before the world slipped away from me.

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


_I stood in the Grand Hall of Skyhold, though it looked nothing like the dilapidated wreck it was now. Everything was bright and clean, banners from long forgotten places hung from the ceiling and the walls were of the smoothest stone I had ever seen. This was Skyhold before the human stronghold, when it was held by the elves._

_The cloaked figure of my dreams stood beside me, taller than before, regal. It was a stance I was familiar with though I could not place where. His face was in darkness beneath the hood, not even a hint this time, and even his fingers were pulled back beneath the fabric._

_* The first children to be born here in over a thousand years. * he said softly, his voice one of awe. * The blood of miracles. *_

“ _I don't understand. Why does everyone call them miracles?” I asked._

_* To the people of Thedas you were returned from the dead, heavy with child. Think of how that looks to the masses. Then those same children worked magic that has not been seen since the fall of Arlathan, and from the womb no less. They will do great things. Miraculous things. *_

_I thought about this for a minute before responding. “No.”_

_* No? *_

“ _No. They'll be children. Children are miracles unto themselves. And I'm not going to let a bunch of religious fanatics take that away from them.”_

_* A noble sentiment, Earth child. I wish you luck with that. *_

 

  
  


  
  


I woke slowly to the sound of whispered voices and soft baby cries. Creaking my eyes open I carefully looked around the room, my head swimming with the movement and found that, for once, I was not waking in a strange bed. It really was a day of miracles! I could feel cool magic whisping around my body, though it felt stretched out, like a piece of thread pulled too tight. Anders was running out of mana but was still working on. I tried calling his name but all that came out was a soft groan. Still, it was enough to get someone's attention as a cup of cool liquid was brought to my lips and strong fingers were lifting my head so as to keep me from choking as I drank. I heard Fenris' soft growl for the mage to stop though it still took several long seconds for the cool peppermint to taper off.

Still exhausted beyond reason, I fought to keep my eyes open long enough to take in the room. The bed had been remade with fresh sheets around me while I slept, evidence of the messy birth vanished. Fenris and Anders sat on either side of me on the mattress, the elf stroking and caressing my fingers and hair while the mage clung to the other hand, looking even more tired than I felt. Garrett and Leandra stood near the end of the bed, a child held by each, both grinning like fools.

“How are you feeling, love?” Anders asked, peering closely into my eyes.

“Tired,” I replied, though that was a near thing. I couldn't seem to keep my eyes open anymore.

“Rest, _Amatus_ ,” Fenris whispered, softly brushing his lips along my forehead. “You need rest to recover.”

One last question. I needed to know. “How are they?”

“Absolutely perfect,” Garrett rumbled, moving closer to the side of the bed so that I could see Jackson in his arms, Leandra close behind with Victoria. From what I could see past their swaddling, their skin was that perfect baby pink with thick, dark swatches of hair. I knew Victoria's eyes were wide and green but I still had to wonder at Jackson's.

Sleep was dragging me down again but I managed a soft 'I love you', directed at all in the room and sleep took me again to the sounds of reciprocation.

 

 

 


	41. Chapter 41

Apparently I spent the next few days very much the same as I did after having my youngest son... the one from my last life, anyway. Wow. This could get very confusing, couldn't it? Anyway, after Kyle my blood pressure was so high that the doctors couldn't figure out how I didn't have a heart attack during labour! So they kept me sedated for forty-eight hours, only bringing me up to feed and care for the baby, until things stabilized a little. It was still pretty bad, but at least it was manageable.

Anders tells me, in this case, it was tearing caused by the fall against the table, coupled with the pressure of the birth. It was something that, if he tried to heal it all at once would have put the babies in distress and after they came into the world I had lost a lot of blood. So he would have me drink a lot of elfroot and then put me to sleep so my body could rest, only waking me to have cuddle and feeding time with the munchkins.

I missed the reunion of the twins and Leandra, though I'm told the tears were enough to fill several water barrels. Okay, Sera kind of told me that so I'm sure it's a lie, but I can still kind of see it. She cried and fussed over Bethany for a bit before her and Garrett finally managed to sit her down and explain about Carver. Anders was certain she was going to either have a heart attack of a stroke and hovered over the entire conversation. But apparently after the first bout of shock she just stood up and wrapped herself around her son's waist and just kept telling him she was sorry.

Oh, and now she refuses to leave his side for more than a few minutes a day and it's driving him crazy.

Once Anders finally declared me healed enough to stay awake for more than a few minutes my days became _very_ full. The boys did the best they could, but baby formula isn't exactly a thing here, so when Jack and Vicky got hungry it was Mom to the rescue. Soon enough we'd see about getting a wet nurse but until then...

Add on top of all this the regular goings on of Skyhold. Josephine was at my door several times a day with papers to sign or decisions to make. And, of course, she was already planning a giant assed party to introduce the twins 'into society', as she put it. Leandra got wind of that and it was like they were two peas in a pod. None of us stood a chance.

The babies were a week old when Cullen let me know that Maxwell Trevelyan was in the dungeons awaiting my judgment. Bethany and I were seated by the fireplace, each with a baby on our laps when he came to deliver the news. I told him that, as the injured party, I was kinda biased but he insisted that there was no one else with the authority.

“What's the matter, Templar? Afraid to do it yourself?” Bethany said snidely and I gasped.

“Bethany! What's gotten into you?” I asked, taken aback by her vehemence. And judging by the look on Cullen's face, so was he.

“Years of running for my life has taught me one very crucial thing; Templars are great at following orders, no matter how absurd or dangerous the order is. All you've got to do is threaten their lyrium supply. But they are absolute shit at giving orders out. The power goes to their heads and turns them to mush.”

I watched Cullen as she spoke, as his skin paled and his eyes hardened. I thought for sure he'd say something, blow up at her or slam a fist but he merely nodded at me before turning and leaving the room calmly and quietly. Well fuck.

“You are an idiot,” I finally said to her, trying for calm and collected.

“What?” she sputtered.

“That man is not the same on that was in Kirkwall years ago,” I sighed, lifting Vicky to sit more comfortably in my arms. She farted in response, as all babies do. “The Cullen Rutherford you met before you became a Warden, he was... damaged. Some really horrible things had happened to him at Kinloch Hold and he was suffering from something we call PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's something that can fundamentally change everything about you, right down to your personality. All his talk about 'Mages aren't like you and I' bullshit was just that- bullshit. In his core he doesn't believe that any more than you do. I think it was all that happened with Commander Meredith that finally opened his eyes to how he was behaving. He tried to make things better for a while afterwards but ideas and habits were too ingrained in the Templars there. And then the Mages rebelled and it all went to shit. So when Cassandra approached him a year ago to lead the Inquisitions soldiers he leapt at the chance to really make a difference. Maybe right some of his wrongs, at least in his own head.”

Bethany sat quietly, staring into the fire for a few minutes before replying. “But he's still controlled by Cassandra isn't he? The lyrium? I know she's the one controlling the rations for the Templars you have in the ranks.”

“Actually, no. Cullen hasn't come right out and told me so, but I know he hasn't been taking his lyrium for several months now.”

“He stopped!” Bethany cried, causing Jack to whimper and squirm. She paused to settle him with soft hushes before continuing. “But that could kill him!”

“He knows,” I said, patting Vicky lightly. She was starting to get squirmy but I wanted to finish this talk before I got distracted by feeding time. “But he's determined to leave the Chantry and the Templars behind him. To be the man he wants to be, not the one foisted on him.”

I wanted to give Bethany the time she seemed to need to process what I was telling her but Vicky was getting impatient now so I started to untie the loose top I had taken to wearing and nudged her with my foot. “Jack'll want fed as soon as his sister's done.”

“Oh, yes, of course,” she stammered softly, pulling the baby away from her shoulder to lie across her lap. After a few minutes we switched off, Jack moving to my other breast while Bethany burped her in a very loud and unladylike fashion. Bethany chuckled before standing to place the bundle in her bassinet. Her brother followed quickly and the twins were soon sleeping peacefully again. I sighed. Soon enough they'd be crawling and awake at all hours. Oh joy.

I reached out to pat my sister-in-law on the arm as we stood there staring down at the little bits of wonder. “Just talk to him, okay? Form your opinions on who he is now, not on who he was then.”

Slowly she nodded and, after a quick hug, left the three of us alone. I decided that now would be a very good time to nap.

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


Skyhold's dungeons were still under some construction when I entered, Fenris at my side. I had finally acquiesced to judge the man, but only if I was allowed to speak with him first. This drew all sorts of objections from both the Advisors and my boys but I was adamant. Everyone finally agreed, as long as I took a bodyguard, a duty for which Fenris agreed readily.

It was chilly down in the bowels of Skyhold, a giant section of wall having given way to the cold mountain air. Some of the cells had caved in at some point as well, leaving us with only a few usable rooms. Not that that was a major issue at the moment, since we really needed only a few.

The last Templar of any real rank from Therinfall Redoubt was pacing back and forth across his cell floor, quietly ranting to himself. I wished I could remember his name now, if only to be able to tell him to shut it. But with only the blue lyrium to sustain him after ingesting the red, he was slowly going mad and there was nothing I could do about it.

Gereon Alexius, on the other hand, just looked up from the book he was reading and gave me a sad little smile. I promised myself I would come down and talk with the man sometime soon, maybe introduce him to the babies. For all the evil he did in the hopes of saving his son, he really wasn't a bad man, and I hoped to maybe find a way to redeem him.

Fenris dismissed the stonemasons that were working nearby, leaving only the two door guards at their post, and we approached. Max was as far back in his cell as he could get, sitting on an old cot and wrapped in a threadbare blanket. But his smile was smug, like he knew a joke we didn't and would never understand. I seriously wished I could reach in and slap it off of him.

“Twins, they tell me,” he chuckled darkly. “Congratulations.”

“Shut your mouth, Trevelyan,” Fenris growled, tattoos flaring briefly until I placed a restraining hand on his arm.

“God, Max! You can be such a prat!” I chided. “I hope my kids are better toddlers than you're turning out to be.”

“So who's the father, huh?” he needled. “You figure it out yet? Or are you just going to string these saps along forever.”

Fenris was growling again but I just laughed. “Dude, you haven't a clue, do you? So caught up in your own little shit world you can't see the forest for the trees. Like a high school bully, not happy unless making someone else miserable.”

Max stood abruptly and stalked towards the cell bars. Fenris took a step between us but I stood my ground. Max was reminding me more and more like James a month or so after the accident, and I refused to be intimidated any longer. He was ranting now, angry and frustrated. “The power was supposed to be mine! I've got the Mark, I should be running the show, not you. Not a couple of wet nosed brats! ME! The most powerful political force in all Thedas and I'm stuck in the dungeons like some cutpurse! I don't deserve this!”

“You deserve this and more, traitor,” Fenris seethed. “You are nothing but a child, mewling for more than you can handle. And when you receive it, you squander what you are given.”

“And what would you know of it, slave,” Max retorted. And if it weren't for my restraining hands we would be short one prisoner before the trial could even start.

“Fenris, love, don't let him get to you. Why don't you go stand over by the wall? I won't get too close, I promise.”

With many glares that should have flayed skin, Fenris finally acquiesced, though moving only a few steps away instead of as far as the wall. Still in easy arm's reach. Max just smirked as though he had won a victory.

I paced for a bit in front of Max's cell, trying to decide how to start. “Okay, Max, I'm sure you know by now that I'm supposed to judge you for what happened in the War Room.”

“For what? Your clumsy feet?” Max scoffed. “You tripped and fell and somehow that's my fault, is it? No, this is nothing but an excuse to get me out of the way for your own nefarious reasons.”

I sighed in disappointment, even as Alexius laughed at the man's stupidity. “Sadly, I can't say I'm surprised,” I said with a sigh, turning to leave. “I had hoped you might at least be a little sorry for what you did. It would make my decision easier. But I guess tomorrow's judgment will be harder than I thought.”

“Tomorrow?”the man cried in horrified surprise.

“Yes, Max. I'll be making all my judgments tomorrow. Make peace with your Maker.” I reached out to grip Fenris' hand in mine and made my way out into the fresh air of Skyhold.

 

 

 


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse. 
> 
> Okay, yes, for the last three weeks I had no internet while I moved from our tiny rented rooms to an actual apartment, broke the knuckle on my right pinky finger, and introduced a new kitten to the family. No, I have no excuse because apparently this chapter has been sitting in my finished folder to be uploaded for even longer and I completely forgot!
> 
> There's another chapter finished that I'll post in a couple of days and one that needs to be finished up and edited. I'll try to not let this happen again (we all know this is a lie. I'm terrible at this updating thing)

Josie was the picture of annoyance, though I could hear Leliana chuckling nearby. As far as our dear Ambassador was concerned, today was supposed to be a day of solemnity and reverence, and I just couldn't do it.

The Hall had finally been completely cleared of debris and the giant chandeliers repaired and replaced, filled with long burning candles to light the room. The carpet runner leading up to the dais was faded from years of wear but cleaned to it's original red colour, matching the plush cushioning of the ancient throne that they insisted remain atop the dais. The chair that _I_ insisted upon was smaller, a simple wingchair scrounged from Dorian's library, placed to the right hand of the throne. Josephine and Cullen both stood upon the stairs leading up, each prepared to present cases for judgment. Normally, this would be solely the purview of the Ambassador, but with the Templar in our cells Cullen had requested special dispensation to present the man himself.

The ladies had dressed me up, God dammit! Oh, don't get me wrong, the dress they wriggled me into was this absolutely divine Orlesian blue silk, almost intense enough to be considered Warden blue, though the corset that went with was cutting off my breathing, I would swear! I knew they were trying to hide the baby weight I still carried but comfort people! Is that so bad?

I wasn't the only one all dressed up for the occasion. Besides the first few nobles to come flocking to the Inquisition, my boys were looking majorly spiffy. Each wore a piece of clothing somewhere in the same blue as my dress- Garrett's leather vest had been heavily dyed, Anders' linen tunic tucked into tight leather breeches. Even Fenris wore a simple silk favour around his gauntleted wrist. They arranged themselves nearby, within easy reach of the throne. Spirit sat at attention next to my own chair, a new blue leather collar studded with silverite around his neck. Leandra and her husband Willem, along with Bethany and Carver, were up in the balconies overlooking the proceedings. Except for the children, who were safely tucked away with their new wet nurse, a sweet young elvehn woman named Abby, the entire family were out to watch.

And as I waited for Josie to read through all the mumbo jumbo that needed to be said before they brought anyone out, I pulled out my knitting and got to work on baby booties while my sweet kitty, Warden, proceeded to bat around one of the yarn balls.

“Must you do that right now, my Lady? We are about to proceed?” Josephine asked, giving me the closest thing to a glare I've ever actually seen on her normally placid face.

“Considering how quickly children grow and how often I'll need to replace these? Yes,” I countered. “Every spare moment, Josie.”

She sighed dramatically then bent to consult her clipboard. Here's a question for you: How does she keep wax from dripping on that thing? I've been watching and I still can't figure it out. She began her usual speeches, thanking the nobles for attending, yadda yadda, then began introducing the first case. A couple of bandit leaders I didn't even know were in our holding cells, easy peasy, sent off to Fort Drakon in Fereldan since all their thieving took place out in the Hinterlands. No problem. Then was a mage and templar brought up for fighting, though with a couple of questions and spying some furtive looks I got out of them that they were actually lovers, which apparently was still frowned upon by both orders. I scoffed at that and told them that both sides could fraternize if they damned well pleased. My punishment consisted of locking them together in a room for a couple of hours and no more fighting. Cullen snorted so I think he approved.

Next Josephine introduced the case of Gereon Alexius. He was looking tired, dishevelled, but there was the hint of a smile on his face that cheered me. “How are you feeling today, Gereon?” I asked, startling him.

“I am good, my Lady Regent. And you?”

“Tired as all get out, to tell the truth,” I chuckled. “Babies aren't really sticklers for sleep schedules.”

Gereon grinned softly. “I remember Felix at that age. I do believe he thought sleep was for the weak.”

“Do we know how Felix is these days,” I asked, keeping my voice low. Not everyone needed to know about the boy.

“A letter arrived from Ansburg this morning, my lady. My boy is a Grey Warden now.”

The man's pride was palpable and I couldn't help but smile. “That is wonderful!” I cried. “Felix will make a great Warden.” Josie cleared her throat nearby and I blushed. “Sorry, right. Judgment. Okay, look Gereon, you kind of screwed up. You know this right?” The man nodded, bowing his head so I continued. “On the other hand, you are an extremely gifted mage and researcher and that should not be squandered. You are hereby stripped of all lands and titles, to be held in trust for your son Felix until he comes forward to claim them, and will be placed under the purview of Grand Enchanter Fiona as researcher for the Inquisition. You'll have to have a Templar assigned to you at all times, which I will leave in Commander Cullen's capable hands, but you will be granted access to any and all public facilities within Skyhold and, should you need it, may request access to the Undercroft and other such amenities.”

At my nod his guards stepped forward to lead the man away, though he did turn to give me a soft thank you before leaving. Several of the nobles were grumbling amongst themselves, not happy with my decision, and I could see the tension thrumming through my sweet Fenris. I wanted to reach out to soothe him but the guards were already bringing out the damned Knight-Lieutenant whose name I could never remember and there was no time. And wouldn't you know it, all the damned grumbling going on drowned out Cullen's voice when he began introducing the case and I _still_ didn't hear it! ARGH!

“Hey! Everybody! Shut the FUCK up!”

Well, that quieted the room in a hurry. Except for Sera's cackling laughter from somewhere in the balconies, of course. “As you were saying, Commander.”

“Knight-Captain Denam-” _Knight-Captain? Jeez, I couldn't get the assholes rank right! No wonder I kept forgetting his name!_ “-has been charged with aiding and abetting an Envy demon in destroying the Templar Order.”

“I was doing what I was ordered to do by my superiors!” the man cried out, pulling against the tight grip of his guards. His eyes burned, spittle flying in his self-righteous anger.

“I see. So you were just being a good little Nazi,” I replied, sliding my knitting back into my lap, lest I 'slip' and accidentally stab the man with a needle in the eye. Didn't want to get blood on the booties, now did I? I waved off the looks of confusion the room was giving me and kept my attention on the templar. “See, no one makes it all the way to the rank of Knight-Captain without questioning really stupid orders every once in a while. I mean, look at Commander Cullen! Yeah, it took him a while to get his head out of his ass, but once he heard the pop even he realized some of his orders were just downright dumb.”

“Oh thank you for that,” he grumbled and I gave him a smile. There was a soft, girlish giggle from the balcony and Cullen began to blush like a cherry tomato.

“No, see, I think you liked all that power the red lyrium gave you,” I continued, taking stock of how the man's limbs shook and his eyes darting around the room. He was a junkie without a fix if there ever was one. “You fed your brethren to the demon for just one more hit. And in the end, do you really think it was all worth it? Cause it wasn't, not even close. Good men- _your_ men- lost everything because of you. Some of them even their lives. So you'll be losing everything, too. As of right now, Denam, you will be stripped of all rank and removed from the Order, and Skyhold. If, in five years time, you wish to rejoin, you may apply as a recruit at the discretion of whoever leads the Order at that time. Commander Cullen, could you and Ser Barris see that this is done?”

Cullen smiled and nodded, motioning for the man's guards to begin dragging their sputtering prisoner the way they had come, he and Barris following in their wake. This time the nobles were solemn, contemplative over my decision and though Garrett gave me a thumbs up, now both Anders and Fenris were grimacing. That's the problem with being put in charge- you just can't please everyone.

Josephine cleared her throat and looked down to check her clipboard. I really want to know how that works! Didn't the candle drip wax on all her paperwork? Did she carry extra candles around or was that one some kind of magic candle? Weird... “Our last case of the day, one Maxwell Trevelyan, for assault on the Inquisitor Regent and the attempted murder of her then unborn children.”

The room quieted for just a moment before voices exploded around us. Questions, indignation- both for and against us- and outright anger from every noble and commoner in the room as a quartet of guards brought the man forward to be judged. The Inner Circle in attendance stood straighter, on guard as my men moved closer around my chair. I put my knitting aside, attention focused now on the prisoner.

Actually... he looked pretty good, even shackled and shuffling forward. He stood straight when they stopped before the dais, cocky grin and eyes flashing green. Wait...no... flashing brown. That's right, brown. I shook my head and sat back, not realizing I had stood up. Fingers wrapped themselves around my shoulder and I could feel the tingle of Fenris' lyrium thrumming through my skin, grounding me. I didn't realize just how badly seeing Max would affect me until he was there. My fingers were shaking and my breath was panting. Fuck, that's not good...

“Let's get this farce over with, shall we?” a voice called from behind the group. “This entire production is really beneath you, my dear. Though really not unexpected for one of your obvious low class.”

She stepped around the group and I had to sigh. Vivienne patted Max on the arm as she approached the dais, everyone taking a small step closer, as though more bodies could protect me from her magic. “What are you doing here, Viv?” I asked, swallowing down my apprehension.

She grimaced at my nickname for her. It's better than the one I was thinking of in my head, of course, but she didn't know that. “I am here to represent the Herald of Andraste against your spurious accusations. If the Maker's chosen representative doesn't deserve a fair trial, then who does, my dear?”

_God Dammit!_

 

 

 

 


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are certain visuals near the end that might give you a bit of an 'ewww' moment. I tried not to be too graphic, but you've been warned. Oh, and Vivi's annoyed. :)

I will tell you one thing about Vivienne- she is an amazing orator. If I were on death row and she were my attorney I would be counting the minutes until my release. She was eloquent and passionate and, well, wow. If I weren't the wronged party I might actually have wondered. But that's also the major problem with all of this. I _am_ the wronged party. And the judge. _Sigh._

Once some of the assembled nobles began adding their two cents worth to the whole ordeal I just sort of stopped listening. Yeah, I know, not exactly what you'd call very professional but what are you going to do? Sue me? Anyway, so I let my mind sort of drift and my eyes wander. At first, I wasn't sure what I was actually seeing when my eyes almost, but not quite, rested on Max. It was kind of like his shadow was bigger than he was, malformed, and that the air around him wavered just the slightest amount. At first I figured I was imagining things and moved on, but when I brought my attention back around it was all still there.

“Hold on a sec there, Viv,” I interrupted. “I gotta chat with my advisers here for just one brief moment.” She nodded with an obvious look of disdain- ooh! She did not like being dismissed like that, not one bit- and I motioned for my guys, as well as Josie and Cullen, to move in close. “Guys, there's something going on with Max,” I explained what I saw. “Please take a gander and tell me I'm not imagining things.”

They each turned to face the defendant and, wonderfully, that is when the weirdest of the weird things happened. Like a nictitating membrane, a line of glowing green moved from one corner of his eye to the other. Josephine and Anders both gasped while Fenris let out a low growl and moved for his sword. Yay! I'm not crazy with baby hormones! They saw the weirdness too! Before anyone could react _too_ violently I motioned for silence. “Nothing too drastic, guys,” I admonished with a whisper. “We don't know if that's just a side effect of the Mark or something more serious. Not to mention that this place is filled to the brim with civilians. We don't want any more casualties than necessary, right?”

“A barrier, maybe?” Anders mused, rubbing lightly at his chin. “Separating the dais from the crowd? Or-even better!- one that's inverted just around Max. It'll act like a protection dome but instead of nothing getting in, nothing gets out.”

“And how long have you been holding this one back, Love?” Garrett chuckled, giving his lover a knowing look.

Anders had the good sense to blush lightly. “I...uh...was experimenting with ways to partially paralyze someone. You know, not as total as a paralysis glyph but still unable to move arms or legs. This one acts kind of like a static cage without the electrical part. You know how Garrett gets during sex sometimes. I was looking for a way to mitigate... things.”

I pulled at his coat to pull him down to my lips for a brief kiss. “That's sweet of you. And we will definitely put your ideas into practice at a later date. For now, let's do this as quickly and quietly as possible.” I turned to our ambassador. “Josie, in a minute I'm going to have Anders cast the barrier. When that happens I need you to herd the civilians out of the Great Hall into the courtyard. They probably won't want to go so use some of the guards if you have to. Cullen, you need to get your men to cover the exits and move in if things turn hairy.” Each nodded and I turned my attention to the boys. “Anders, you know your job, barrier and keep us alive. Garrett, Fenris, I know better than to give you any job other than protecting me so I won't bother. Just do me a favour and don't get in anyone else's way, okay?”

Fenris chuckled lightly and purred in my ear that he would do his best to live with less offense, but Garrett pretended to swoon. “You wound me, my love!” He gripped at his chest and raised his eyes to the ceiling. “Maker, she has so little faith! What have I done to earn her displeasure? Pluck these barbed arrows from my chest that I may grovel at her feet, kiss her boots and and have her use me as she sees fit.”

I rolled my eyes with a grin, motioning for everyone to return to their places. By now Vivienne was looking seriously put out, though Max himself seemed somewhat nonchalant. Almost as though whatever decision we came to, he was going to be walking away smelling like roses. Spirit growled at the man low in his throat and I reached out to lay a comforting hand upon the Mabari's head. Comforting to whom, I couldn't say.

“Well, I have to say, Viv, that that was just amazing. You would have made a wonderful First Enchanter, I'm sure.” I grinned at the woman's sour expression. She really hated her loss of power and status at court, to put it mildly. “But how about we hear from Max now, okay? Max, assuming of course that you even are Max, you got anything to add?”

The looks of surprise around the room was good. The look in Max's eyes was priceless. They flared bright green, bright enough that those standing in the vicinity were all able to see, many gasping and pulling away. He tried to recover, stuttering something about not knowing what I was talking about, but the jig was up and he knew it. He tried to leap forward, hands still bound behind him and hit face first into the barrier that Anders had erected around him. Josie started hustling nobles away while Cullen got his men in position, just as planned. Garrett, Fenris and Spirit all stepped in front of the dais between me and Max, as I'm sure they planned as well.

The problem with plans is that one little monkey wrench can knock the whole thing out of whack.

I was standing now, knitting needles still clutched in my hand like some sort of talisman. Max was glaring, lips drawn back in a hiss of anger as blood dripped down from his nose. His eyes glowed green and it finally dawned on me that somehow, even though he was not a mage, Max had become possessed.

I stared at Max and he at me. _What do we do now?_ I don't think I've ever really had to exorcise a demon before. I mean, there was Justice but he was kind of an accident and I didn't have that power anymore. Maybe Cole?

As if my thoughts had summoned him- and they probably did- the boy popped into existence at my side, blades drawn and ready. Well shit, if Cole was armed it must be bad. “A hint, a whisper, a sliver of self, growing and growing until it consumes all. Wanting, yearning, but it belongs to another.” the boy's eyes closed to slits. “Envy,” he hissed.

Max's smile faltered, green receding to be replaced with honey brown filled with pain. Suddenly he was gripping at himself, falling to his knees, mouth open in a silent scream. I guess I took a step forward but Fenris reached out to grip my elbow, halting me. “No closer, _Amatus_.”

He was writhing now, gasping in obvious pain. Lines of blood were appearing against his skin, as though something were trying to rip it's way out from the inside. I felt magical energies filling the room, mages preparing spells or bolstering Anders' shield. Blades slid from their sheaths to accompany the soft ratcheting sound of Bianca being primed. Everyone left in the Grand Hall was ready. Or as ready as they could ever be.

_You should have let me have you, Earth Child,_ a voice hissed and I jumped, only to realize that it was in my head. _Poor Maxwell would be safe and sound were it not for you and your meddling ways. We could have been together, rivalling all others. Even the Elder One. But you had to fight me, and so I took another host until the time was right. A word here, a suggestion there and I was able to save a little piece of myself inside him. Would you like to see?_

No, I really didn't want to see anything at all. But when have I ever gotten what I wanted, huh? Okay, yeah, I got the boys but that's beside the point, right?

A green mist was beginning to seep from the tears in Max's skin, filling the barrier around Max's body, pushing at it, stretching it outwards. I glanced at Anders to see the sweat beading along his forehead with the strain of keeping the shield in place. Even with the help of other mages it wasn't going to hold.

“Duck,” Cole whispered to me moments before the barrier shattered in a flash of light. I tried, I really did, but the force sent me flying, my back hitting the edge of my chair, spine bowed and knees on the floor. I had trouble clearing my sight and my ears were ringing with the sound of bells. Cole was flung out of reach, as was Anders to the other side. My warriors rushed forward only to be tossed aside like ragdolls by impossibly long, thin arms corded with muscle. _Wait, it's solid? Shitfuckshitfuck!!!_

I shook my head, trying to clear my eyes only to wish that I hadn't. There was a creature next to Max's still body, sickly pale flesh the seemed to glistened with a viscous ooze, limbs too long with too many joints, eyeless but with a mouth too big with too many teeth. It was all just too much of everything, really.

It hissed when it saw me looking and lunged, gripping my shoulders with fingers that seemed to never end. People were screaming, calling my name in fear but I could only focus on the monstrosity in front of me. It was pushing me farther, bending me backwards into the seat of the chair. My spine was starting to scream along with the others.

_You should have let me in, avoided all of this. But you were greedy and selfish and wouldn't share your self with me. Now I will take it, and your children shall be at the elder One's side forever!_

I don't remember this now but apparently I told the demon to suck a lemon of some such. What I do remember is a pair of knitting needles, half finished baby booties hanging off the end, protruding from the demon's left eye. It looked at me in surprise and I probably had the same face on myself except, you know, covered in demon goo. And there was a lot of demon goo coming from that wound, let me tell you.

Hands pulled the monster from me, hacking and slashing until it was little more than a very large stain on the carpet, while other hands pulled me from the floor, wrapping me in healing magics. I just watched it all go down, sort of floating over it all. Okay, I was in shock, I know. The only thing going through my head right at that moment was _I need to find more yarn now, dammit._

_Well, fuck._

 


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed a fluff chapter, even if it's a little angsty.
> 
> So I've been doing the Hippo's Creativity Challenge over on Tumblr, mostly to up my word output. Not everything I've written has been for this story, but a fair majority of it, anyway. Which is why you get another chapter so soon (you know, when my usual output is like one a month, if you're lucky). There's even another chapter waiting to be edited already! YAY me!

Maxwell Trevelyan was alive. Whether or not he would ever awaken was still up for debate.

Anders, with a rotating relief staff of the Inner Circle mages- even Vivienne- worked to heal him but at this point there really wasn't much more they could do. Physically he was completely healed. But still he slept on. Solas even tried to find him in the Fade to no avail.

Meanwhile there was damage control to be done with the nobles. Strangely enough, most could care less about what was happening with the Herald of Andraste. As far as they were concerned, my babies made great replacements, and much more easily lead towards where they wanted them to go (like I was really going to allow something like that). No, the grist for the rumour mill appeared to be my unorthodox relationship with my men. Apparently most people hadn't realized what we were to each other, at least outside of Haven regulars, and now that the halls were teeming with hoity toity nobles we were the thing to talk about.

Lucky Anders had his hands full in the infirmary and Fenris was taken under the Commander's wing, taken out to work with the troops daily. And so it was left to Garrett and I to stem the tide of stupidity.

And we all know what Garrett's like.

Thank God for Leandra and her husband, Willem. She started by inviting a few of her acquaintances that had come to Skyhold from Kirkwall to tea in her suite, chatting them up and surreptitiously inserting tid bits about how happy and fulfilled her son was with his wife and lovers. By the end of the week there were more than a few couples thinking about polyamory.

No, I kept Garrett occupied with baby duty. As much as I loved and appreciated their nursemaid, Abby, I needed as much time as I could get with the little spawnlets. Vicky and Jack had nearly doubled in size and were both trying vainly to keep their heads upright. Soon enough they'd be crawling and I'd have to figure out how to baby proof a castle. Was that even a thing? 'Demon Keep Out' signs for the doors and no magic during nap times?

I was just putting them down for their afternoon nap when Leandra came to see me, her pack in hand and an apologetic grin on her face. “May I come in?” she asked in a whisper.

“Of course!” I, on the other hand, refused to whisper. If the babies couldn't sleep through normal conversation, how were they ever going to nap with a castle full of people making noise? Garrett laid Jack down next to his sister and the two immediately moved to embrace one another. Leandra grinned at that. “Bethany and Carver used to do that, right up until they were given separate beds. And even then they would find whatever excuse they could to sleep together. I wonder if the fact that they have different fathers will change anything.”

Garrett gasped. “How did you know? We didn't tell anyone!”

She just reached out to grasp his waist in a quick but fierce hug. “I'm sure most wouldn't notice, dear, but you must admit that little Victoria's skin is just a little too dark compared to yours or Selena's. And Jackson is a big boy, just like you and Carver were as infants. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters.”

Garrett briefly closed his eyes and leaned into her. “I am, Mother. I really am.”

She pulled back and moved to sit in one of the chairs we had set up near the cradle. “Good. Now, I need to give you some things before Willem and I return to Kirkwall.”

“You're leaving?” I asked, surprised. I don't know why but I thought they'd be staying. If not forever then at least for longer.

“Yes,” Leandra sighed. “Unfortunately, Willem has to get back. Something to do with his warehouses, I'm sure. We'll be here for another day or two, as soon as he gets transport settled. But before I go, there are some possessions of yours, daughter-in-law, that I need to return to you.” With that she lifted her large pack into her lap and began removing cloth-wrapped boxes. One was square, a little smaller than the babies' head, the other long and flat, Leandra having to struggle slightly to work it out of her bag. Last she pulled out something that had tears forming in the corners of my eyes. My old purse, the one that went into the ocean with me oh so long ago. I admit that I kind of snatched it from her fingers, ripping it open to look inside. My old wallet, cracked and worn with salt water, my single running shoe, the old cell phone that was so crusted with salt it looked like a small mountain crag. Even Mom's wedding band, that I promptly slid over my middle finger- Mom had slightly thicker fingers than me.

“Oh Leandra, thank you!” I gushed, Garrett's fingers reaching out to caress my hair.

“Don't thank me yet, Dear. There's still more,” she smiled softly, pushing the boxes into my lap.

As soon as I removed the cloth from the longer box I knew exactly what was inside and my heart rate jumped. I could feel the smile spreading across my face, so wide as to be almost painful. I unhooked the little clasp and flipped the lid, hinges squeaking faintly only to be drowned out by the crackle of lightning.

Two elvehn style long daggers, silverite and onyx, sparks of electricity dancing faintly along their lengths. Agility and Speed, my babies, nestled snugly in their velvet lined box. I pulled Speed out and marvelled at how natural it felt to hold it. The sparks danced around my fingers where they would have shocked someone else that held it and I wondered how Leandra got them into the box without having all of her hair stand on end.

Garrett leaned down from where he stood behind me, whispering into my hair. “We'll have to get you out to the practice yard sometime soon, won't we? Get you back in shape.”

“I'll take you any day of the week, handsome,” I replied, reaching around to pinch at his hip, causing him to yelp and Leandra to chuckle softly.

The last box now sat in my lap. My fingers trembled, hoping against hope that it held what I wanted it to hold. I hadn't realized how badly I had missed them until the prospect of seeing their faces sat in front of me. When my hands were shaking too badly to pull open the knot for the cloth covering, Garrett knelt down next to me and covered my fingers with his own, helping me to pull it apart. The box itself was beautiful, a dark mahogany with the Amell family crest inlaid with gold. I looked up at Leandra but she just motioned for me to continue.

Twelve small silver picture frames, a gift from Fenris on a long ago Satinalia. Some of them were still empty, waiting for tiny paintings to commemorate events in my life. The others held paintings commissioned when Garrett and I were engaged, tiny portraits of the men I loved. And photographs of my babies. They had held pride of place once upon a time on my dresser in Kirkwall, five pictures of five children of a former life.

I don't remember starting to cry but I do remember the feel of Garrett's arms sliding around me, lifting and resettling me so that I sat in his lap in the little chair across from his mother, my face pressed deep into the crook of his neck. Oh, how my heart hurt! I wanted to see them so badly! To hold them all tight to my breast and tell them how proud I was of them, how loved they were. But they were all beyond my reach now.

I cried myself into a semi-sleep stupor and never heard Leandra leave. Against my very weak protests, Garrett bundled me into his arms and he carried me to our bed where he tucked me in and laid down next to me, stroking my hair until I fell asleep, wrapped in warmth.

 

 


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Jim...

Garrett and I sat with Leliana at her desk in the rookery, plans for the future spread across it's surface. With our advanced knowledge, having played through most of the game, we had some inside information on how things were likely to proceed. And the spymaster's devious mind was perfect in helping us decide how to use it.

“So you are saying that Corypheus plans to raise an army of demons to take over Orlais after the assassination of Empress Celene? That would certainly cause the kinds of chaos he needs, would it not?” Leliana mused, taping at her lips with the quill in her fingers.

“Yes,” Garrett replied, though really I think Leliana's question was rhetorical. I wasn't going to call him on it, though. “And even if we manage to stop the demons, the assassination will still take place.”

“And you say it will be Duchess Florianne? She has never struck me as being particularly ambitious, more likely to rely upon her brother for the things she desires.” Leliana stared into space for a moment before continuing, “Perhaps Josephine has some contacts that can get closer to her without arousing suspicion.” She jotted down another note on her long list of things to do to prepare for the end.

I smiled. Leli reminded me of my sister when trying to work out a problem- chewing on her pen and making copious lists. “In the meantime, we need to bring the Wardens in from Crestwood. The more Wardens we save now, the fewer we'll have to fight when the time comes.”

Leliana shook her head. “I can not believe that Warden Commander Clarel would allow this to happen.”

I reached out a hand and patted her forearm, stilling the taping to her lips. “She's scared out of her mind and the Venetori presented her with the perfect answer. The last thing she wants is for the Wardens to disappear to heed their Calling, only for another Blight to begin with no one to defeat it. Corypheus knows this and so he sends her Magister Erimond.”

Garrett mock-shuddered next to me. “Greasy as a used car salesman.” I giggled, more at Leliana's momentary look of confusion than my man's joke.

“Anyway,” I continued. “We need to send a party out to Crestwood. The big problem is going to be the Rifts. Without the Mark, we can't close them and Maxwell's still out for the count. Assuming he'd help in the first place.”I thought about it for a bit. “Maybe you can get some of your scouts to put out markers so we don't stumble on any rifts by accident, Leliana. But tell them not to approach the Wardens. They'll be jumpy enough as it is, wouldn't do for there to be any accidents out there. Garrett and I will head out with a small team, do a bit of recon and scoop up our wayward charges to bring them to safety.”

“Do I gotta?” Garrett whined. “It's gonna rain on me and I'm gonna smell like wet dog. And you know Anders won't have anything to do with me when I'm wet.”

I laughed and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek. “You smell wonderful no matter the situation. Anders will just have to miss out.”

  
  


  
  


A few hours later and I managed to ditch Garrett at the training yards with the Iron Bull and make my way to the gardens. Garrett was bound and determined to knock the big Qunari to the ground at least once before they parted company. I, on the other hand, went in search of my babies.

Abby was a city elf from the Kirkwall Alienage that had been pregnant during her pilgrimage here to Skyhold. Unfortunately, the child did not survive the rigours of travel and was still born and while Anders was able to save the mother, she was still suffering the body's natural responses to being pregnant. Luckily for me, that makes her perfect nursemaid material.

I found the trio reclining in the shade of an ancient tree not far from the gazebo where Fenris was playing a game of chess against Dorian. Recently the pair had begun spending more and more time together, once Fenris got over the whole 'evil Magister' thing. Well, maybe 'got over' is a simplification. More like now that Fenris had realized that Dorian wasn't quite as bad as other's of their shared background. Dorian was still a Magister as far as the elf was concerned, but it was said with a bit less spitting than before.

I quietly sat next to Abby. Noting the slight flush to her cheeks from watching the men play and wondered idly if she might have a bit of a crush on one- or both- of them. The little brunette was in for a bit of a disappointment if that were the case. She gasped a soft 'my lady' and made to stand with Jack in her arms but I waved her down and took up Vicky from her little portable cradle. Someone must have brought this out for her because, trust me, babies with the accompanying mass of things to take care of them got very heavy very fast. No way one little elf woman would be able to handle it. I know I couldn't.

“So which one have you got your eye on?” I asked her with a slight grin.

Abby reddened even further and cast her eyes to the ground. She mumbled something, not repeating herself under I nudged her with an elbow. “Messere Jim, my lady. I'm sorry!”

_Wait... Jim?_ I looked around the garden and, lo and behold, kneeling down in the flower beds pulling weeds was the legendary Scout Jim. He was dirty up to his elbows and dripping with sweat, face flushed with exertion and too much sun. Poor old Scout Jim. I wondered what transgression he had performed this time to earn this penance. “So,” I hummed. “Does the illustrious Jim know of your affections?”

“Oh Maker no!” she exclaimed. “I would never-!”

“Why not? You're adorable and sweet and he could do a lot worse.”

Abby ducked her head, burying her face into little Jack's smattering of hair, and whispered, “But I'm an elf.”

It actually took me a second to realize that that would pose a problem for most people. I was with Fenris, a magnificent specimen of elf, and me and mine had no issues with that. Some people- more than most, sad to say- did have a problem. “Is it Jim that doesn't want to be with an elf?” I asked. Mostly because if it was I was going to have him doing penance for a very, very long time.

“Oh no, my lady. Jim has... no such compunctions,” she stammered, and I really wanted to know how she found that little tidbit out, but I digress. “It's... others. Others that would make life difficult for him that have issues.”

“Is it one of his superiors?” I queried, though I couldn't see that being a problem.

“No, just... others. Please, my lady, it's just not feasible.” In other words, drop it. Gotcha.

This was something I was going to have to think about.

  
  


  
  


That evening Fenris and I were tucking the babies into their cradles before settling down before the fire for dinner. It was chillier than I was used to out here in the mountains and I used that as my excuse to curl up close to my love whenever possible. A few more weeks until Anders declared me fit for other activities and then cuddling would not be all we would be doing in front of the fire, let me tell you. For now, though, Fenris read to me from the Tales of the Black Fox and I thought on a certain nursemaids issues in the department of love.

“Fenris?”

“Yes, _amatus_?” he hummed, placing a finger upon the sentence he paused on.

“I was thinking of commandeering one of the scouts to act as a messenger and bodyguard for the babies and Abby when we travel. I know it's just to Crestwood, but I can't really leave them here that long without me and I don't want Abby to be solely responsible for their safety.”

“Does this have anything to do with all her blushing and warm looks this afternoon in the garden?” he asked with a rumbling chuckle. Seems nothing got past my man.

I smiled. “Yes, but it's a good idea. Think of it as two birds with one stone.”

“And who would this scout be that would be intruding on our family dynamic?”

“Um... Jim.” I blushed slightly, knowing what Fenris was going to say.

“Jim?” he asked, incredulously. “The man that interrupts, well, everything? The man that very nearly walked into your birthing room because of an 'urgent' note from the kitchens that we were low on sweetberries?”

“Hey! I'm addicted to sweetberries! That was an important message!”

Fenris laughed, ducking my hand as I hit him lightly upon the shoulder. “Yes, _amatus_ , of course. My apologies. I will speak with Cullen about appropriating him in the morning for the trip to Crestwood. If he works well then we can, perhaps, have him transferred full time.”

I smiled. Yeah, okay, so technically I was in charge of this whole shindig but if you want to keep your partners happy, you need to let them take some of the responsibility on themselves. And Fenris was one of the babies fathers, he deserved to help decide who would be caring for them.

The elf returned to his reading while I let my mind wander. It dawned on me that maybe one of the reasons I was here, in Thedas, was as a matchmaker, even if I didn't physically do the matches myself. I mean, Leandra would have died and Willem never would have found her. Abby would not have been needed in the Keep and most likely never would have met Jim. While Garrett and Anders would still be together- maybe- Fenris would never have been a part of their dynamic. And what about Bethany and Cullen? Oh sure, she was still a little on the hostile side, but there was some definite interest there. And Cullen was absolutely besotted with her. I was watching him the other night at dinner in the Great Hall and he hit his cheek with a fork full of food because he was staring at her as she left the table. It was kind of sad in a funny kind of way.

I wondered who else I could match up while I was at it. There was Sera and Dagna, of course. Maybe I could get the dwarf to come out to a night at the tavern, get them talking or... whatever it was they did. Pranks, probably.

Dorian and the Iron Bull already seemed to be well on their way to hooking up. Oh sure, they bitched. Okay, Dorian bitched and Bull shot him down but they always seemed to be together when I looked for them. Like a mated pair. It was really kind of sweet and it gave me happy tingles to see.

Blackwall- Thom- was going to have to come clean with Josie before I helped him in any way with her. No way I was helping him be all sneaky with her. She deserved better.

Hmmm... who else? Well, Vivienne had her Duke, not that I'd go out of my way to help her anyway. And Leliana was still kind of hung up on Marjolaine, sad but true. Nothing would happen with Cole until he made the decision whether to become more human or return to spirit, at which point we'd be having a nice chat about the bard, Meryden. I kind of hoped he'd go human just so that I could try and set them up. They were so cute together. Solas... well I don't know about Solas. Something about him nagged at me, making me wish I'd been able to finish the damned game. But I didn't and now I just had to go with my gut about him. Maybe there might be a nice Dalish girl he'd fancy, I don't know.

Last were Cassandra and Varric. I wanted them together sooooo badly! Not that it would happen, not until poor Varric had his encounter with the elusive Bianca. Another one I wasn't a fan of. No, what I needed was for Varric to realize what a huge fan Cassandra was of his romances. How much of a mushy romantic she really was under all that metal and attitude. He wouldn't be able to help himself but try to romance the Seeker.

I hoped.

I curled in tighter to Fenris' side and he squeezed me in even closer. He smelled of leather and sword oil and the tang of lyrium that had me shivering in anticipation. He chuckled, leaning in to kiss lightly at my hair. “Soon, my love. Very soon.”

Ugh! How did he resist? I wanted nothing more than to rip his leathers away and sink myself down-

“My lady!”

I growled low and deep in my throat. “I swear to god, Jim, this better be a life or death message or I'm going to do horrible, horrible things to you.”

The poor man lost all colour and started to shake just a little bit in his boots. Taking pity on him, Fenris set aside his book and stood to lift the fluttering paper from the scout's fingers before dismissing him. Jim had never run so fast, I don't think.

Fenris opened the missive and perused it before handing it over. One sentence in Anders' almost illegible scrawl. 'He's awake.'

 


	46. Chapter 46

Maxwell Trevelyan's room was set above the gardens, where a long balcony connected all the rooms to overlook the blooming flowers and gazebo. This hall was now filled to the brim with people hoping to hear word of the Herald's fate before any of their noble competitors. It was sickening and, unfortunately, a necessity in the Grand Game that I hated so much. Thankfully, Bull kept them mostly at a distance simply by standing there, looking wonderfully intimidating, so that members of the Inner Circle could be by the Herald's door unmolested.

A bench had been set just outside the door, allowing a place for healers to rest when others took over. Anders sat here now, with Garrett pressed up against his side. Actually, it was more like Anders was leaning heavily against the larger man, now that I got a good look at them, the healer's face wan and beaded lightly with sweat. He'd been working himself too hard- again- and it showed. I knew saying anything would be useless, but I managed to catch Garrett's eye and motion for him to take Anders away, hopefully for a meal and some sleep. The warrior nodded and began coaxing his lover to do just that.

I turned my attention to the assembled members of the Inner Circle, singling out Solas to speak with. “So what is going on inside?” I asked.

The elf stepped away from his position against the wall and approached, his back straight, arms clasped behind him. He reminded me of a lecturing professor, for all his hobo gear. “Cassandra is currently standing guard inside, though I can not see the Herald doing much more than lie still and possibly ask questions. Anders and I, together with his Spirit friend, Justice, were able to find Maxwell in the Fade, trapped in a cage of the Envy demon's making. We were able to free him and return him to consciousness. The man seems to have no clear recollections before our journey to Therinfall Redoubt, though that may be a ruse. I would exercise caution, Lady Regent.”

“My dear, he is no more capable of hurting the regent than I am,” I heard from the other end of the balcony. _Fucking Vivienne_ , I growled internally. Fenris, on the other hand, growled literally, tensing so badly at my side I would swear he'd start throwing quills like a porcupine.

“Oy, it's like Lady Prissybritches owns the place, ya? Like her shite don't stink like the rest of us,” Sera grumbled from nearby and I tried to hide a smirk. Sometimes I really loved that elf.

Vivienne raised a perfectly coiffed eyebrow, posing for the masses. “Darling, I do believe that no one's 'shite' smells quite like yours, does it?”

A quick catch by Varric's arms around the young elf's waist is all that kept the mage from a face full of very angry archer. I think I may have learned some new swear words today.

“Madame de Fer, I don't believe you are in any position to criticize anyone, do you?” I asked, taking a step closer to the woman, staring her in the eye. I noticed that most people didn't, really. Oh it might look like they did, but really their eyes went somewhere near her eyebrow or cheekbone, as though they were afraid to look at her directly. I had no such compunction. Don't get me wrong, Vivienne de Fer was a very powerful mage and not someone to be trifled with, but she was also a major league bitch, just like the girls I used to go to high school with. Look them in the eye and stand your ground and they'd back down quietly, just like all the rest. Vivienne had backed the wrong horse in her bid for power within the infrastructure of the Inquisition and now she was going to have to learn to play my game if she wanted to regain any of her footing.

Everyone around us was now at attention, backs straight, some reaching unconsciously for weapons. The tension was so thick you couldn't slice it with a steak knife, but this is the last thing I wanted. We needed to work together, cohesively as a group. Not this us against them bullshit. How the fuck was I going to fix this?

I took a deep breath and turned, plastering on a smile I really wasn't feeling right about now. “Bull? Have the advisors been informed about what's going on?”

The Iron Bull stepped forward, arms wrapped around his massive chest, nodding. “Red and Cullen were on their way. Josephine was in a dinner meeting with a couple of nobles but will join us when they've been pacified.”

Good. I was going to need them for this. “Okay, perfect. Now, would you and Sera mind guarding that end of the hallway from any unwanted nobles that might come poking around? Varric, Blackwall, the other end? Nobody needs to out here, underfoot, right?” The men nodded, Varric reaching out to pat my arm before moving out to take up positions. The few nobles that were in the vicinity were hastily moved out of the hall. “Fenris, sweety, I need you to take up position on the outside of the door, okay? Cassandra will be on the inside. If Cass falls or one of the hallway positions falls for whatever reason, you're our defence, got it?” He definitely did not look happy about it, but Fenris nodded and turned to stand by the door to Max's room.

“Yo! Lady Hawke!” Sera yelled from her position. “Incomin' 'Visor peoples!”

I breathed a sigh of relief. At least all of this wasn't going to be on my shoulders anymore. Thank God! “Thanks, Sera! Let them through.”

“Like I was gonna stop the scary dark lady.” I heard her mumble to herself, making me smile. Leliana and Cullen walked up to join the rest of us, Cole poofing in a moment later. Guess Josie was still dealing with Lord and Lady Whatever-the-Hell. We brought the two of them up to speed quickly, seeing as we really hadn't covered much. “Okay, mages, tells us what you got.”

“Amazing fashion sense, don't you think?” Dorian quipped.

I snorted and gave him a soft pat on the arm. “Most assuredly, my dear Dorian, but I kind of meant about Max.”

“The Herald is physically in perfect health.” Solas piped in. “It took some time, the Envy demon was doing grievous damage to his internal organs as it resided inside him but the healer, Anders, is quite talented. Madame de Fer and Dorian were instrumental in lending us their power as we worked, both in the physical world and in the Fade. Anders' spirit friend, Justice, aided us in finally locating Trevelyan's mind within the Fade.” Solas paused here, taking a moment to wipe a hand down his face. The fatigue was starting to show in him as well. Tonight the mages would be sleeping soundly, that was for sure. Slowly he straightened, regaining himself though he did turn to pace slightly. “We found him within a cage in a desolate area of the Fade, being taunted by other demons. Justice's presence frightened most away while Anders and I took care of the remainder. Once the Herald was released, he woke quickly.”

“Is it possible that he may have brought anything back with him from the Fade?” Cullen asked, gripping the pommel of his sword, one of his tells when anxious. He really was easy to read, even if you weren't an Antivan ambassador playing cards.

“No, Commander,” Dorian purred. I swear to God that man would flirt with a rock if he thought he could. “We each tested him when he woke and the Seeker performed a Cleanse as well. He is as pristine as my fashion sense.”

Snorts and groans all around at Dorian's expense before we returned to business. As a group we entered the room, the mages, advisors and I. Girding our loins like soldiers going to war.

  
  


  
  


Cassandra stood at attention at the end of Maxwell's bed, glaring daggers while pretending to watch the door. The little jump she gave as we entered was kind of cute, actually, though it just seemed to piss her off more. If looks could kill, Max would be skewered and roasting over an open fire while Cassandra chewed on a thigh bone.

Max, on the other hand, looked like nothing more than a frightened child, and if he could pull the blankets over his head and make it all go away, he would. He was pale and his hands shook, eyes darting around the room, searching the few shadowy corners. Fuck, that demon did a number on him. Maybe coming to him in numbers like this hadn't been the best idea.

I motioned for the others to spread out around the room, staying far back from the bed, then touched Cassandra's shoulder, requesting she take up position guarding the door. She went, though not without a _lot_ of grumbling. Everybody still felt too close but it would have to do for now.

Hands slightly away from my body, approaching slowly like you would with a wild animal, I sat on the edge of the bed. Max scuttled as far away from me as he could get without hitting the floor, curling his knees up to his chest. The mark on his hand sputtered and flared with his fear. “Hey, Max,” I said softly. “How are you doing?”

He stared at me for a moment, then giggled with that slight touch of hysteria that makes you want to back away a step or two. Cass made to take a step forward and Max flinched as though he'd been hit. I lifted a hand towards her though I didn't look away. This was not good, not good at all. “Max, honey, would you feel better is there weren't so many people here?” I asked.

He shook his head long and hard and I sighed. Fenris was going to be soooo mad at me. “Okay, guys, Max here needs a bit more breathing room. I know you're all anxious to hear what happened to him but you're going to need to wait outside.” Max leaned in close to whisper in my ear and when he pulled back I added,” except for Solas. Max has asked that he stays.”

There was a general grumbling from the group and Vivienne opened her mouth, stepping forward to protest before Leliana took her forcibly by the arm and lead her out. Fenris looked in as the others exited, looking very perturbed and I shot his an apologetic grin before the door closed. I would be hearing about this later, you can bet money on it.

Finally it's Solas, Max and I alone in the room, and you could see the tension leave the man's shoulders as the door clicked closed. If it wasn't for the fact that the man had tried to kill my babies I'd almost feel sorry for him. Almost, but not quite. The boy had quite a bit of ground to make up for with me, that was for sure. But in the mean time...

“Okay, Max, it's just us now. Let's talk about what happened.”

 


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's NSFW in this one and if you're triggered by a bit of spanking you might want to skip this one. Enjoy!

“Years ago, before I came to Kirkwall and met my loves, I was married to a man with problems. Until a very bad accident he was relatively calm, but then things changed. He hit his head, hard. Hard enough to suffer damage to his brain. It... changed him. Made him more angry, paranoid. Eventually he began to do some cruel and vicious things. I divorced him when he wouldn't get help.

But before that I went through a lot of shit that no one should ever have to endure. Now, because of it I'm the woman you know and love today, so I guess it wasn't all bad, but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I certainly never wished it on Maxwell Trevelyan.

I'm not going to tell you the details of what Max told me. He deserves some kind of privacy, at least. What I will tell you is that, at the hands of the Envy demon, Max has more than served his penance for what happened with me and the babies.”

The entirety of the War Room stood in silence for a moment. The advisors and Inner Circle were in attendance as well as Fenris- a Fenris that had been very growly since leaving Max's room. And, of course, it would be Cullen that asked the question they were all thinking: “Is the Herald safe? Is he likely to be possessed again?”

I sighed and rubbed at my face. “I don't really know how to answer that. As far as I know, Maxwell shouldn't have been vulnerable to possession in the first place. Maybe it was because of the Mark or maybe we don't know what we're talking about and everybody is at risk. Who knows. For now, though, I think he's okay. We'll just have to keep an eye on him.”

“How you planning on doing that, Starlight? You've got your hands full enough already,” Varric piped up from his corner, carefully cleaning Bianca's gears.

“Actually, I was thinking of assigning Max some Inner Circle bodyguards,” I replied. I began pacing along the length of the War Table. “I know you guys don't want me without guards of my own so I was thinking that what we could do is have one of Leliana's Scouts, one of Cullen's soldiers or one of the Inner Circle with Maxwell at all times. I know that's going to be awkward for a while but until we're certain he's safe it's what we're going to have to do. We may need to get some of the Chargers involved as well when too many of us are in the field. I also have someone I want reassigned to the babies guard detail. Leliana, he's one of yours but I'm pretty sure you won't mind.” I grinned with a hint of mischief. In fact, I'm sure no one would mind.

“And we're going to need to take Max with us to Crestwood.”

Okay, now that got a reaction. Many of the others protested, though Iron Bull merely nodded with a slight smile and Leli tapped at her lips in thought. Solas frowned but said nothing, and I wasn't sure if he was upset about Max's travel or some other stray thought. His mind wandered off into serious thought way too often for comfort.

“My dear, you simple can not travel anywhere with that man. He is an abomination in the making.”

Oh now that got my back up. “You know, Viv, I really don't think you're one to talk.” I approached her, looking slightly up into her eyes. I never realized she was that much taller than me. Damn. “See, you stood up for him when he was possessed by a demon. That makes me wonder all sorts of things about you. I mean, are you possessed too? Working with a demon, maybe? Or maybe you're a blood mage in hiding. Who could tell?” Oh she looked so affronted, it was great. “I think that, until we can prove your loyalties, Madame de Fer, we should look into assigning you a Templar guard. You know, just to be safe. Cullen?” I turned towards him. “Can that be arranged?”

“Of course, my Lady Regent. Right away.” He grinned lightly and moved to the door to call for one of his runners.

“In the meantime, it's late and everyone here needs their rest. Off with you, go to your beds. Or someone else's beds. Or whatever!” I got a chuckle all around for most of them, grimaces from the others. They left the room in twos and threes, discussing plans and laughing together. It was heartening to see them get along as they did. I moved to follow but a clawed hand reached out to grip my wrist lightly.

“ _Amatus_ , we must speak,” he growled softly. God, how I loved his voice when he did that! It sent shivers to areas that shouldn't be named in public! “You named me as your last line of defence and then dismissed your other defenders. How do I protect you when you do not allow it?”

“Maxwell didn't want to tell his tale in front of so many people,” I replied, eyes downcast and apologetic. “Solas was there to protect me.”

“But Solas is a mage, and like any mage, is susceptible to possession. What if Trevelyan had been lying and had a demon still?”

“I think we can both agree that, considering the circumstances, it wouldn't have mattered if it had been Solas or Cassandra or Cole. The Envy demon could have possessed anyone.”

“But you still sent your guard away and for that you must be punished.”

My head whipped up at that to find Fenris smirking at me. Oh. Oh my. “P-punished, Fenris?” I stammered. Was the room getting warmer?

Clawed gauntlets slowly scratched their way up my arm, until the tips reached up to twist into my hair. With a sudden jerk just this side of pain, he had bared my neck to him. I gasped, reaching out to grip the only thing I could- him. “Yes, _Amatus_. Punished. And after speaking with the Iron Bull, I know just how to do it.”

I thought of some of the things I knew that Bull was into in the game and became just a little nervous. I guess it showed because Fenris chuckled, lips gliding along my throat. “Fear not. There will be no ropes, no paddles or whips. Only my hand, and your sweet flesh.”

Well that just had my knees trembling, and a deep heat building within. The room was definitely getting warmer. Fenris' tongue was sending shivers along my spine as he laved at my skin. Oh, if he kept this up I'd be a trembling pile of goo at his feet in no time.

But, of course, he stopped, and I couldn't help the little whine that escaped my lips at his loss. “Strip for me,” Fenris demanded in a low, deep growl. I was reaching for buckles before I could think about the order. As I removed my dressing gown, Fenris himself was sliding his hands from the metal of his gauntlets, for which I was extremely grateful. Anything more vigorous than a light touch with those metal coverings could be painful indeed.

Soon I was nude in the centre of the War Room and all I could do was shiver in anticipation and silently pray that no one decided that they needed to enter. Fenris still stood in his leathers, only the metal pieces of his armour removed. “Come to me,” he whispered and I did, stepping into his touch. A light brush of his fingers to my cheek, and then he was manoeuvring me to lean over the table, my bare bottom exposed to the room.

Oh. Oh my.

We stood there, exposed, his fingers smoothing soft circles along the flesh of my spine, then lower, lower, until they brushed along the curve of a buttock. I was shaking by now in anticipation and arousal.

And then suddenly Fenris' hand came down hard against my skin with a resounding slap. The pain was intense for a moment before fading to a tight burn. I gasped as it landed and instinctively tried to pull away but Fenris held me down fast with a hand on my spine. “No, _Amatus_ , you can not leave just yet. You had seven protectors in that room with you and you sent six of them away. You will receive a blow for each of those six and you will count down with me. If, at any time, it becomes too much for you, you are to say _prohibe_ , understand?”

It took me a minute to find my voice and he ended up repeating the direction before I answered. “Yes, Fenris.”

“Good. Now count. One”

“One”

Slap. “Two.” He rubbed soothingly against my heated skin.

“Two” I choked.

Slap. “Three.”

On and on it continued. A hard slap to the skin then a soft, calming rub to take away the sting. Tears were falling by the time we reached five. Had we gone past six I would have said the word. But the feeling when he stopped, oh what bliss. I was so damned wet it near dripped down my legs, heat pooling in the pit of my stomach. I so wanted him to fuck me at that moment that Anders admonitions to wait might have gone unheeded.

“Turn and get on your knees.”

Oh Fenris' voice was shaking and beautiful. I spun too quickly, nearly falling when a wave of dizziness hit so hard. I used it to tumble to my knees before him. I knew what he wanted and began peeling at the laces of his leathers. He was hard, pushing even as I peeled his breeches away, beautiful and long. He was so deliciously ready, foreskin pulled back completely and precum seeping from his slit. I reached out and tongued at him, slipping along any exposed skin I could. Salty velvet in my mouth with that tangy tingle of lyrium. God, the taste of him was intoxicating!

He reached out to run his fingers through my hair, twisting the locks to hold my head lightly where he wanted it. “Do not touch me,” he grunted. “Hands behind your back.”

I did as he wanted. He was in charge here, I was still being punished. He moved my head along his length, not that I was complaining, mind you. I could feel him tightening against my lips and I barely had time to anticipate the taste of him before he was filling my mouth and throat with his cum. Stars flashed in front of my eyes and the grey began creeping in before he softened enough that I could breathe.

I hadn't cum yet and it was killing me.

Fenris leaned heavily against the table while I knelt before him, my heels resting against the stinging flesh of my buttocks. He was panting and making no move to alleviate my needs, drawing out my punishment apparently.

“Will you dismiss your guard again, _Amatus_?” he asked, still gasping slightly.

I bowed my head, I couldn't seem to help myself. “No, Fenris. Never again.”

“You will not finish now.” _OH GOD!!_ “You will dress and follow me to our chambers where you will explain to Hawke and Anders what you did. There may be more in the way of punishment at which time you may be allowed to cum if you feel it has been earned.”

O _h fuck yes!_

 


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Fanfiction Appreciation Day!!!
> 
> Sorry if things get a little angsty for a bit and if you have a thing against dismembered body bits- not graphic or anything but still- then you might not want to read this one.

We rode for Crestwood in the morning, my men, Varric and Cassandra, the Iron Bull, Dorian and Max, as well as soldiers and scouts that would stay behind in the area to maintain peace and help with repairs. Maxwell and I stayed in the centre of the group, Fenris to my right as my bodyguard, Bull to Max's left as his keeper. The others traded spots every hour or so, fresh eyes as it were. Less than half a day's ride behind the soldiers were the camp followers, servants and family- and yes, prostitutes- that made things a little easier. The babies, Abby and her protector/messenger/boy toy Jim were in the middle of them.

My ass hurt! And, of course, every time I shifted in the saddle I could almost feel the smirk on Fenris' lips, the smug bastard. Last night he lead me back to our rooms where Hawke had Anders resting on the bed, feeding him bits of fruit of all things, and I was forced to explain to them everything that I had done wrong and my punishment at Fenris' hands. Garrett insisted on seeing for himself. By then the endorphins of the whole ordeal had dissipated and it ended up being nothing but embarrassing. Thankfully, Anders took pity on me and while Fenris would not allow any actual healing magic, the mage did have some salve that he then made Garrett apply. Not that my husband really minded. That got me all hot and bothered once again but did they let me finish? Of course not! I think I've been punished enough, don't you?

I was jerked out of my reverie by a soft throat clearing to my left. I shifted once more, trying desperately to find that perfect spot then gave up. “Yes, Max? What do you want?”

There was a lengthy pause before he began. “I had a whole speech prepared in my head but it just sounds ridiculous now,” he finally replied.

Fenris growled low in his throat and I reached out to pat my elf on the knee. “Fenris, he's allowed to speak. Give me the gist of the speech then, Max,” I sighed. God, did my ass hurt.

“Why did you bring me?”

“I would think that was rather obvious, don't you? As powerful as all these people are, they still can't do what you do with the rifts. And we'd rather get rid of the damned things than try and work around them and maybe be attacked by demons at inopportune times. Wouldn't you?”

Max chuckled darkly. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.” He paused, deep in thought for a few minutes before continuing. “But is it worth the trouble? I mean, if something happens can you trust that I'll act in the group's best interest? Or what if Bull's attentions are better spent somewhere else but he's too busy guarding the group from me?”

I looked over at the man to my left. His back was ramrod straight, staring ahead as though eye contact were forbidden on pain of death. A quick glance at the Iron Bull showed that he was watching just as I was, Ben-Hassrath training giving him glimpses of something that I probably was missing entirely. The Qunari eyed me quickly before turning his attention back to his charge, long enough to give me a sharp nod of his head. What the hell did that mean? Dammit! I needed a translator for this sort of shit! Bull and I would be having a long talk later about what the hell a nod meant.

I decided, in the end, to just go with my gut. “Max, let me ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest. How was the Envy demon able to get you?”

He sighed, shoulders hunching into himself. I thought after a while that he wasn't going to answer when he started. “Do you know what happens to third sons of noble families?”

I thought about Sebastian and the fate that had been thrust on him. “I have an idea.”

“Force fed the Chant of Light every damned day then shipped of to be a Chantry Brother, whether you like it or not,” he sneered. “They don't even give you the choice of being a Templar. I could have lived with that. I'm good with a sword and shield, Father made sure of that. All Trevelyan's had to be able to protect himself and his people, even if his people were a bunch of Chantry Sisters.” Max laughed, a dark, nasty sound. “I come from one of the more powerful families in the Free Marches and I have no power of my own to control my own life. Then the Conclave happens and Father sends me out to represent the family and then take my vows from no less than the Divine herself. Quite the political coup, don't you think?”

I just nod, knowing that at this point he needs to let all this spill out. The smallest interruption and he'll clam up on me. “Then, of course, the explosion happens, and all the power I want is just dumped in my lap. For the first time in my life I'm in control. I have some control over my life and the power to do what I want. Only to have it all taken from me when you show up.”

I couldn't help my surprised exclamation. “Me?”

“Of course, you,” he scoffed. “The fabled Champion of Kirkwall, back from the dead with her vanished paramours and husband at her heel? Stepped straight out of rift to save the day, managed to stop a Tevinter invasion and secure the aid of the rebel mages with barely a thought. Who wouldn't be envious? I had everything I had ever wanted and you just swept right in and took it all away again.”

I thought about that for a while. “Yeah, I guess that would suck wouldn't it?”

“Suck?” he asked darkly. “You better believe it sucked! And then there's Envy, telling me everything I wanted to hear. How he could help me wrench my power back under my own control again. How I could rule, not be ruled over. It... I guess it was too much.” He shook his head sadly, “I don't even remember saying yes.”

We rode in silence after that, caught up in our own thoughts until the party ahead pulled up to a full stop. Though I hadn't really noticed as we rode, I now caught the unmistakable stench of rot. “Hey, Starlight!” Varric called out. “Better come see this.”

Fenris and I exchanged a quick glance before spurring our mounts ahead, leaving Max, Bull and Cassandra to stay behind. When we reached the front we saw what had brought the group up short. Bodies, at least a dozen of them, in various states of dismemberment littered the road. Fenris began to growl low in his throat, hand reaching up to grip at his sword. Garrett looked at the carnage stone faced, and only the fact that I knew what to look for could I see how on edge he was. And Anders... Anders was down on the road, searching the bodies.

“Sweetheart, what are you doing?” I asked, sliding down off my mare to stand at his side and handing the reins off to Varric to keep the skittish thing from bolting.

“There might be injured in all this,” he replied, never taking his eyes off the mass of... I don't even know what, in front of him. He slumped down to his knees and began shifting limbs and what I could only hope were things that came out after they died.

“Anders, Honey, they're gone,” I say softly, resting my hands lightly on his shoulders. I could hear Garrett slipping from his mount to approach us. I glance up to him and motion for him to join us. I let the warrior take my place at his side and moved back to speak with the others. Not to mention the stench of rotting meat was starting to get to me.

Fenris had been kneeling near another pile of bodies farther from the road and now stood to join the rest of us. “Swords for the most part, but there are some wounds that are ragged as though from claws or a rough hewn stone blade.”

Bull, Cassandra and Max came forward as Fenris spoke. “We saw a lot of that in Seheron,” Bull added. “Rebels would take up whatever was available to stab ya with.”

“Perhaps we should lay these people to rest?” Cassandra asked. “Move them to the side of the road and create a pyre? They will need prayers said for them.”

I nodded, Cass and Bull moving out to get to work while Fenris and I stayed with Max. Garrett was slowly pulling Anders up and into his arms while Dorian and Varric kept watch around our perimeter. Wouldn't do for bad guys to sneak up on us, now would it?

Garrett was now holding Anders in his arms as the healer cried. I felt so bad for Anders sometimes, his natural inclination to make everything better at war with what the world forced him to endure. Thankfully he had Garrett- and us- to help him bear the load. Slowly the couple made their way towards us and I stepped in to take Garrett's place, folding Anders into my arms and pulling him in close. Anders nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck and softly cried onto my shoulder as we listened to Cassandra softly repeat the Chant of Light over the burning remains of poor lost souls.

  
  


 

 

_The Light shall lead her safely_

_Through the paths of this world, and into the next_

_For she who trusts in the Maker, fire is her water._

_As the moth sees light and goes toward flame,_

_She should see fire and go towards Light._

_The Veil holds no uncertainty for her,_

_And she will know no fear of death, for the Maker_

_Shall be her beacon and her shield, her foundation and her sword._

~ _Transfigurations 10:1_

 


	49. Chapter 49

When we finally reached Harding's camp we were soaked to the skin even with our oiled cloaks and absolutely exhausted. The torrential amounts of rain had caused a mudslide a few miles off and the group had been forced to find a detour, adding several hours to our trip. The ensuing mud was so thick in places that the horses couldn't make the trip while carrying passengers and so we were all forced to disembark to slog our way through- except for Varric who ended up riding on the Iron Bull's shoulders while making whip cracking noises and yelling 'Hiya!'. Bull just laughed while Cassandra rolled her eyes. We sent a raven back to the trailing soldiers to detour them towards Crestwood Village. The boys and I would meet up with them in the morning. Poor Abby was going to have to deal with the babies overnight and I didn't want her to have to handle them any longer than necessary. She dealt with enough during her day.   
Lace was amazing. Cheerful even with the rain coming down in sheets, she had the group laughing about wandering undead within minutes. How do you do that? Undead aren't funny! Okay, maybe if you watch Shawn of the Dead they're funny, but not usually. My problem? I just couldn't seem to relax.   
We were given a tent large enough for the four of us while the others in our party got singles and doubles- Cassandra by herself, Bull and Dorian together and Varric watching over Max- and Garrett and Fenris laid out the bedrolls while Anders used a mild fire spell to heat the interior. Meanwhile, I fidgeted. I paced the walls of the tent, fiddled with the laces of my shirt, the clasp of my cloak, the ties on my boots. And I would swear to all and sundry that I could hear my babies crying out there in the rain, no matter how loud and raucous the rest of the camp was.   
Garrett's arms wrapped around me from behind, the scent of leather and oil and clean sweat calming me for a moment. “Love, what is it?” he asked.   
My eyes drifted to the flap of our tent. “I wish I knew.” I tried to explain what I was feeling and hearing but even to my ears it was confusing. Anders approached us, a question in his eyes and when I nodded he sent out a light probe of peppermint magic. Fenris stepped closer, lifting my fingers to his lips, face concerned.   
While Anders worked I became more and more antsy. I needed to go, to get to the babies. They weren't far, I could be by their side within a couple of hours at most. I didn't realize how tightly Garrett was now holding me, keeping me from wandering off into the rain until Anders' magic tapered off. “There's nothing wrong with you physically but I'm wondering about something else, maybe something magical... I keep thinking I hear the children's cries as well.”   
When Fenris suggested repacking our things and hiking to the village I might have wept. I needed to go, now, find my babies. It was like a voice screaming in my ear for me to move, move, move! Our things were repacked quickly and we hurried out into the rain, Fenris detouring quickly to inform Harding of our departure.   
The trip was slow going, at least in my mind, mud hampering our movements. The rain pelted down, obscuring the road in front of us so that we were often having to correct our path to hit cobbles once again. And all I could hear, over the roar of the rain and the voices of my loves, was the babies screaming for me.   
Fenris spotted something wrong first, his elvehn eyes seeing much farther than our own. As he sped away with a whispered curse, the three of us glanced at the other before racing after him.   
Have you ever had a feeling, deep in your gut, that something is terribly, horribly wrong? I had this feeling. I'm pretty sure we all did, racing after Fenris, the sounds of metal hitting something akin to flesh meeting our ears. I was in a near blind panic at this point, certain that whatever was happening had to do with my babies. And...yes, I could hear it now, the sound of them wailing was real, not just a feeling in my head. They were there, up ahead, and in some serious shit!   
I had my bow drawn before we reached the fighting, Anders and I taking up defensive positions while Garrett raced ahead to meet Fenris and our opponents that were, we could see now that we were close enough, a half dozen undead that had dragged their dripping carcasses from the morass of the swamp. Several more were in pieces along the roadway, still twitching and attempting to attack. I crunched a handful of fingers under my boot as I pulled back on the string to loose an arrow. My victim fell, brains pierced, to reveal it's victim. Jim stood at the forefront, daggers brandished as blood dripped into his eyes from a nasty looking head wound. Behind him Abby held the babes to her chest, curled over them as they screamed.   
Ah HELL no!   
If you were to ask me later what happened I don't think I really could have told you. I know that I lost my bow somewhere along the way and had drawn Speed and Agility from their sheathes. I know that I made my way to Jim's side, and that I might have screamed something about destroying the brain- see, zombie movies can help you out in life after all- and that in short order the undead were down to twitching limbs and grumbling decapitated heads. It was... not pretty. And smelled like a sewer let me tell you.   
But none of that mattered. I dropped my blades in the mud to scoop the babies up against my chest from Abby's shaking arms. They calmed right away though little tiny hiccups shook them. Tiny, grasping fingers found their way into my hair, pulling it towards their mouths for security. I found myself sitting cross-legged in the mud, babies to my breasts and tears streaking the caked on muck on my face. Vicky and Jack had called to me and I had heard them. Not only that, but they had to have begun calling before they were attacked for Anders and I to have been hearing them for as long as we had.   
Anders placed his magic-laced fingers on the babies' brows for a brief moment before moving on to see about Jim's head while Fenris aided Abby to settle and Garrett stood guard at our side in case of other undead. No one moved to take my children from my arms. 

 

“He did WHAT?”   
Jim swallowed hard, shaking under my angry gaze. I wasn't even mad at him but I guess poor old Jim had to deal with the brunt of it. “We- we went to speak with the mayor, as we were told, M'Lady. That we were with the Inquisition and that the babes needed lodging at the local Inn. He said that there was no way that the baby Heralds would be put in the care of a knife-ear and to get out of the village or 'something bad' would happen. So I tried getting Abby and the babes to the forward camp but... well, you know how well that went.”   
Oh, I was some mad now, let me tell you! In fact, looking around me I could see each of my boys in states of angry indignation. Fenris was stock still, pale with fists clenched, body ready to strike. Garrett lounged against a nearby retaining wall, body loose, eyes downcast, almost trying too hard to look nonchalant. Anders paced, flashes of lightning crackling between his fingertips. Had Justice still resided within him there would be more blue than peach to his skin.   
We had found a relatively sheltered corner of a crumbling house not far from where we had come across the group where we could assess the situation before continuing on to Crestwood. And we would most definitely be heading in to speak to mister stick-up-my-butt mayor, you could believe that! He would be getting the tongue lashing of a lifetime out of me, and that was before I hit him with the whole' you flooded Old Crestwood and killed tens of people you asshole!'   
The babies were sleeping, finally, exhausted after their ordeal with the undead. Later we were going to have to address the whole calling out to us thing but now was not the time. No, now was the time of righteous fury and plotting revenge. Jackson and Victoria were tucked into the crooks of each of my arms, their breath huffing softly against my skin and smelling of baby powder. Apparently there is talc on this world. Who knew? Eventually Anders stopped pacing and came to sit on the ground next to us, quietly taking Vicky away and into his arms. We sat like this, Mommies Anders and I with the babies, Daddies Garrett and Fenris standing guard around us, Abby leaning on Jim's shoulder nearby. Right then, at that moment, we were a perfect family. Even if it was raining like a bitch and we were sitting in a busted out house in the mud. And it was perfect.   
Tomorrow, after I kicked Drederic's ass, it would be even better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as some of you know from reading my Tumblr, my husband and I have split, though he still has to stay in the house with us for financial reasons. So to help facilitate the process I've been looking for writing and art commissions, opened an Etsy shop selling DA based cross stitch patterns and now a Buy Me a Coffee button. If you think you can help, look for tatteredspiderweb on Tumblr. I'd really appreciate it. I just need to get my life back on track as soon as possible.


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who's updating!!! 
> 
> First I want to thank everyone who messaged me with condolences and best wishes for what's been going on in my life recently. I love you, you make my world go round. And now, with the leasing of a new computer, I will hopefully be able to get back on the writing track.
> 
> And now, some yelling at mayor's, some meeting of Warden's, and a bit of comforting fluff. Next chapter will hopefully have smuuuuuuut! :)

Giving the Mayor of Crestwood a piece of my mind was cathartic. We marched in there, Abby, the babies and Jim surrounded by my men and I, straight into his cabin with all the courtesy he showed my children- namely, we barged in, slammed his door and I yelled until I was literally blue in the face. I don't think I inhaled more than twice in ten minutes. Anders had to finally reach out and pull me back so that Garrett could take my place. And if he thought I was scary, Garrett in one of his cold rages was so much more so. When we finally left, it was with Abby and Jim, as well as a handful of soldiers that had joined us once the screaming started, staying to watch he didn't sneak out in the night while the boys and I moved on to meet with the Warden's.

Thankfully, Three Trout Pond's camp had already been established. We could hear Bull's raucous laughter as we approached and I couldn't help but laugh. It was just one of those sounds, you know? As we got closer we could see that they were getting the rest of their gear together for a heavy fight.

Varric, seeing us approach, waved. “One of Harding's scouts lived out here and told us the mechanism to drain the lake is in that old Keep up the hill. Bandits are in it though, so we're gonna take care of that little problem first. Wanna join?”

I smiled. “Sorry, Varric. We're off to see the Warden's today. But how about some Wicked Grace tonight? If we can rope some Warden's in you can win a lot more sovereigns.”

“Always did like the way you think, Starlight,” he replied with a wink. Cassandra gave one of her patented disgusted noises nearby, causing chuckles all around. Soon enough the group of five left amidst cheers and good natured ribbing, even Max sandwiched between Dorian and the Iron Bull. Interesting. Made me a little suspicious, wondering what deviousness he was planning this time.

The rest of us took a few minutes to change into, thankfully, dry leggings and tunics, as well as run cloths over armour and weapons. Even then it felt like I could feel the fungus growing on my skin from the damp. I couldn't wait to get out of this God forsaken country. Especially knowing that, once the rift under the lake was closed and the sky cleared, it would be humid as hell out here. No thank you, nope, not happening. Heading home as soon as I could get my hands on these damned Wardens.

Finally set in somewhat dried off armour and cleaned weaponry, off we went again. What I wouldn't give for an umbrella. Even oilskin cloaks could only hold off so much water before they finally threw in the towel. Water resistant was not water proof after all. Thankfully, the Warden's cave was nearby and the soaking was only mostly skin deep instead of down into all the nefarious creases.

The cave itself was dark, lit only by a couple of torches at the back, lending an eerie glow to the whole place. If it weren't for the fact that I knew who was here I might have pulled my bow. Or turned and gone the other direction. As it was I had trouble stepping forward until I felt the tips of steel gauntlets against my back. I turned to see Fenris giving me a slight twist of the lips, nodding for me to step forward. Leave it to Mr. Broody Pants to give me a shot of courage.

 

One thing they never really mention in game is the smell of things. Stepping into the cave I was hit with a gagging, nauseating scent, like eggs that had been left in the sun for a few years matched with wet dog and vinegar. Only Garrett seemed unaffected, though I would swear a few tears formed in the corners of his eyes. With a dark chuckle a figure broke away from the shadows in the rear of the cave, stepping forward cautiously.

“Welcome back Hawke, Anders. Nice to see you again.”

Oh. Oh my. Harsh gravel spiced with cinnamon, how does one describe this voice. The first time I ever played through Awakenings I had daydreamed of that voice, wrapping around me like a blanket. I moved on when the second game hit my hot little hands, falling into literal love, but that voice still gave me the happy shivers.

The man in question looked even better than his game counterpart. Nearly of a height with Garrett, muscled yet wiry as one would expect from an archer, his dark hair had yet to gain more than a smattering of salty flakes. And it was obvious he had not the time or capacity to shave in the last week, his cheeks covered in bristly scrub. I was more than willing to admit it, Nathaniel Howe was a very hot specimen of man.

I watched as the men shook hands and introductions were made. Fenris being Fenris merely nodded his head but I reached out to shake the man's hand when Anders gave him my name. Warm and calloused from bow strings at the tips of his fingers. I nearly swooned. Unfortunately, Garrett must have noticed because I saw the smile slip from his lips. Shit, I was going to have to fix this one later.

Thankfully, the rest of Nathaniel's merry band decided that now would be the perfect time to come out of the shadows as well and the smell of unwashed dwarven drunkard was enough to distract everyone for several minutes. Oghren was soooo getting dunked in a river before we hit Skyhold.

I'm not going to bore you with the discussion over the Calling and Corypheshits. You know it, I know it, it doesn't need repeating, though we did keep it short if only to get out of that stinky cave. We decided that, for now, we would make our way to Harding's base camp, then head back out to Skyhold to regroup and outfit ourselves for the Western Approach. It was an interesting mish mash of people that wandered the path northward- Nathaniel scouted ahead while Oghren brought up the rear, presumably as guard but really because he was just too damned stinky. Velanna was entranced with Fenris' tattoos and berated him to speak with her until finally he lit up like a Christmas tree on fire, silencing her but inciting questions from Sigrun. The little dwarf had been skipping along beside Anders, talking a mile a minute before then while the mage smiled indulgently. He had missed his little friend, it was obvious.

That left Garrett and I walking side by side, my hand resting gently in his. We didn't normally walk this way, hands free for weapons, but I think maybe he needed it this time. Outwardly he was calm, face expressionless, but his fingers gripped mine tightly and his eyes blazed out ahead of us, towards the rogue archer. I reached out with my other hand to grasp his forearm. “Hey,” I said softly. He glanced down, eyes softening slightly. “I love you. You know that, right?”

Garrett stopped walking, pulling me to the side so that Oghren and his... wonderful smell could get ahead of us, giving us a semblance of privacy. When the group was out of ear shot he pulled me in tight to his chest in a fierce hug. “I love you, too. More than I thought I could. You've given me so much, but I'm also so afraid to lose it all I kind of go a little crazy sometimes. Forgive me?”

I breathed in deep, surrounding myself in the scent of leather, and just a whiff of wet dog. There were times, like now, when I realized how comforting the feel of his arms around me were. The way his whole body folded around and protected me. It was heady stuff and I was sometimes jealous of Anders, that he received this protective love more often than I. It was a silly thought but there you go. “Just promise me that we won't have another episode like the one with Sebastian and all will be well.”

He chuckled, pressing a kiss to my hair. “I'll give it my best shot.”

“You nug-humpers gettin' a move on or what?” a very drunk voice yelled from farther up the pass. “Or are you too naked to be seen by the likes o' us?”

 

 


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't forget you, I swear! Just having a few issues with the writing muses getting back into working mode. Have a short little smut scene to make up for it.

We were just settling down to a campfire dinner of stew and tack bread when the skies suddenly cleared. The collective cheer was deafening and Harding approached with a wide grin. “The lake is drained and the rift looks to be closed. Would you have us prepare for Trevelyan's party to return, Lady Regent?”

I grinned down at her. No matter how much I hated that name, I could never berate her for it. She was just too bloody cute! “Tents, food and buckets for washing down, if you don't mind. And you'll need to get a squad together to go up to Caer Bronach,” I replied, motioning out towards the large Keep. “If the Rift's closed, it means they were able to clear out the bandits. Let's set it up as an Inquisition stronghold while we can, right? Oh! And a couple of soldiers need to run out to the mayor of Crestwood's place, he's to be arrested as soon as possible for flooding the old town. And maybe send Abby and Jim to the Keep with the babies once it's secure.”

Harding's grin grew wider and she gave a swift salute. “I'll get right on it, Ma'am.” Turning she began barking orders to her subordinates like a drill sergeant. Several scouts leapt to their feet and began preparing to head out. And who could blame them for moving so quick. She was kinda scary.

Fenris passed me a steaming bowl as I sat next to him on a very damp log. Even with the sun out it was going to take a very long time before things were dry again. I thanked him with a chaste kiss to the cheek that had his ears twitching and took a bite of stew. It was... “What the hell is this?”

“Wild druffalo. They are apparently much gamier a flavour than the ones bred for Skyhold,” Fenris said softly, shoving another spoonful into his mouth. “It's all to be had for the nonce so eat up.”

I glared at the bowl, because obviously it was the crockery's fault the stew tasted like shit. “I would sell my soul for a slice of pizza. With ham and pineapple, no matter what you heathens might think.”

“Hey!” Anders interjected. “I liked that Hawaiian pizza! It was the one with that over-spiced sausage that gave me heartburn.”

Garrett chuckled evilly. “Since when do you have a problem with spicy sausage?” Everyone laughed, especially when Anders leaned in to take a mock bite from Garrett's cheek, but when Nathaniel's deep chuckled joined in, Hawke noticeably stiffened. Before I had a chance to react Anders had his arm around his lover, pulling him into a kiss that I kind of wanted to get in on, if you know what I mean. Sigrun and Oghren both whistled and while the elf, Velanna looked put off, Nathaniel blushed to his roots and looked slightly away. Well, well...

Anders and I discussed the merits of different pizza ingredients, occasionally interrupted by Garrett's completely wrong obsession with anchovies and once with a soft interjection by Fenris on the wonders of black olives. The Warden's watched us, a mix of perplexed, amused, and passed out drunk. It was a fun evening and passed by quickly. When Harding briefly informed us that Caer Bronach would be ready for habitation come morning, I finally realized how late it had gotten. Darkness had long since descended and most of the others in camp not on watch duty had moved on to their tents. I felt a hand rest lightly against my arm and I turned to see Fenris nodding towards a tent of our own. Apparently the four-man tent had been commandeered by somebody- probably the Iron Bull to accommodate his size- and we were down to doubles only. The only problem with two-man tents is that only two people fit in them. Sure, Anders and Garrett would be in the one next to us but it wasn't the same.

On the other hand, I would have Fenris all to myself.

I stood at the elf's urging and, after a quick kiss to my other lovers, followed him under the dark canvas flaps. His mouth was on me in a flash, literally. His markings flared for the briefest of moments as his lips touched mine and I moaned. I wanted him so very badly and when that electric tingle of lyrium lit along my skin the heat of it ran straight through to pool in my groin. His fingers danced along my lower back to cup at my ass and pull me closer to him.

I didn't want to stop but I pulled away anyway, fighting every instinct that screamed at me to climb the elf like a tree. “Fen- Fenris, stop! I can't yet! Anders said six weeks, to be sure everything healed properly.”

Fenris' lips slid down my jaw to mouth along my neck, muffling his voice. “We spoke on the road. When Anders checked you over with his magic yesterday he found you fit for... extraneous activities.”

I pushed the elf to arm's length to see into his eyes. They were blown wide with desire, which pretty much had my knees buckling. “Really?”

He smiled softly, that tilting of his mouth that made for happy puppy eyes and made my heart swell in my chest. I don't remember jumping on him, not really, but the next thing I knew we were sprawled on bed rolls, half our clothes thrown around the tent and trying to breath in from the lungs of the other. A weird visual but there you go.

I leaned back, pelvis grinding against him in that really wonderful way that was both pleasure and a bit of pain, to work at the laces of my leggings. Somehow he was down to just one leg of his pants while the other was exposed to the air, goosebumps travelling along his tanned skin. Maybe he phased through it but got distracted? Didn't know, didn't care. His hands trailed to the waistband of my pants and began to pull insistently, right up until they began to tear. Yeah, they didn't last long after that.

Half dressed, dripping wet and so very, very hard, and then lights, bright and white behind my eyelids as he entered me. Tight, almost too tight without preparation or recent use, but absolute heaven. He filled me up completely, body, heart and soul. Soft blue light filled the tent as his fingers drifted along my skin, his eyes blown wide with wonder and lust and love. Fingers that ghosted just that little bit under the skin that had my heart beat faster, faintly vibrating. I mimicked where he touched along his own body, smoothing fingertips along his muscular chest to finger his nipples. He arched into the touch and I grinned. He had the most expressive face when enjoying himself. I leaned in, tongue following fingers and a deep moan escaped him. A flick of the tongue and suddenly I was being flipped onto my back, his cock deeper still and I couldn't seem to stop, my climax sudden and almost painful in it's intensity. Hips thrusting hard against mine once, twice, and Fenris was spilling himself inside me with an anguished cry.

We lay there, his body tucked up against mine, for several moments before either of us were able to move. And even then it was only for the elf to find a rag to clean us up a bit and wrap our bodies in a blanket. I stayed on my back, arms around him as he curled up against my breast with what amounted to almost a purr. I was drifting off with my love when I heard voices faint outside the tent flaps, one obviously inebriated while the others answered in unison.

“Wow. Think I could get in on that?”

“NO.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr at tatteredspiderweb. Mostly I bitch about writing, giggle at DA memes, or post some of my crafting endeavours and aesthetic boards.


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.  
> I've been feeling angsty lately and it's showing up here. I really hadn't meant it to, but I guess the angst has to come out somewhere...

The trip back from Crestwood was...well, it was tense. And so much slower than I wanted it to be. While the ground had begun to dry with the sun finally out, it was only the top layer. Too heavy a step and the mud underneath shifted leading to fumbling soldiers and horses. We only got half as far as originally planned before a halt was called for the day.

The babies had become quite restless at Caer Bronach, apparently happier out in the fresh air and so Abby and Jim joined our retinue as we travelled, and causing unscheduled stops for diaper changes and feedings.

And then there was the Garrett/Nathaniel issue. The Warden would ride for a time with Maxwell and Cassandra, then fall back next to me or Anders, setting Garrett's teeth on edge. He'd crowd his poor horse in closer to whoever Nathaniel was riding with, making everything just that little bit worse when the horses stepped on sodden ground. I finally snapped at him to back off and the hang dog expression nearly had me calling him back. If it weren't for the stupid, bloody, nasty, fucking mud I might have.

To make it up to him I cuddled with him by the fire that evening though I also wanted to leach some of the warmth he exuded under his thick wool cloak. I didn't know why but I just couldn't seem to get warm. Since the noon hour I had been shivering though not so violently that I was concerned. And Garrett was plenty warm for both of us. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in close to his side, laying a soft kiss in my hair and I burrowed deeper into him. He smelled of leather and sweat, and unfortunately of mud, but most of all he smelled like Garrett.

The conversations around the fire lulled around me and I guess I eventually fell asleep wrapped in my husband's arms. I woke briefly as I was jostled from my place into strong arms, groaning at the sudden sharp pain between my eyes. Did I have a headache when I drifted off? I didn't think so but I definitely had one now. I couldn't seem to convince my eyes to open and Garrett's voice sounded so far away when he called Anders over, even though I knew the man held me in his arms. That was certainly worrying, Anders' hand feeling like ice against my brow when he lay it there was more so. I tried to tell him to go warm his hands by the fire but my lips didn't seem to want to work. The two of them were mumbling something, then I heard Fenris add his two cents, no one making any sense. I tried to tell them to speak up but my damned lips were sleeping without me. I think Anders said something about a fever needing to run it's course but that couldn't be right, I wasn't sick.

There was some jostling then a change in the air as though I were now indoors instead of out. A tent, I was in a tent. I was laid gently on a bedroll and covered with too many blankets. I was hot, really really hot, and I tried kicking them off but a large hand rested on my thigh with a soft shushing noise. Fine, I guess the blankets could stay for now. After a bit of rustling I felt a large, warm body join me and I suddenly didn't mind the blankets so much. I rolled in to snuggle and felt soft curls against my cheek. Garrett's chest was comforting, more so when his arms wrapped around me and lips gently kissed the top of my head. I drifted away again, safe and comfortable.

  
  


  
  


The morning sun, on the other hand, woke me with a wickedly sharp pain between the eyes and my body soaked in sweat. I groaned, lifting a heavy arm to cover my eyes. I could sense the other body with me in the tent so when there was a low chuckle I only jumped a foot high as opposed to three. I blinked blearily, finally making out Anders' shape in the light of the open tent flap.

“Good morning, Sweetheart. How are you feeling?”

I think I managed to grunt some words about being run over by a herd of wyverns- do they come in herds? Packs? Nests?- then tried sitting up, which was a serious mistake on my part as the ice pick in my brain shifted. Anders reached out to steady me and lie me back down where I was.

“Let me just figure out what's wrong before you head out to save the world today, okay?”

His magic was cool against my skin and I sighed in relief. The pain began to subside behind my eyes and soon I was almost back to normal. “You know I love you for more than your magic, but it's definitely an added bonus,” I grinned.

He chuckled. “I love that you see my magic as a gift and not a curse. So it looks like you picked up a virus while in Crestwood, nothing too serious but I can't just tamp it down completely. One of those things where it would screw with the natural immune system and you wouldn't be able to fight it off if you caught it again. But I can help with the pain and there's willow bark tea.”

I grimaced and he laughed in response. We all know my dreaded hatred of willow bark tea. When were they ever going to get around to inventing aspirin in this place? He stood and walked out for a few minutes, returning with a wooden bowl of water and a matching cup steaming with tea. Knowing that the bastard would be watching until I finished the entire thing, I gulped down as much of the dreaded stuff as I could, then scrounged my pack for a cloth to wash myself from the bowl. Sick sweat was a disgusting thing and I was not about to leave it on my skin for a moment longer than necessary. When I was done, Anders leaned in to kiss my forehead and sauntered out again with bowl and cup, only to be replaced by Fenris soon after. And, of course, he would come in just as my head got stuck in the collar of my last clean(ish) shirt.

“So you are well enough to attempt dressing, even if you are doing a poor job of it.”

“You are a smug bastard. Help me get my spaghetti arms into the sleeves, will you?”

He smirked- I couldn't see it with my shirt trapped around my face but I knew- and reached out to take the hem of the offending garment and tug. His green eyes were lit up and I couldn't fault him, even if it was at my expense. I leaned in and quickly kissed the tip of his nose before struggling to finish with my clothing. His eyes widened in surprise, fingers ghosting over his nose. I loved that I could still knock him off balance sometimes with little gestures, even if the reasons for that were distasteful. Stupid Danarius. Sometimes I wished I were a Necromancer like Dorian so I could bring him back and kill him all over again. Speaking of which-

“Please tell me that the mother figure of our troop is ready to face the day. There are infants in need of nappies and feeding, and they are making sure that the entire camp is aware,” the mage in question called.

I glanced at Fenris, struggling into my boots. “Where's Abby? She's usually right on that?”

“Many in the camp appear to have contracted the same illness as you,” he replied, reaching out to steady me by the elbow. “Anders is caring for her but the man, Jim, is still learning to care for the children. He is in need of...aid.”

I exited the camp to find a flustered Dorian, trying desperately not to look like he was out of his element while behind him camp was a mix of laughing, sputtering, or in Jackson's case, wailing while held at arm's length by Cassandra. Varric was, of course, scrambling to write everything down. I felt more than heard Fenris huff behind me. “Great warriors brought low by a mewling infant.”

“I don't see you over there helping out.”

“Of course not. I am no fool.”

  
  


  
  


It was decided that the majority of soldiers, as well as Abby and Jim, would take a day to recover their strength while the Inner Circle and Wardens would continue on with the babies to Skyhold. I'd miss Abby's help, but it's not like I would be the first woman in history to care for twins, right? It helped that their personal physician was on hand. Anders and I each took a papoose-like contraption, babies sleeping soundly against our backs, riding side by side while the rest of the party sort of shifted around us.

Everyone wanted a look at the little ones at some point during the day. Most would look upon their little faces, smile and move on. Sigrun recounted a story of her childhood for them, even though they had absolutely no understanding of what she was talking about, and not to be outdone, Velanna told them tales of the elvehn gods. Once, when they began to fuss but we were not in a good position to stop, Dorian created magical bubbles filled with light to entertain them and when the party was able to take a break, Bull cared for one of the babes while I fed the other, bouncing them gently on his knee. The sun was shining brightly, the breezes smelled of fresh cut grasses, idyllic and peaceful.

And Thedas hates idyllic and peaceful.

Something whizzed past my ear, leaving a long stinging line across my cheek before hitting a nearby tree with a hard thunk. I turned to follow the noise, the entirety of the camp suddenly silent. An arrow quivered, embedded deep in the tree a few feet behind me. _Fuck._

The Iron Bull thrust Vicky back into my arms to join her brother before pushing me down as low as I could get and leaning over us, acting as a shield. Both babies began to squawk and I tried desperately to shush them. From my vantage point I could see feet moving, my friends and loves- and yeah, Max, too- moving to surround us, as magical barriers were erected. And then the sounds of shouts, steel against steel, cries of fury and pain. Someone was on fire, the smell of burning meat nauseating. It was the smoke that had my eyes tearing up, I swear.

The fight seemed to go on forever, but I couldn't move, couldn't lend them my bow or my blades. No, the babies needed me. I looked up when I realized that Bull had moved away and the barriers had fallen. Everyone had moved further away, moving to intercept enemies or just chasing down their opponents. Archers and mages had moved to higher ground, warriors and rogues pitted in battle. We were on our own and suddenly I realized that we had been spotted.

A red templar, eyes aglow and crystals dotting his skin, approached from my left, probably hoping that I was too distracted by the infants to notice him. I noticed, but he was too close. There really wasn't anything I could do about him but brace myself to keep him off the babies. And then, as if in slow motion, I saw Dorian behind the...creature running at us. He looked terrified, arm outstretched, something akin to purple fire leaving his fingers. I knew in that instant that there was no way the fire would reach the templar while he was far enough away that I wouldn't be feeling the backlash.

I was saying this a lot lately but _Fuck._

Imagine your insides bathed with freezing cold fire. Fingers reaching in to rip your brain from your skull and exchange it for your stomach. I'm pretty sure I was screaming but all I could hear was an all consuming rush of wind. I fought to open my eyes, feeling like ripping the skin off my eyelids away to take in the field. A field now filled with nothing but templars, Behemoths and Horrors all screaming and running towards us.

Us. The babies. Had to save my babies.

I scooped them up as best I could, wobbling slightly under their weight, and ran. Just ran. No blades, no bow, no convenient rock, just ran for it. My insides were turning with pain but it didn't matter, my little ones needed to be safe, not that I could think about where that might be. Just go. _Gogogogogogogo!_

I could hear them, chasing, panting, screaming behind me. They were close, too close, I couldn't run fast enough. Not enough, never enough. Hands, claws reached out, grasping at my sleeve. I wrenched, nearly dropped Vicky, _no my baby can't have can't take keep safe my babymybabymybaby._

I tripped, couldn't stop, twisted to hit the ground with my shoulder, hard sharp pain piercing through my jerkin into my skin, another to the side of my head and suddenly nothing mattered anymore.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've a mind, check me out on Tumblr at tatteredspiderweb.
> 
> I'm on the hunt for writing and art commissions to cover some very unexpected bills. Keep me in ind if you're looking!


	53. Chapter 53

                                                              So back on April 17 I accidentally erased my entire Tumblr account. I blame the birthday stupids.

                                                              I managed to get my URL back but all content is gone, as well as my list of followers, mutual or

                                                              otherwise. So now I'm just putting it out there that if you're a follower and wondering where I've

                                                              gone or just want to go and check me out, you can find me [@tatteredspiderweb](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/tatteredspiderweb)

 

 

“Okay, Fen, you don't have to- Fen, let go of the blank- God Dammit, Fenris, stop fussing or I swear no sex for a month!”

I'd have laughed at the look of shock on his face if it weren't paired with just that little bit of hurt. He moved to take a step back but I reached out to clutch his hand, pulling him back to the edge of the cot. For the last three days I had been relegated to a camp cot or travelling by wagon and it was seriously cramping my style. Sure, in the wagon the babies could travel with me without the necessity of the papoose but I was getting cabin fever without the added bonus of a cabin. Not to mention that both Fenris and Garrett had become broody mother hens, taking shifts in sitting with me at all hours, fussing.

I understood, of course, why they were acting this way. The first night after waking from Dorian's accidental magical hit had been filled with nightmares and a lot of screaming. I woke hoarse and panting more times than I cared to consider. It was hard on everyone. The nightmares now were much lessened but that didn't stop the fussing. The babies, strangely enough, slept like angels through the night. Weird.

I tugged on my elf's fingers, pulling him down to sit with me on the rickety bed frame. He perched carefully, knowing full well that it really couldn't take a lot of extra weight. I just needed him closer to my eye level, to see the seriousness of what I was about to say in my eyes.

“I am going out to find a bush. No more bedpans.”

He nodded, lips fighting a twitch I knew was in there, and if he smirked or snorted I was going to nut him, hand to God! But he helped me to sit up on the edge of the cot, as I was still just a little wobbly when I first started moving, then lent me his arm as we slowly made our way out of the tent into the fresh air of Fereldan.

Camp was small but bustling. It was early evening and cook fires were being tended, the air filling with the smells of stew and roasting vegetables. Our group was large enough to warrant two fires for enough food to go around, especially with Wardens in attendance. Garrett and Anders, burdened with an infant each, waved towards us and took steps, though I motioned towards the trees, hoping for understanding. They each nodded and held up a baby hand in salute. I grinned, making a mental note to cuddle the wonder twins when I was done. Cassandra and Varric sat near them, deep in some discussion or other that had the Seeker scowling while Varric laughed. So typical really.

Nathaniel and the other Wardens were at the other fire and he smiled in greetings while keeping a distance. Garrett was still a little...touchy apparently, and Nate knew not to push his luck. Unlike poor Sebastian. Sigrun waved with a huge grin, while Velanna blinked before returning to peeling some kind of wild carrot. Be still my heart, she acknowledged this Shem's existence! Oghren...well, the less said about the dwarf the better, really.

It took me a moment to realize that Dorian and the Iron Bull were missing from our menagerie. I gave Fenris a questioning look as we made our way past the tree line. “They are walking the perimeters. The Altus knows not to be in my presence near you,” Fenris growled.

I stopped abruptly, dragging the elf with me. “What did you do?” I asked, fearing the answer.

I stared into those damned emerald eyes of his, so hot with suppressed anger- not at me thank God- that I shivered. “He was cocky. He was certain that his magic was safe and made a mistake that nearly killed you and endangered our children.”

I sighed and rubbed at the bridge of my nose. I could feel a slight headache starting to build and all I really wanted to do was relieve my bladder and grab something to eat. “Fenris, you have to stop. There's no point in being angry at Dorian for an accident. Especially one during battle.”

“Are you forbidding me?” Shit, he was clenching his teeth now, arm beneath my fingers taut.

“Of course not,” I replied. I would never do such a thing, so reminiscent of his time in bondage. “But being angry about friendly fire is like being angry at the rock when you stub your toe. Ultimately pointless except to fuel more anger. Now come on, my bladder is singing a full aria with the Vienna Boy's Choir.”

Fenris stayed tense but I could see he was thinking about what I said. And you know for a fact that a guy loves you when he helps you stay steady while you squat in the woods, let me tell ya. I finished and cleaned up as well as I was able and we returned just as Dorian and Bull were entering the clearing from the other side. Poor Dorian's head was hanging low, shoulders slumped and dejected. My heart broke a little.

The Iron Bull saw us first and placed a hand on his shoulder, causing him to jerk his head up in surprise, freezing when he spotted us. He looked so scared and so damned hopeful, eyes wide and starting to fill with tears. Actually, in all he looked like shit, like he hadn't been taking care of himself over the last few days. His cheeks were rough with stubble and his moustache was unkempt. His hair was dishevelled and his robes looked stained. Not like Dorian at all.

I patted Fenris on the arm gently and stepped away. His grip tightened for just a moment before he released and I shot him a smile before taking a step towards Dorian. The mage stood transfixed, rooted to the ground by trepidation. His eyebrows shot up and lip quivered slightly before tears began to slide down his cheeks. I got in close and reached up to wipe it away, then slid my arms around his neck to pull him in close.

To Dorian's credit, he tried really hard not to collapse. He really did. But Dorian is one of those people that, when they let go, they really let go, and soon the Iron Bull was having to step in and help me keep us both upright. Dorian was sobbing into my chest, clutching and shaking like a leaf. I whispered soothing words to him, rocking like I would one of the kids, telling him it was all right. That in the end he saved us, I wasn't mad. Finally the Iron Bull had to step in and just scoop the two of us up in his arms and move us over to the fire, causing Dorian to squawk and me to laugh like an idiot.

It was just what was needed to break Dorian out of his mood. As Bull set us down on a log near the flames, the mage straightened and fussed with his clothing while I reached out and brushed still drying tears from his cheeks. “There you go, sweetness. Much better,” I said with a smile.

“Ugh! I must look a fright!” Dorian exclaimed over his state of dishabille. “I simply must head straight to Val Royeaux for a spa day.”

“That's it? That's all you have to say for yourself?” Dorian and I both turned to see Fenris, his anger now near seething. He glowed faintly in the firelight. “You nearly killed the woman I love. Our children! And all you can say is that you need 'a spa day'?”

“Fenris, I-”

“No, he's right,” Dorian interrupted me. “I will never be able to make up for what transpired. I miscalculated how close you and the children were to the Red Templars and you were hit with the backlash. If your wish is for me to leave the Inquisition you have but to ask.”

“Yes-”

“No!” It was my turn to interrupt, glaring at Fenris before turning back to Dorian and pulling him into my arms once again. “No, Dorian, you are _not_ leaving. Not until you are good and ready, understand?”

The Iron Bull stepped in closer as the babies began to fuss in their fathers' arms, reacting to Fenris' and my states. It was rare that they were exposed to any of their parents angry and they felt the difference. While Garrett took a step forward, Anders began to turn away, curling over the baby in his arms, both men with concern in their eyes.

“Fasta vass! Festis bei uno caravanum!” Fenris swore in Tevene, throwing his arms up into the air, spinning and stalking away into the trees. I just kind of stood there, the whole camp stood there, staring after him.

Garrett and Anders walked up to either side of me, Hawke pressing Jackson into my hands so that he could wrap an arm around my shoulder. “He'll be back,” Anders whispered, though he sounded about as certain as I felt, which was really not at all. I nodded but I'm not sure why I bothered.

What the hell was wrong with me? I knew how Fenris felt, how angry and helpless he felt about what had happened and how overprotective he could get when people he cared about were injured and I basically just threw it all back into his face.

I'm a monster.


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is going to be the end of part three and there's going to be a lot of people mad at me about this one. But never fear, intrepid reader! Part four is in the works and eventually things will get better, I promise!
> 
> Unfortunately these guys have been going completely off-script on me so I need time to sit down and completely rewrite a new outline, one that Selena, Fenris and the guys will actually stick to. Follow me on Tumblr @tatteredspiderweb to keep up to date on when things will be starting up again.

Fenris returned hours later, only to take up his pack from our tent and switch with Anders. I didn't blame him really, I basically dismissed what he was feeling because it wasn't the same as me. The rest of the trek to Skyhold was like that, the babies sleeping with us during the night, riding with Garrett and Fenris- or whoever wanted a turn- during the day. The others in our party would talk to me, even Maxwell which was an oddity to be sure. They tried to get my attention or distract me, but it was to no avail. I just...I don't know, zoned out I guess.

Scouts having spotted us the day before we arrived, the advisors were waiting when we rode in, as well as Bethany and Carver. Cullen and Bethany were standing relatively close to one another and that, at least, brought a slight smile to my face. It was nice to see them together. Carver was scowling as he watched us troop in, but then again, when wasn't he?

It was immediately apparent, at least to Leliana and Josephine, that something was wrong between Fenris and myself when the elf dismounted and stalked off into the Keep without the rest of us, but I just gave an apologetic smile and asked about accommodations for the Wardens. Thankfully, Josie had that already taken care of it and led the group off herself after we agreed to meet in a couple of hours in the war room to go over plans. Everyone else went off to their respective rooms while Garrett, Anders and I took the babies to our quarters near the clinic.

Everything was neat and cleaned, the window opened and the room aired. Jack and Vicky were placed in their bassinet- which they were growing out of. We would have to replace it soon- while packs were sorted through and emptied. Anders and Garrett talked softly to each other, a happy lilt to their voices.

And my heart just sank even further.

I missed Fenris. I missed his comforting warmth, his smell, that twist to his lips and the conversations we would have late into the night about anything and everything. I even sort of missed his seriously overprotective streak. It's funny, I actually felt worse now than when he left me after our first night together. Maybe because I expected it then. I should have probably expected it now.

Were we destined to be like this? Leave and come back again and again and again? Tear at each other until our hearts bled for eternity? I didn't think I could handle that. I wondered where he had gone to when we arrived and if he was all right. I really hoped that he wasn't drowning himself in a bottle, that would be bad for all concerned.

I sighed and turned to leave, bidding the boys farewell and shooting them a strained smile. I know they were just as worried but I couldn't really deal with them either right now. No, I had to head to the war room to fill in the others about what was going on.

Skyhold was looking even better than when we left, the walls almost completely restored and rooms cleaned out. There was a serious amount of bustle in the air and several people waved their hellos with a smile. I returned the gesture though I really didn't feel it. I didn't really feel much of anything to tell the truth.

The war room meeting was...well, I'm not really sure to tell the truth. I was there, obviously, Cullen, Josie, Leliana, Maxwell and Nathaniel. I haven't a clue if I opened my mouth and contributed or just sat there, staring at the wall, before we were dismissed. I could feel eyes watching me as I left but I just went through the motions of caring.

None of them were Fenris.

I thought I caught a glimpse of him, white hair flashing, through the door way into Solas' rotunda but when I turned, it was gone and I didn't feel comfortable going in to look. What if Fenris didn't want to see me? Or worse, actively told me to go, that he wanted nothing to do with me? I could feel tears starting to prick behind my eyelids and the last thing I needed was to start crying in the middle of the Great Hall. I hurried out, down both sets of stairs and straight to the clinic and our rooms.

What the hell was wrong with me? I hadn't been this emotional since the twins were born, when my hormones were basically minions of the devil that liked to play tricks on me at the worst times. There was one night, the four of us cuddled on the couch with arms and legs draped over each other so that everyone was touching, watching Hellboy because why the hell not, right? And suddenly I was bawling my eyes out. And not when Bloom died or anything, no. I cried because Abe was eating those rotten eggs. I remember thinking that he deserved all the treats he could get, that he was a pure soul in need of the rottenest of rotten eggs. It made absolutely no sense but there you go. Garrett and Fenris freaked out a little, though Anders had seen pregnancy hormones many times before with patients. They fawned and fussed, eyes wide with trepidation, trying to get me to smile. Finally Anders got up and wandered off to the kitchen, coming back a few minutes later with a pint of ice cream and suddenly all was well with my world.

I didn't think Ben N Jerry's Chunky Monkey was going to cover it this time.

Our quarters were empty, boys and babies off doing who knows what, healing and fighting and being cute, I guess. Me? I just curled up in a bed that was too big and too cold to cry until night came.

  
  


  
  


I went through the motions of living for a little over a week. Got up, changed and fed the babies, passed them along to Abby once she and Jim returned to Skyhold, then just...floated. I started going to the gardens for the first couple of days until Mother Giselle started trying to convert me. I'm not the biggest fan of organized religions and even less of a fan of the fans. I tried spending my days in the library or the training rings, but there were just too many people about. Well meaning people, to be sure, but that wasn't what I wanted. I just wanted to be left alone.

Long ago and far away, in another world, when I was feeling down like this I would listen to music to try and drown out the world, but iTunes wasn't exactly a thing here. But really where would I go for that that wasn't filled with people, huh? So instead I staid in my rooms, where the boys only showed their faces at night to sleep, worked to the bone during the day in the clinic or training troops with Cullen. And as much as I knew they loved me, Garrett and Anders were soulmates. Destined to love each more than any other until the end of their days. There wasn't really room for me.

It was during an afternoon filled with sunshine and strong winds that someone finally bucked up the courage to knock on my door. And, of course, because the universe has the bitchiest sense of humour ever, when I pulled the door towards me the wind grabbed it and pushed in even further, hitting me right in the face.

_HOLY FUCKING SHIT!_ I don't know if you've ever been hit in the face by a door before but, my God, does that hurt! You see stars if you're lucky and maybe sport a red mark for a while. I, of course, got it right along the right side of my face, from forehead to mid-cheek, and I could already feel the goose egg coming up along the brow bone. 

Hands grabbed me around the upper arms, big one with a lot of callouses, and lead me back into the rooms to sit at our little table. Hissing and spitting like a cat I finally get my eyes open to see Carver looking down at me with concern. 

“Watch what your doing,” he grumbled.

“Fuck you,” I replied, because I obviously planned on the wind slamming me in the face, right? My face really hurt right about now, let me tell you, and baby brother's comments were not appreciated in the least.

“You want me to go get Mage?”

I cracked my eyes open long enough to see if he was serious or not. He actually looked contrite instead of just...Carver-like. I thought about it, but what was the point. At least pain was something I could feel, right?

“What do you want, Carver? Garrett isn't here,” I said, cupping my forehead and wincing. I could feel the lump forming beneath the skin.

“Well no wonder you get along so well with the elf, both a couple of broody grumps.”

I gave him a half-hearted glare. “Carver, I just took a door to the face, could you maybe get to the point so I can go find some ice or something to put on this?”

“Fine,” he replied with a lip curling snarl. “I don't know what happened between the two of you and frankly I couldn't give a shit, but he's supposed to head out with my brother and Warden-Commander Howe tomorrow and right now he's royally sloshed at the tavern.”

My head whipped up, which unfortunately had stars exploding behind my lids. Stupid doors hitting stupid foreheads. “What do you mean they're heading out? When did this get decided?”

“How should I know? Nobody tells me anything. Anyway, thought you oughta know since your, like, in charge or something.” He shrugged. “And I use that term loosely. You haven't exactly been doing much 'in charge' stuff lately, have you?”

I stood slowly, holding my head so it didn't fall off my shoulders, and started wandering the rooms to find my shoes. “Carver, while I really do appreciate what you're saying- and you're right, I've been neglecting everybody lately and I'm sorry- you really need to can the attitude right about now. I don't have the time or the inclination to deal with it.”

He sighed heavily, scuffing a shoe against the stone floor. “Yeah, that's about what I would expect fro Garrett's wife.” He paused a moment before continuing, staring hard at the floor. “Look, I'm leaving for Ansburg tomorrow when everybody else goes, let my Commander know what's going on. I just wanted to, I don't know, let you know I think you might be good for him, okay? I mean, Mother likes you. You can't be all bad.” He then turned abruptly and stalked out the door while I stood leaning against the table, one foot raised and shoe hanging from my fingers, staring after him.

  
  


  
  


The Herald's Rest was filled to the brim with boisterous soldiers and the people that gravitated to them. As good a job as the devs at Bioware did portraying the tavern onscreen, it came nowhere near to actually capturing its essence.

The main floor was filled mostly with long tables for dining, the long bar that seemed to ooze alcohol and grease in equal quantities, and a kitchen that billowed with the smells of fresh bread and stew. Upstairs was more like a giant lounge with comfortable chairs and couches set up in intimate arrangements. And, of course, there was Sera's round room, filled to the brim with pilfered treasures from all over Skyhold and beyond. The third floor was used mostly for storage and as a safe place for Cole to hide out when he was feeling anti-social.

On any other night I might have enjoyed hanging out here in the bright, noisy atmosphere. Tonight, though, my head was killing me from taking a door to the temple and the raucousness that permeated the air was making everything ten times worse. I searched the room for Fenris, spotting him finally in a darkened corner near the staircase leading up. He was obviously into his cups, three empty wine bottles on the table and several glasses, though knowing Fenris he had long since given up on glassware and started drinking straight from the source.

And he was not alone. He was talking- animatedly, hands moving and everything, with someone else at the table. Someone small and thin, dark haired and elvehn, and decidedly female. It took me a minute to realize he was with Skinner, one of the Iron Bull's Chargers. She was watching him with rapt attention, eyes sparkling and smiling at him as he talked. Fenris smiled in return.

And then _\- oh. Oh fuck. She...she kissed him. And he's..._ He froze for a moment but then...his eyes closed and he sort of melted into it.

That would be about the time my brain shut off. I turned and walked away, or at least tried to only to run smack dab into the biggest, thickest chest in all of Thedas. Hands as big as dinner plates wrapped themselves around my shoulders. “Hey, Boss Lady, you o- Hey! What happened to your face?”

Have you ever just started to laugh and cry all at once, just because your heart is in pieces and the outside world is just so God damned ridiculous?  Yeah, I'm pretty sure I did that, but I wasn't kidding when I said that my brain shut down. Apparently Bull looked over my head and saw what was transpiring behind me, then scooped me up in those tree trunks he calls arms and hauled my ass out and back to the relative safety of my rooms.

And me? I cried until the darkness finally, thankfully, came to swallow me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, before I sign off, I have a silly question to pose to you all. So, I kinda like the rare pair of Carver and Felix Alexius. Not sure why but there you go. Now that Felix is alive at Ansburg and Carver is on his way there as well, would anyone be interested in a little 'Fever' side story? Not sure where I would go with it yet but I find the idea intriguing.

**Author's Note:**

> why not come visit me on tumblr? ( tatteredspiderweb.tumblr.com )
> 
> or maybe, if you really love me, you might consider buying me a coffee ( http://ko-fi.com/A266A1J )


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